Complete Plays, The

by William Shakespeare

  Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,

  Charm ache with air and agony with words:

  No, no; ’tis all men’s office to speak patience

  To those that wring under the load of sorrow,

  But no man’s virtue nor sufficiency

  To be so moral when he shall endure

  The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel:

  My griefs cry louder than advertisement.

  Antonio

  Therein do men from children nothing differ.

  Leonato

  I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood;

  For there was never yet philosopher

  That could endure the toothache patiently,

  However they have writ the style of gods

  And made a push at chance and sufferance.

  Antonio

  Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself;

  Make those that do offend you suffer too.

  Leonato

  There thou speak’st reason: nay, I will do so.

  My soul doth tell me Hero is belied;

  And that shall Claudio know; so shall the prince

  And all of them that thus dishonour her.

  Antonio

  Here comes the prince and Claudio hastily.

  Enter Don Pedro and Claudio

  Don Pedro

  Good den, good den.

  Claudio

  Good day to both of you.

  Leonato

  Hear you. my lords,—

  Don Pedro

  We have some haste, Leonato.

  Leonato

  Some haste, my lord! well, fare you well, my lord:

  Are you so hasty now? well, all is one.

  Don Pedro

  Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.

  Antonio

  If he could right himself with quarreling,

  Some of us would lie low.

  Claudio

  Who wrongs him?

  Leonato

  Marry, thou dost wrong me; thou dissembler, thou:—

  Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;

  I fear thee not.

  Claudio

  Marry, beshrew my hand,

  If it should give your age such cause of fear:

  In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.

  Leonato

  Tush, tush, man; never fleer and jest at me:

  I speak not like a dotard nor a fool,

  As under privilege of age to brag

  What I have done being young, or what would do

  Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,

  Thou hast so wrong’d mine innocent child and me

  That I am forced to lay my reverence by

  And, with grey hairs and bruise of many days,

  Do challenge thee to trial of a man.

  I say thou hast belied mine innocent child;

  Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart,

  And she lies buried with her ancestors;

  O, in a tomb where never scandal slept,

  Save this of hers, framed by thy villany!

  Claudio

  My villany?

  Leonato

  Thine, Claudio; thine, I say.

  Don Pedro

  You say not right, old man.

  Leonato

  My lord, my lord,

  I’ll prove it on his body, if he dare,

  Despite his nice fence and his active practise,

  His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.

  Claudio

  Away! I will not have to do with you.

  Leonato

  Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast kill’d my child:

  If thou kill’st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.

  Antonio

  He shall kill two of us, and men indeed:

  But that’s no matter; let him kill one first;

  Win me and wear me; let him answer me.

  Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy, come, follow me:

  Sir boy, I’ll whip you from your foining fence;

  Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.

  Leonato

  Brother,—

  Antonio

  Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece;

  And she is dead, slander’d to death by villains,

  That dare as well answer a man indeed

  As I dare take a serpent by the tongue:

  Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks, milksops!

  Leonato

  Brother Antony,—

  Antonio

  Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea,

  And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple,—

  Scrambling, out-facing, fashion-monging boys,

  That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander,

  Go anticly, show outward hideousness,

  And speak off half a dozen dangerous words,

  How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst;

  And this is all.

  Leonato

  But, brother Antony,—

  Antonio

  Come, ’tis no matter:

  Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.

  Don Pedro

  Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.

  My heart is sorry for your daughter’s death:

  But, on my honour, she was charged with nothing

  But what was true and very full of proof.

  Leonato

  My lord, my lord,—

  Don Pedro

  I will not hear you.

  Leonato

  No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard.

  Antonio

  And shall, or some of us will smart for it.

  Exeunt Leonato and Antonio

  Don Pedro

  See, see; here comes the man we went to seek.

  Enter Benedick

  Claudio

  Now, signior, what news?

  Benedick

  Good day, my lord.

  Don Pedro

  Welcome, signior: you are almost come to part almost a fray.

  Claudio

  We had like to have had our two noses snapped off with two old men without teeth.

  Don Pedro

  Leonato and his brother. What thinkest thou? Had we fought, I doubt we should have been too young for them.

  Benedick

  In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came to seek you both.

  Claudio

  We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are high-proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten away. Wilt thou use thy wit?

  Benedick

  It is in my scabbard: shall I draw it?

  Don Pedro

  Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?

  Claudio

  Never any did so, though very many have been beside their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.

  Don Pedro

  As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou sick, or angry?

  Claudio

  What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.

  Benedick

  Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, and you charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.

  Claudio

  Nay, then, give him another staff: this last was broke cross.

  Don Pedro

  By this light, he changes more and more: I think he be angry indeed.

  Claudio

  If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.

  Benedick

  Shall I speak a word in your ear?

  Claudio

  God bless me from a challenge!

  Benedick

  [Aside to Claudio] You are a villain; I jest not: I will make it good how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.

  Claudio

  Well, I will meet yo
u, so I may have good cheer.

  Don Pedro

  What, a feast, a feast?

  Claudio

  I’ faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf’s head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most curiously, say my knife’s naught. Shall I not find a woodcock too?

  Benedick

  Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.

  Don Pedro

  I’ll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit: ‘True,’ said she, ‘a fine little one.’ ‘No,’ said I, ‘a great wit:’ ‘Right,’ says she, ‘a great gross one.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘a good wit:’ ‘Just,’ said she, ‘it hurts nobody.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘the gentleman is wise:’ ‘Certain,’ said she, ‘a wise gentleman.’ ‘Nay,’ said I, ‘he hath the tongues:’ ‘That I believe,’ said she, ‘for he swore a thing to me on Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning; there’s a double tongue; there’s two tongues.’ Thus did she, an hour together, transshape thy particular virtues: yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou wast the properest man in Italy.

  Claudio

  For the which she wept heartily and said she cared not.

  Don Pedro

  Yea, that she did: but yet, for all that, an if she did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly: the old man’s daughter told us all.

  Claudio

  All, all; and, moreover, God saw him when he was hid in the garden.

  Don Pedro

  But when shall we set the savage bull’s horns on the sensible Benedick’s head?

  Claudio

  Yea, and text underneath, ‘Here dwells Benedick the married man’?

  Benedick

  Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave you now to your gossip-like humour: you break jests as braggarts do their blades, which God be thanked, hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank you: I must discontinue your company: your brother the bastard is fled from Messina: you have among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet: and, till then, peace be with him.

  Exit

  Don Pedro

  He is in earnest.

  Claudio

  In most profound earnest; and, I’ll warrant you, for the love of Beatrice.

  Don Pedro

  And hath challenged thee.

  Claudio

  Most sincerely.

  Don Pedro

  What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!

  Claudio

  He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a doctor to such a man.

  Don Pedro

  But, soft you, let me be: pluck up, my heart, and be sad. Did he not say, my brother was fled?

  Enter Dogberry, Verges, and the Watch, with Conrade and Borachio

  Dogberry

  Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she shall ne’er weigh more reasons in her balance: nay, an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.

  Don Pedro

  How now? two of my brother’s men bound! Borachio one!

  Claudio

  Hearken after their offence, my lord.

  Don Pedro

  Officers, what offence have these men done?

  Dogberry

  Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and, to conclude, they are lying knaves.

  Don Pedro

  First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee what’s their offence; sixth and lastly, why they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay to their charge.

  Claudio

  Rightly reasoned, and in his own division: and, by my troth, there’s one meaning well suited.

  Don Pedro

  Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? this learned constable is too cunning to be understood: what’s your offence?

  Borachio

  Sweet prince, let me go no farther to mine answer: do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light: who in the night overheard me confessing to this man how Don John your brother incensed me to slander the Lady Hero, how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s garments, how you disgraced her, when you should marry her: my villany they have upon record; which I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master’s false accusation; and, briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.

  Don Pedro

  Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?

  Claudio

  I have drunk poison whiles he utter’d it.

  Don Pedro

  But did my brother set thee on to this?

  Borachio

  Yea, and paid me richly for the practise of it.

  Don Pedro

  He is composed and framed of treachery:

  And fled he is upon this villany.

  Claudio

  Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear

  In the rare semblance that I loved it first.

  Dogberry

  Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter: and, masters, do not forget to specify, when time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.

  Verges

  Here, here comes master Signior Leonato, and the

  Sexton too.

  Re-enter Leonato and Antonio, with the Sexton

  Leonato

  Which is the villain? let me see his eyes,

  That, when I note another man like him,

  I may avoid him: which of these is he?

  Borachio

  If you would know your wronger, look on me.

  Leonato

  Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill’d

  Mine innocent child?

  Borachio

  Yea, even I alone.

  Leonato

  No, not so, villain; thou beliest thyself:

  Here stand a pair of honourable men;

  A third is fled, that had a hand in it.

  I thank you, princes, for my daughter’s death:

  Record it with your high and worthy deeds:

  ’Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it.

  Claudio

  I know not how to pray your patience;

  Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself;

  Impose me to what penance your invention

  Can lay upon my sin: yet sinn’d I not

  But in mistaking.

  Don Pedro

  By my soul, nor I:

  And yet, to satisfy this good old man,

  I would bend under any heavy weight

  That he’ll enjoin me to.

  Leonato

  I cannot bid you bid my daughter live;

  That were impossible: but, I pray you both,

  Possess the people in Messina here

  How innocent she died; and if your love

  Can labour ought in sad invention,

  Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb

  And sing it to her bones, sing it to-night:

  To-morrow morning come you to my house,

  And since you could not be my son-in-law,

  Be yet my nephew: my brother hath a daughter,

  Almost the copy of my child that’s dead,

  And she alone is heir to both of us:

  Give her the right you should have given her cousin,

  And so dies my revenge.

  Claudio

  O noble sir,

  Your over-kindness doth wring tears from me!

  I do embrace your offer; and dispose

  For henceforth of poor Claudio.

  Leonato

  To-morrow then I will expect your coming;

  To-night I take my leave. T
his naughty man

  Shall face to face be brought to Margaret,

  Who I believe was pack’d in all this wrong,

  Hired to it by your brother.

  Borachio

  No, by my soul, she was not,

  Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me,

  But always hath been just and virtuous

  In any thing that I do know by her.

  Dogberry

  Moreover, sir, which indeed is not under white and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did call me ass: I beseech you, let it be remembered in his punishment. And also, the watch heard them talk of one Deformed: they say be wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it, and borrows money in God’s name, the which he hath used so long and never paid that now men grow hard-hearted and will lend nothing for God’s sake: pray you, examine him upon that point.

  Leonato

  I thank thee for thy care and honest pains.

  Dogberry

  Your worship speaks like a most thankful and reverend youth; and I praise God for you.

  Leonato

  There’s for thy pains.

  Dogberry

  God save the foundation!

  Leonato

  Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee.

  Dogberry

  I leave an arrant knave with your worship; which I beseech your worship to correct yourself, for the example of others. God keep your worship! I wish your worship well; God restore you to health! I humbly give you leave to depart; and if a merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit it! Come, neighbour.

  Exeunt Dogberry and Verges

  Leonato

  Until to-morrow morning, lords, farewell.

  Antonio

  Farewell, my lords: we look for you to-morrow.

  Don Pedro

  We will not fail.

  Claudio

  To-night I’ll mourn with Hero.

  Leonato

  [To the Watch] Bring you these fellows on. We’ll talk with Margaret, How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow.

  Exeunt, severally

  SCENE II. LEONATO’S GARDEN.

  Enter Benedick and Margaret, meeting

  Benedick

  Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at my hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.

  Margaret

  Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my beauty?

  Benedick

  In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall come over it; for, in most comely truth, thou deservest it.

  Margaret

  To have no man come over me! why, shall I always keep below stairs?

  Benedick

  Thy wit is as quick as the greyhound’s mouth; it catches.

  Margaret

  And yours as blunt as the fencer’s foils, which hit, but hurt not.

  Benedick

  A most manly wit, Margaret; it will not hurt a woman: and so, I pray thee, call Beatrice: I give thee the bucklers.