Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.
Viola
And all those sayings will I overswear;
And those swearings keep as true in soul
As doth that orbed continent the fire
That severs day from night.
Duke Orsino
Give me thy hand;
And let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.
Viola
The captain that did bring me first on shore
Hath my maid’s garments: he upon some action
Is now in durance, at Malvolio’s suit,
A gentleman, and follower of my lady’s.
Olivia
He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
And yet, alas, now I remember me,
They say, poor gentleman, he’s much distract.
Re-enter Clown with a letter, and Fabian
A most extracting frenzy of mine own
From my remembrance clearly banish’d his.
How does he, sirrah?
Clown
Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves’s end as well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a letter to you; I should have given’t you to-day morning, but as a madman’s epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much when they are delivered.
Olivia
Open’t, and read it.
Clown
Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers the madman.
Reads
‘By the Lord, madam,’—
Olivia
How now! art thou mad?
Clown
No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.
Olivia
Prithee, read i’ thy right wits.
Clown
So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.
Olivia
Read it you, sirrah.
To Fabian
Fabian
[Reads] ‘By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of and speak out of my injury. The Madly-Used Malvolio.’
Olivia
Did he write this?
Clown
Ay, madam.
Duke Orsino
This savours not much of distraction.
Olivia
See him deliver’d, Fabian; bring him hither.
Exit Fabian
My lord so please you, these things further thought on,
To think me as well a sister as a wife,
One day shall crown the alliance on’t, so please you,
Here at my house and at my proper cost.
Duke Orsino
Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.
To Viola
Your master quits you; and for your service done him,
So much against the mettle of your sex,
So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
And since you call’d me master for so long,
Here is my hand: you shall from this time be
Your master’s mistress.
Olivia
A sister! you are she.
Re-enter Fabian, with Malvolio
Duke Orsino
Is this the madman?
Olivia
Ay, my lord, this same.
How now, Malvolio!
Malvolio
Madam, you have done me wrong,
Notorious wrong.
Olivia
Have I, Malvolio? no.
Malvolio
Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
You must not now deny it is your hand:
Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;
Or say ’tis not your seal, nor your invention:
You can say none of this: well, grant it then
And tell me, in the modesty of honour,
Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,
Bade me come smiling and cross-garter’d to you,
To put on yellow stockings and to frown
Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;
And, acting this in an obedient hope,
Why have you suffer’d me to be imprison’d,
Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
And made the most notorious geck and gull
That e’er invention play’d on? tell me why.
Olivia
Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
Though, I confess, much like the character
But out of question ’tis Maria’s hand.
And now I do bethink me, it was she
First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,
And in such forms which here were presupposed
Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:
This practise hath most shrewdly pass’d upon thee;
But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
Of thine own cause.
Fabian
Good madam, hear me speak,
And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
Taint the condition of this present hour,
Which I have wonder’d at. In hope it shall not,
Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
Set this device against Malvolio here,
Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
We had conceived against him: Maria writ
The letter at Sir Toby’s great importance;
In recompense whereof he hath married her.
How with a sportful malice it was follow’d,
May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
If that the injuries be justly weigh’d
That have on both sides pass’d.
Olivia
Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!
Clown
Why, ‘some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.’ I was one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that’s all one. ‘By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.’ But do you remember? ‘Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? an you smile not, he’s gagged:’ and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.
Malvolio
I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you.
Exit
Olivia
He hath been most notoriously abused.
Duke Orsino
Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:
He hath not told us of the captain yet:
When that is known and golden time convents,
A solemn combination shall be made
Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,
We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;
For so you shall be, while you are a man;
But when in other habits you are seen,
Orsino’s mistress and his fancy’s queen.
Exeunt all, except Clown
Clown
[Sings]
When that I was and a little tiny boy,
With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
A foolish thing was but a toy,
For the rain it raineth every day.
But when I came to man’s estate,
With hey, ho, & c.
’Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
For the rain, & c.
But when I came, alas! to wive,
With hey, ho, & c.
By swaggering could I never thrive,
For the rain, & c.
But when I came unto my beds,
With hey, ho
, & c.
With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
For the rain, & c.
A great while ago the world begun,
With hey, ho, & c.
But that’s all one, our play is done,
And we’ll strive to please you every day.
Exit
The Two Gentlemen of Verona
TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY
ACT I
SCENE I. VERONA. AN OPEN PLACE.
SCENE II. THE SAME. GARDEN OF JULIA’S HOUSE.
SCENE III. THE SAME. ANTONIO’S HOUSE.
ACT II
SCENE I. MILAN. THE DUKE’S PALACE.
SCENE II. VERONA. JULIA’S HOUSE.
SCENE III. THE SAME. A STREET.
SCENE IV. MILAN. THE DUKE’S PALACE.
SCENE V. THE SAME. A STREET.
SCENE VI. THE SAME. THE DUKE’S PALACE.
SCENE VII. VERONA. JULIA’S HOUSE.
ACT III
SCENE I. MILAN. THE DUKE’S PALACE.
SCENE II. THE SAME. THE DUKE’S PALACE.
ACT IV
SCENE I. THE FRONTIERS OF MANTUA. A FOREST.
SCENE II. MILAN. OUTSIDE THE DUKE’S PALACE, UNDER SILVIA’S CHAMBER.
SCENE III. THE SAME.
SCENE IV. THE SAME.
ACT V
SCENE I. MILAN. AN ABBEY.
SCENE II. THE SAME. THE DUKE’S PALACE.
SCENE III. THE FRONTIERS OF MANTUA. THE FOREST.
SCENE IV. ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST.
CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY
Duke Of Milan, Father to Silvia.
Valentine and Proteus, two Gentlemen.
Antonio, Father to Proteus.
Thurio, a foolish rival to Valentine.
Eglamour, agent for Silvia in her escape.
Host, where Julia lodges.
Outlaws with Valentine.
Speed, a clownish servant to Valentine.
Launce, the like to Proteus.
Panthino, servant to Antonio.
Julia, beloved of Proteus.
Silvia, beloved of Valentine.
Lucetta, waiting-woman to Julia.
Servants, Musicians.
Scene: Verona; Milan; the frontiers of Mantua.
ACT I
SCENE I. VERONA. AN OPEN PLACE.
Enter Valentine and Proteus
Valentine
Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus:
Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.
Were’t not affection chains thy tender days
To the sweet glances of thy honour’d love,
I rather would entreat thy company
To see the wonders of the world abroad,
Than, living dully sluggardized at home,
Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.
But since thou lovest, love still and thrive therein,
Even as I would when I to love begin.
Proteus
Wilt thou be gone? Sweet Valentine, adieu!
Think on thy Proteus, when thou haply seest
Some rare note-worthy object in thy travel:
Wish me partaker in thy happiness
When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy danger,
If ever danger do environ thee,
Commend thy grievance to my holy prayers,
For I will be thy beadsman, Valentine.
Valentine
And on a love-book pray for my success?
Proteus
Upon some book I love I’ll pray for thee.
Valentine
That’s on some shallow story of deep love:
How young Leander cross’d the Hellespont.
Proteus
That’s a deep story of a deeper love:
For he was more than over shoes in love.
Valentine
’Tis true; for you are over boots in love,
And yet you never swum the Hellespont.
Proteus
Over the boots? nay, give me not the boots.
Valentine
No, I will not, for it boots thee not.
Proteus
What?
Valentine
To be in love, where scorn is bought with groans;
Coy looks with heart-sore sighs; one fading moment’s mirth
With twenty watchful, weary, tedious nights:
If haply won, perhaps a hapless gain;
If lost, why then a grievous labour won;
However, but a folly bought with wit,
Or else a wit by folly vanquished.
Proteus
So, by your circumstance, you call me fool.
Valentine
So, by your circumstance, I fear you’ll prove.
Proteus
’Tis love you cavil at: I am not Love.
Valentine
Love is your master, for he masters you:
And he that is so yoked by a fool,
Methinks, should not be chronicled for wise.
Proteus
Yet writers say, as in the sweetest bud
The eating canker dwells, so eating love
Inhabits in the finest wits of all.
Valentine
And writers say, as the most forward bud
Is eaten by the canker ere it blow,
Even so by love the young and tender wit
Is turn’d to folly, blasting in the bud,
Losing his verdure even in the prime
And all the fair effects of future hopes.
But wherefore waste I time to counsel thee,
That art a votary to fond desire?
Once more adieu! my father at the road
Expects my coming, there to see me shipp’d.
Proteus
And thither will I bring thee, Valentine.
Valentine
Sweet Proteus, no; now let us take our leave.
To Milan let me hear from thee by letters
Of thy success in love, and what news else
Betideth here in absence of thy friend;
And likewise will visit thee with mine.
Proteus
All happiness bechance to thee in Milan!
Valentine
As much to you at home! and so, farewell.
Exit
Proteus
He after honour hunts, I after love:
He leaves his friends to dignify them more,
I leave myself, my friends and all, for love.
Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,
Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,
War with good counsel, set the world at nought;
Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.
Enter Speed
Speed
Sir Proteus, save you! Saw you my master?
Proteus
But now he parted hence, to embark for Milan.
Speed
Twenty to one then he is shipp’d already,
And I have play’d the sheep in losing him.
Proteus
Indeed, a sheep doth very often stray,
An if the shepherd be a while away.
Speed
You conclude that my master is a shepherd, then, and I a sheep?
Proteus
I do.
Speed
Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.
Proteus
A silly answer and fitting well a sheep.
Speed
This proves me still a sheep.
Proteus
True; and thy master a shepherd.
Speed
Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.
Proteus
It shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another.
Speed
The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd; but I seek my master, and my master seeks not me: therefore I am no sheep.
Proteus
The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd; the s
hepherd for food follows not the sheep: thou for wages followest thy master; thy master for wages follows not thee: therefore thou art a sheep.
Speed
Such another proof will make me cry ‘baa.’
Proteus
But, dost thou hear? gavest thou my letter to Julia?
Speed
Ay sir: I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.
Proteus
Here’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons.
Speed
If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.
Proteus
Nay: in that you are astray, ’twere best pound you.
Speed
Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.
Proteus
You mistake; I mean the pound,— a pinfold.
Speed
From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over, ’Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.
Proteus
But what said she?
Speed
[First nodding] Ay.
Proteus
Nod — Ay — why, that’s noddy.
Speed
You mistook, sir; I say, she did nod: and you ask me if she did nod; and I say, ‘Ay.’
Proteus
And that set together is noddy.
Speed
Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your pains.
Proteus
No, no; you shall have it for bearing the letter.
Speed
Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.
Proteus
Why sir, how do you bear with me?
Speed
Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly; having nothing but the word ‘noddy’ for my pains.
Proteus
Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.
Speed
And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.
Proteus
Come come, open the matter in brief: what said she?
Speed
Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once delivered.
Proteus
Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she?
Speed
Truly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her.
Proteus
Why, couldst thou perceive so much from her?
Speed
Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter: and being so hard to me that brought your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token but stones; for she’s as hard as steel.
Proteus
What said she? nothing?
Speed
No, not so much as ‘Take this for thy pains.’ To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your letters yourself: and so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master.
Complete Plays, The Page 339