Complete Plays, The

by William Shakespeare

  Tranio

  Among them know you one Vincentio?

  Pedant

  I know him not, but I have heard of him;

  A merchant of incomparable wealth.

  Tranio

  He is my father, sir; and, sooth to say,

  In countenance somewhat doth resemble you.

  Biondello

  [Aside] As much as an apple doth an oyster, and all one.

  Tranio

  To save your life in this extremity,

  This favour will I do you for his sake;

  And think it not the worst of an your fortunes

  That you are like to Sir Vincentio.

  His name and credit shall you undertake,

  And in my house you shall be friendly lodged:

  Look that you take upon you as you should;

  You understand me, sir: so shall you stay

  Till you have done your business in the city:

  If this be courtesy, sir, accept of it.

  Pedant

  O sir, I do; and will repute you ever

  The patron of my life and liberty.

  Tranio

  Then go with me to make the matter good.

  This, by the way, I let you understand;

  My father is here look’d for every day,

  To pass assurance of a dower in marriage

  ’Twixt me and one Baptista’s daughter here:

  In all these circumstances I’ll instruct you:

  Go with me to clothe you as becomes you.

  Exeunt

  SCENE III. A ROOM IN PETRUCHIO’S HOUSE.

  Enter Katharina and Grumio

  Grumio

  No, no, forsooth; I dare not for my life.

  Katharina

  The more my wrong, the more his spite appears:

  What, did he marry me to famish me?

  Beggars, that come unto my father’s door,

  Upon entreaty have a present aims;

  If not, elsewhere they meet with charity:

  But I, who never knew how to entreat,

  Nor never needed that I should entreat,

  Am starved for meat, giddy for lack of sleep,

  With oath kept waking and with brawling fed:

  And that which spites me more than all these wants,

  He does it under name of perfect love;

  As who should say, if I should sleep or eat,

  ’Twere deadly sickness or else present death.

  I prithee go and get me some repast;

  I care not what, so it be wholesome food.

  Grumio

  What say you to a neat’s foot?

  Katharina

  ’Tis passing good: I prithee let me have it.

  Grumio

  I fear it is too choleric a meat.

  How say you to a fat tripe finely broil’d?

  Katharina

  I like it well: good Grumio, fetch it me.

  Grumio

  I cannot tell; I fear ’tis choleric.

  What say you to a piece of beef and mustard?

  Katharina

  A dish that I do love to feed upon.

  Grumio

  Ay, but the mustard is too hot a little.

  Katharina

  Why then, the beef, and let the mustard rest.

  Grumio

  Nay then, I will not: you shall have the mustard,

  Or else you get no beef of Grumio.

  Katharina

  Then both, or one, or any thing thou wilt.

  Grumio

  Why then, the mustard without the beef.

  Katharina

  Go, get thee gone, thou false deluding slave,

  Beats him

  That feed’st me with the very name of meat:

  Sorrow on thee and all the pack of you,

  That triumph thus upon my misery!

  Go, get thee gone, I say.

  Enter Petruchio and Hortensio with meat

  Petruchio

  How fares my Kate? What, sweeting, all amort?

  Hortensio

  Mistress, what cheer?

  Katharina

  Faith, as cold as can be.

  Petruchio

  Pluck up thy spirits; look cheerfully upon me.

  Here love; thou see’st how diligent I am

  To dress thy meat myself and bring it thee:

  I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness merits thanks.

  What, not a word? Nay, then thou lovest it not;

  And all my pains is sorted to no proof.

  Here, take away this dish.

  Katharina

  I pray you, let it stand.

  Petruchio

  The poorest service is repaid with thanks;

  And so shall mine, before you touch the meat.

  Katharina

  I thank you, sir.

  Hortensio

  Signior Petruchio, fie! you are to blame.

  Come, mistress Kate, I’ll bear you company.

  Petruchio

  [Aside] Eat it up all, Hortensio, if thou lovest me.

  Much good do it unto thy gentle heart!

  Kate, eat apace: and now, my honey love,

  Will we return unto thy father’s house

  And revel it as bravely as the best,

  With silken coats and caps and golden rings,

  With ruffs and cuffs and fardingales and things;

  With scarfs and fans and double change of bravery,

  With amber bracelets, beads and all this knavery.

  What, hast thou dined? The tailor stays thy leisure,

  To deck thy body with his ruffling treasure.

  Enter Tailor

  Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments;

  Lay forth the gown.

  Enter Haberdasher

  What news with you, sir?

  Haberdasher

  Here is the cap your worship did bespeak.

  Petruchio

  Why, this was moulded on a porringer;

  A velvet dish: fie, fie! ’tis lewd and filthy:

  Why, ’tis a cockle or a walnut-shell,

  A knack, a toy, a trick, a baby’s cap:

  Away with it! come, let me have a bigger.

  Katharina

  I’ll have no bigger: this doth fit the time,

  And gentlewomen wear such caps as these

  Petruchio

  When you are gentle, you shall have one too,

  And not till then.

  Hortensio

  [Aside] That will not be in haste.

  Katharina

  Why, sir, I trust I may have leave to speak;

  And speak I will; I am no child, no babe:

  Your betters have endured me say my mind,

  And if you cannot, best you stop your ears.

  My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,

  Or else my heart concealing it will break,

  And rather than it shall, I will be free

  Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words.

  Petruchio

  Why, thou say’st true; it is a paltry cap,

  A custard-coffin, a bauble, a silken pie:

  I love thee well, in that thou likest it not.

  Katharina

  Love me or love me not, I like the cap;

  And it I will have, or I will have none.

  Exit Haberdasher

  Petruchio

  Thy gown? why, ay: come, tailor, let us see’t.

  O mercy, God! what masquing stuff is here?

  What’s this? a sleeve? ’tis like a demi-cannon:

  What, up and down, carved like an apple-tart?

  Here’s snip and nip and cut and slish and slash,

  Like to a censer in a barber’s shop:

  Why, what, i’ devil’s name, tailor, call’st thou this?

  Hortensio

  [Aside] I see she’s like to have neither cap nor gown.

  Tailor

  You bid me make it orderly and well,

  According to the fashion and the time.


  Petruchio

  Marry, and did; but if you be remember’d,

  I did not bid you mar it to the time.

  Go, hop me over every kennel home,

  For you shall hop without my custom, sir:

  I’ll none of it: hence! make your best of it.

  Katharina

  I never saw a better-fashion’d gown,

  More quaint, more pleasing, nor more commendable:

  Belike you mean to make a puppet of me.

  Petruchio

  Why, true; he means to make a puppet of thee.

  Tailor

  She says your worship means to make a puppet of her.

  Petruchio

  O monstrous arrogance! Thou liest, thou thread, thou thimble,

  Thou yard, three-quarters, half-yard, quarter, nail!

  Thou flea, thou nit, thou winter-cricket thou!

  Braved in mine own house with a skein of thread?

  Away, thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant;

  Or I shall so be-mete thee with thy yard

  As thou shalt think on prating whilst thou livest!

  I tell thee, I, that thou hast marr’d her gown.

  Tailor

  Your worship is deceived; the gown is made

  Just as my master had direction:

  Grumio gave order how it should be done.

  Grumio

  I gave him no order; I gave him the stuff.

  Tailor

  But how did you desire it should be made?

  Grumio

  Marry, sir, with needle and thread.

  Tailor

  But did you not request to have it cut?

  Grumio

  Thou hast faced many things.

  Tailor

  I have.

  Grumio

  Face not me: thou hast braved many men; brave not me; I will neither be faced nor braved. I say unto thee, I bid thy master cut out the gown; but I did not bid him cut it to pieces: ergo, thou liest.

  Tailor

  Why, here is the note of the fashion to testify

  Petruchio

  Read it.

  Grumio

  The note lies in’s throat, if he say I said so.

  Tailor

  [Reads] ‘Imprimis, a loose-bodied gown:’

  Grumio

  Master, if ever I said loose-bodied gown, sew me in the skirts of it, and beat me to death with a bottom of brown thread: I said a gown.

  Petruchio

  Proceed.

  Tailor

  [Reads] ‘With a small compassed cape:’

  Grumio

  I confess the cape.

  Tailor

  [Reads] ‘With a trunk sleeve:’

  Grumio

  I confess two sleeves.

  Tailor

  [Reads] ‘The sleeves curiously cut.’

  Petruchio

  Ay, there’s the villany.

  Grumio

  Error i’ the bill, sir; error i’ the bill. I commanded the sleeves should be cut out and sewed up again; and that I’ll prove upon thee, though thy little finger be armed in a thimble.

  Tailor

  This is true that I say: an I had thee in place where, thou shouldst know it.

  Grumio

  I am for thee straight: take thou the bill, give me thy mete-yard, and spare not me.

  Hortensio

  God-a-mercy, Grumio! then he shall have no odds.

  Petruchio

  Well, sir, in brief, the gown is not for me.

  Grumio

  You are i’ the right, sir: ’tis for my mistress.

  Petruchio

  Go, take it up unto thy master’s use.

  Grumio

  Villain, not for thy life: take up my mistress’ gown for thy master’s use!

  Petruchio

  Why, sir, what’s your conceit in that?

  Grumio

  O, sir, the conceit is deeper than you think for:

  Take up my mistress’ gown to his master’s use!

  O, fie, fie, fie!

  Petruchio

  [Aside] Hortensio, say thou wilt see the tailor paid.

  Go take it hence; be gone, and say no more.

  Hortensio

  Tailor, I’ll pay thee for thy gown tomorrow:

  Take no unkindness of his hasty words:

  Away! I say; commend me to thy master.

  Exit Tailor

  Petruchio

  Well, come, my Kate; we will unto your father’s

  Even in these honest mean habiliments:

  Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor;

  For ’tis the mind that makes the body rich;

  And as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds,

  So honour peereth in the meanest habit.

  What is the jay more precious than the lark,

  Because his fathers are more beautiful?

  Or is the adder better than the eel,

  Because his painted skin contents the eye?

  O, no, good Kate; neither art thou the worse

  For this poor furniture and mean array.

  If thou account’st it shame. lay it on me;

  And therefore frolic: we will hence forthwith,

  To feast and sport us at thy father’s house.

  Go, call my men, and let us straight to him;

  And bring our horses unto Long-lane end;

  There will we mount, and thither walk on foot

  Let’s see; I think ’tis now some seven o’clock,

  And well we may come there by dinner-time.

  Katharina

  I dare assure you, sir, ’tis almost two;

  And ’twill be supper-time ere you come there.

  Petruchio

  It shall be seven ere I go to horse:

  Look, what I speak, or do, or think to do,

  You are still crossing it. Sirs, let’t alone:

  I will not go to-day; and ere I do,

  It shall be what o’clock I say it is.

  Hortensio

  [Aside] Why, so this gallant will command the sun.

  Exeunt

  SCENE IV. PADUA. BEFORE BAPTISTA’S HOUSE.

  Enter Tranio, and the Pedant dressed like Vincentio

  Tranio

  Sir, this is the house: please it you that I call?

  Pedant

  Ay, what else? and but I be deceived

  Signior Baptista may remember me,

  Near twenty years ago, in Genoa,

  Where we were lodgers at the Pegasus.

  Tranio

  ’Tis well; and hold your own, in any case,

  With such austerity as ’longeth to a father.

  Pedant

  I warrant you.

  Enter Biondello

  But, sir, here comes your boy;

  ’Twere good he were school’d.

  Tranio

  Fear you not him. Sirrah Biondello,

  Now do your duty throughly, I advise you:

  Imagine ’twere the right Vincentio.

  Biondello

  Tut, fear not me.

  Tranio

  But hast thou done thy errand to Baptista?

  Biondello

  I told him that your father was at Venice,

  And that you look’d for him this day in Padua.

  Tranio

  Thou’rt a tall fellow: hold thee that to drink.

  Here comes Baptista: set your countenance, sir.

  Enter Baptista and Lucentio

  Signior Baptista, you are happily met.

  To the Pedant

  Sir, this is the gentleman I told you of:

  I pray you stand good father to me now,

  Give me Bianca for my patrimony.

  Pedant

  Soft son!

  Sir, by your leave: having come to Padua

  To gather in some debts, my son Lucentio

  Made me acquainted with a weighty cause

  Of love between your daughter and himself:

  And, for th
e good report I hear of you

  And for the love he beareth to your daughter

  And she to him, to stay him not too long,

  I am content, in a good father’s care,

  To have him match’d; and if you please to like

  No worse than I, upon some agreement

  Me shall you find ready and willing

  With one consent to have her so bestow’d;

  For curious I cannot be with you,

  Signior Baptista, of whom I hear so well.

  Baptista

  Sir, pardon me in what I have to say:

  Your plainness and your shortness please me well.

  Right true it is, your son Lucentio here

  Doth love my daughter and she loveth him,

  Or both dissemble deeply their affections:

  And therefore, if you say no more than this,

  That like a father you will deal with him

  And pass my daughter a sufficient dower,

  The match is made, and all is done:

  Your son shall have my daughter with consent.

  Tranio

  I thank you, sir. Where then do you know best

  We be affied and such assurance ta’en

  As shall with either part’s agreement stand?

  Baptista

  Not in my house, Lucentio; for, you know,

  Pitchers have ears, and I have many servants:

  Besides, old Gremio is hearkening still;

  And happily we might be interrupted.

  Tranio

  Then at my lodging, an it like you:

  There doth my father lie; and there, this night,

  We’ll pass the business privately and well.

  Send for your daughter by your servant here:

  My boy shall fetch the scrivener presently.

  The worst is this, that, at so slender warning,

  You are like to have a thin and slender pittance.

  Baptista

  It likes me well. Biondello, hie you home,

  And bid Bianca make her ready straight;

  And, if you will, tell what hath happened,

  Lucentio’s father is arrived in Padua,

  And how she’s like to be Lucentio’s wife.

  Biondello

  I pray the gods she may with all my heart!

  Tranio

  Dally not with the gods, but get thee gone.

  Exit Biondello

  Signior Baptista, shall I lead the way?

  Welcome! one mess is like to be your cheer:

  Come, sir; we will better it in Pisa.

  Baptista

  I follow you.

  Exeunt Tranio, Pedant, and Baptista

  Re-enter Biondello

  Biondello

  Cambio!

  Lucentio

  What sayest thou, Biondello?

  Biondello

  You saw my master wink and laugh upon you?

  Lucentio

  Biondello, what of that?

  Biondello

  Faith, nothing; but has left me here behind, to expound the meaning or moral of his signs and tokens.

  Lucentio

  I pray thee, moralize them.