“Now it’s not.”
I shook my head. “Things are different.”
Kyle sighed.
“What do you think of Ben?” I asked.
“I thought this wasn’t a fair conversation.”
“Kyle… I’m so confused. And hurt. And in love.”
“Okay,” he said. “Look, Ben is a dork. A big, good-looking dork. Do I like Brice better? Of course I do. I’ve known him longer. But you and him together were like… I don’t know. You were good, but it was dangerous. The way you looked at each other. The way you fell for each other. Everything happened so fast. Yet it wasn’t fast enough. Right?”
“So he’s dangerous.”
“Completely dangerous. You never know what you’re going to get with Brice. Which is part of the fun, I guess. With Ben, it’s all there, Kinsley. He’s got it all figured out. He’s got a good job. You have a house. You’ll never have to worry about money. He doesn’t pressure you into marriage or kids. He doesn’t bother you about your past.”
“I thought you hated Ben,” I said.
“Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself of that.”
Tears leaked from my eyes as I shook my head. “I don’t know, Kyle. Everything ended so fast with Brice. It was just a quick break to get away from it all. And then Ben showed up at the right time. It was all about opportunity, you know?”
“I know,” Kyle said. “Believe me, sis, I’m not judging you.”
“I wish you would. I wish you’d call me a whore. I wish you’d hate me.”
“Jesus, I could never do that,” he said and hugged me again. “You’re my sister. It’s going to be okay.”
“Is everything okay out here?”
I sucked in a breath and tried to wipe away my tears.
Ben and my father came walking out on the porch.
Ben and I looked at each other. There was no escaping the truth that I was crying.
“Kinsley?” he asked.
“Rough night,” I whispered. “Thinking about my mother.”
“We all miss her,” Kyle said.
He was covering for me, which only made the guilt worse.
“Well, instead of crying about it,” my father said, “let’s go inside and eat. Think about her. Talk about her. Remember the good times. Because right now she’d be pissed.”
“At what?” I asked.
“At you for not having a hat on,” my father said with a grin. He looked at Kyle. “And at you for smoking.”
“I’ll take it from here,” Ben said to Kyle as he slipped an arm around my shoulder.
It was the first time in a long time that Ben showed any emotion and care toward me. Because I was showing emotion toward him.
And while sitting there, talking about my mother, watching my father dab the corner of his eyes with a napkin, I kept looking at Ben.
We weren’t going to make it together…
… unless he knew everything about my life…
18
Between Two
Brice
I wiped an empty spot at the bar and stood there, staring at the door, my heart racing. I never thought that fucking text messages could make me feel like this. I hadn’t seen Kinsley in a couple of weeks. And even then, it was a quick passing type thing. Casually bumping into each other and before I could get two words to her, she warned me that Ben was close by. Not that I gave a fuck about it, but I had to endure watching her walk away with him.
Except tonight she was coming out with her neighbor Linda for a drink. And she wanted to come to the bar to see me.
Lucky was serving a Christmas party which kept him busy beyond the bar. The night was busy, but I felt like the hours were just dragging on. Hell, everything had been dragging on. The calendar approaching a date that I wished could be burned from existence. Seeing all the lights, the trees, all the cliché things that came with the holidays, it was a lot to bear on my shoulders. My family life had been a mess from the day I was born, and after what happened with Kinsley, the last few strands were cut for good. Which was for the best. The only people I worried about in my life were the ones who wanted to be there.
The door to the bar opened. Kinsley and Linda were here.
Kinsley wore the same jacket and hat as she always did. A small and dumb detail that made me smile. That she hadn’t become too much of a changed person who needed a different jacket and hat per night.
They were in mid-sentence when Kinsley looked at me.
I gave a nod and smile.
All I could picture was myself kissing her lips. Touching her waist. Getting on one knee to kiss the scar that destroyed us.
The secrets we had…
I poured two beers and had them waiting as they approached the bar.
“You know what we want?” Linda asked.
“I never forget a pretty face,” I said with a wink.
“Oh, he’s good,” Linda said as she quickly started to fan herself.
“Maybe I meant her,” I said and nodded to Kinsley.
“Well then,” Linda said. “You know only one of us is single, right?”
“Linda,” Kinsley said.
I leaned against the bar. “But I like a challenge in life.”
“I have a daughter and an ex who is an asshole that I complain about way too much,” Linda said.
“Hmm… you might win.”
“Hell, yeah,” Linda said. “Just wrap yourself up, Brice, and be under my Christmas tree.”
I laughed. I looked at Kinsley. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good. And you?”
“Working.”
“Are you all ready for Santa?” Linda asked.
“Santa doesn’t come to my house.”
“You’re such a bad boy that you don’t even get coal, huh?”
I grinned.
“Do you have water?” Kinsley asked.
“Yeah. I can get you a glass.”
“No. Not a glass. A hose.”
“A hose?” I asked.
“To spray Linda,” she said. “Calm her down a little.”
Linda swatted at Kinsley. “When do I ever get a chance to come out and flirt with a sexy man?”
“He’s just working you for an extra tip,” Kinsley said.
“Don’t give away my secrets, Kins,” I said.
Linda took out a five and slid it across the bar. “Worth every penny.”
“Five bucks?” I asked. “Damn, I must be getting rusty.”
“Oh, you expected more?” Linda asked.
“Hundreds. Easily.”
“Well, let me just sell my house then,” she said.
“I’ll be back in a few,” I said. “Enjoy your drink.”
I walked away but looked back more times than I should have. I couldn’t keep my damn eyes off Kinsley. She was goddamn beautiful. She looked radiant sitting at the bar, sipping a beer, just being herself.
I somehow managed to get everyone drinks that needed them and helped Lucky get food out of the kitchen.
“You two okay?” I asked, checking on Kinsley and Linda.
“One and done for me,” Linda said.
“Me too,” Kinsley said.
“Two sodas then,” I offered.
“Sure,” Linda said. “First, a smoke.”
Linda walked to the front of the bar.
I gave a nod. “Going to have one too?”
“I don’t smoke.”
“Oh, right. Silly me. I thought you changed.”
“That’s not funny, Brice.”
“I know. I’m being a dick. Just trying to break the ice a little.”
“Why is there ice every time we see other?” she asked.
“Well, I can tell you the truth or simply lie to you.”
“I’d prefer the truth at this point…”
I reached for her hand and squeezed it. “It’s because we’re in love with each other, Kins. And when we see each other, we want to do what our hearts demand. Which is to hug. To k
iss. To be in love. To be together. That’s why there’s ice to break.”
Kinsley looked down.
Someone called my name and I cursed under my breath.
As I poured two more beers, I watched as Kinsley stood up and touched her face. She made a move for the door.
I watched her leave the bar… and my heart ached once more.
I honestly didn’t expect her to come back inside.
But she and Linda returned, talking, laughing, acting like nothing had happened between.
Kinsley was good at hiding and I didn’t like that. She had always been good at it, but was sadly thrown into a master course of perfecting it. Maybe then she had the right reasons, but now? She was most certainly hiding for all the wrong reasons. As much as I wanted to believe it wasn’t my business, it was my business. This was Kinsley. This wasn’t just some woman.
This wasn’t June.
I groaned under my breath just thinking about that situation. Getting tied up with her during a moment when we were both weak. Bouncing back and forth off each other when we needed comfort and someone to slap the other to come out of our darkness. Hers was addiction. Mine was losing Kinsley. We both knew each other’s downfalls. We knew there was no way to truly save each other, no matter what we did. Even confessing our love for one another didn’t make it easier. That made it worse. June fell headfirst and I stutter stepped. I loved June in a different way than she loved me.
The only other she loved more than me was the addiction. It always pained me that Milo was never on that list for June. She knew what I lost, and she would still forget about Milo. There were too many times when my heart wanted to move somewhere else and I just couldn’t do it because I feared for the safety of him. Until it got to a point where I had to get April involved. I was the piece of shit who ruined her sister’s life, or so she believed.
But now look at everything.
June was getting the help she needed. I really hoped there would be a day when the addiction would remain quiet enough for her to conquer it and stand strong on her own. April had Milo, giving him a good and safe life. And I kept my promise to all three… to June, to April, to Milo… that I would be there for Milo.
I touched my jaw with a sinking feeling in my stomach as I stared at Kinsley.
She knew nothing of this mess.
Just like she felt trapped in her current situation, that’s how I felt in mine. Too many promises and not enough pieces of our hearts to go around. Yet at the end of the day, all we wanted to do was give each other our hearts.
“You know,” Lucky said, creeping up next to me, “I heard if you stare long enough, they fall in love with you.”
“What?”
He laughed. “You’ve been eyeing that beauty at the end of the bar for a while now.”
“That beauty?” I asked. “You can’t imagine the history there, Lucky.”
“Well, you look ready to call it a night and follow her home.”
“If only.”
“Since when do you give up on something or someone?”
I grinned. “I’m not giving up on anything. Go back to waiting tables. I’ve got a bar to take care of.”
“Yeah, right,” Lucky said. “Pick your damn tongue up off the floor.”
I rubbed my jaw again and gritted my teeth.
I hated the calendar right now. So close to Christmas. Everyone in life in this holding pattern, convincing themselves they needed to stay smiling and be happy because it was Christmas time. I wondered what kind of holiday Kinsley was going to have. A real one. Or a fake one. With tinsel and gifts, with smiles and laughs, everything based on assumption and money.
Walking to the end of the bar, I grinned. “Everything good here?”
“It is now,” Linda said.
“You don’t give up, do you?” I asked.
“Never,” she said. “I’m still pretending you’re my Christmas present.”
“Maybe I’m already taken,” I said.
I saw the look on Kinsley’s face. A mix of anger and jealousy.
“Is that so?” Linda asked.
“Maybe I promised myself to someone else for Christmas,” I said and eyed Kinsley for a second.
Her face turned red.
“Damn,” Linda said. “I hate the bitch.”
I laughed. “How did you end up as a single mother?”
“My personality attracts hot bartenders and douchebags,” she said.
“I wonder which one I am,” I said.
“I’ll give you two guesses,” Kinsley said.
“Now you’re getting in on the fun,” I said.
“Oh, I could really get in on it,” Kinsley said. “I know stories about you, Brice.”
“Really?” I asked.
“I want to hear stories,” Linda said.
I leaned against the bar and got close to Kinsley. “Be careful, love. For every story you have on me, I have two on you.”
Kinsley’s cheeks turned a deep shade of red.
I pushed away from the bar. “If you need anything, let me know. If I don’t talk to you again, have an amazing Christmas. No matter what. Kins, maybe I’ll see you around like last time.”
That was as subtle of a hint as I could give her without telling her outright to meet me outside when she was leaving.
I made sure everyone was well taken care of at the bar before I slipped out the back door about thirty minutes later, leaving Lucky in charge of the entire bar. It was his bar, so he’d have to figure it out for a second.
I stood outside in the cold with no jacket on, the cold air ripping at my skin.
Linda got into her car and drove away while Kinsley sat in her SUV and looked right at me.
This was strange, again. Just like when she was at my place. Sitting in the comfort of her SUV, an easy escape, me walking toward the vehicle.
“Hey,” I said as I got to the open window.
Kinsley looked at me and bit her bottom lip for a second.
Next thing I knew, she threw open the door so hard and fast, I had to jump back and out of the way. Kinsley dove out of the SUV and lunged right at me, going to her toes, grabbing for my face, pulling at me to kiss her.
Without thinking, instinct taking over, my hands slipped around her body and I lifted her. Her legs wrapped around me as our lips smashed together in a hard and hot kiss. We skipped the pleasantries of soft kisses and went for it all. Making out between two vehicles, me walking her backwards, pressing her against her own vehicle. My body against her, feeling her hips gently wiggling, my cock throbbing with a hardness that demanded relief.
Thoughts pounded in my mind.
Did Ben buy her this SUV? Did Ben pay for the insurance?
I groaned to chase the thoughts away as I kissed her harder. Her fingers dug into the scruff on my face. She broke the kiss to gasp for a breath. She put her head back and her hands slid from my face and just dangled next to her body.
I kissed from her mouth down to her neck.
We were on fire together. The cold air had nothing compared to the heat between us.
The tip of my tongue wrote I fucking love you, Kins over and over. My lips came together and I gently pulled at her soft skin, making her gasp at the fear that I would leave a mark.
“Brice,” she groaned. “Brice…”
I growled and pulled away from her. I placed soft kisses from one side of her neck to the other. Up to her chin. Finally resting at her lips.
It was hard to explain how fast my body moved on the inside, even if we were now slowly kissing each other. My lips were devouring her lips in loud and messy kisses. I kissed her too hard, knowing her lips would be pouty and look as though they had been ravaged.
So I held back a little, swallowing it all down, hating myself for a lot of things in that moment.
I put my nose to hers for a second and took a deep breath.
A stray tear left Kinsley’s left eye.
I didn’t ask why because I already knew.
/> My hands eased around to her ass and down her legs. A gentle squeeze was enough to tickle her into jumping a little, opening her legs so I could put her down.
I backed away a few inches and reached for her face. Cupping her cheek, I let my thumb wipe away the tear.
“Brice…”
“It’s okay, love,” I whispered. “I have something for you. Before you leave. I couldn’t give it to you in front of Linda.”
I reached for my back pocket and took out an old picture. I unfolded it and gave it to Kinsley.
“I know you probably won’t want to take it with you,” I said. “I understand why. But I wanted you to see it. I didn’t even know I had this picture, Kins. Our first Christmas…”
It was one of the oldest pictures I had of me and her. In our first dump of a studio apartment. With stone walls that were always cold and full of cracks. And our first Christmas tree was this thinned out reject of a tree that lost almost all of its needles before Christmas even came. The picture was of Kinsley sitting in a long flannel shirt, mine, holding a Christmas present on her lap. It was poorly wrapped with shitty looking paper, which was my specialty.
“I remember this,” she said to me.
“Me too. We had nothing then. A small couch. A TV on the floor. The fridge was empty. Your father hated me being at the dinner table for Christmas. But it was just us together, Kins.”
“The present…”
“Do you remember what it was?” I asked. “I honestly can’t remember.”
“The scarf.”
“Scarf?”
“Yeah. When we went into the city in the fall, there was this expensive scarf I wanted. I put it around my neck and started talking in an accent. The lady at the store kicked us out.”
“That’s right,” I said. “And I saved up and got you the scarf.”
“The greatest Christmas present of my life,” Kinsley said.
She handed the picture back to me. I put my hand over hers and had the sudden urge to cry. I’m talking a deep-rooted gut feeling that wanted me to break down like a child who didn’t get his favorite candy bar at the checkout register of the grocery store.
I held myself together in that moment as I stared at her.
“I can’t take it,” she whispered.
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 21