Complete Plays, The

by William Shakespeare

  Katharina

  I’faith, sir, you shall never need to fear:

  I wis it is not half way to her heart;

  But if it were, doubt not her care should be

  To comb your noddle with a three-legg’d stool

  And paint your face and use you like a fool.

  Hortensio

  From all such devils, good Lord deliver us!

  Gremio

  And me too, good Lord!

  Tranio

  Hush, master! here’s some good pastime toward:

  That wench is stark mad or wonderful froward.

  Lucentio

  But in the other’s silence do I see

  Maid’s mild behavior and sobriety.

  Peace, Tranio!

  Tranio

  Well said, master; mum! and gaze your fill.

  Baptista

  Gentlemen, that I may soon make good

  What I have said, Bianca, get you in:

  And let it not displease thee, good Bianca,

  For I will love thee ne’er the less, my girl.

  Katharina

  A pretty peat! it is best

  Put finger in the eye, an she knew why.

  Bianca

  Sister, content you in my discontent.

  Sir, to your pleasure humbly I subscribe:

  My books and instruments shall be my company,

  On them to took and practise by myself.

  Lucentio

  Hark, Tranio! thou may’st hear Minerva speak.

  Hortensio

  Signior Baptista, will you be so strange?

  Sorry am I that our good will effects

  Bianca’s grief.

  Gremio

  Why will you mew her up,

  Signior Baptista, for this fiend of hell,

  And make her bear the penance of her tongue?

  Baptista

  Gentlemen, content ye; I am resolved:

  Go in, Bianca:

  Exit Bianca

  And for I know she taketh most delight

  In music, instruments and poetry,

  Schoolmasters will I keep within my house,

  Fit to instruct her youth. If you, Hortensio,

  Or Signior Gremio, you, know any such,

  Prefer them hither; for to cunning men

  I will be very kind, and liberal

  To mine own children in good bringing up:

  And so farewell. Katharina, you may stay;

  For I have more to commune with Bianca.

  Exit

  Katharina

  Why, and I trust I may go too, may I not? What, shall I be appointed hours; as though, belike, I knew not what to take and what to leave, ha?

  Exit

  Gremio

  You may go to the devil’s dam: your gifts are so good, here’s none will hold you. Their love is not so great, Hortensio, but we may blow our nails together, and fast it fairly out: our cakes dough on both sides. Farewell: yet for the love I bear my sweet Bianca, if I can by any means light on a fit man to teach her that wherein she delights, I will wish him to her father.

  Hortensio

  So will I, Signior Gremio: but a word, I pray. Though the nature of our quarrel yet never brooked parle, know now, upon advice, it toucheth us both, that we may yet again have access to our fair mistress and be happy rivals in Bianco’s love, to labour and effect one thing specially.

  Gremio

  What’s that, I pray?

  Hortensio

  Marry, sir, to get a husband for her sister.

  Gremio

  A husband! a devil.

  Hortensio

  I say, a husband.

  Gremio

  I say, a devil. Thinkest thou, Hortensio, though her father be very rich, any man is so very a fool to be married to hell?

  Hortensio

  Tush, Gremio, though it pass your patience and mine to endure her loud alarums, why, man, there be good fellows in the world, an a man could light on them, would take her with all faults, and money enough.

  Gremio

  I cannot tell; but I had as lief take her dowry with this condition, to be whipped at the high cross every morning.

  Hortensio

  Faith, as you say, there’s small choice in rotten apples. But come; since this bar in law makes us friends, it shall be so far forth friendly maintained all by helping Baptista’s eldest daughter to a husband we set his youngest free for a husband, and then have to’t a fresh. Sweet Bianca! Happy man be his dole! He that runs fastest gets the ring. How say you, Signior Gremio?

  Gremio

  I am agreed; and would I had given him the best horse in Padua to begin his wooing that would thoroughly woo her, wed her and bed her and rid the house of her! Come on.

  Exeunt Gremio and Hortensio

  Tranio

  I pray, sir, tell me, is it possible

  That love should of a sudden take such hold?

  Lucentio

  O Tranio, till I found it to be true,

  I never thought it possible or likely;

  But see, while idly I stood looking on,

  I found the effect of love in idleness:

  And now in plainness do confess to thee,

  That art to me as secret and as dear

  As Anna to the queen of Carthage was,

  Tranio, I burn, I pine, I perish, Tranio,

  If I achieve not this young modest girl.

  Counsel me, Tranio, for I know thou canst;

  Assist me, Tranio, for I know thou wilt.

  Tranio

  Master, it is no time to chide you now;

  Affection is not rated from the heart:

  If love have touch’d you, nought remains but so,

  ‘Redime te captum quam queas minimo.’

  Lucentio

  Gramercies, lad, go forward; this contents:

  The rest will comfort, for thy counsel’s sound.

  Tranio

  Master, you look’d so longly on the maid,

  Perhaps you mark’d not what’s the pith of all.

  Lucentio

  O yes, I saw sweet beauty in her face,

  Such as the daughter of Agenor had,

  That made great Jove to humble him to her hand.

  When with his knees he kiss’d the Cretan strand.

  Tranio

  Saw you no more? mark’d you not how her sister

  Began to scold and raise up such a storm

  That mortal ears might hardly endure the din?

  Lucentio

  Tranio, I saw her coral lips to move

  And with her breath she did perfume the air:

  Sacred and sweet was all I saw in her.

  Tranio

  Nay, then, ’tis time to stir him from his trance.

  I pray, awake, sir: if you love the maid,

  Bend thoughts and wits to achieve her. Thus it stands:

  Her eldest sister is so curst and shrewd

  That till the father rid his hands of her,

  Master, your love must live a maid at home;

  And therefore has he closely mew’d her up,

  Because she will not be annoy’d with suitors.

  Lucentio

  Ah, Tranio, what a cruel father’s he!

  But art thou not advised, he took some care

  To get her cunning schoolmasters to instruct her?

  Tranio

  Ay, marry, am I, sir; and now ’tis plotted.

  Lucentio

  I have it, Tranio.

  Tranio

  Master, for my hand,

  Both our inventions meet and jump in one.

  Lucentio

  Tell me thine first.

  Tranio

  You will be schoolmaster

  And undertake the teaching of the maid:

  That’s your device.

  Lucentio

  It is: may it be done?

  Tranio

  Not possible; for who shall bear your part,

  And be in Padua here Vincentio’s s
on,

  Keep house and ply his book, welcome his friends,

  Visit his countrymen and banquet them?

  Lucentio

  Basta; content thee, for I have it full.

  We have not yet been seen in any house,

  Nor can we lie distinguish’d by our faces

  For man or master; then it follows thus;

  Thou shalt be master, Tranio, in my stead,

  Keep house and port and servants as I should:

  I will some other be, some Florentine,

  Some Neapolitan, or meaner man of Pisa.

  ’Tis hatch’d and shall be so: Tranio, at once

  Uncase thee; take my colour’d hat and cloak:

  When Biondello comes, he waits on thee;

  But I will charm him first to keep his tongue.

  Tranio

  So had you need.

  In brief, sir, sith it your pleasure is,

  And I am tied to be obedient;

  For so your father charged me at our parting,

  ‘Be serviceable to my son,’ quoth he,

  Although I think ’twas in another sense;

  I am content to be Lucentio,

  Because so well I love Lucentio.

  Lucentio

  Tranio, be so, because Lucentio loves:

  And let me be a slave, to achieve that maid

  Whose sudden sight hath thrall’d my wounded eye.

  Here comes the rogue.

  Enter Biondello

  Sirrah, where have you been?

  Biondello

  Where have I been! Nay, how now! where are you? Master, has my fellow Tranio stolen your clothes? Or you stolen his? or both? pray, what’s the news?

  Lucentio

  Sirrah, come hither: ’tis no time to jest,

  And therefore frame your manners to the time.

  Your fellow Tranio here, to save my life,

  Puts my apparel and my countenance on,

  And I for my escape have put on his;

  For in a quarrel since I came ashore

  I kill’d a man and fear I was descried:

  Wait you on him, I charge you, as becomes,

  While I make way from hence to save my life:

  You understand me?

  Biondello

  I, sir! ne’er a whit.

  Lucentio

  And not a jot of Tranio in your mouth:

  Tranio is changed into Lucentio.

  Biondello

  The better for him: would I were so too!

  Tranio

  So could I, faith, boy, to have the next wish after,

  That Lucentio indeed had Baptista’s youngest daughter.

  But, sirrah, not for my sake, but your master’s, I advise

  You use your manners discreetly in all kind of companies:

  When I am alone, why, then I am Tranio;

  But in all places else your master Lucentio.

  Lucentio

  Tranio, let’s go: one thing more rests, that thyself execute, to make one among these wooers: if thou ask me why, sufficeth, my reasons are both good and weighty.

  Exeunt

  The presenters above speak

  First Servant

  My lord, you nod; you do not mind the play.

  Sly

  Yes, by Saint Anne, do I. A good matter, surely: comes there any more of it?

  Page

  My lord, ’tis but begun.

  Sly

  ’Tis a very excellent piece of work, madam lady: would ’twere done!

  They sit and mark

  SCENE II. PADUA. BEFORE HORTENSIO’S HOUSE.

  Enter Petruchio and his man Grumio

  Petruchio

  Verona, for a while I take my leave,

  To see my friends in Padua, but of all

  My best beloved and approved friend,

  Hortensio; and I trow this is his house.

  Here, sirrah Grumio; knock, I say.

  Grumio

  Knock, sir! whom should I knock? is there man has rebused your worship?

  Petruchio

  Villain, I say, knock me here soundly.

  Grumio

  Knock you here, sir! why, sir, what am I, sir, that

  I should knock you here, sir?

  Petruchio

  Villain, I say, knock me at this gate

  And rap me well, or I’ll knock your knave’s pate.

  Grumio

  My master is grown quarrelsome. I should knock you first, And then I know after who comes by the worst.

  Petruchio

  Will it not be?

  Faith, sirrah, an you’ll not knock, I’ll ring it;

  I’ll try how you can sol, fa, and sing it.

  He wrings him by the ears

  Grumio

  Help, masters, help! my master is mad.

  Petruchio

  Now, knock when I bid you, sirrah villain!

  Enter Hortensio

  Hortensio

  How now! what’s the matter? My old friend Grumio! and my good friend Petruchio! How do you all at Verona?

  Petruchio

  Signior Hortensio, come you to part the fray?

  ‘Con tutto il cuore, ben trovato,’ may I say.

  Hortensio

  ‘Alla nostra casa ben venuto, molto honorato signor mio Petruchio.’ Rise, Grumio, rise: we will compound this quarrel.

  Grumio

  Nay, ’tis no matter, sir, what he ’leges in Latin. if this be not a lawful case for me to leave his service, look you, sir, he bid me knock him and rap him soundly, sir: well, was it fit for a servant to use his master so, being perhaps, for aught I see, two and thirty, a pip out? Whom would to God I had well knock’d at first, Then had not Grumio come by the worst.

  Petruchio

  A senseless villain! Good Hortensio,

  I bade the rascal knock upon your gate

  And could not get him for my heart to do it.

  Grumio

  Knock at the gate! O heavens! Spake you not these words plain, ‘sirrah, knock me here, rap me here, knock me well, and knock me soundly’? And come you now with, ‘knocking at the gate’?

  Petruchio

  Sirrah, be gone, or talk not, I advise you.

  Hortensio

  Petruchio, patience; I am Grumio’s pledge:

  Why, this’s a heavy chance ’twixt him and you,

  Your ancient, trusty, pleasant servant Grumio.

  And tell me now, sweet friend, what happy gale

  Blows you to Padua here from old Verona?

  Petruchio

  Such wind as scatters young men through the world,

  To seek their fortunes farther than at home

  Where small experience grows. But in a few,

  Signior Hortensio, thus it stands with me:

  Antonio, my father, is deceased;

  And I have thrust myself into this maze,

  Haply to wive and thrive as best I may:

  Crowns in my purse I have and goods at home,

  And so am come abroad to see the world.

  Hortensio

  Petruchio, shall I then come roundly to thee

  And wish thee to a shrewd ill-favour’d wife?

  Thou’ldst thank me but a little for my counsel:

  And yet I’ll promise thee she shall be rich

  And very rich: but thou’rt too much my friend,

  And I’ll not wish thee to her.

  Petruchio

  Signior Hortensio, ’twixt such friends as we

  Few words suffice; and therefore, if thou know

  One rich enough to be Petruchio’s wife,

  As wealth is burden of my wooing dance,

  Be she as foul as was Florentius’ love,

  As old as Sibyl and as curst and shrewd

  As Socrates’ Xanthippe, or a worse,

  She moves me not, or not removes, at least,

  Affection’s edge in me, were she as rough

  As are the swelling Adriatic seas:

  I come to wi
ve it wealthily in Padua;

  If wealthily, then happily in Padua.

  Grumio

  Nay, look you, sir, he tells you flatly what his mind is: Why give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet or an aglet-baby; or an old trot with ne’er a tooth in her head, though she have as many diseases as two and fifty horses: why, nothing comes amiss, so money comes withal.

  Hortensio

  Petruchio, since we are stepp’d thus far in,

  I will continue that I broach’d in jest.

  I can, Petruchio, help thee to a wife

  With wealth enough and young and beauteous,

  Brought up as best becomes a gentlewoman:

  Her only fault, and that is faults enough,

  Is that she is intolerable curst

  And shrewd and froward, so beyond all measure

  That, were my state far worser than it is,

  I would not wed her for a mine of gold.

  Petruchio

  Hortensio, peace! thou know’st not gold’s effect:

  Tell me her father’s name and ’tis enough;

  For I will board her, though she chide as loud

  As thunder when the clouds in autumn crack.

  Hortensio

  Her father is Baptista Minola,

  An affable and courteous gentleman:

  Her name is Katharina Minola,

  Renown’d in Padua for her scolding tongue.

  Petruchio

  I know her father, though I know not her;

  And he knew my deceased father well.

  I will not sleep, Hortensio, till I see her;

  And therefore let me be thus bold with you

  To give you over at this first encounter,

  Unless you will accompany me thither.

  Grumio

  I pray you, sir, let him go while the humour lasts. O’ my word, an she knew him as well as I do, she would think scolding would do little good upon him: she may perhaps call him half a score knaves or so: why, that’s nothing; an he begin once, he’ll rail in his rope-tricks. I’ll tell you what sir, an she stand him but a little, he will throw a figure in her face and so disfigure her with it that she shall have no more eyes to see withal than a cat. You know him not, sir.

  Hortensio

  Tarry, Petruchio, I must go with thee,

  For in Baptista’s keep my treasure is:

  He hath the jewel of my life in hold,

  His youngest daughter, beautiful Binaca,

  And her withholds from me and other more,

  Suitors to her and rivals in my love,

  Supposing it a thing impossible,

  For those defects I have before rehearsed,

  That ever Katharina will be woo’d;

  Therefore this order hath Baptista ta’en,

  That none shall have access unto Bianca

  Till Katharina the curst have got a husband.

  Grumio

  Katharina the curst!

  A title for a maid of all titles the worst.