Love Letters: Saving Gideon (The Angel Chronicles Book 4)

by Mary May

  “For the first time in my medical career, I’m actually more concerned about a family member than my patient. Nate is going to survive. Now whether or not he decides to live, I can’t say at this point. He will have to move past the anger and resentment. I think with him that’s going to take a while.”

  The doctor stopped and placed a warm hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Your decision to leave is the right one, Charlie. I know you love Nate, but he is slowly destroying you. I think some time apart may help him realize what he is doing.”

  A lone tear rolled down her cheek as she looked up at him.

  “Thank you, Dr. Reed…for everything. If it’s ok and not against hospital policy, would it be alright if I called and checked on him from time to time?”

  He turned to his desk and pulled out a white business card.

  “This is my personal cell phone number. You can call it anytime you want to know how he is doing.” Then he broke protocol and pulled her in for a warm, brief hug.

  Charlie left the hospital without saying goodbye to Nate. Her heart just couldn’t take it if he looked at her once more with cold hate-filled eyes. Now she was sitting, once again staring out of a plane window with a knot in her throat and an aching heart; it was becoming a very familiar feeling…

  Once they arrived home, Charlie made a beeline to the barn to see a pacing Stormy who clearly had caught her scent when she stepped from the truck. Opening the barn door, she stopped for a moment, closing her eyes. She inhaled deeply the scent of hay, leather and horses. It smelled wonderful! Oh, she had missed it so! Stormy was tossing his head over the stall door nickering softly.

  “Hey there, handsome, did you think I had left you forever?” Stepping into the stall she ran her hand down his face, her fingers stroking his velvet-soft muzzle. He lipped at her hands and fingers gently, not biting but giving horsey kisses as he rumbled deep in his chest his hello. A laugh bubbled up from her stomach as he lipped and rumbled up her arm until he was nuzzling in her hair. “Ok! Ok! I missed you, too! I’m sorry I was gone for so long.” Reaching up, she hooked a nearby lead rope to his halter then opened the stall door. Stepping up on a bale of hay, she slid onto his warm broad back then nudged him gently. That was all the encouragement Stormy needed to leap into a full gallop.

  Sabrina and Devon watched as Charlie and Stormy raced from the barn. Stormy had nothing on but a halter and a lead rope. Holding her breath, Sabrina watched as they approached the tall dividing gate. But as countless times before, the girl and horse became as one, sailing effortlessly over the gate and then galloping out of sight. Devon turned his troubled wife into his arms.

  “Let her go, sweetheart. She is exactly where she needs to be right now. There isn’t a therapist in the world that can do more for her than her spending time with that horse.”

  Sighing as she pulled away to grab some luggage, Sabrina glanced once more across the open pasture. “I know, Devon, I just feel so helpless in all of this. I have no idea what to say to her.”

  “So tell her that, tell her that you don’t have the answers. Then guide her to the one who does.”

  Sabrina smiled up into Devon’s still-handsome face. He was beginning to get small wrinkles around his mouth and in the corners of his eyes. His blonde hair was starting to show just a little gray at his temples, but that only added to his appeal for her. She reached up and tugged his head down for a brief tender kiss. “I thank God every day for you, Devon James Lane.”

  He pulled her into a tight hug, kissing her forehead. “I do the same, Mrs. Lane, every day.”

  They carried the rest of the luggage inside, dropping it at the foot of the stairs to be dealt with later. It was times like these that she sorely missed Cleo. Not only for the extra pair of hands but more for her calm sensible demeanor and advice. Closing her eyes, she channeled her inner Cleo.

  “Now, child, you let that youngin go be with that horse of hers. Ain’t nothing gonna calm her heart more than that animal. I reckon when she gets back she’ll more than likely be ready to talk, and, more importantly, ready to listen.” Opening her eyes wide, she stared at Devon, who was looking at her a little wide-eyed himself.

  “Ok, that sounded a little too much like Cleo. But it’s good advice so let’s follow it,” he said.

  Sabrina chuckled, “I surprise myself sometimes. I miss her so much but I’m happy she is with her family once more. I’ll call her in a little while to let her know we are home.”

  Charlie pulled Stormy to a halt at the creek. Sliding off, she dropped the lead rope, knowing he wouldn’t go too far from her. Walking up to the old fort, she dropped down and crawled inside hoping there weren’t any slithering residents at home. Once she felt reasonably assured she was alone, she sat cross-legged in the middle of the pine straw floor. Staring up, she could see spots of blue sky through the roof. It needed a good patch job. It was funny how she had kept this old thing up for all these years. Mending a wall here, patching a hole in the roof there. It was supposed to be a temporary shelter, a fort or castle, depending on their storyline at the time as they played. But for whatever reason she couldn’t bear to see it fall into ruin. Patting around with her hand, she found the small tin box that was their “treasure” chest. She brushed away the dirt and straw, then pried open the lid. Inside she found odd-shaped sparkly rocks and pretty bird feathers that she had put in, along with a collection of arrowheads and an old pocketknife that Nate had contributed. Closing her eyes, she remembered back to the day when they had filled the box.

  “Look, Nate! Look what I found! Is it valuable?” A nine-year-old Charlie held the sparkly little rock in her upturned palm for a then thirteen-year-old Nate to examine. He took the rock and looked at it closely.

  “Well, now Charlie, it’s not worth any money, if that’s what you’re asking.” At her disappointed look he quickly added. “But it is still valuable.”

  Charlie’s smile quickly spread across her little face at his words. “Really? How is it valuable if it’s not worth any money?”

  Nate sat down inside the fort and patted the ground beside him so Charlie would join him. He wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead before he told her something his Grandpa Seth had told him. “You see, the Indians used to use things like this kind of like money, to trade with. They would trade it for other neat pretty little trinkets. Sometimes they would trade for colorful beads or pretty bird feathers to decorate their clothes. So, you see, what you have is something pretty special!” He smiled, as her blue eyes grew large.

  “Wow… I know where there are some bird feathers at, some real pretty ones, too. I’m gonna go get them.” A couple of hours later they crawled back into the fort to examine their “treasures”. Charlie laid out her pile one piece at a time. She had found three more sparkly rocks and several different bird feathers. Wiggling with excitement she asked Nate what he had found.

  “I didn’t find anything as cool as you did but I did find some arrowheads and this old pocketknife.”

  Charlie oohed over his collection for a minute. “We need to keep these safe!” she said in a loud whisper.

  “Ok, I think you’re right. We need a box or something.” Charlie jumped up and crawled out of the fort.

  “Where are you going?” Nate asked as she quickly climbed up into Stormy’s saddle.

  “I’ll be right back. I have the perfect box.” Minutes later she came back with a small tin box under her arm. “Here! Will this work?”

  Nate took the box and pretended to look at it carefully then he nodded his head. “This is perfect, Charlie. Good job! It’s water-tight so our stuff will be really protected.”

  Charlie beamed at his praise and they got to work loading their treasure chest up with their treasures. They then buried it under the straw in the corner of the fort. “There! No one will find it now!” Charlie said with a satisfied grin.

  Nate grinned back at her. “Nope! Our secret treasure is safe forever!”

  Charlie blinked back the tears that
threatened to fall at the memory, wishing she would have thought to put her heart in that little tin box for safe-keeping as well. “Fat lot of good all that work and effort was. No matter how hard I tried, it’s still crumbling down!” Feeling a hot rage burn from the pit of her gut, she crawled out. Looking around, she spotted a long limb. Picking it up, she hefted it from one hand to the other feeling its weight and strength.

  Walking around the fort, she looked for the perfect spot then swinging the limb back, she let it fly. Again and again she beat and battered at the fort until it lay in a pile. But she still kept at it. She poured her hurt and rage into destroying the tangible proof of something they had built together.

  “I loved you always, Nate Jackson! Always!” Slam! “But did it matter?” Whack! “Noooo!” Crack! “You’re so stupid! How did I not know you were this stupid?” Crash! “I don’t care that you are going to have scars! Or be blind! Or have one leg!” Crunch! “All I needed was for you to love me! Love me!” Swinging her limb once more, it cracked and splintered into pieces. She panted as she looked at the demolished fort and her club splintered and scattered all around her. It looked like her dreams and what her heart felt like. Still not satisfied, she picked up a rock and threw it at the pile of sticks and brush. Rock after rock was hurled until she gave out, and falling to her knees she looked up at the sky.

  “Why?” she cried out. “Why did you let this happen? Why does it all have to go away? You left me with nothing! Whyyyy?” She sat there emotionally drained, staring at what was left of her childhood memories and grown up dreams.

  Gideon watched as Charlie destroyed the old fort. It reminded him of a time years ago when her mother had done the same thing only she had shredded pillows. He didn’t know any better this time around what to do than he did then except to let it play out. Feeling a stirring in the air next to him, he turned to find Sherrilyn standing next to him.

  “Hey, big guy, how is our girl holding up?” Looking at the remains of the fort, Sherrilyn cringed. “Oh… I see. About that good, huh?”

  Gideon nodded miserably. “Yeah, about that good. I hate it when they do this. It’s scary.”

  Sherrilyn looked up at him with a puzzled frown. “They?”

  Gideon walked over to a nearby log and sat down. “Yes…they. Apparently this is a mother-daughter trait or maybe just women in general I’m not sure at this point, but when Sabrina and Charlie get really angry they destroy stuff.”

  Because Sherrilyn didn’t reply and because the side of his face was starting to burn slightly, he turned his head and saw angry blue eyes shooting daggers at him. “What? What did I say?” he quickly asked.

  “Gideon, clearly you know nothing about women! We destroy stuff so we don’t destroy you!”

  “Me? Why would you want to destroy me?” Then he shrugged. “It doesn’t matter -- you couldn’t destroy me anyway,”

  Sherrilyn huffed, poking him hard in the shoulder. “Not you…you! Men, the male species, the opposite gender! The ones that I swear God put on this planet just to make us insane!” She shook her head and gave him a look that had Gideon feeling like not the smartest puppy in the box.

  “So their reaction is pretty normal then?”

  “My head hurts…how is that possible? There isn’t pain in heaven; the Bible says so,” Sherrilyn muttered before raising her head to answer him. “Yes, listen, big guy, sometimes when our emotions are pushed beyond what we can reasonably stand, we find an outlet. Some women clean like crazy, some find relief in retail therapy and some beat the living crap out of inanimate objects. Nine times out of ten you can bet it’s a man that has us to that point.” There she paused, chuckling to herself, causing Gideon to give her a questioning look. Smiling, she told him why she was laughing. “I just remembered asking The Lord after I came into heaven why He would pair up such total polar opposites as a man and a woman.”

  “What was His answer?”

  “He said that He designed it that way because when both the man and the woman submitted themselves unto Him then unto each other, it was a beautiful thing.” She stood up and walked over to where Charlie was kneeling, staring dry-eyed at the destroyed fort. Leaning down, she whispered softly into her ear. Charlie closed her eyes and lifted her face toward the heavens. Gideon could see a single tear making its way down her cheek. After a minute longer she got up and whistled for Stormy.

  “What did you say to her?” he asked when Sherrilyn sat back beside him.

  “Nothing she didn’t already know. I told her that the Lord would never leave her or forsake her and He would walk with her through this. That all she needed to do was let go and trust.”

  “I think that has to be the hardest thing, to let go and trust, yet I watched Sabrina do it time and again.”

  “Yes, and now it’s Charlie’s time to learn how to do it.”

  Sabrina looked up as Charlie walked into the kitchen. She could tell she had been crying, but she looked ok. “Hey, baby, are you hungry? Thirsty?” Giving her mom a small smile, she nodded.

  “A glass of your sweet tea sounds like heaven right now actually.”

  Reaching into a cabinet Sabrina pulled out a tall glass that had galloping horses around the rim; it was Charlie’s favorite. She handed it to her after filling it with ice and sweet tea and adding a slice of lemon for extra measure. Charlie took a long drink, nearly emptying the glass, so Sabrina refilled it.

  “Better?” she asked.

  Charlie nodded. “Yes ma’am.”

  Sabrina poured another glass of tea for herself then grabbed a bag of double-stuffed Oreos from the pantry.

  “They aren’t homemade, but maybe they’ll do the trick.” Sitting on the bar stool next to her daughter she took two cookies then handed Charlie the bag. They sat in silence for a few minutes munching cookies and drinking tea until Charlie was ready to talk.

  “It really hurts, Mom, like a physical pain kind of hurt. I never knew your heart could actually hurt.” She set a half-eaten cookie on the bar. Sabrina reached over; taking Charlie’s hand, she placed it on her own heart.

  “I know, baby, my heart hurts, too. I hurt for you and I wish I could take the pain from you. If it helps any, I do understand what you’re feeling. When Devon left me, I thought I would never stop hurting. In a way it hurt worse than when your daddy died because Devon left me by choice.”

  “What did you do, Mama? How did you get over it?”

  Sabrina smiled. “Oh, I cried a lot and got mad a lot then I cried some more. For about two weeks after he left I moped and brooded until I couldn’t stand myself or the pain any longer.”

  “So what did you do then?”

  “I gave it to God, sweetie. I finally stopped trying to carry the burden of pain alone and I let Him take it. I had to reach a point where I could say, ‘Ok, God, I don’t understand any of this and frankly I think it sucks, but I know You love me and Your plan is what I want for my life. So if Devon isn’t a part of Your plan, please help me let go.”

  Wiping away tears, Charlie looked at her. “Did it work? Did God help you let go? Because I just don’t think I can! I have loved him for so long, Mama. I don’t know how to do anything else.”

  Sabrina pulled Charlie into her arms. “Oh, sweet girl, I know you do, but you know what? God loves him even more and sometimes we have to let people go so God can do the work that He needs to do in them.”

  “Is that what’s happening, do you think? Does God need time alone with Nate?”

  Sabrina nodded. “Possibly…sometimes as much as we love them, we are in God’s way. But know this…whatever happens with Nate, you are going to be ok. God has you in the palm of His hand. As long as you trust Him and allow Him to lead your life, you will always land on your feet.” She closed her eyes for a moment then smiled slightly as the Lord gave her a word of wisdom especially for Charlie.

  “Baby, when you and Stormy jump that dividing gate, you place all your trust in him, don’t you? You give him his head and trust him to ju
mp high enough to clear the gate and to land safely on the other side, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “Ok, right now God says you are jumping a fence in life and you need to trust Him to carry you safely to the other side. Let go and let Him do the work. Your job is to just hang on. Can you do that?” Cupping her face in her hands, Sabrina kissed the tears away, pulling her close again and holding her for a few long moments, trying to absorb some of her pain.

  Charlie got off the stool and headed toward the stairs to go to her room. Halfway there she stopped. “You know, I really think you’re right about letting go and letting God handle this. Because at the fort I thought the same thing…it just kind of came to me that God would never leave me or forsake me and I needed to trust him and let go. I’m going to try…that’s about the best I can offer right now. Do you think that’s enough?”

  “That’s all He asks, Charlie…just try, and where you stop He’ll pick up the rest.”

  The angels gathered on the roof later that evening. Charlotte’s face was a mask of concern as she spoke. “I just feel so…so…I don’t know…really upset with Nate right now, but then again I also feel sorry for him at the same time. The poor guy has lost so much; I just don’t understand why he would risk losing Charlie, too.”

  Skye nodded in understanding. “I feel the same way, Charlotte. You would think he would hold on to her really tight right now.”

  “Well, I’m not one to claim to understand the mystery of human emotion, but speaking as a male I think I understand.” The other angels all looked to Zareck.

  “Then explain it to me, please, because I certainly don’t.” Charlotte said in a huff.

  “I think it’s because he feels less of a man and that Charlie can do better, that she deserves better. It’s actually because he loves her so much that he is pushing her away. Again, that is simply my opinion.” The looks on the other angels’ faces were of shock and disbelief.