Complete Plays, The
Page 291
Well, Angelo, your evil quits you well:
Look that you love your wife; her worth worth yours.
I find an apt remission in myself;
And yet here’s one in place I cannot pardon.
To Lucio
You, sirrah, that knew me for a fool, a coward,
One all of luxury, an ass, a madman;
Wherein have I so deserved of you,
That you extol me thus?
Lucio
’Faith, my lord. I spoke it but according to the trick. If you will hang me for it, you may; but I had rather it would please you I might be whipt.
Duke Vincentio
Whipt first, sir, and hanged after.
Proclaim it, provost, round about the city.
Is any woman wrong’d by this lewd fellow,
As I have heard him swear himself there’s one
Whom he begot with child, let her appear,
And he shall marry her: the nuptial finish’d,
Let him be whipt and hang’d.
Lucio
I beseech your highness, do not marry me to a whore. Your highness said even now, I made you a duke: good my lord, do not recompense me in making me a cuckold.
Duke Vincentio
Upon mine honour, thou shalt marry her.
Thy slanders I forgive; and therewithal
Remit thy other forfeits. Take him to prison;
And see our pleasure herein executed.
Lucio
Marrying a punk, my lord, is pressing to death, whipping, and hanging.
Duke Vincentio
Slandering a prince deserves it.
Exit Officers with Lucio
She, Claudio, that you wrong’d, look you restore.
Joy to you, Mariana! Love her, Angelo:
I have confess’d her and I know her virtue.
Thanks, good friend Escalus, for thy much goodness:
There’s more behind that is more gratulate.
Thanks, provost, for thy care and secrecy:
We shill employ thee in a worthier place.
Forgive him, Angelo, that brought you home
The head of Ragozine for Claudio’s:
The offence pardons itself. Dear Isabel,
I have a motion much imports your good;
Whereto if you’ll a willing ear incline,
What’s mine is yours and what is yours is mine.
So, bring us to our palace; where we’ll show
What’s yet behind, that’s meet you all should know.
Exeunt
The Merry Wives of Windsor
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY
ACT I
SCENE I. WINDSOR. BEFORE PAGE’S HOUSE.
SCENE II. THE SAME.
SCENE III. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.
SCENE IV. A ROOM IN DOCTOR CAIUS’ HOUSE.
ACT II
SCENE I. BEFORE PAGE’S HOUSE.
SCENE II. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.
SCENE III. A FIELD NEAR WINDSOR.
ACT III
SCENE I. A FIELD NEAR FROGMORE.
SCENE II. A STREET.
SCENE III. A ROOM IN FORD’S HOUSE.
SCENE IV. A ROOM IN PAGE’S HOUSE.
SCENE V. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.
ACT IV
SCENE I. A STREET.
SCENE II. A ROOM IN FORD’S HOUSE.
SCENE III. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.
SCENE IV. A ROOM IN FORD’S HOUSE.
SCENE V. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.
SCENE VI. ANOTHER ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.
ACT V
SCENE I. A ROOM IN THE GARTER INN.
SCENE II. WINDSOR PARK.
SCENE III. A STREET LEADING TO THE PARK.
SCENE IV. WINDSOR PARK.
SCENE V. ANOTHER PART OF THE PARK.
CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY
Sir John Falstaff.
Fenton, a young Gentleman.
Shallow, a Country Justice.
Slender, his cousin.
Ford and Page, two Gentelmen dwelling at Windsor.
William Page, a boy, son of Page.
Sir Hugh Evans, a Welsh Parson.
Doctor Caius, a French Physician.
Host of the Garter Inn.
Bardolph, Pistol and Nym, followers of Flastaff.
Robin, page to Flastaff.
Simple, servant to Slender.
Rugby, servant to Doctor Caius.
Mistress Ford.
Mistress Page.
Anne Page, her daughter.
Mistress Quickly, servant to Doctor Caius.
Servants
ACT I
SCENE I. WINDSOR. BEFORE PAGE’S HOUSE.
Enter Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans
Shallow
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
Slender
In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and ‘Coram.’
Shallow
Ay, cousin Slender, and ‘Custalourum’.
Slender
Ay, and ‘Rato-lorum’ too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself ‘Armigero,’ in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, ‘Armigero.’
Shallow
Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three hundred years.
Slender
All his successors gone before him hath done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat.
Shallow
It is an old coat.
Sir Hugh Evans
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.
Shallow
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
Slender
I may quarter, coz.
Shallow
You may, by marrying.
Sir Hugh Evans
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
Shallow
Not a whit.
Sir Hugh Evans
Yes, py’r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compremises between you.
Shallow
The council shall bear it; it is a riot.
Sir Hugh Evans
It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that.
Shallow
Ha! o’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.
Sir Hugh Evans
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity.
Slender
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman.
Sir Hugh Evans
It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed — Got deliver to a joyful resurrections! — give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
Slender
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
Sir Hugh Evans
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
Slender
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
Sir Hugh Evans
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
Shallow
<
br /> Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
Sir Hugh Evans
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page.
Knocks
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
Page
[Within] Who’s there?
Enter Page
Sir Hugh Evans
Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.
Page
I am glad to see your worships well.
I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
Shallow
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?— and I thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
Page
Sir, I thank you.
Shallow
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Page
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
Slender
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.
Page
It could not be judged, sir.
Slender
You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.
Shallow
That he will not. ’Tis your fault, ’tis your fault;
’tis a good dog.
Page
A cur, sir.
Shallow
Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
Page
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.
Sir Hugh Evans
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
Shallow
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
Page
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Shallow
If it be confessed, it is not redress’d: is not that so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
Page
Here comes Sir John.
Enter Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol
Falstaff
Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the king?
Shallow
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge.
Falstaff
But not kissed your keeper’s daughter?
Shallow
Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
Falstaff
I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
That is now answered.
Shallow
The council shall know this.
Falstaff
’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: you’ll be laughed at.
Sir Hugh Evans
Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
Falstaff
Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your head: what matter have you against me?
Slender
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol.
Bardolph
You Banbury cheese!
Slender
Ay, it is no matter.
Pistol
How now, Mephostophilus!
Slender
Ay, it is no matter.
Nym
Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that’s my humour.
Slender
Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
Sir Hugh Evans
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
Page
We three, to hear it and end it between them.
Sir Hugh Evans
Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.
Falstaff
Pistol!
Pistol
He hears with ears.
Sir Hugh Evans
The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, ‘He hears with ear’? why, it is affectations.
Falstaff
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
Slender
Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else, of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
Falstaff
Is this true, Pistol?
Sir Hugh Evans
No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
Pistol
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
Word of denial in thy labras here!
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!
Slender
By these gloves, then, ’twas he.
Nym
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say ’marry trap’ with you, if you run the nuthook’s humour on me; that is the very note of it.
Slender
By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Falstaff
What say you, Scarlet and John?
Bardolph
Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.
Sir Hugh Evans
It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
Bardolph
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careires.
Slender
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no matter: I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
Sir Hugh Evans
So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
Falstaff
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
Enter Anne Page, with wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, following
Page
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we’ll drink within.
Exit Anne Page
Slender
O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
Page
How now, Mistress Ford!
Falstaff
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress.
Kisses her
Page
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
Exeunt all except Shallow, Slender, and Sir Hugh Evans
Slender
I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
Songs and Sonnets here.
Enter Simple
How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles about you, have you?
Simple
Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?
Shallow
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?
Slender
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so
,
I shall do that that is reason.
Shallow
Nay, but understand me.
Slender
So I do, sir.
Sir Hugh Evans
Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
Slender
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray you, pardon me; he’s a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here.
Sir Hugh Evans
But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage.
Shallow
Ay, there’s the point, sir.
Sir Hugh Evans
Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.
Slender
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.
Sir Hugh Evans
But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?
Shallow
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Slender
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.
Sir Hugh Evans
Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.
Shallow
That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
Slender
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.
Shallow
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
Slender
I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married and have more occasion to know one another; I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, ‘Marry her,’ I will marry her; that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
Sir Hugh Evans
It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in the ort ‘dissolutely:’ the ort is, according to our meaning, ‘resolutely:’ his meaning is good.
Shallow
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
Slender
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
Shallow
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
Re-enter Anne Page
Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
Anne Page
The dinner is on the table; my father desires your worships’ company.
Shallow
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
Sir Hugh Evans