Love Letters: Saving Gideon (The Angel Chronicles Book 4)
Page 19
“No, honey, I didn’t! How long has he been home?”
Charlie walked over and sat down on the barstool. She still didn’t quite trust her knees after hearing the news that he was just a few miles away from her. Somehow Nate being across the country made things easier for her. How was she going to tell Logan that Nate wanted to meet? There was no way she was going to keep it from him.
“Sweetheart?”
Her mother’s voice penetrated her inner panic attack. Looking up she saw Sabrina looking at her with concern. “Charlie, how long has he been home?” she repeated her question.
“I think only a day or two. Mama, he said he wants to meet with me. He said he has something he wants to tell me that he would rather do face to face.”
“Maybe he wants to tell you he is sorry for treating you so badly,” Sabrina suggested. Charlie shook her head.
“No, he already did that. That was pretty much the first thing out of his mouth after hello, so it’s something else. What do you think it could be?”
Sabrina frowned as she thought about it. “I have no idea unless…” she trailed off.
“Unless what, Mama? What were you going to say?”
Her mother gave her a serious look. “If he has been home for a couple of days, chances are someone has told him about you and Logan. Maybe he wants to fix things between you and him.”
Charlie waited anxiously for Logan to arrive. She needed to talk to him and, even more importantly, she needed him to work his magic and calm her down. She walked out on the front porch when she heard his truck in the drive. She felt sick with worry over what he would say when she told him that Nate was home and wanted to meet with her. Logan’s smile faded as he walked up to the porch and saw the look of worry on Charlie’s face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked as he reached for her. She walked into his embrace and just held on for a few long seconds. He was her anchor…her peace in the storm. Logan had been a steady and constant source of strength for her for a long time now. Without lifting her head, she whispered the words that Logan had dreaded to hear.
“Nate’s home.”
Chapter 17
Charlie felt the tension in Logan’s body when she told him that Nate was home. He led her over to the swing and they sat down.
“Ok, well, this is his home town, so it was bound to happen sooner or later. Has he contacted you?” Charlie nodded and told him about the brief telephone conversation. Logan was silent for a minute after she told him that Nate wanted to meet with her.
“Charlie, I won’t lie. My first reaction is to tell you not to go. This day has been one that I have dreaded ever since I knew I was in love with you. But I also know that it can’t be avoided. I do have one question and I would appreciate an honest answer. Even if that answer is I don’t know. Just don’t lie to me to spare my feelings, ok?”
Charlie looked up into Logan’s face and for the first time she saw true worry in his eyes.
“I will never lie to you, Logan, not even to spare your feelings. I know what you’re going to ask me, and the answer is no. I’m not meeting with Nate to work things out between us. What we had is over. My life and my future are with you now. I love you.” Reaching up, she pulled his head down for a tender kiss.
Three hours later Charlie nervously strummed her fingers on Mac-daddy’s steering wheel. She was supposed to meet Nate at the place by the lake where they used to go. Frankly, Charlie didn’t want to meet anywhere that was going to bring back old memories, but they would have to meet in another town for that to happen. Everywhere she looked she had memories of them together. The decision to arrive a few minutes early to give herself time to pray and calm her nerves had seemed like a wise decision at the time. Now she regretted it. All it did was give her time to stress out and wonder about things.
Like what would he look like now? How much had his scars healed? Would she be able to tell that he was using an artificial leg? All the questions that ran through her mind were based on the superficial. She was better able to cope with that. Thinking about what her heart might feel when she saw him again wasn’t an option.
“You will feel nothing for him but a distant fondness. We can handle that. It’s foolish to think we won’t feel anything, but we can’t feel too much,” she told her heart firmly.
A few minutes later she saw a dark blue sedan turn down the lane and even from this distance she recognized Nate behind the dark glasses that he wore. Instantly her heart started racing and her mouth dried up with nerves.
“Oh, Lord, please…please help me with this. I don’t even know what to ask for… just HELP!” she prayed desperately.
Unable to sit still any longer, she opened the door of her truck and slid to the ground, standing there waiting when the car pulled up beside her and stopped.
Nate saw Charlie’s truck parked by the lake. Part of him was surprised to see that she actually came and another part was hoping that she wouldn’t. He knew actually seeing her was going to be so much harder than speaking to her on the phone, and that was like torture! She opened the door and now stood waiting for him.
“Dear Lord, I had forgotten how beautiful she is…I’m going to need your help to get through this.”
He could see the worry and the strain on her face. His heart burned, knowing he was the one to put it there.
“God, if you will give me the strength to see this through, I will never cause her pain again. I promise.”
Pulling up beside her, he took one final deep breath and opened the door.
Charlie had to remind herself to breathe when the door opened and Nate got out of the car. He stood there for a moment not saying anything. Once more she had to look up to see his face. With the glasses hiding his blind eye and a good deal of his scars gone, he almost looked like her Nate again.
“Hi,” she said softly.
Nate nodded his head. “Hi, yourself. You look nice, Charlie…real nice.” He saw a faint blush spread across her cheeks.
“Thank you. So do you. I mean…you look, well…better than when I last saw you anyway,” she stammered.
Nate smiled at her. “Well, I had to give up my dream of being Brad Pitt’s stunt double, but hey, at least I’m standing on my own two feet…more or less.” The joke at his own expense caught her by surprise and she smiled.
Seeing that smile nearly brought Nate to his knees. He had missed it so much!
“So do you want to walk the path around the lake?” He asked. After she agreed, they started down the familiar path they had walked so many times before. Before long they were chatting about this and that, nothing personal or too thought- provoking. Charlie told him about the horses she was nursing back to health. She started to tell him about her plans to start a
rescue mission, but she stopped herself. Just that quick she was feeling comfortable enough to share her dreams and she knew that she had to stop it.
“So, what was it that you needed to see me to tell me, Nate?”
He noticed that she had put a stop to whatever it was that she was about to tell him. Her voice took on a colder edge as she asked him what he needed to see her about. He decided to just get it over with.
“I wanted you to know that I heard about your engagement to Logan Russell. I’m very happy for the both of you and I hope he truly knows what a special lady he has.”
Charlie’s eyes widened in surprise. “Thank you,” she murmured. She knew she should probably say something else, but what exactly did one say to an ex-fiancé about their new fiancé? Part of her felt the need to explain how this happened and part of her didn’t want to tell him anything. Nate saved her from having to make that decision.
“I know I pushed you away, Charlie. I was mean and hateful and I will never be able to tell you enough how sorry I really am for hurting you. You did nothing to deserve my treatment. There wasn’t anything you could have done better. You were perfect…It was me. All I could see or care about was my own misery.”
Nate stopped talkin
g, walking over to the water’s edge, peering down at his reflection as he took off his sunglasses.
“I was a monster…but only on the inside. I was so filled with hate and bitterness not even your love could save me. I had to reach the bottom of my own pit before I could see what I had become. Before I could reach out to the only one who could truly save me.”
Hardly daring to believe…to hope…Charlie asked him who had saved him. Nate turned and faced her without the protection of the dark glasses. Letting her see every scar and every vulnerability that he had, but most importantly he let her see the tears that were finding their way slowly down his cheeks.
“It was God, Charlie. It was the God that you spoke about so often. It was the God that you tried so hard to get me to accept. When I had nowhere else to turn and no one left to turn to, He was there waiting for me. He had been there all along.”
Charlie wiped at the tears that were flowing down her own cheeks as she saw the sparkle and the peace of God shining on Nate’s face. At that moment she didn’t see any of the scars or damaged tissue. She saw Nate…her Nate, and he was beautiful!
“Oh, Nate! That is so wonderful! I prayed and prayed until I didn’t know what to pray for anymore! I can’t even tell you how happy I am for you!” Unable to stop herself, she reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding him tightly. Nate closed his eyes as he felt her arms around him. He buried his nose in the crook of her neck and held on for dear life, breathing in the scent of Charlie. For just a few precious seconds he would pretend that she was his again. Too soon he felt her pull away and with great reluctance he let her slip from his embrace. Reaching for his glasses, he slid them back on. He felt safer behind them somehow. Charlie tucked her hair behind her ear, a sure sign that she was nervous. Shoving his hands down in his pockets, he stepped away, giving her some space.
“So, that’s what I wanted to tell you. I guess I could have told you over the phone, but…”
“No! I’m glad you wanted to tell me in person. That is some pretty incredible news really…it’s the best news that you could have given me, Nate.” She looked down at her watch. “I really need to get going. I’m meeting Logan in a little bit.”
Nate noticed that she hesitated over the man’s name. As if she were uncomfortable mentioning him in his presence.
“Charlie, I won’t stand here and tell you that I don’t wish things were different between us, but I’m man enough to admit that it’s my fault that things are the way they are. I love you enough to want you to be happy and if this Logan makes you happy, then I thank God for him. Please don’t think that I’m going to do anything to jeopardize your relationship.” Charlie nodded and turned away to walk back to the truck, but after a few steps she whirled back around, fire in her eyes.
“No…you don’t get off that easy. You don’t get to come back here and play the forgiving soul like I did something wrong! You’re right -- this is your fault! I loved you, Nate Jackson…always! Do you remember that? I would have stood by you come hell or high water, but you shoved me away. Time and again I swallowed my hurt and my fear to try and be strong for you and what did I get in return? A shattered heart and broken dreams! I’m glad that you are so ok with me marrying Logan, but you know what? I would still marry him if you weren’t. Logan Russell saved me…Can you understand that? He saved me from drowning in my heartbreak! I couldn’t even breathe without pain until he came along. You nearly destroyed me.”
She stopped there to take a breath and wipe her face. She wasn’t done…oh, no, not by a long shot!
“You nearly destroyed me…but I survived. I know now that I would have survived even if Logan hadn’t come along, but it would have taken longer. I will always love you. My stupid heart seems to ignore all logic when it comes to you, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t love someone else and be happy. Now I’m sure the correct and polite thing would be for me to tell you that I forgive you and that I understand it was the pain and the drugs and the shock that made you say the things that you did, but I’m just not quite there yet. I know I must forgive you because Jesus tells me to, but me and Him will work on that together.”
She once more turned to go and like before she took a few steps before turning back around and marching up to where Nate stood.
“And one more thing! Is your face completely healed?”
“Yes, as healed as it’s ever going to be.” Nate answered.
“Good!” Then fueled with all the pain, fury and disappointment of the last year flowing through her, she let her right fist fly.
Sabrina looked at Charlie with dismay. “You punched Nate? Again?”
Charlie looked down at her right hand as her mother applied an ice pack to her swollen knuckles.
“He deserved it…again!” she muttered.
“Dang sis, you must have broken something. Look how your hand is turning all black and blue. What part of him did you punch?” D.J. grinned as Charlie scowled up at him.
“I was aiming for his stupid mouth, but I got his jaw.”
Sabrina shook her head. “I think D.J. may be right; I think you broke something. I’m taking you to the emergency room.”
There were walking out the door a few minutes later when Logan pulled into the driveway. Seeing Charlie’s right hand wrapped in a towel and iced down, he frowned in concern. “Hey, what happened?” he asked as he lifted the towel to inspect the damage.
“Charlie, I mean Mohammed Ali, here…punched Nate in the face! Mom thinks she popped him so hard that she broke something.” D.J’s face was all smiles as he told Logan what happened.
Looking down at Charlie’s usually slim hand that was rapidly growing puffier and more bruised by the second, Logan agreed with Sabrina’s assessment.
“Oh, man…yeah, you definitely did some damage, babe. Dare I ask what his face looks like?”
Charlie wrapped her hand back up. “His face was fine the last I saw it. Clearly his head is a lot harder than my fist. Don’t know why that should surprise me.”
After getting into Sabrina’s car D.J. asked if Charlie could show him how to throw a punch like that. Laying her head back against the seat, she couldn’t stop the slight grin that teased at her lips.
“Sure, kid…why not?”
Sabrina frowned in the rearview mirror. “Oh no…we are not giving punching lessons! Charlie, I understand you’re angry with Nate. I even agree that he probably had it coming, but you have got to find a better way to express yourself when it comes to Nate Jackson!”
Gideon really had to stop being surprised by Charlie and her fists of fury. He knew that she had threatened to pop him one, but he didn’t think she was serious. He chuckled as he told Charlotte and Skye what had happened. Skye doubled over with laughter.
“Oh, man! Wish I could have seen it! Poor Nate! I bet he never saw it coming!”
Charlotte shook her head. “I would think he would have recognized the look in her eyes…it’s not like this is the first time she got him. Although I had hoped she had grown out of it by now. Funny, it’s only Nate that can bring that side of her flying out.”
Charlotte’s statement had Gideon laughing out loud again because that’s exactly what it looked like. Her fist came flying out so fast that all he saw was a blur as it whipped toward Nate’s face. Only the man’s military training kept Charlie from hitting her mark. Nate turned his head slightly so she would miss his mouth. When her fist caught Nate’s hard jawline, Charlie had cried out in pain. Nate tried to look at her hand, but Charlie wouldn’t let him. He even offered to drive her home being she had hurt the hand that she would be shifting with, but again Charlie refused. It was her refusal of his help that finally had the glint of anger burning in his eyes.
“Would you stop being so blasted stubborn? How are you going to drive that truck when you can’t even shift it? I really think you broke something. Let me at least give you a ride.” Cradling her hand against her chest Charlie shook her head as she stomped toward her truck.
At the hospital Logan waited with Charlie while Sabrina stood at the desk and filled out the paperwork and D.J. went in search of the nearest vending machine.
“So, I guess the talk with Nate didn’t go so well?” Logan asked. Charlie sighed as she leaned against him.
“No, it actually went ok…at least until the end.”
“What happened at the end?”
Charlie shrugged. “I don’t know…I got mad, I guess.”
Logan chuckled. “Yeah, I kind of guessed that part. What did you get mad about? Did he say or do something out of line?”
Feeling irritated again, Charlie straightened up. “No, he didn’t say or do anything out of line…he said all the right things. He even told me that he gave his life to Christ.”
Logan turned in the chair so he could face her.
“That’s really good news, sweetheart. So, what made you so angry? Did he get upset about us?”
“No, he didn’t get upset about us. He said he was happy that I found someone and that he was man enough to admit that he had acted badly and he wished us the best.”
Logan frowned in confusion. “Charlie, I’m sorry. I’m still trying to see what caused you to throw a punch. Am I missing something?”
Charlie got up and walked over to look out of the window.
“No. You’re not missing anything, I don’t guess.” Then she paused and turned around to look at him. “Actually, that’s not right…you are missing something. You’re missing the fact that he nearly killed me when he was so mean; you’re missing the fact that he left me not a single dream that wasn’t destroyed because every dream I had was with him! You’re missing the fact that he should be upset to find me happy with someone else! Didn’t I mean anything to him at all?”