Complete Plays, The

by William Shakespeare

  Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times

  Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

  Viola

  And all those sayings will I overswear;

  And those swearings keep as true in soul

  As doth that orbed continent the fire

  That severs day from night.

  Duke Orsino

  Give me thy hand;

  And let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.

  Viola

  The captain that did bring me first on shore

  Hath my maid’s garments: he upon some action

  Is now in durance, at Malvolio’s suit,

  A gentleman, and follower of my lady’s.

  Olivia

  He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:

  And yet, alas, now I remember me,

  They say, poor gentleman, he’s much distract.

  Re-enter Clown with a letter, and Fabian

  A most extracting frenzy of mine own

  From my remembrance clearly banish’d his.

  How does he, sirrah?

  Clown

  Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves’s end as well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a letter to you; I should have given’t you to-day morning, but as a madman’s epistles are no gospels, so it skills not much when they are delivered.

  Olivia

  Open’t, and read it.

  Clown

  Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers the madman.

  Reads

  ‘By the Lord, madam,’—

  Olivia

  How now! art thou mad?

  Clown

  No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.

  Olivia

  Prithee, read i’ thy right wits.

  Clown

  So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.

  Olivia

  Read it you, sirrah.

  To Fabian

  Fabian

  [Reads] ‘By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the world shall know it: though you have put me into darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt not but to do myself much right, or you much shame. Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of and speak out of my injury. The Madly-Used Malvolio.’

  Olivia

  Did he write this?

  Clown

  Ay, madam.

  Duke Orsino

  This savours not much of distraction.

  Olivia

  See him deliver’d, Fabian; bring him hither.

  Exit Fabian

  My lord so please you, these things further thought on,

  To think me as well a sister as a wife,

  One day shall crown the alliance on’t, so please you,

  Here at my house and at my proper cost.

  Duke Orsino

  Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.

  To Viola

  Your master quits you; and for your service done him,

  So much against the mettle of your sex,

  So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,

  And since you call’d me master for so long,

  Here is my hand: you shall from this time be

  Your master’s mistress.

  Olivia

  A sister! you are she.

  Re-enter Fabian, with Malvolio

  Duke Orsino

  Is this the madman?

  Olivia

  Ay, my lord, this same.

  How now, Malvolio!

  Malvolio

  Madam, you have done me wrong,

  Notorious wrong.

  Olivia

  Have I, Malvolio? no.

  Malvolio

  Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.

  You must not now deny it is your hand:

  Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;

  Or say ’tis not your seal, nor your invention:

  You can say none of this: well, grant it then

  And tell me, in the modesty of honour,

  Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,

  Bade me come smiling and cross-garter’d to you,

  To put on yellow stockings and to frown

  Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;

  And, acting this in an obedient hope,

  Why have you suffer’d me to be imprison’d,

  Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,

  And made the most notorious geck and gull

  That e’er invention play’d on? tell me why.

  Olivia

  Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,

  Though, I confess, much like the character

  But out of question ’tis Maria’s hand.

  And now I do bethink me, it was she

  First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,

  And in such forms which here were presupposed

  Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:

  This practise hath most shrewdly pass’d upon thee;

  But when we know the grounds and authors of it,

  Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge

  Of thine own cause.

  Fabian

  Good madam, hear me speak,

  And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come

  Taint the condition of this present hour,

  Which I have wonder’d at. In hope it shall not,

  Most freely I confess, myself and Toby

  Set this device against Malvolio here,

  Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts

  We had conceived against him: Maria writ

  The letter at Sir Toby’s great importance;

  In recompense whereof he hath married her.

  How with a sportful malice it was follow’d,

  May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;

  If that the injuries be justly weigh’d

  That have on both sides pass’d.

  Olivia

  Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

  Clown

  Why, ‘some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.’ I was one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but that’s all one. ‘By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.’ But do you remember? ‘Madam, why laugh you at such a barren rascal? an you smile not, he’s gagged:’ and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

  Malvolio

  I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

  Exit

  Olivia

  He hath been most notoriously abused.

  Duke Orsino

  Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:

  He hath not told us of the captain yet:

  When that is known and golden time convents,

  A solemn combination shall be made

  Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,

  We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;

  For so you shall be, while you are a man;

  But when in other habits you are seen,

  Orsino’s mistress and his fancy’s queen.

  Exeunt all, except Clown

  Clown

  [Sings]

  When that I was and a little tiny boy,

  With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

  A foolish thing was but a toy,

  For the rain it raineth every day.

  But when I came to man’s estate,

  With hey, ho, & c.

  ’Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,

  For the rain, & c.

  But when I came, alas! to wive,

  With hey, ho, & c.

  By swaggering could I never thrive,

  For the rain, & c.

  But when I came unto my beds,

  With hey, ho
, & c.

  With toss-pots still had drunken heads,

  For the rain, & c.

  A great while ago the world begun,

  With hey, ho, & c.

  But that’s all one, our play is done,

  And we’ll strive to please you every day.

  Exit

  The Two Gentlemen of Verona

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY

  ACT I

  SCENE I. VERONA. AN OPEN PLACE.

  SCENE II. THE SAME. GARDEN OF JULIA’S HOUSE.

  SCENE III. THE SAME. ANTONIO’S HOUSE.

  ACT II

  SCENE I. MILAN. THE DUKE’S PALACE.

  SCENE II. VERONA. JULIA’S HOUSE.

  SCENE III. THE SAME. A STREET.

  SCENE IV. MILAN. THE DUKE’S PALACE.

  SCENE V. THE SAME. A STREET.

  SCENE VI. THE SAME. THE DUKE’S PALACE.

  SCENE VII. VERONA. JULIA’S HOUSE.

  ACT III

  SCENE I. MILAN. THE DUKE’S PALACE.

  SCENE II. THE SAME. THE DUKE’S PALACE.

  ACT IV

  SCENE I. THE FRONTIERS OF MANTUA. A FOREST.

  SCENE II. MILAN. OUTSIDE THE DUKE’S PALACE, UNDER SILVIA’S CHAMBER.

  SCENE III. THE SAME.

  SCENE IV. THE SAME.

  ACT V

  SCENE I. MILAN. AN ABBEY.

  SCENE II. THE SAME. THE DUKE’S PALACE.

  SCENE III. THE FRONTIERS OF MANTUA. THE FOREST.

  SCENE IV. ANOTHER PART OF THE FOREST.

  CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY

  Duke Of Milan, Father to Silvia.

  Valentine and Proteus, two Gentlemen.

  Antonio, Father to Proteus.

  Thurio, a foolish rival to Valentine.

  Eglamour, agent for Silvia in her escape.

  Host, where Julia lodges.

  Outlaws with Valentine.

  Speed, a clownish servant to Valentine.

  Launce, the like to Proteus.

  Panthino, servant to Antonio.

  Julia, beloved of Proteus.

  Silvia, beloved of Valentine.

  Lucetta, waiting-woman to Julia.

  Servants, Musicians.

  Scene: Verona; Milan; the frontiers of Mantua.

  ACT I

  SCENE I. VERONA. AN OPEN PLACE.

  Enter Valentine and Proteus

  Valentine

  Cease to persuade, my loving Proteus:

  Home-keeping youth have ever homely wits.

  Were’t not affection chains thy tender days

  To the sweet glances of thy honour’d love,

  I rather would entreat thy company

  To see the wonders of the world abroad,

  Than, living dully sluggardized at home,

  Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.

  But since thou lovest, love still and thrive therein,

  Even as I would when I to love begin.

  Proteus

  Wilt thou be gone? Sweet Valentine, adieu!

  Think on thy Proteus, when thou haply seest

  Some rare note-worthy object in thy travel:

  Wish me partaker in thy happiness

  When thou dost meet good hap; and in thy danger,

  If ever danger do environ thee,

  Commend thy grievance to my holy prayers,

  For I will be thy beadsman, Valentine.

  Valentine

  And on a love-book pray for my success?

  Proteus

  Upon some book I love I’ll pray for thee.

  Valentine

  That’s on some shallow story of deep love:

  How young Leander cross’d the Hellespont.

  Proteus

  That’s a deep story of a deeper love:

  For he was more than over shoes in love.

  Valentine

  ’Tis true; for you are over boots in love,

  And yet you never swum the Hellespont.

  Proteus

  Over the boots? nay, give me not the boots.

  Valentine

  No, I will not, for it boots thee not.

  Proteus

  What?

  Valentine

  To be in love, where scorn is bought with groans;

  Coy looks with heart-sore sighs; one fading moment’s mirth

  With twenty watchful, weary, tedious nights:

  If haply won, perhaps a hapless gain;

  If lost, why then a grievous labour won;

  However, but a folly bought with wit,

  Or else a wit by folly vanquished.

  Proteus

  So, by your circumstance, you call me fool.

  Valentine

  So, by your circumstance, I fear you’ll prove.

  Proteus

  ’Tis love you cavil at: I am not Love.

  Valentine

  Love is your master, for he masters you:

  And he that is so yoked by a fool,

  Methinks, should not be chronicled for wise.

  Proteus

  Yet writers say, as in the sweetest bud

  The eating canker dwells, so eating love

  Inhabits in the finest wits of all.

  Valentine

  And writers say, as the most forward bud

  Is eaten by the canker ere it blow,

  Even so by love the young and tender wit

  Is turn’d to folly, blasting in the bud,

  Losing his verdure even in the prime

  And all the fair effects of future hopes.

  But wherefore waste I time to counsel thee,

  That art a votary to fond desire?

  Once more adieu! my father at the road

  Expects my coming, there to see me shipp’d.

  Proteus

  And thither will I bring thee, Valentine.

  Valentine

  Sweet Proteus, no; now let us take our leave.

  To Milan let me hear from thee by letters

  Of thy success in love, and what news else

  Betideth here in absence of thy friend;

  And likewise will visit thee with mine.

  Proteus

  All happiness bechance to thee in Milan!

  Valentine

  As much to you at home! and so, farewell.

  Exit

  Proteus

  He after honour hunts, I after love:

  He leaves his friends to dignify them more,

  I leave myself, my friends and all, for love.

  Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me,

  Made me neglect my studies, lose my time,

  War with good counsel, set the world at nought;

  Made wit with musing weak, heart sick with thought.

  Enter Speed

  Speed

  Sir Proteus, save you! Saw you my master?

  Proteus

  But now he parted hence, to embark for Milan.

  Speed

  Twenty to one then he is shipp’d already,

  And I have play’d the sheep in losing him.

  Proteus

  Indeed, a sheep doth very often stray,

  An if the shepherd be a while away.

  Speed

  You conclude that my master is a shepherd, then, and I a sheep?

  Proteus

  I do.

  Speed

  Why then, my horns are his horns, whether I wake or sleep.

  Proteus

  A silly answer and fitting well a sheep.

  Speed

  This proves me still a sheep.

  Proteus

  True; and thy master a shepherd.

  Speed

  Nay, that I can deny by a circumstance.

  Proteus

  It shall go hard but I’ll prove it by another.

  Speed

  The shepherd seeks the sheep, and not the sheep the shepherd; but I seek my master, and my master seeks not me: therefore I am no sheep.

  Proteus

  The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd; the s
hepherd for food follows not the sheep: thou for wages followest thy master; thy master for wages follows not thee: therefore thou art a sheep.

  Speed

  Such another proof will make me cry ‘baa.’

  Proteus

  But, dost thou hear? gavest thou my letter to Julia?

  Speed

  Ay sir: I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour.

  Proteus

  Here’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons.

  Speed

  If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her.

  Proteus

  Nay: in that you are astray, ’twere best pound you.

  Speed

  Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter.

  Proteus

  You mistake; I mean the pound,— a pinfold.

  Speed

  From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over, ’Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.

  Proteus

  But what said she?

  Speed

  [First nodding] Ay.

  Proteus

  Nod — Ay — why, that’s noddy.

  Speed

  You mistook, sir; I say, she did nod: and you ask me if she did nod; and I say, ‘Ay.’

  Proteus

  And that set together is noddy.

  Speed

  Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your pains.

  Proteus

  No, no; you shall have it for bearing the letter.

  Speed

  Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you.

  Proteus

  Why sir, how do you bear with me?

  Speed

  Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly; having nothing but the word ‘noddy’ for my pains.

  Proteus

  Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit.

  Speed

  And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse.

  Proteus

  Come come, open the matter in brief: what said she?

  Speed

  Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once delivered.

  Proteus

  Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she?

  Speed

  Truly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her.

  Proteus

  Why, couldst thou perceive so much from her?

  Speed

  Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter: and being so hard to me that brought your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token but stones; for she’s as hard as steel.

  Proteus

  What said she? nothing?

  Speed

  No, not so much as ‘Take this for thy pains.’ To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your letters yourself: and so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master.