And I stood at the sink, gently swaying, thumbing through the emails.
I finally hit reply on the last one Brice sent.
Brice,
Its me. Listen. I cant do this anymore. We can email each other like this.Its not good. Im sorry okay? we shouldnt talk.
The email looked like crap because my fingers and mind weren’t working together. My pointer finger hovered over the send button.
I wondered if I sent it, would he actually listen to me. If he would actually stop emailing me. I mean, to be fair, if he really wanted to see or talk to me, he could. I wasn’t hard to find. And if he was nearby… he could come right to my veterinarian office…
“Shit,” I whispered.
Tears filled my eyes.
I needed to hit that fucking send button. I needed to hit it hard and then forget about this. Forget about the picture of me with Peppermint. Forget about the picture of me and him on that one Halloween. That was a lifetime ago and that was a different version of me.
My finger moved down and quickly darted to the other side of the screen. I deleted the email faster than I could take a breath.
I put my phone on the counter.
“There you are…”
I gasped.
I turned my head and Ben stood inches from me, wearing nothing but a pair of blue pajama bottoms.
“Hey,” I said. “Sorry. I was cleaning up. Linda came over…”
“I know that,” he said, getting closer. “That’s why I went upstairs. I didn’t want to bother you.”
Ben pressed himself against me.
I jumped a little, feeling him…
His hands touched my hips. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Kinsley. In that hat. Your shirt unbuttoned.”
“Oh,” I said. “Then do something about it, Ben.”
I wiggled my ass against his hardness.
I bit my lip.
My mind was screaming yes already.
Ben let out a growl and thrust at me, pushing me against the sink. My hands shot out and hit the tiled wall behind the sink.
“Fuck,” he said. He leaned forward and put his nose to my hair. “You smell so fucking good.”
His hands slipped around to the front of my jeans. He opened them and curled his fingers around my jeans and panties at the same time.
I sighed with relief knowing this was about to happen.
The truth was I couldn’t remember the last time we were together. Or the last time Ben just came at me to fuck me.
I wiggled my way out of my shoes and my jeans and panties in record time.
I looked back and bit my lip, looking at Ben’s toned and cut body. His eyes were half shut as he stepped back and shoved his pants down. He popped free and stepped right toward me again. His cock slid against my ass as he groaned.
“Ben,” I whispered.
“I’ve been waiting all fucking day for this, Kinsley,” he said.
“I’m right here. Do it now.”
He bent his knees and slid down, meeting my center with his thickness. He pressed against me, opening me, easing into me as his hands tightened against my hips, pulling back.
“Yes,” I groaned.
I shut my eyes and put my head down.
Ben started to thrust, pushing and pulling, taking me right there. Right against the kitchen sink.
He growled and grunted like a hungry animal as he had me.
“That fucking hat and shirt,” he said. “Damn you, Kinsley.”
He slammed forward with force and I cried out. My right hand flew back to grab him. I wanted that. That same move. About a million times over.
He moved faster, harder, the sounds of our bodies colliding echoed throughout the kitchen.
I felt my body tightening with anticipation of climaxing.
It had been so long.
Even any self-attention… it had been so fucking long…
“Yes,” Ben groaned. “Fuck yes…”
I threw my hair back and turned my head to look at Ben.
His head was back, eyes shut. His hands moved from my hips to my ass. Cupping my cheeks for a second then moving to my lower back, pressing, making me arch it. He took his hands off me then and touched his own chest. Then he made fists and held them in front of his face.
He stopped moving and left it up to me.
My left hand gripped the edge of the sink tightly and I fucked my hips back at him. He remained still, letting me take care of things. I moved the way I wanted. I moved the way my body needed me to do. I felt everything inside me building, desperately reaching that peak I craved in the worst way. My right hand slapped at the wall as Ben let out a hiss. I could feel him almost there himself. My hand slid down the wall to the counter and I bumped my phone. The screen turned on. I tried to move my phone and the screen opened to an email… where I could see his name…
Brice.
At the sight of his name, I groaned loudly.
Ben suddenly grasped my hips with strength and pulled, slamming forward with force, climaxing.
I lost my breath as I met his climax with my own.
The entire time I stared at Brice’s name on the screen.
Ben grunted from behind me, thrusting slower by the second until finally backing away from my body.
One of his hands gently touched my ass for a second before patting it.
“That was good,” he whispered. “Thanks for that, my dear. I’ll meet you in bed.”
I started to stand, every muscle in my legs tight and shaky.
Ben was gone.
I balanced myself against the kitchen sink.
I gasped for air, unsure of what was happening in my body right then. I felt Ben everywhere… inside me… my skin crawling and muscles aching. My heart racing and breaking. My mind spinning like a pinwheel in a hurricane.
I reached forward toward nothing, only to reach back for my phone.
I saw the name again.
Brice.
My knees finally gave out and I slid down the kitchen sink cabinets. My ass touched the cool tile floor and I shivered. Naked from the waist down, dressed from the waist up.
I had been waiting far too long for Ben to do that to me. To just find me and take me. To strip me down and fuck me with that feral need we all had.
I lowered my head and felt the tears fill my eyes again.
What the fuck was I doing? Thinking of someone else while getting fucked by the man I love?
It was Halloween night.
Everyone was allowed to wear a costume and be something else.
Only I knew the things I felt weren’t going to disappear by morning.
10
An Introduction
Brice
Milo opened the front door to the house and walked right inside. Me, I was more subtle, standing outside like the uninvited and unwanted guest I truly was.
My feet on some cliché stupid saying doormat, freezing my ass off in the whipping early November wind, watching Milo throw his soccer bag to the floor and yell for April.
She appeared from the kitchen, taking off a white apron and hurrying to hug Milo. She looked through the house at me at the open door.
I shrugged my shoulders.
Reluctantly, with an eye roll, she waved for me to come inside.
I shut the door behind me and was hit with the smell of tomato sauce and garlic. My stomach did a quick backflip, wanting in on whatever was being cooked.
In the kitchen, Milo was already at the island on a teal bar stool, spinning it left to right.
“Smells good in here,” I said.
April stirred a pot of sauce and took a spoonful. “Here. Taste it.”
“No thanks,” I said. “I can’t be tempted.”
“With sauce?”
I touched my stomach. “I haven’t eaten yet.”
“Well, try it anyway.”
I took the wooden spoon from April and tasted the sauce.
I smacked my lips together.
�
�Well?” she asked.
“Could use some oregano,” I said.
“Oh, shut up,” April snapped.
“I’m busting you,” I said. “That’s really good sauce. Might be the best I’ve tasted in a long time. Honestly.”
“Well, thank you,” she said. “It’s my stress relieving meal to cook.”
I turned my head and smiled at Milo. “Hey, buddy. Shower? You stink.”
Milo giggled. “I don’t stink.”
“Yes, you do,” I said. “Go take a shower and then get dinner. Okay?”
“Fine,” he said.
He pulled himself off the bar stool and slumped out of the kitchen.
I folded my arms and leaned against the counter.
“Don’t get cozy,” April said as she put the apron back on.
“I’m not. Stress relieving meal? Everything okay?”
April put the wooden spoon down. “And you care why?”
I took a deep breath. “You don’t like me, April. I don’t quite like you either. But we have two things in common. The two things that stress us both out equally.”
“And?”
“So, either Milo did something. Or June did something.”
She sighed. “Fine. She wants to talk to you, Brice.”
“You already said that.”
“She called me again. I talked to the person she’s with. It might be a good idea to talk to her. For a minute even. Just to keep her settled. I’m sure you can imagine how hard this is…”
I curled my lip. “I can imagine. I’ve seen things you have no idea about. I’ve pulled Milo out of the flames more times than I care to talk about. So, if she’s sitting and she’s anxious… good. Has she asked about Milo at all?”
April swallowed hard and turned to face the sauce again. She reached for the spoon and I slid toward her and touched her arm.
“She hasn’t,” I said. “That’s why you’re stressed. You think she’s going to be a shit mom for the rest of his life.”
“And?” April asked again, with the same bitchy undertones that I had become used to.
“I’m sorry you have to go through this. You’re strong though.”
“It’s not about strength, Brice,” she said. “I’m worried that she’ll just show up and take him away. Then what? I get to forever worry about him? Or wait for her to fuck up so he comes back to me?”
Guilt hit my chest.
I thought about the empty promise I made. Desperate to make everything work. Desperate to get Milo out of a shitty situation.
“I can’t speak to that, April.”
“Of course you can’t. And you’re the one who actually can.”
“Don’t do that to me.”
“Yeah, so I’ll just suffer.”
“She’s your sister,” I said.
I cringed as the words slipped out of my mouth.
April froze. “She’s your fiancée.”
I gritted my teeth.
I wasn’t going to get into that conversation. Not right then.
“Look, I’ll let you have at your sauce. I’ll go check on Milo and make sure he actually washes his hair.”
“You can stay for something to eat,” April said.
“No, I’m good. You and Milo eat.”
“He’s fine in the shower.”
“I can…”
I saw the look in her eyes.
Going upstairs wasn’t an option right now. She wanted to get a cheap shot at me. She wanted to get me in the heart.
And she did.
“I’ll see myself to the door then,” I said. “Have a good night.”
“You too,” April said without looking at me.
I left the house and stood on the porch as the cold wind punched me in the face.
I nodded, taking the punishment.
It all hit me then.
I was emailing with the only woman I’d ever truly loved. And she was with someone… who she bought a house with. And I was in a fucking mess of a situation with June. And Milo. With a side of April.
“Fuck,” I whispered as I walked down the steps into the cold night.
Alone.
My phone in my hand in my pocket.
Waiting for Kinsley to respond.
Brice,
It shouldn’t have taken me this long to write back to you. And I really have no good excuse. If you want me to lie and say that I’ve been super busy and haven’t had a second to breathe, I can do that.
Or I can just tell you that I’ve been looking at the pictures and emails daily, trying to figure it out. And that I got drunk on Halloween. On wine of all things.
Your last email sort of worried me. Yet I didn’t hurry to respond to you. Truthfully, I was out to dinner with Ben. That’s my… well, you know. And even after I was home I still didn’t reply to you. Part of me wants to be sorry, but part of me shouldn’t be sorry for that.
We’re just casually writing emails.
But I am sorry if something was wrong and I wasn’t there for you.
I hope everything is okay now.
I don’t know how to say the next part, so I guess I’ll just… well, say it, meaning type it.
I’m long overdue for a night out. To have a drink or two. My neighbor Linda (who is my friend too) has been bugging me about it. It has been a hectic couple of weeks for me here, so a drink wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world right now. I’ll ask her to come with me so I have company. Just in case you decide not to show up. Or maybe if you do, you’re all weird and creepy. I’ll have a wingman… wingwoman… with me. I don’t know why I just typed that. Of course you’re not going to be weird and creepy. And of course I don’t need to have someone there with me. It’s just a comfort thing. And it’s not because of you. Well, it is because of you, but it’s more about me.
Wow, I am rambling. And I can totally delete everything I’m writing and try again. But I don't want to do that. Not with you. That would make this seem fake, you know? Then again, it’s not exactly real because it’s emails. The pictures are great though. I would love to see more of them. I mean, if you have more of them. I sort of pictured you burning them all at one point. Which would have been fine, I guess.
I can’t believe how fast this year has gone by though, right? Only a few weeks until Thanksgiving. And all the Christmas stuff is out and shoved in your face. Which isn’t all that bad to be honest. As long as you don’t fall into the money trap of it all. It’s not to see the lights and hear the happy music. Makes you think about being younger when things were easier. At the same time, I always have some kind of anxiety about family and the holidays. I know my father was never a big fan of yours, which always bothered me. Yet there was nothing I could do to change that. He always tries really hard on the holidays. To make up for everything that happened. It’s totally not needed, but I can’t argue with what he does because I know it’s his way of grieving, if that makes sense.
Not that you want to hear about my father. I’m pretty sure he would still want to hurt you if he saw you. Then again, that list might be growing with these emails, huh?
Brice, I’m not sure I want to talk about anything either. I mean, the past stuff. Okay? It would be nice to see you and catch up for a minute. Just to prove to you I’m alive and okay, even though you’ve already seen me. (See, weird and creepy… lol) And I want to see you to make sure you’re alive and okay. If you look any different. Maybe time beat you up. But chances are, that’s not the truth.
Full disclosure here, I may have had a drink before writing this. So I’m sorry that it’s scattered. Today wasn’t the best day at work for me. And when I came home… whatever. It’s just one of those days where everywhere I go and everything I do, it’s all wrong. At least when I was with you, no matter how bad the day was, you could always make me smile. Even when I didn’t want to smile. Remember that time you tried to squint with green olives in your eyes and ended up getting the juice in your eye and it swelled up for like a week?
I’
m sure tomorrow will be a better day. Someone used to tell me that, right?
Seeing you is going to be hard for me, Brice. I’m sure you know that already. But maybe it’s a good thing that after all this time we’re sort of close to each other. There’s no reason we can’t be a part of each other’s lives. Maybe that’s the final part of healing or accepting or whatever it is they want you to do after what we went through. I think I sort of just gave up on those steps and just shrugged my shoulders and walked away.
Not sure what you went through. Maybe someday we can talk about it. But not right now, okay? I have a lot going through my mind and going back there would only make things harder or worse or whatever.
Anyway, the entire point of this word dump is to say that I’m going to plan a night out with Linda and it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you were there too. Just to say ‘hi’ for a second. And if you want, we can talk about where our lives are right now.
Okay, I’m going to go now. I hate to ask this, considering it took me so long to respond to you, but please let me know you’re okay. You mentioned dealing with heavy stuff once before and then your last email… just let me know.
Talk soon.
Kinsley
I didn’t waste a second as I hit the reply button to Kinsley. There was no way I was going to fuck this up. I told her I was okay, happy to hear from her, and told her to come to the bar I worked at. It was the easiest way to do this. And on her end, there was maybe a sense of comfort knowing she could just use an excuse, meaning she could tell her whatever that I worked there.
After I sent the email, I sat back on my couch and thought about it all. I stripped away the fluttering feeling that refused to let me step away from the past. I had one foot in reality and it was a fucking mess. She had given her heart to someone new. And that person gave his heart to her. They had a house together. An entire life together. A life that I knew nothing about and would have never known about if it wasn’t for that one dumb chance of seeing her. But that’s how fate sometimes worked. Nobody said any of this shit was easy.
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 10