“I love you in the winter,” Brice said.
“What?” I said, almost spitting hot cocoa at him.
“The look. The extra puffy coat. The fuzzy hood. The gloves. That goofy hat.”
“Goofy hat?” I asked. “What’s wrong with my hat?”
“That pom-pom on top, Kins.”
“Oh, come on,” I said. I shook my head to make it dance. My cheeks turned red. Why am I so flustered and stupid around him?
“You’re fucking beautiful,” Brice blurted out.
I took a shuddering breath and put my hot cocoa down on the table.
“Brice…”
“I know,” he said. He showed his hands. “You’re happily involved and don’t want me to bother you.”
“I never said that.”
“So, you’re not happily involved?”
“Stop it,” I said. “That’s not what I meant or said.”
“So, what’s the plan here?” he asked. “You just hand out pens and recruit dogs?”
I laughed. “Yeah. Exactly.”
“I can help you,” he said. “I can take these to the right people.”
“Yeah?”
“Sure,” Brice said. “I’ll click the pen over and over until they take it. And if they don’t have a dog, I’ll convince them to get a dog, just to bring it to you.”
“Wow, that’s serious stuff right there.”
“Whatever it takes for you,” he said. “I can’t believe you really did it though. Becoming a veterinarian. Honestly, Kins. I didn’t get a chance to say anything to you before. But that’s amazing. I know my word is probably shit to you, but I’m proud of you for that. Whether you like it or not, you picked yourself up and pushed forward.”
“Thanks for saying that,” I said. “What about yourself? What have you done?”
“You know me, Kins. A little here. A little there.”
“A situation you haven’t talked about yet,” I said with a smirk.
“Ah, right. My personal life. Well, considering we only talk through email. Excuse me… secret emails…”
My cheeks burned again.
I opened my mouth but had no excuse.
It was wrong what I was doing, but I didn’t stop doing it.
At the same time, what was I supposed to do? Just pack a bag and run away with Brice because he suddenly appeared back in my life? If only the decision was actually that easy.
“Sorry,” Brice said. “I’m being an ass.”
“A total ass,” I said.
There were a few seconds of silence. Christmas music echoing around us. The chatter of people. Friends, families, the electric feeling of the holiday season in the air.
“I know whatever is happening isn’t easy,” Brice said. “But it goes both ways, love. Not just you. Not that I’m trying to be greedy and steal the spotlight here. I’m the one sending emails to a taken woman. Saying what I’m saying. Feeling what I’m feeling. And I know you’re with someone else. It burns inside me. It burns me with guilt, jealousy, and anger.”
“So then why keep emailing me?”
Brice put his hands flat to the table and leaned forward. I wished that table wasn’t there. I wished all the people around us weren’t there either. I wished…
“Because it’s you, Kins,” he said. “It’s you. It’s always been you. It always will be you. We didn’t end anything. We fell apart into pieces and each went our separate ways. There’s a big difference. There was never a sense of closure or goodbye. And even having the slightest chance of this moment here with you… hot cocoa dried on your top lip. That goofy looking hat. This makeshift booth because you’re here to support this little town and support yourself. It’s like watching a dream. With a nightmare in the background. And that nightmare is never actually getting to hold you again. But it’s still fucking worth it.”
What I wanted to do was put my hands flat to the table. My fingertips touching his. Then I could lean forward and match his words with mine.
Only I didn’t move at all.
There was never a time in our lives together where Brice didn’t know exactly what to say, when to say it, and how to say it.
He grabbed a different pen and clicked it a couple of times.
He looked around and took a deep breath.
It was now my moment to make my stand. One way or another.
I gathered up word after word, trying to make sense of everything. I had promises and commitments that I had made somewhere else. Yet I still had promises and commitments to Brice that weren’t through either.
“Brice,” I said. “You have to know something.”
He faced me again. “I’m standing right here, love. Say whatever you need.”
It was one of those moments where I planned on speaking before thinking. A dangerous thing to do, but a part of me just wanted Brice to hear the honesty in my voice.
Before I could say a word, we were interrupted.
Hearing the words Coach and Brice used in the same sentence took me aback for a few moments.
Four kids were suddenly standing next to Brice. He stood there, tall and patient, slapping high fives, pretending the kids were hurting his hand. They all laughed. They were all mesmerized by him.
“Coach?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Brice said. “Soccer coach.”
“You? Soccer coach? Have you ever played in your life?”
“Shh,” he said. He pointed down and whispered, “They don’t know that.”
He grinned.
I laughed.
“Would you like a candy cane?” I asked the kids.
Little hands dove at the basket of candy canes, knocking it over.
“Whoa,” Brice said. “You wild monsters. Hold on a second.” He put a hand out and all the kids froze in place. “I’ll give you a candy cane each. So you don’t break Miss Kinsley’s giveaways here.”
He handed out candy canes and then pointed to the pens.
“Don’t,” I said as I laughed.
“No,” he said. “Who here has a dog?”
Two kids raised their hands.
“Who wants a dog?” he asked.
The rest raised their hands.
“Good,” Brice said. “Take this pen to your parents. If you have a dog, tell them to bring it to Miss Kinsley. And if you don’t have a dog, cry and beg for one and then bring it to Miss Kinsley. Now get out of here and go enjoy the event.”
The kids giggled when he talked, but they stared intently at him. They respected him.
“I’ll see you guys for our last game. It’s going to be cold. So dress warm!”
The kids all said goodbye to Coach Brice and scattered into the sea of people.
“I can’t believe what I just saw and heard,” I said.
“What?”
“Coach Brice?”
“And you should talk. Dr. Kinsley.”
My cheeks flushed again. “I at least wanted to be a doctor. You never wanted to be a coach.”
“But I’m not afraid to try anything at least once,” he said. “Remember?”
I suddenly had this vision of me and him standing on top of a giant rock that to me was a hundred feet off the ground. He wanted me to jump into the river with him. Everyone did it. Yeah, there were stories of some drunk teenager diving and breaking their neck, but that wouldn’t happen to us. We were invincible. At least he was. And he stood there with me, holding my hand, promising me it was going to be okay. The sun all over his skin, leaving him tanned. His hair messy from the water. Those dark blue eyes commanding senses in me I didn’t know I had. I was terrified until he smiled. He counted to three and we both jumped…
“I remember,” I said to him. “You jump and then worry.”
“It’s the only way to live,” he said. “You should try it.”
“Try what?” another voice added into the mix of things.
The voice came from behind me.
I saw the look on Brice’s face for a quick second before a hand
slipped around my waist and pulled me close. The smell of Ben’s cologne hit me before I turned my head and saw him standing next to me.
He smiled down at me and winked.
Holy. Shit.
I fully expected to freak out but managed to keep calm and collected.
“Ben,” I said. “I didn’t expect you here.”
“Told you I’d be here,” he said.
Ben looked right at Brice.
There was instant tension. Or maybe it was just guilt coming off me that made it feel that way.
“You look like a dog guy,” Ben said. “Am I right?”
“Actually, you’re wrong,” Brice said.
“Cat?”
“Nope.”
“Bird?”
“Not even close.”
“A snake?” Ben asked.
Brice grinned. “Nothing but myself.”
“Meaning what?” Ben asked.
I cleared my throat. I touched Ben’s chest. “I’m sorry. This is rude of me. Ben, this is Brice. I know him from a long time ago. I didn’t realize he was back in town.”
“And here he is,” Ben said.
“Here I am,” Brice said.
I wanted to melt into a puddle and slip away.
“I don’t want to waste any more of your time, Kinsley,” Brice said, using my full name, which he rarely did. “It was nice to see you and say hello. It’s been too long.”
“Yeah, it has,” I said.
I felt Ben’s grip tighten on my waist.
Protective.
Only because you suddenly feel threatened?
“You stay warm out here,” Brice said. “Keep drinking hot cocoa.”
“She’ll be just fine here,” Ben said. “Not much longer and we’ll be leaving anyway. I’m sure five people have shown up to steal a pen.”
Right on cue, Brice grabbed a pen from the basket and grinned. “Make that six.”
He clicked the pen and walked away.
A crappy mix of embarrassment and guilt went through me.
“Old friend?” Ben asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve known him forever.”
“I’ve never heard of him.”
“I’m sure there are a million people from your past I don’t know about. That’s sort of our thing, right?”
“Only our thing doesn’t include people from the past coming back like that. Just magically showing up. I thought you were here to do something productive.”
“I am, Ben. I’m meeting people. Talking. Handing out stuff. Even if people don’t stop, they see me here and see my sign and name.”
“It’s cute when you talk business to me,” Ben said. He leaned down and kissed my cheek. “Just don’t forget where you came from. Without me right now, Kinsley, you’d have nothing.”
His words were as cold as the air. And they had a small sense of threat to them. Whether I was supposed to take it that way or not, I didn’t know.
I broke away from Ben, trying hard not to react. Last thing I needed was to have a video posted online of me and Ben arguing. That would do wonders for my business.
Of course my hot cocoa was cool by then, but I sipped it anyway.
My eyes searched through the crowd and I managed to lock right onto Brice. He was down on the corner, standing with a woman. He crouched and I watched as he hugged a little boy. He stood, lifting the boy up.
“It’s time to get out of here, Kinsley,” Ben said, touching my shoulder. “This is a waste of time.”
“Not to me,” I said.
“It is to me,” he snapped.
“What is your problem right now?”
“Look around you,” he said. “Nobody gives a damn about a veterinarian at a Christmas event.”
“People have stopped here,” I said.
“Yeah, one of them being an old friend of yours,” Ben said.
“Is that what this is? Why you’re acting like this?”
“I’m not acting like anything. I’m saving you the trouble of wasting your time.”
“You’re being a real asshole right now, Ben,” I said. “I don’t appreciate it. You can go home.”
“That’s what you want, huh? I showed up like I said I would.”
Christmas music echoed around as I stared at Ben, half feeling as though he were a stranger.
And in so many ways, he was.
The extent of talking about our pasts was that we both had an understanding that the other person had lost someone important to them. But never any details.
Which I now regretted.
I swallowed hard. “Yeah, you showed up, Ben. But look at the way you’re acting.”
“Honest? That’s how I’m acting. I’m telling you something you don’t want to hear.”
A young couple stopped at my table. I saw a thin, pink leash and peeked over the table to see a puppy shepherd with a long nose and curious eyes.
“Can we steal a treat?” the man asked.
“Of course you can,” I said. “What’s her name?”
“Casey,” the woman said. “We just got her a week ago.”
“New puppy parents,” I said. “How exciting.”
A hand touched my arm.
I glanced back at Ben.
My eyes met with his and it was as cold as anything.
“What?” I whispered to him.
“I’m leaving,” he said. “Just thought you should know.”
“Thanks for stopping by,” I said in a short voice and turned back to my new visitors with a big smile.
Ben left as I talked to the young couple and ended up making an appointment with them for the upcoming Monday. In other words, my pointless and meaningless event actually turned out to be something good. And even if I hadn’t had a single person stop, it was worth it just being there in town. To Ben, the scenery meant nothing without some kind of financial gain or if it wasn’t part of his grand plan in life.
I closed up the pop-up tent myself. I folded the table myself. The table was donated by the town, so I just had to leave that against the curb. The pop-up tent went into a carrier with wheels.
Then I walked back to my SUV, alone, carrying a heavy bag and dragging a tent behind me. My stomach was uneasy. I had the urge to scream. And at the same time, the urge to cry.
“Need a hand with that stuff?”
I stopped and looked up to see Brice sitting at the back bumper of my SUV.
I quickly looked around.
“Don’t worry. Nobody will see us.”
“Brice… how did…”
He nodded to the bumper stick of my practice on the SUV.
“Of course,” I said. “You waited here… for how long?”
“As long as it took for you to get here,” he said.
He pushed away from the SUV and walked toward me. He stripped the bag off my shoulder and took hold of the handle for the pop-up tent case. I couldn’t argue because it felt good to not lug that crap around. I pressed a button and the back of the SUV opened on its own.
“Fancy,” he said.
Brice loaded up the SUV and turned to sit back down where he was before.
“Brice…”
“Look, I’m not here to cause problems or play games.”
“I saw you with someone,” I said. “You were with a young kid.”
“Yeah. That was Milo.”
“Not your son?”
“No,” he said.
“That’s the situation though, right?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about us.”
“Us?”
“Come on, Kins,” he said as he stood up. “We look at each other and shit gets crazy.”
“You saw what happened,” I said.
“Yeah. And it drove me crazy. Seeing his hand touch you. Knowing that it’s supposed to be my hand touching you like that.”
“I can’t hear this right now,” I said.
I made a move to walk by Brice, but he blocked my way. I c
rashed right into him and my hands touched him. His flannel shirt was thick, but I could still feel the muscle through it. My hands just below his chest. His hands touching my elbows.
“Kins,” he whispered. “What happened today just proved everything I’ve been struggling not to feel. How real it actually is for me. And I need you to know that. I’m not here to force you into anything. But I know one thing right now. Watching you walk alone before you saw me, that look on your face…”
“It’s not as easy as you think,” I said.
“Nothing in life is. That’s why you just jump.”
“And ask later.”
“And ask later,” Brice whispered.
Next thing I knew, I was up on my toes. I made the first move, offering myself. And there was no way Brice was going to hold himself back. Truthfully, I would have been pissed if he did.
His lips gently touched mine and my heart tripled in beats. I parted my lips to breathe but it only made the kiss hotter. We were at the back of all the buildings in town, but that didn’t mean we could go unseen.
I pulled back just a little and Brice’s grip tightened on my arms. He kept me close and kissed me over and over. I made it to a five Mississippi count before I pushed off him.
I stumbled back, and my lips felt like they were four times their normal size. Red, pouty from kissing, stained with guilt.
“What does this make me?” I asked.
“True to yourself, Kins,” Brice said. “Part of me wants to be sorry, but I won’t do that to myself or you.”
Brice closed the back of my SUV and moved toward me again. He touched my face, stroked my cheek, and got close, but not too close.
“I’ll email you later, love.”
That was my moment to tell him that this was wrong. That the kiss meant nothing. That it was a horrible idea and I should have stopped it.
My silence was the only truth I had at that point though.
Brice went one way and I walked to my SUV and started the drive home.
A lonely and strange drive home.
When I got there, I had this fear of Ben sitting at the table, knowing everything. Saying he’d read my emails. Or that someone we knew saw what happened with Brice and called him.
This is what my perfect life has become.
Ben’s car wasn’t there. There was a sad sense of relief that washed over me.
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 15