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Complete Plays, The

Page 274

by William Shakespeare


  [Reads] ‘so it is, besieged with sable-coloured melancholy, I did commend the black-oppressing humour to the most wholesome physic of thy health-giving air; and, as I am a gentleman, betook myself to walk. The time when. About the sixth hour; when beasts most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that nourishment which is called supper: so much for the time when. Now for the ground which; which, I mean, I walked upon: it is y-cleped thy park. Then for the place where; where, I mean, I did encounter that obscene and preposterous event, that draweth from my snow-white pen the ebon-coloured ink, which here thou viewest, beholdest, surveyest, or seest; but to the place where; it standeth north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy curious- knotted garden: there did I see that low-spirited swain, that base minnow of thy mirth,’—

  Costard

  Me?

  Ferdinand

  [Reads] ’that unlettered small-knowing soul,’—

  Costard

  Me?

  Ferdinand

  [Reads] ’that shallow vassal,’—

  Costard

  Still me?

  Ferdinand

  [Reads] ‘which, as I remember, hight Costard,’—

  Costard

  O, me!

  Ferdinand

  [Reads] ‘sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established proclaimed edict and continent canon, which with,— O, with — but with this I passion to say wherewith,—

  Costard

  With a wench.

  Ferdinand

  [Reads] ‘with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or, for thy more sweet understanding, a woman. Him I, as my ever-esteemed duty pricks me on, have sent to thee, to receive the meed of punishment, by thy sweet grace’s officer, Anthony Dull; a man of good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.’

  Dull

  Me, an’t shall please you; I am Anthony Dull.

  Ferdinand

  [Reads] ‘For Jaquenetta,— so is the weaker vessel called which I apprehended with the aforesaid swain,— I keep her as a vessel of the law’s fury; and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice, bring her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted and heart-burning heat of duty. Don Adriano de Armado.’

  Biron

  This is not so well as I looked for, but the best that ever I heard.

  Ferdinand

  Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to this?

  Costard

  Sir, I confess the wench.

  Ferdinand

  Did you hear the proclamation?

  Costard

  I do confess much of the hearing it but little of the marking of it.

  Ferdinand

  It was proclaimed a year’s imprisonment, to be taken with a wench.

  Costard

  I was taken with none, sir: I was taken with a damsel.

  Ferdinand

  Well, it was proclaimed ‘damsel.’

  Costard

  This was no damsel, neither, sir; she was a virgin.

  Ferdinand

  It is so varied, too; for it was proclaimed ’virgin.’

  Costard

  If it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken with a maid.

  Ferdinand

  This maid will not serve your turn, sir.

  Costard

  This maid will serve my turn, sir.

  Ferdinand

  Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a week with bran and water.

  Costard

  I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.

  Ferdinand

  And Don Armado shall be your keeper.

  My Lord Biron, see him deliver’d o’er:

  And go we, lords, to put in practise that

  Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.

  Exeunt Ferdinand, Longaville, and Dumain

  Biron

  I’ll lay my head to any good man’s hat,

  These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.

  Sirrah, come on.

  Costard

  I suffer for the truth, sir; for true it is, I was taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore welcome the sour cup of prosperity! Affliction may one day smile again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow!

  Exeunt

  SCENE II. THE SAME.

  Enter Don Adriano de Armado and Moth

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy?

  Moth

  A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.

  Moth

  No, no; O Lord, sir, no.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender juvenal?

  Moth

  By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Why tough senior? why tough senior?

  Moth

  Why tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.

  Moth

  And I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your old time, which we may name tough.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Pretty and apt.

  Moth

  How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or

  I apt, and my saying pretty?

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Thou pretty, because little.

  Moth

  Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?

  Don Adriano de Armado

  And therefore apt, because quick.

  Moth

  Speak you this in my praise, master?

  Don Adriano de Armado

  In thy condign praise.

  Moth

  I will praise an eel with the same praise.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  What, that an eel is ingenious?

  Moth

  That an eel is quick.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood.

  Moth

  I am answered, sir.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I love not to be crossed.

  Moth

  [Aside] He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I have promised to study three years with the duke.

  Moth

  You may do it in an hour, sir.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Impossible.

  Moth

  How many is one thrice told?

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster.

  Moth

  You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I confess both: they are both the varnish of a complete man.

  Moth

  Then, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace amounts to.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  It doth amount to one more than two.

  Moth

  Which the base vulgar do call three.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  True.

  Moth

  Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here is three studied, ere ye’ll thrice wink: and how easy it is to put ‘years’ to the word ’three,’ and study three years in two words, the dancing horse will tell you.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  A most fine figure!

  Moth

  To prove you a cipher.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour of affection would deliver me from the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and ran
som him to any French courtier for a new-devised courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should outswear Cupid. Comfort, me, boy: what great men have been in love?

  Moth

  Hercules, master.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good repute and carriage.

  Moth

  Samson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his back like a porter: and he was in love.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do excel thee in my rapier as much as thou didst me in carrying gates. I am in love too. Who was Samson’s love, my dear Moth?

  Moth

  A woman, master.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Of what complexion?

  Moth

  Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the four.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Tell me precisely of what complexion.

  Moth

  Of the sea-water green, sir.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Is that one of the four complexions?

  Moth

  As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Green indeed is the colour of lovers; but to have a love of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason for it. He surely affected her for her wit.

  Moth

  It was so, sir; for she had a green wit.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  My love is most immaculate white and red.

  Moth

  Most maculate thoughts, master, are masked under such colours.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Define, define, well-educated infant.

  Moth

  My father’s wit and my mother’s tongue, assist me!

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty and pathetical!

  Moth

  If she be made of white and red,

  Her faults will ne’er be known,

  For blushing cheeks by faults are bred

  And fears by pale white shown:

  Then if she fear, or be to blame,

  By this you shall not know,

  For still her cheeks possess the same

  Which native she doth owe.

  A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and red.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?

  Moth

  The world was very guilty of such a ballad some three ages since: but I think now ’tis not to be found; or, if it were, it would neither serve for the writing nor the tune.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I will have that subject newly writ o’er, that I may example my digression by some mighty precedent. Boy, I do love that country girl that I took in the park with the rational hind Costard: she deserves well.

  Moth

  [Aside] To be whipped; and yet a better love than my master.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Sing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.

  Moth

  And that’s great marvel, loving a light wench.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I say, sing.

  Moth

  Forbear till this company be past.

  Enter Dull, Costard, and Jaquenetta

  Dull

  Sir, the duke’s pleasure is, that you keep Costard safe: and you must suffer him to take no delight nor no penance; but a’ must fast three days a week. For this damsel, I must keep her at the park: she is allowed for the day-woman. Fare you well.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I do betray myself with blushing. Maid!

  Jaquenetta

  Man?

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I will visit thee at the lodge.

  Jaquenetta

  That’s hereby.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I know where it is situate.

  Jaquenetta

  Lord, how wise you are!

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I will tell thee wonders.

  Jaquenetta

  With that face?

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I love thee.

  Jaquenetta

  So I heard you say.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  And so, farewell.

  Jaquenetta

  Fair weather after you!

  Dull

  Come, Jaquenetta, away!

  Exeunt Dull and Jaquenetta

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be pardoned.

  Costard

  Well, sir, I hope, when I do it, I shall do it on a full stomach.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Thou shalt be heavily punished.

  Costard

  I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they are but lightly rewarded.

  Don Adriano de Armado

  Take away this villain; shut him up.

  Moth

  Come, you transgressing slave; away!

  Costard

  Let me not be pent up, sir: I will fast, being loose.

  Moth

  No, sir; that were fast and loose: thou shalt to prison.

  Costard

  Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation that I have seen, some shall see.

  Moth

  What shall some see?

  Costard

  Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon. It is not for prisoners to be too silent in their words; and therefore I will say nothing: I thank God I have as little patience as another man; and therefore I can be quiet.

  Exeunt Moth and Costard

  Don Adriano de Armado

  I do affect the very ground, which is base, where her shoe, which is baser, guided by her foot, which is basest, doth tread. I shall be forsworn, which is a great argument of falsehood, if I love. And how can that be true love which is falsely attempted? Love is a familiar; Love is a devil: there is no evil angel but Love. Yet was Samson so tempted, and he had an excellent strength; yet was Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good wit. Cupid’s butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules’ club; and therefore too much odds for a Spaniard’s rapier. The first and second cause will not serve my turn; the passado he respects not, the duello he regards not: his disgrace is to be called boy; but his glory is to subdue men. Adieu, valour! rust rapier! be still, drum! for your manager is in love; yea, he loveth. Assist me, some extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet. Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.

  Exit

  ACT II

  SCENE I. THE SAME.

  Enter the Princess of France, Rosaline, Maria, Katharine, Boyet, Lords, and other Attendants

  Boyet

  Now, madam, summon up your dearest spirits:

  Consider who the king your father sends,

  To whom he sends, and what’s his embassy:

  Yourself, held precious in the world’s esteem,

  To parley with the sole inheritor

  Of all perfections that a man may owe,

  Matchless Navarre; the plea of no less weight

  Than Aquitaine, a dowry for a queen.

  Be now as prodigal of all dear grace

  As Nature was in making graces dear

  When she did starve the general world beside

  And prodigally gave them all to you.

  Princess

  Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but mean,

  Needs not the painted flourish of your praise:

  Beauty is bought by judgement of the eye,

  Not utter’d by base sale of chapmen’s tongues:

  I am less proud to hear you tell my worth

  Than you much willing to be counted wise

  In spending your wit in the praise of mine.

  But now to
task the tasker: good Boyet,

  You are not ignorant, all-telling fame

  Doth noise abroad, Navarre hath made a vow,

  Till painful study shall outwear three years,

  No woman may approach his silent court:

  Therefore to’s seemeth it a needful course,

  Before we enter his forbidden gates,

  To know his pleasure; and in that behalf,

  Bold of your worthiness, we single you

  As our best-moving fair solicitor.

  Tell him, the daughter of the King of France,

  On serious business, craving quick dispatch,

  Importunes personal conference with his grace:

  Haste, signify so much; while we attend,

  Like humble-visaged suitors, his high will.

  Boyet

  Proud of employment, willingly I go.

  Princess

  All pride is willing pride, and yours is so.

  Exit Boyet

  Who are the votaries, my loving lords,

  That are vow-fellows with this virtuous duke?

  First Lord

  Lord Longaville is one.

  Princess

  Know you the man?

  Maria

  I know him, madam: at a marriage-feast,

  Between Lord Perigort and the beauteous heir

  Of Jaques Falconbridge, solemnized

  In Normandy, saw I this Longaville:

  A man of sovereign parts he is esteem’d;

  Well fitted in arts, glorious in arms:

  Nothing becomes him ill that he would well.

  The only soil of his fair virtue’s gloss,

  If virtue’s gloss will stain with any soil,

  Is a sharp wit matched with too blunt a will;

  Whose edge hath power to cut, whose will still wills

  It should none spare that come within his power.

  Princess

  Some merry mocking lord, belike; is’t so?

  Maria

  They say so most that most his humours know.

  Princess

  Such short-lived wits do wither as they grow.

  Who are the rest?

  Katharine

  The young Dumain, a well-accomplished youth,

  Of all that virtue love for virtue loved:

  Most power to do most harm, least knowing ill;

  For he hath wit to make an ill shape good,

  And shape to win grace though he had no wit.

  I saw him at the Duke Alencon’s once;

  And much too little of that good I saw

  Is my report to his great worthiness.

  Rosaline

  Another of these students at that time

  Was there with him, if I have heard a truth.

  Biron they call him; but a merrier man,

  Within the limit of becoming mirth,

  I never spent an hour’s talk withal:

  His eye begets occasion for his wit;

 

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