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Complete Plays, The

Page 291

by William Shakespeare


  Well, Angelo, your evil quits you well:

  Look that you love your wife; her worth worth yours.

  I find an apt remission in myself;

  And yet here’s one in place I cannot pardon.

  To Lucio

  You, sirrah, that knew me for a fool, a coward,

  One all of luxury, an ass, a madman;

  Wherein have I so deserved of you,

  That you extol me thus?

  Lucio

  ’Faith, my lord. I spoke it but according to the trick. If you will hang me for it, you may; but I had rather it would please you I might be whipt.

  Duke Vincentio

  Whipt first, sir, and hanged after.

  Proclaim it, provost, round about the city.

  Is any woman wrong’d by this lewd fellow,

  As I have heard him swear himself there’s one

  Whom he begot with child, let her appear,

  And he shall marry her: the nuptial finish’d,

  Let him be whipt and hang’d.

  Lucio

  I beseech your highness, do not marry me to a whore. Your highness said even now, I made you a duke: good my lord, do not recompense me in making me a cuckold.

  Duke Vincentio

  Upon mine honour, thou shalt marry her.

  Thy slanders I forgive; and therewithal

  Remit thy other forfeits. Take him to prison;

  And see our pleasure herein executed.

  Lucio

  Marrying a punk, my lord, is pressing to death, whipping, and hanging.

  Duke Vincentio

  Slandering a prince deserves it.

  Exit Officers with Lucio

  She, Claudio, that you wrong’d, look you restore.

  Joy to you, Mariana! Love her, Angelo:

  I have confess’d her and I know her virtue.

  Thanks, good friend Escalus, for thy much goodness:

  There’s more behind that is more gratulate.

  Thanks, provost, for thy care and secrecy:

  We shill employ thee in a worthier place.

  Forgive him, Angelo, that brought you home

  The head of Ragozine for Claudio’s:

  The offence pardons itself. Dear Isabel,

  I have a motion much imports your good;

  Whereto if you’ll a willing ear incline,

  What’s mine is yours and what is yours is mine.

  So, bring us to our palace; where we’ll show

  What’s yet behind, that’s meet you all should know.

  Exeunt

  The Merry Wives of Windsor

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY

  ACT I

  SCENE I. WINDSOR. BEFORE PAGE’S HOUSE.

  SCENE II. THE SAME.

  SCENE III. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.

  SCENE IV. A ROOM IN DOCTOR CAIUS’ HOUSE.

  ACT II

  SCENE I. BEFORE PAGE’S HOUSE.

  SCENE II. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.

  SCENE III. A FIELD NEAR WINDSOR.

  ACT III

  SCENE I. A FIELD NEAR FROGMORE.

  SCENE II. A STREET.

  SCENE III. A ROOM IN FORD’S HOUSE.

  SCENE IV. A ROOM IN PAGE’S HOUSE.

  SCENE V. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.

  ACT IV

  SCENE I. A STREET.

  SCENE II. A ROOM IN FORD’S HOUSE.

  SCENE III. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.

  SCENE IV. A ROOM IN FORD’S HOUSE.

  SCENE V. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.

  SCENE VI. ANOTHER ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.

  ACT V

  SCENE I. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.

  SCENE II. WINDSOR PARK.

  SCENE III. A STREET LEADING TO THE PARK.

  SCENE IV. WINDSOR PARK.

  SCENE V. ANOTHER PART OF THE PARK.

  CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY

  Sir John Falstaff.

  Fenton, a young Gentleman.

  Shallow, a Country Justice.

  Slender, his cousin.

  Ford and Page, two Gentelmen dwelling at Windsor.

  William Page, a boy, son of Page.

  Sir Hugh Evans, a Welsh Parson.

  Doctor Caius, a French Physician.

  Host of the Garter Inn.

  Bardolph, Pistol and Nym, followers of Flastaff.

  Robin, page to Flastaff.

  Simple, servant to Slender.

  Rugby, servant to Doctor Caius.

  Mistress Ford.

  Mistress Page.

  Anne Page, her daughter.

  Mistress Quickly, servant to Doctor Caius.

  Servants

  ACT I

  SCENE I. WINDSOR. BEFORE PAGE’S HOUSE.

  Enter Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans

  Shallow

  Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.

  Slender

  In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and ‘Coram.’

  Shallow

  Ay, cousin Slender, and ‘Custalourum’.

  Slender

  Ay, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself ‘Armigero,’ in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ‘Armigero.’

  Shallow

  Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three hundred years.

  Slender

  All his successors gone before him hath done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat.

  Shallow

  It is an old coat.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.

  Shallow

  The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.

  Slender

  I may quarter, coz.

  Shallow

  You may, by marrying.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

  Shallow

  Not a whit.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compremises between you.

  Shallow

  The council shall bear it; it is a riot.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that.

  Shallow

  Ha! o’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.

  Slender

  Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed — Got deliver to a joyful resurrections! — give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

  Slender

  Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

  Slender

  I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.

  Shallow
<
br />   Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page.

  Knocks

  What, hoa! Got pless your house here!

  Page

  [Within] Who’s there?

  Enter Page

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.

  Page

  I am glad to see your worships well.

  I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

  Shallow

  Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?— and I thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.

  Page

  Sir, I thank you.

  Shallow

  Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

  Page

  I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

  Slender

  How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.

  Page

  It could not be judged, sir.

  Slender

  You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

  Shallow

  That he will not. ’Tis your fault, ’tis your fault;

  ’tis a good dog.

  Page

  A cur, sir.

  Shallow

  Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

  Page

  Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

  Shallow

  He hath wronged me, Master Page.

  Page

  Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

  Shallow

  If it be confessed, it is not redress’d: is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.

  Page

  Here comes Sir John.

  Enter Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol

  Falstaff

  Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the king?

  Shallow

  Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.

  Falstaff

  But not kissed your keeper’s daughter?

  Shallow

  Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.

  Falstaff

  I will answer it straight; I have done all this.

  That is now answered.

  Shallow

  The council shall know this.

  Falstaff

  ’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: you’ll be laughed at.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.

  Falstaff

  Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your head: what matter have you against me?

  Slender

  Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.

  Bardolph

  You Banbury cheese!

  Slender

  Ay, it is no matter.

  Pistol

  How now, Mephostophilus!

  Slender

  Ay, it is no matter.

  Nym

  Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that’s my humour.

  Slender

  Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

  Page

  We three, to hear it and end it between them.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.

  Falstaff

  Pistol!

  Pistol

  He hears with ears.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, ‘He hears with ear’? why, it is affectations.

  Falstaff

  Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?

  Slender

  Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else, of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.

  Falstaff

  Is this true, Pistol?

  Sir Hugh Evans

  No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

  Pistol

  Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,

  I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.

  Word of denial in thy labras here!

  Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

  Slender

  By these gloves, then, ’twas he.

  Nym

  Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say ’marry trap’ with you, if you run the nuthook’s humour on me; that is the very note of it.

  Slender

  By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

  Falstaff

  What say you, Scarlet and John?

  Bardolph

  Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!

  Bardolph

  And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careires.

  Slender

  Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no matter: I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

  Falstaff

  You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

  Enter Anne Page, with wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, following

  Page

  Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we’ll drink within.

  Exit Anne Page

  Slender

  O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.

  Page

  How now, Mistress Ford!

  Falstaff

  Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress.

  Kisses her

  Page

  Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

  Exeunt all except Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans

  Slender

  I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of

  Songs and Sonnets here.

  Enter Simple

  How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?

  Simple

  Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?

  Shallow

  Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?

  Slender

  Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so
,

  I shall do that that is reason.

  Shallow

  Nay, but understand me.

  Slender

  So I do, sir.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

  Slender

  Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he’s a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage.

  Shallow

  Ay, there’s the point, sir.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.

  Slender

  Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?

  Shallow

  Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

  Slender

  I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

  Shallow

  That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

  Slender

  I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.

  Shallow

  Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

  Slender

  I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another; I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, ‘Marry her,’ I will marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

  Sir Hugh Evans

  It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in the ort ‘dissolutely:’ the ort is, according to our meaning, ‘resolutely:’ his meaning is good.

  Shallow

  Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

  Slender

  Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

  Shallow

  Here comes fair Mistress Anne.

  Re-enter Anne Page

  Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!

  Anne Page

  The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships’ company.

  Shallow

  I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

  Sir Hugh Evans

 

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