Sweet Days (Four Days Book 2)

by A. S. Kelly

  “Maybe you should get dressed first…” he says,

  gesturing at me.

  And it’s true. I’m just wearing a T-shirt. His.

  And to think I didn’t used to like sitting around the

  house half nude all day. I was normally always

  dressed and wearing make-up all the time. But

  now my life has taken on a new direction and I feel

  like a new person.

  I feel like myself.

  I put on some sweats and a jacket and go to the

  door where Patrick is waiting for me impatiently.

  “It’s cold down there.” He puts on a hat and

  wraps himself up in a scarf.

  We pass through the pub which is closed and go

  through the main door. We stand on the sidewalk

  and stare at the street for a while until I look at him

  sideways.

  “So?”

  “Don’t you see anything?”

  I look around again.

  “Nothing, except that parking lot.”

  He doesn’t answer, and so I look again and in

  his eyes, there’s a spark.

  “I don’t understand,” I continue, as he takes a

  remote control out of his pocket and unlocks the

  car that I just indicated.

  “What…”

  “Surprise!” he says, taking me by the hand and

  pulling me over to the car.

  “A car? You bought a car?”

  “Come on, take a look at the inside,” he says,

  squeezing my hand.

  I open the door and look around, then look in

  the back seat where a baby seat has been installed.

  I pull my head out to look at him and see how

  pleased he is.

  “What about your motorcycle?”

  “Sold it.”

  “Sold it? But you loved it! I know you hate—”

  “Did you think I’d bring the baby on a

  motorcycle? What the fuck kind of father would I

  be?”

  Father.

  Five letters that make me cry like a fool.

  Patrick squeezes me in his arms and musses up

  my hair.

  “Ah, my little whiner,” he teases as I cuddle in

  his arms.

  “Erin…”

  I instinctively close my eyes, hoping the person

  who just called me magically disappears and lets

  me dream in this little world a bit more.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?”

  Patrick moves away from me to face the person

  who has just shown up before us.

  “I tried calling you. I’ve left messages,” Nate

  begins, coming close to us.

  Patrick shoots me a look.

  “He called you? Have you been in contact with

  him?” He’s clenching his jaw.

  “Patrick—”

  “We ran into each other on campus,” Nate

  interrupts.

  Patrick looks back at Nate although I am pulling

  on his jacket, trying to bring him back to me.

  “We have to talk, Erin. About what’s the right

  thing to do.”

  Patrick closes his eyes and I swear I can hear

  him counting mentally to ten, or maybe a hundred

  before speaking. Then he looks at me and I no

  longer see that light in his eyes that was there just

  five minutes ago.

  “He knows, right?”

  I nod, guiltily.

  “When were you thinking of telling me?” he

  says, raising his voice.

  “There’s nothing,” I try to say but Nate, damn

  it, talks again.

  “We have to talk about the baby. About us.”

  “Us?”

  Patrick is upset and blinded with rage. He

  rushes to Nate and grabs him by the jacket.

  “Patrick, please.” I try to break them apart

  before the benevolent arrival of Jay.

  “What the fuck is happening here?” he yells,

  looking at Patrick.

  “This asshole was just about to leave,” he says,

  continuing to look at Nate threateningly.

  “I’m not going anywhere unless Erin comes

  with me.”

  So Patrick looks at me with his deep scared eyes

  and I’d like to be able to calm him but I can’t, not

  now. I need to clear some things up with Nate and

  I was stupid to wait until it got to this point, but I

  was happy and I was lying to myself that I could

  hide this in some little corner of my mind.

  “She’s not coming.” Patrick hands down the

  sentence, waking me up from my stupor.

  “I … what?” I ask, raising my voice.

  Jay tries to get involved and to calm us all down

  but I’m already on top of him.

  “I go where I want with who I want.” I am

  resentful and angry and I understand what Patrick

  was telling me about losing control, because he’s

  doing it right now. “No one will tell me

  otherwise.”

  Patrick’s look gets harder still but I face him

  with my head up.

  “Nate and I need to talk.”

  “About what?” he challenges, raising his chin in

  anger.

  “Our baby.”

  I can see his heart falling to pieces through his

  eyes and I can also hear the sound in my ears. It’s

  deafening, one of those noises that makes you lose

  your hearing and your lucidity and makes you

  wish you were dead, instead of hiding in a three-

  foot deep hole.

  We look at each other for a few seconds, and I

  already know it’s over.

  The light has gone out and the hope is shattered.

  I’ve hurt him. Hurt him in the worst way

  possible. I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my

  life and I can’t take it back now. And I know

  apologizing wouldn’t serve any purpose.

  Patrick closes his eyes and when he reopens

  them all I can see is blackness, profound and

  infinite. Something impossible to come back from.

  His heart has been drowned in the darkness of

  his soul and nothing will bring it back.

  Patrick

  Our baby, she says .

  And in three seconds I lose everything.

  “We met a few weeks ago and I told him the

  truth. He had a right to know.”

  A right?

  He abandoned her.

  “I should have told you sooner, but between one

  thing and another, I didn’t have the courage plus I

  couldn’t find the right moment.”

  The right moment to tell me that he was back in

  her life? In their life?

  “Nate is her father, Patrick. Her … real father,

  and I can’t ignore him,” she concludes leaving

  what little is left of my heart in tatters.

  I raise my hands and walk away briskly without

  turning back. Because it’s their baby. Not mine.

  Never was. Even if I wished it were mine more

  than anything I’ve ever wished for before.

  Because I loved them. I love them. Both of

  them.

  Like I could never love anyone.

  Love makes you blind and stupid.

  And useless.

  I am a useless man.

  I go away from her, from this love that turned

  me upside down and quenched my thirst and has

  now left me dried out and completely empty.


  Jay follows me closely, even if he doesn’t say

  anything. He gives me space to vent my rage that I

  know is about to overcome me and throw me

  down.

  If I am about to lose control, it’s better that no

  one is around.

  I open the door to our home and go into my

  room, but I know it would be better if everyone

  left me alone.

  Jay comes in followed by Aaron. They sit on the

  bed and I sit on the ground and drop my head in

  my hands and just cry.

  I cry and cry, all the fucking tears I’ve never

  shed, not even when I was a child.

  He’s come back and is taking everything with

  him.

  And I’ve got nothing.

  Not the woman I love, not the child I adore.

  And not myself, because without them I don’t

  exist.

  “Buddy,” Jay says quietly as he touches my

  shoulder and I cry harder. “Please, Patrick. I can’t

  see you like this, I don’t know what to do,” he

  says, sounding really worried.

  “There’s nothing you can do, Jay!” No one can

  do anything!” I jump to my feet. “She has decided.

  After all that…”

  I can’t do this.

  I drop to my knees and continue to cry. And this

  goes on for two hours, maybe three before I fall

  into a troubled sleep. And when I wake up, I start

  crying again, harder still and more desperate

  because I realize I’m alone in bed and she’s not

  here.

  And I cry for another hour, I think, before

  falling back asleep thanks to some pills Aaron had

  on hand.

  I wake up at dawn, with my eyes that burn and

  weigh a ton and my head is hammering. I turn my

  head on the pillow and find my mother next to me.

  “Honey,” she says, with that expression she had

  the day my dad left us. “Aaron called me.”

  I nod trying to hold back the tears.

  I didn’t think I had any left. I underestimated

  myself.

  “Everything is going to work out,” she

  continues, caressing my face. “I promise you.”

  “You can’t make a promise that you can’t keep,

  Mom.”

  “She’ll come back, you’ll see. Give her a little

  time. He is the child’s father. She is confused and

  insecure.”

  “You’re right, Mom,” I say, looking at the

  ceiling. “That baby is his. It always was.”

  “Oh, love…”

  “Please Mom, let me be. I have to sleep some

  more.”

  She gives me a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be

  downstairs if you need me.” And she leaves.

  Then I turn over and drown my face in my

  pillow, hoping to deaden these sobs that are back

  again to choke me.

  I have avoided this kind of situation my whole

  fucking life so as to avoid suffering and forgetting

  who I am for the sake of loving someone else.

  I didn’t have any idea how much it could really

  hurt. I wasn’t even remotely close to imagining

  what you could feel when someone opens your

  chest with their bare hands and rips your heart out

  with their nails.

  The door opens again and I regret the fact that

  in this fucking house there is no concept of

  privacy. A man isn’t free to drown in his own

  fucking misery.

  Rain sits on my bed without saying anything.

  She rubs my head and smiles at me sadly. She’s

  got red puffy eyes, so she must have been crying

  too. Like always.

  I sit up a bit to look at her better. Her eyes talk

  for her. She’s feeling just as bad as I am.

  So I stand up and hug her. I hold her tight until

  we both burst out crying again.

  “She left,” she cries. “She went to go stay with

  her father,” she continues and I squeeze my eyes

  shut tight and try to get back to breathing

  regularly.

  Erin has left, taking every word, every caress,

  every kiss and every hope away with her.

  And nothing will ever be the same.

  I will never be the same.

  Erin has left.

  Taking the best part of me with her.

  25

  Erin

  “Honey,” my dad calls out as he knocks on the

  door of my room. “Can I come in?”

  I don’t answer and after a few seconds he comes

  in anyway.

  I am lying down on the bed and hugging a

  pillow. I have been in this position for more or less

  ten days, four hours and thirty-six minutes. Ever

  since I hurt the man I love and let him go.

  I made a mess.

  I have to admit that when I saw Nate again,

  when he found out about the baby and he said he

  was ready to start over, I did have a moment of

  doubt creep into my brain. I don’t know why,

  maybe because I was confused, my hormones are

  crazy, and because Nate is the baby’s father and

  even I didn’t tell him the truth right away, it was

  just a question of time before I had to. After all, he

  did have the right to know.

  The only thing I didn’t want was for him to stay

  with me to try to save something that was already

  over just in order to give the baby some stability.

  I wanted to tell Patrick about this situation with

  Nate, but he’s been so wonderful in these weeks,

  so attentive and caring that day after day I started

  to set aside that idea about going back with Nate,

  as if the conversation never happened, as if he

  didn’t exist and wasn’t really this child’s father.

  Because I wanted with all my heart for Patrick

  to be the father.

  “Honey, Nate is downstairs.”

  Nate.

  He comes every day to visit me. He’s trying to

  make up for lost time. He’s available and attentive

  but there is no love in his eyes, or his words

  because I am not in his heart.

  As much as he tries to be what I wish he was, he

  isn’t Patrick.

  And he never will be.

  No one will ever be Patrick.

  “Should I send him up?” asks my father after

  hesitating since I haven’t answered him.

  “I don’t feel like talking to him today. Can you

  tell him I’m resting and I’ll call him tonight?”

  “Erin…”

  “Please, I don’t want to see him. Not now.”

  “Honey, that boy is the father of this child. He’s

  ready to take care of both of you. He wants to give

  you a house; he wants to create a family. Nate

  loves you.”

  “He doesn’t love me, Dad.”

  “Oh my dear. Affection? Love? All these

  evocative words? What’s important is that you’re

  together, you understand each other. Try to give it

  a chance, please honey, just try to compromise.”

  “Love isn’t a compromise.”

  “My child, life is a compromise.”

  “Well, with him it wasn’t, it wasn’t any of this,”

  I say, sitting up. “With him everything was

  wond
erful and…” And I can’t finish the phrase but

  the tears are at the door.

  “Is everything okay, here?” Mom says, poking

  her head around the doorway, listening and ready

  to intervene. She’ll be staying with us for a bit.

  “I’ll take care of it,” she says, indicating that my

  dad should leave us alone.

  My father nods and they exchange a glance of

  mutual comprehension. Luckily, my parents

  remained on good terms after the separation; they

  are friends and in the past they have always agreed

  about the decisions made together for my sake.

  My mom comes in and sits on the bed.

  “Have you eaten? Shall I bring you something?”

  I shake my head and rest it on the pillow,

  turning on my side.

  “You have to eat.”

  Strange how all that appetite I had has just

  vanished.

  “Erin, Nate is a good boy. Even if he made a

  mistake. He’s ready to take on his responsibility

  and stay with both of you.”

  “I beg you, Mama. Not you too!”

  “Let me finish … I was saying, he’s the father

  of this creature, biologically speaking, but you

  know, it’s not blood that ties people together. It’s

  easy to love blood of your blood. Who comes from

  you and brings with it the family line,” she talks

  while caressing my hair. “You know what isn’t

  easy at all? Falling in love with a creature that

  hasn’t come into this world yet, loving her with all

  your heart and soul, waiting for her arrival with

  anxiety and trepidation, loving her mother as if she

  were the only woman on earth … These are things

  that not many could do, you know? It’s hard to

  love someone that reminds you your entire life that

  they didn’t come from you, but from someone

  else, and yet, there are some people that are able to

  do it. Those are the people, Erin, that you

  shouldn’t let go of.”

  I turn towards her and flood my pillow with

  tears.

  “That man loves you, Erin.”

  “I’ve ruined everything.”

  “You made a mistake, it’s comprehensible. You

  were confused and scared and didn’t know what to

  do.”

  “I know what you’re trying to tell me, Mom,

  and I appreciate it. But Patrick isn’t the father of

  the baby even if I wish that he was with all my

  heart. I have to face facts and give Nate a chance.”

  “Oh honey.”

  “Patrick deserves to live his life and find

  someone that hasn’t gotten pregnant by the first

  guy she sleeps with and dumps all the