Ben stood tall and handsome. Straight faced, never giving a hint of emotion. That was just the businessman inside him doing its job. Show no sign of weakness. Ever.
“To be fair, Ben, does anything I said before matter?”
“Before what? Before you took off with an old boyfriend?”
“Excuse me?”
“Was Brice an old boyfriend?”
“Well, yeah…”
“I could tell. The way he looks at you. The way you get around him.”
“It’s not like that,” I said, stepping into the lie zone. “It’s more than you think or know or imagine. Okay?”
“Is he your ex-husband?”
“No. I’ve never been married.”
Ben nodded. “Okay. And I heard everything you said before, Kinsley. I thought about it as I drove, and it confused me a little. We’ve been the same way for a long time and now all of a sudden, it matters. I don’t get it.”
“Maybe you don’t get me,” I said. “I feel trapped, Ben. I want to spend time with you and you walk away. The last time you touched me was the night of Halloween. That means the last time we had sex was against the kitchen sink. I touch you and you jump away. You’re horny over paperwork and not me. I begged you to get a Christmas tree with me. Just for fun. And…”
“So, this is a guilt thing,” Ben said. “Because you didn’t get your way? You know, I didn’t get my way either. I was backdoored out of a deal that would have made me a lot of money. If my anger makes me greedy, then fuck it, I’m greedy. I worked for six months on this thing and was pushed out at the last minute. I didn’t come home crying to you about it, Kinsley.”
“But you could have,” I said. “You still can. That’s why we’re together. But you try to compare us. What I do to what you do. You think what I do doesn’t matter. Because it’s just animals. That’s not true. I’m more than that. So much more. But you don’t ask me about it.”
“Does Brice ask about it?”
I scoffed. “Great. Act like a child now.”
Which you have the right to do. And I don’t think I’m sorry for that.
“Yeah, I’m a child, Kinsley. You’re the one sneaking around behind my back. With an old friend. When you get a second, put yourself in my shoes.”
“Do the same for me,” I snapped. “You’re not even here, Ben. Even when you’re here. You’re not. And fine, maybe that was okay for a while. Whatever. And maybe now it’s not okay. It’s the holidays. This is a hard time for a lot of people, including me. I just want… you… here.”
“I was here,” he said. “And you weren’t. Remember that.”
He made a quick move, taking his pillow off the bed. A second move and he stripped the bed of the comforter.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m going to sleep on the couch,” he said. “You were promised the bed to yourself, so enjoy it. You can have all the time alone you need to think.”
“I just said I don’t want to be alone.”
“Goodnight, Kinsley,” Ben said.
I stood in shock as he exited the room, shutting the door behind him.
I sat down on the bed, unsure what to think or feel. A part of me was heartbroken and wanted to cry. Ben completely misunderstood everything I had said. I wasn’t sure how much clearer I could be with him. It wasn’t like I was giving hints or anything either. I was saying exactly what I wanted and needed.
At the same time, another part of me had grown excited, flirting with the idea that if Ben and I were to… break up… then Brice and I…
But that world was too far away. It wasn’t just a simple break up with Ben. We had a life together. A house together. Vehicles together. There was so much that we had together. All part of Ben’s plan.
But what about my plan?
I rubbed my forehead and stood up. I walked to the window and peeked out. The snow was falling hard again. I bit my lip, hoping Brice got home safely.
I checked my phone against my better judgement and was relieved to see an email from Brice waiting. My eyes looked to the bedroom door. Downstairs on the couch was Ben. He was mad about a lot of things. I could have gone downstairs and sat on the couch with him. My presence alone to prove how much I cared.
Instead, I read Brice’s email, feeling sick to my stomach, the word whore still flashing in my mind.
Kins -
First off, I’m home safe and sound. The snow let up enough for me to get here. It’s snowing pretty badly again. I know you’re home and I hope you’re safe. I did not mean for anything to happen like it did tonight. I honestly just wanted to make sure you got home okay. You were so fast to leave. I wanted to keep you here. Keep you to myself. Hold you and let you run through all the dreams you’ve been hiding and telling yourself will never happen. That part maybe pisses me off the most. You shouldn’t have to give up your dreams. You shouldn’t have to be part of some ‘plan’ where it’s all figured out in advance. What kind of life is that?
I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be mean here. I know your heart is confused right now. I can feel it and see it in your eyes. You don’t know how badly a part of me wants to tell you to make a choice. But I can’t do that to you. I stand by my promise of always being here for you. In whatever way you need. And believe me, it pains me to write that because I know exactly what I want.
The taste of your skin is lingering on my lips. I don’t care what you think, you need to know how beautiful you are, Kins. Every inch of you. Every curve. The scar you lie to yourself about. It’s all part of who you are. It makes you Kinsley. And it makes you mine.
If you need anything from me, please call me. Text me. I think this emailing stuff has served its purpose.
I just need you to know that I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Whether I’m a friend or more, that’s up to you to decide. If you do decide to stay where you are, you should tell him everything. It’s not fair that he doesn’t understand who we are. Standing there with him tonight, it really hit me. I’m the asshole here. I’m the one kicking down a door to a happy and perfect home. I’m the one looking for a heart that may not belong to me, even though I know it does. And yet the other guy doesn’t know a thing as to why. He doesn’t get it.
I know it’s a lot to take in and think about. I’m sorry about that, Kins.
I hope you can get some sleep.
Brice
At the end of the email was his phone number.
The sight of it made my heart beat faster.
No more emails, it seemed.
I looked over my shoulder at the bedroom door.
I bit my lip.
My perfect world was crumbling all around me.
And it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen… I had already lived through that.
We got a Christmas tree. Well, I was told to pick out a Christmas tree. The end result was an artificial tree that stood in the corner of the living room. It was the easiest thing to do because I wasn’t going to go and pick out a real tree on my own and find a way to get it home.
The argument was never spoken of again, nor was Brice’s name. Even though every time my phone made a noise, Ben’s eyes looked right at it. In some ways there was no hiding Brice anymore because we could text or call each other. Not that I made a point to do that often or in front of Ben.
I hadn’t seen Brice since the night of the snow when he and Ben had a face off in the street. Things had gotten busy at work, a lot of people cramming in appointments because I was closing up my office from the middle of December until after the New Year. I did that every year and made sure the staff were paid for the time off too. Ben hated it. It was costly, but I couldn’t imagine being the person that forced people to work during this time of the year. It was meant for family. And that meant sometimes traveling to see them.
Ben stayed busy with work, still demanding he find a way to make up for the deal he lost. Being that it was so close to Christmas and the New Year, there wasn’t much going on
. He was the only one who had the intense drive to work and that pissed him off more than usual. When I had my Christmas party at my office, he couldn’t make it. When I asked him to spend a night or two watching movies with me, he promised we’d do it tomorrow night. And tomorrow night turned into a week until I finally just gave up on it.
I was outside, waiting for Ben, because we were having dinner at my father’s house. This year my father decided to go to Florida for Christmas. It pissed off my brother, but I understood. The holidays were hard for my father without my mother. Top that with what happened with me and Brice…
“Hey, neighbor,” a voice called out.
Linda stood at her mailbox, holding a small collection of letters and magazines.
“Linda,” I said with a smile. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in months.”
I walked down the sidewalk and she met me.
“Busy time of the year,” she said. “So much going on at once. Trying to make sure Santa doesn’t mess anything up.” She rolled her eyes.
“Ah, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I said. “You’re a good mom.”
“Yeah. Trying to keep up with the kids that get all these fancy toys all the time. These electronics and stuff aren’t cheap.”
“Believe me, it won’t matter when she gets older. Just be there with her. Those are the best memories.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Linda said. “And I have to make up for her stupid ass father.”
“What did Dave do now?”
“He has her right now,” she said. “He’s taking her Christmas shopping. Because he told her that Santa only comes to one house when your parents are divorced.”
“He said what?”
“Yeah. So, I’m left making sure our house is a fucking Christmas wonderland while he gets to let her buy a few dumb things and call it a year.”
“I’m sorry. Does he come over on Christmas morning?”
“Hell, no,” Linda said. “Not that he’s not invited. He just…”
“Are you ready to leave?”
The voice carried through the yard.
I looked back at Ben as he walked to the SUV, getting into the driver’s seat.
It was my SUV. I paid for it. He drove it if we were going out together. But his car? That was his car. He was the only one who drove it.
“Better not upset Mr. Happy,” Linda whispered with a grin.
“Hush,” I said. “Good talking to you. We are long overdue for a drink and a good chat on the porch.”
“You bring the wine and I’ll bring the drama,” she said.
Oh, Linda, I think I can finally outdo your drama…
Ben beeped the horn like a dick and I shook my head.
I said goodbye to Linda and walked to the SUV.
When we arrived at my father’s house, it took Ben all of ten seconds to start testing my father about investments.
“You’re relentless,” my father said as he shook Ben’s hand.
He forced a smile, but I knew my father was getting annoyed by Ben talking about money. Then again, it was the first real thing they were able to talk about without it being forced.
“Benny Boy,” Kyle called out and threw his arms around Ben.
Kyle rolled his eyes and I felt my cheeks flush.
“Kyle,” Ben said. “Good to see you as always.”
“Yeah,” Kyle said. “Here, let me fix that…”
Kyle played with Ben’s shirt collar.
“Knock it off, moron,” Ben said.
Kyle cackled and walked away.
“Don’t mind your brother,” my father said. “He’s been drinking today.”
“What’s the occasion?” I asked.
“Wednesday,” my father said with a frown.
“How’s he going to live without you over Christmas?”
“That’s up to him to decide,” he said. He touched my shoulders. “Hey. About Christmas.”
“Dad, no.”
“I’m running from it, Kinsley. You know that. I won’t lie.”
“Dad, it’s okay.”
“It’s not though. You were promised so much more, Kinsley.”
“I have so much more right now,” I said.
I had to remind myself to smile. To make the facade look okay.
I’m happy with Ben. We’re going to have a great Christmas. He’ll get me a bottle of expensive perfume I’ll never wear. And he’ll get me some diamond necklace that I won’t wear because I’ve never worn a diamond necklace in my life. Plus he’ll give me gift cards to stores he thinks I like to shop at, but don’t.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” my father asked. “You look…”
“Too many patients this week,” I said with a big smile.
“Ah, I can’t imagine,” he said. “I’m so proud of you for that. I don’t say it enough.”
“You have no choice but to be proud. I’m your favorite.”
“Of course you are,” he said with a wink.
“What are you two whispering about?” Kyle asked, stepping into the foyer with two beers. He handed one to Ben.
Ben wouldn’t drink the beer.
“Talking about me being Dad’s favorite,” I said.
“Oh, please,” Kyle said.
“Please yourself,” I said.
“He’s says that because you’re a girl and you’re sensitive.”
“Says the guy who sleeps in the room where he lost his virginity,” I said, sticking out my tongue.
“Your brother finally lost his virginity?” my father asked. “It’s a Christmas miracle!”
We all started laughing. It was rare for Dad to pull out a joke like that.
Hell, even Ben laughed.
“Yeah, yeah,” Kyle said. “I’m going to eat. Alone.”
“Oh, poor baby,” I said.
“Hey, Mike,” Ben said, “can we go talk about interest rates? Over a glass of scotch?”
Ben shot his hand out for me to take the beer as though I were his assistant or something.
“Yeah, let’s go talk,” my father said.
Ben put a hand to my father’s back and leaned in, already talking like my father was a client.
I stood in the foyer of my childhood home holding a beer.
In the exact spot where I stood with Brice so many times. In the middle of the night, helping him sneak out of the house, unable to stop kissing each other. One time, Kyle caught us, and I had to do his laundry for a month as payment to have him keep his mouth shut.
Speaking of Kyle, he came walking toward the foyer a few seconds later.
“Money talk,” he said. “I can’t hear that.”
“Because you don’t have any money?”
“Are you going to break my balls all night?”
“Probably.”
“Fair enough. Come outside. I need a smoke.”
I stood there, hugging myself in the cold air, watching Kyle smoke.
“How are things?” he asked me.
“With what?”
“Life.”
“It’s life. Busy. The same.”
“You’re full of shit, sis,” Kyle said.
“Excuse me?”
“This isn’t my business…”
“But you love it anyway,” I said.
“Exactly. You and Ben. What is that?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“This time of the year,” Kyle said. “Dad is on the run. You don’t talk about anything. We aren’t allowed to mention anything about your past around Ben. And the two of you… you look like… associates.”
“Associates?”
“Like you work together.”
“Fuck off, Kyle. You can’t even pay your own cell phone bill.”
“There it is,” he said. “The cheap shot. Because you know I’m right.” He took a big last drag and flicked the cigarette off the porch. “Sorry I said anything, Kinsley. But whether you believe it or not, I care about you. You’re my sister and I love you.”<
br />
“I’ve been talking to Brice behind Ben’s back,” I said.
“What?”
“We’ve been more than talking… but not too much…”
“Holy shit. Are you okay?”
“No. Not at all, Kyle.” I blinked fast. “I’m a fucking mess.”
“Jesus Christ, Kinsley,” he said. He hugged me. “I don’t know what to say.”
“This time of the year is hard,” I said.
“Of course it is. We lost Mom in early December. You lost-”
“Stop it,” I said and pushed him away.
“Why do you hide from it? You don’t think anyone else here was crushed by it?”
“You don’t get to say that,” I said. “I carried her. She was my fucking daughter.”
I felt a weight on my chest.
I stepped back and gasped for air.
“Kinsley, stay with me,” Kyle said. He crouched and put his eyes level with mine. “Stay with me right here.”
I nodded.
“You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.”
I took a few breaths. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not. Tell me about Brice.”
Kyle grinned.
“No. You hate Ben. And you have a guy crush on Brice. This isn’t a fair conversation.”
“A guy crush? Seriously?”
“What? It’s true. You know you do.”
“Kinsley…”
“Fine,” I said. “We’ve been talking. I don’t know. I never thought we’d talk again.”
“You still love him?”
“Of course I do.”
“What about Ben?”
“What about him?”
“You can’t have both worlds.”
“Ben knows about Brice. For the most part.”
“Jesus,” Kyle said. “For the most part?”
I bit my lip. The smell of Kyle’s cigarette lingered in the air. It made me want one so badly.
“Oh, sis,” he said. “What have you done here?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Okay? Ben was comforting to me. After everything that happened. We never talked about our pasts. And that was fine.”
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 20