My mind started twisting and turning. This new guy must have known about me, right? If so, then it didn’t matter if we caught up together. There was a connection between myself and Kinsley that was for life. We created life together. We lost a life together. I held her in my arms as she held our…
I clenched my teeth and pinched the bridge of my nose.
Standing there alone, trying to convince myself of something. That was the worst feeling because it meant I knew the situation wasn’t right. But it didn’t exactly feel all the way wrong either.
I never stopped loving Kinsley. I never gave up on her. I never once said fucking goodbye to her. Distance and time. That was what I gave her. Maybe the ultimate gift because my greedy heart and hands wanted to touch her and love her. I wanted to kiss her body in appreciation of what it had given to me, to us, even if the ending to that story came too soon. My hands wanted to hold her when she was weak, tired, and sad. Fuck, I wanted to rip my own soul out and let her have it. I wanted her pain, her doubt, her guilt, so she could live beautifully.
But all she wanted at that moment was distance and time.
That’s what she got.
And now… it was my time to tell her what I wanted after everything that happened.
Which was simple.
I just wanted her.
It felt like the longest wait of my life. Counting down the days and then the hours until I ripped open the door to the bar and stepped through. It wasn’t busy, but it wasn’t dead. Lucky stood behind the bar, rolling a toothpick between his lips, eyes up at a basketball game on one of the two TV’s the bar had.
When Lucky spotted me, he gave a nod and quickly flicked his toothpick into the trashcan under the bar.
“What’s this about?” he asked. “You quitting?”
“Nah,” I said. “Just getting a drink.”
“Right. Feel like working?”
“Nope.”
“Course not,” he said. “I don’t either, but here I am.”
“You’re a better man than me,” I said.
Lucky laughed, and it sounded like a car starting in the winter. He started to cough, head down, hands gripping the bar tightly.
“I’d better get going,” I said. “Don’t want you to tip over laughing.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said with a wave.
Behind me I heard a loud laugh that was unfamiliar. As I gazed over my shoulder, I saw a woman pulling back a fuzzy parka hoodie. She had black hair and a round face. Right after her came Kinsley.
My breath seized up along with my body.
Kinsley stepped through the threshold of the shitty bar, wearing jeans and a heavy black coat. She wore a winter hat that was brown and white with a little goofy looking pom-pom ball sewn at the top. Her hair was down, so much longer than when we were together.
I caught myself smiling as she walked with the other woman - must have been Linda - toward a corner booth.
Linda took off her super thick jacket and hung it from the side of the booth. Kinsley stood with her back to me as she slowly took her winter coat off. She gently folded it and leaned forward to slide it across the booth. Her black shirt pulled up just enough to show a hint of skin. My eyes moved away so I could take a breath. I wanted to respect her. Eye humping her without even saying hello first seemed strange.
Kinsley turned to get into the booth and from the side, she was captivating. Her blonde hair flowing down her back and over her shoulders. Leaving that goofy winter hat on her head, because that’s what Kinsley did. More so, her body was a beautiful testament to what a real woman’s body looked like. Enough curves to keep an honest man busy for days. And, yes, this time my eyes were unable to stop.
I only collected myself once she got into the booth.
I faced the bar for a second and took a deep breath.
There were few times in my life that I was afraid of something.
The most recent was the day we had to leave the hospital missing a piece of our hearts. I was fucking terrified of what that day would lead to…
And now this moment.
Walking across the old and grimy floor. The smell of bar food grease in the air. Approaching the booth where Kinsley sat with her friend.
Knowing damn well there was no way I could protect myself from her. Not that I would ever try to anyway.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” I asked.
“Sure,” Linda said without hesitation.
Kinsley looked up at me and her jaw dropped.
Time froze between us as our eyes finally locked. That entire time across the field; I had been looking at her, but she never looked at me.
Now it was different.
“Hey, Kins,” I said.
“Wait a second,” Linda said. “You’re Brice?”
“You’ve been talking about me beforehand?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Kinsley said. “Sorry.”
“Hope it was all good stuff,” I said. “But I can get you a drink. I do work here.”
“Perfect,” Linda said.
I slid my fingertips to the edge of the table near Kinsley.
She just stared at me. I just stared at her.
“Well then,” Linda said. “I think I’m going to have a smoke. Before the drinks come.”
“We just sat down,” Kinsley said.
“So? Are you going to be like someone else?”
Kinsley’s cheeks went instantly red.
“You having a smoke too?” I asked Kinsley.
“Kinsley? Smoke?” Linda asked. “Don’t tell me…”
“That was a long time ago,” Kinsley said.
“Right,” Linda said. She pulled herself out of the booth and touched my arm. “If you’re really a bartender, then I could see myself becoming an alcoholic.”
I laughed. “Thanks.”
Linda walked away.
I saw Kinsley’s eyes move for a second.
I turned my head and saw Linda clutching her chest, mouthing ohmygod.
“Sorry about her,” Kinsley said. “Maybe this was a bad idea. I mean, bringing Linda. She doesn’t get out much.”
“Ah, right,” I said. I casually slipped into the booth across from Kinsley. “She’s a single mom, right?”
“Yeah. I was with her daughter when you… you know.”
“Yeah,” I said. I had a million things to say but nothing wanted to come out right then. Honestly, I just wanted to stare at her. Study every feature of her face. Look at all the places my lips once took for granted. The places where I’d now kill to kiss one more time.
“Is this weird?” Kinsley asked.
“It is,” I said. “I think we’re holding back.”
“From what?”
“You’re with someone, Kins,” I said. “That’s the elephant in the room. You probably didn’t tell him you were coming out.”
“Actually, I did.”
“And you told him about me?”
“I said I was going out with Linda for a drink. Not like he’s home or cares right now.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”
Kinsley bit her bottom lip. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I won’t ask. I’m just here for a drink and some conversation.”
No I’m not. Tell me more.
“How do we pick up where we left off without… picking up where we left off?” she asked.
I reached across the table and offered her my hand. “My name is Brice. It’s a pleasure meeting you.”
“Kinsley,” she said, taking my hand with that sly smile that forever made my heart race.
“What a pretty name.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
“I’m sure you have. How did you get that name?”
“My parents.”
“Ah,” I said. “I should have known. Can I buy you a drink?”
“Yeah, that would be okay.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a veterinarian,” sh
e said. “What about you?”
“I’m a bartender. Here.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
“What? Is that wrong? Do I need to be more successful to talk to you?”
“No,” she said. Her left hand jumped across the table at me, grabbing my wrist. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
I looked down at her hand on my wrist. A pulse rippled through me that I didn’t expect. A swell of hurt, loss, and anger that battled against hope and the beauty that radiated from her.
I instantly wondered if this guy at home told her she was beautiful each and every day. Because I did. I wondered if he looked at her when she wasn’t looking at him and just smiled to himself, feeling his knees shake a little, knowing that the entire fucking world was right in his grasp. Because I did.
“Brice,” Kinsley said. “I didn’t mean…”
“Everything okay here?”
Linda was back, reeking of smoke. She looked right at Kinsley’s hand on my wrist. Kinsley was quick to move her hand and I was quick to get out of the booth.
“I still need to get those drinks,” I said.
“Yeah, I can see that,” Linda said to me.
I walked behind the bar and Lucky stared at me.
“The hell?”
“I’m getting drinks,” I said.
“You’re working?”
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing right now, Lucky.”
He laughed. “Don’t sweat it, Brice. Nobody does.”
I couldn’t keep my eyes off Kinsley. Watching every move she made. Watching her body language as she talked to Linda.
She was here.
She was really here.
It was everything I had been waiting for.
And nothing was going to get in my way.
11
Dancing Breaths
Kinsley
He scrambled my mind.
The second I saw him, I was done. Everything I knew was thrown into the air and I had no idea what was going to hit the ground first. The way he stood at the booth, locked right onto me. He was the only man I’d ever been with who looked at me and made me feel like I was the only person in the room. That I was the most important person in the entire world.
And that hadn’t changed one bit.
When he sat across from me, I was frozen. Because I didn’t feel anything toward what was waiting at home. Which was scary, but it was honest. What I had with Ben was assumed comfort. He assumed I would be home at night. I assumed he would be home. We were just together, taking up space and time. I was giving him time that I couldn’t give to someone else and in return for that, he was just a presence to me.
We hadn’t touched more than a quick kiss goodbye or goodnight since Halloween night. And each time I looked at the kitchen sink I wondered what made that happen. The way he appeared from nowhere, shirtless, looking good, and the way he took me.
All of it flashed through my mind as I sat across from Brice, studying his face. The shape of his eyes. Their dark blue color. His hair was a little shorter. His jaw was the same. Wickedly cut and made for touching, even if he had more scruff than I remembered.
But that’s all I saw.
Flashes of Ben while staring at Brice.
The way I reached out to touch him because I made a stupid comment about his job… it was natural.
“So I have to break the ice a little,” Brice said as he leaned against the booth. Dark jeans, black shirt, arms stretching out the sleeves of the shirt in an unfair way. New tattoos that covered up muscle, even though the shape was there.
“Chisel away,” Linda said.
She was like a young schoolgirl seeing a hot guy for the first time. I felt like giving her a napkin to wipe up the drool. Yet at the same time, I totally understood why she was acting the way she did.
“I work at the bar here,” Brice said.
“Brice,” I said. “I didn’t mean anything by what I said before.”
“What did you say to him?” Linda asked.
“It’s okay,” Brice said with a killer sexy grin. “I didn’t expect to move here, right? Life has a way of just pushing you around a little.” He stared right at me as he spoke. “I had a good thing going for a while and decided to sell it off and make a little bit for myself. And I did. When I got here, I decided to just find something that was more relaxing and… well, you know, whatever.”
“Whatever,” I said.
“I think that’s awesome,” Linda said.
Brice knocked his knuckles on the table and pulled himself away. “So, with that said, let me get everyone a refill if that’s okay.”
“Are you working tonight?” I asked.
He looked down at me. “No, Kins. I just figured this place was the easiest to meet up in case anything got weird.”
The color washed from my face when he looked at me the way he did.
It was hard to control the feelings. The past slamming against the door I hid it behind. But that was where it all remained though. It was in the past.
“You never told me about him,” Linda said to me as Brice walked away.
“It was a long time ago,” I said. “Things didn’t end so well. I never thought I’d talk to him again.”
“What’s happening here, Kinsley?” she asked with a straight face.
“What do you mean?”
“You wanted me to come out for a drink,” she said. “But you knew he was going to be here? And he’s not working. Did you use me to lie to Ben?”
When she said that, it really hit me hard.
Because that’s exactly what I had done here. I had pulled Linda into a situation she didn’t belong in. Not that I intended for anything to happen. It was more about having her there as a reminder of the life I had right now, so I didn’t get lost in the life I once had.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “This looks really bad, doesn’t it?”
“Depends on what your intentions are,” Linda said.
“I know you hate Ben,” I said. “And things lately have been…”
Linda touched my arm. “Hey. You don’t need to explain anything to me unless you want to. I’m here for you. I just hope you know what you’re doing here.”
“I’m catching up with someone I used to know,” I said. “And I’m not sure how you say that to someone like Ben. Okay?”
“Because Ben doesn’t even know about Brice, right?”
“Linda…”
“Right,” she said. “Your past is your past, Kinsley. I actually don’t know a thing about your past.”
“Just stay and have a drink,” I said.
“Okay,” she said.
I felt like the worst human in the world as Brice came back with another round of drinks. This was my cut-off point and Linda’s too. We had both driven here and there was no way we were going to risk doing something really stupid. I was already in stupid waters to begin with.
“How much do we owe?” Linda asked.
“Oh, I got you a deal,” Brice said without missing a beat.
“A deal on beer?”
“Yeah,” he said. “These were just sitting there. Probably from the end of a keg. No big deal, right?”
“None at all,” Linda said. “Nasty tasting beer… takes me back to high school.”
“There you go,” he said.
He sat across from me again, his eyes burning right through me.
I would stand no chance against him. No hiding anything. No twisting words if I could find the breath to speak them.
There were a few seconds of silence where I realized it was my chance to talk. To say something. To ease into the conversation with simple comfort like Linda had done. Which was odd for me to see because she and Ben were like two blocks of ice when they had to interact.
Brice had that effect on people though. To just be himself and then they were themselves.
“So, your daughter is the soccer star?” Brice asked Linda.
“Star? Not sure abo
ut that.”
“She’s great,” I said. My two words of contribution. “Really good.”
“She gets it from me,” Linda said with a laugh.
I smiled and shook my head.
“What’s so funny?” Brice asked. “You can’t leave me on the outside of a joke here.”
“My ex is the athletic one,” Linda said. “The only good thing about him.”
“Ouch,” Brice said. “Hope you don’t talk that way about me, Kins.”
My cheeks burned hot. “I have a statue of you in my front yard actually.”
“Ten feet tall,” Linda said. “Neighbors complain all the time.”
“Yeah, right,” he said. “I’m sure my name and a few curse words have been thrown around. Which I definitely deserve.”
“Actually, Kinsley never mentioned you before tonight,” Linda said.
“Oh, wow. My lasting impression, huh? Just completely forget me.”
“Trust me, Brice, there’s no forgetting you,” I said. I finally found my nerve. “I just figured it was a kind gesture to the world if I didn’t talk about you.”
“Brutal,” he said. “You shouldn’t abuse the guy serving your drinks. You’re supposed to kiss up to me.”
“Yeah, I’ll get right on that,” I said.
We laughed.
Linda didn’t.
I glanced to my left and she was staring down at her phone.
When she looked up, I knew the look on her face.
She had to leave… and I’d be alone with Brice.
“Her ex is a jerk, huh?” Brice asked.
“Big time,” I said. “He’s unreliable. Really bad.”
“Is that what just happened?”
“Yeah,” I said. “He was supposed to watch Paige tonight so Linda could go out, but he called her to say Paige wants to go home.”
“That’s bullshit?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I can’t blame Paige if she doesn’t want to be with him. She doesn’t like him all that much. Then again, what do I know? It’s not my business.”
“Now, that’s not the Kinsley I know,” he said. “You could never not be there for someone.”
A smile crept across my face.
“True,” I said. “But the situation really isn’t mine to deal with. And I have no advice. All things considered.”
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 11