By the time we’re in the parking lot I’ve calmed down enough to be close to Ben without assuming the worst. I can do this; be both cordial and professional around him without showing what’s really going on in my messed up head.
We enter the event together, my arm looped inside of his, but we’re far from looking like a real couple. I’m awkward to a fault, and not used to wearing such elaborate attire. My heels are already killing my feet and I feel as if I’m a bit overdressed, even though every female is wearing something similar. I can sense all eyes on us as we are greeted by work colleagues and clients.
Then, just as fast as he tried to get into my pants, he backs off. In fact, Ben keeps his distance for the entire event, only finding me when the night is over and it becomes time to take me home.
He makes a phone call as we climb into his vehicle and talks until we pull up in my driveway. He tells the caller to hang on and proceeds to follow me up the sidewalk until we're both standing at my front door. Just when I think he is going to go back to hitting on me, he takes my hand, lifts it to his lips and then lets it go. “Thanks for joining me. I’ll see you at the office on Monday.”
I’m left standing on my stoop wondering if I’ve done something to offend him. Why else would he be so short?
When I finally come to my senses, I decide not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Ben left me alone like he’d promised. Maybe he did need a night out where he didn’t have to entertain some money hungry bimbo.
There won’t be regrets, and I’ll be able to keep my job at the firm.
This was how it has to stay. My psychiatrist was wrong. I can’t let my feelings or curiosity ruin the only things I have left. At the end of the day he’s just a cocky asshole trying to have something he doesn’t deserve.
Chapter 5
Macy
Ben is out of town when I return to work on Monday; something about a last minute trip he had to take to appease one of our largest clients. Since I know who it is, I’m fairly certain it’s not all business that’s being conducted.
Lucy Granger is the current CEO of her father’s multi-million dollar corporation. She’s been rumored to have a particular interest in Ben, from what I hear around the office. I once discovered he was in some photos with her in a magazine interview. I even bought the issue to see it for myself. Whether they have an ongoing relationship begs to be seen. Ben doesn’t do romance, so I hardly imagine this is anything but sex for him.
I have to admit, it’s nice having him away for a while. I get caught up with my research and cases, then in the evenings I go to the gym and relax alone at home. I can’t say I haven’t wanted to pick up the phone and call Frank, especially when I know our divorce will be finalized within the next few months. I’m jealous he’s seeing someone, even though I have no right to hold it against him. I’ve been having illicit thoughts about another man for too long to be bitter. He deserves happiness, even if I’m not the one to give it to him.
I think that’s my biggest problem. I like being in control, and in this situation I’m not. I’m alone, for the first time since college and it’s terrifying. I had my life planned out, even the names of the two children I wanted to bring into this world with Frank. Now that’s all gone. In the blink of an eye I’ve screwed it up.
At the same time a part of me feels relieved. I’m no longer burdened with a truth that could destroy everything. It already has, but in hindsight I wonder if it wasn’t for the best. How long could I keep living the lie? Was I supposed to fake a pregnancy and somehow come up with an infant I could call ours? It’s insane, but I’d be lying if I said the thought didn’t cross my mind a time or two. I’d gotten comfortable with Frank, settled even.
Was I happy?
I thought I was.
Now I know better.
I was miserable. Frank was never enough. He still isn’t – not for me at least.
I need excitement, adventure, but most importantly a challenge. I want someone to play against me and make me fight for what I want. I need it to be difficult so I don’t get bored. I need to explore what I’ve been missing, and I know just the person who has offered to help me do it.
Ben.
God, I hate him.
But I want him, so freaking bad I can almost taste it. At night when I’m restless and lonely I pleasure myself to the thought of what it would be like if he were the one getting me off. I don’t recall ever being able to orgasm so quickly while masturbating as when I do it with Ben on my mind. My senses come alive the same way they do when he walks into the room. I keep assuming it’s because he’s uncharted. I’m overly convinced he’s amazing, and that if we were actually together I’d find he was just an average guy with mediocre skills. If he enjoys eating pussy it will be a step in the right direction, because I haven’t had a man feast on me for years.
He returns from his trip Friday afternoon and informs everyone we have to stay late to work on a deliberation. I’m annoyed because I’ve made plans with an old friend to catch up over drinks and now I have to cancel.
I arrive in the conference room where I assume everyone will be and find that he’s sitting at the head of the table alone. His sly grin tells me he’s up to something even before his coarse voice echoes off the walls. “Just the woman I wanted to see.”
I search for folders or something that would resemble a case file but there is nothing on the table except a few sheets of paper stapled together. He slides them over toward the nearest empty seat. “Did you miss me?”
I peer down at the paperwork to see what we’ll be discussing. “A non-disclosure agreement? I signed one of these already when I joined the firm. Are we being audited or something?”
He leans back in the office seat and runs one hand through his dark hair. “Not exactly. This agreement doesn’t pertain to work. It’s more personal.”
I shove it back before reading the first paragraph. “Whoa. I don’t think…”
He cuts me off. “This isn’t like that movie all you women paid to go see several times in a row. I’m not some fucked up millionaire with a room full of toys and weapons I use on people willing to partake. I just don’t want you deciding you want to come into my life and then telling everyone what we do and discuss.”
I place my hands across my chest. “I told you before, it’s not happening.”
He pushes the pages back to me and stands. “These need to be gone over thoroughly before we proceed to the next step, Macy. Take your time and read every word. There’s nothing in there about being a submissive, so stop looking at me like I’m a sick martyr. You need to be reassured that your job won’t be in danger. I understand how you like to think before you act. This covers your ass, just in case things become too intense for you to handle.”
My hands continue shaking as I reach over and put both palms firmly on either side of the document. “Who drew these up?”
“I did. It’s for the your job protection more than my own. I make choices that benefit me and if people don’t like them they can go fuck themselves.” He checks his watch. “I have another appointment. Do me a favor and take them home with you. I wouldn’t want our peers to know I’ve given you a golden ticket. I’m not interested in making it a free for all in my pants.” He taps on my shoulder as he walks by. “Have a good weekend. I hope you think long and hard about my offer. You know how to reach me if you have questions.”
I’m staring at the documentation for a few minutes before deciding it’s in my best interest to hightail it out of there. Upon leaving the conference room I discover most of the lights have been turned off and there are only a few people who remain. I creep by Ben’s office and find that he’s inside speaking directly to someone who sits with their back to me. All I’m able to make out is a set of long exposed legs in heels I wouldn’t dare try to walk around in.
I watch Ben as he speaks directly to the female, running his fingers across a pen he holds in the opposite hand. He’s washing her over with his eyes, basking in her, t
he same way he does me. I can feel my heart racing as I watch his body language, seeking for differences to make me more important than whoever this is.
Then I begin to ravel in disgust at the idea of him trying to seal the deal with me only to move on to his next awaiting victim.
He says he isn’t like that man in the movie, book for that matter, but he’s wrong. Ben is worse because he really exists, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why the need for his touch haunts me.
The creak of the door is alarming, sending me into a panic as I attempt to get as far away as possible to prevent him discovering I’ve been spying. I hurry backwards until it appears as if I’m approaching. As the brunette catches my gaze she smirks while waving her hair around and pretending I don’t exist. “It’s been a pleasure as always, Mr. Winthrop.”
He stops and turns to address me. “Still here?”
I shrug to play it off. “I’m meeting someone for drinks and it’s closer to leave from here.”
“Someone? A man perhaps?”
I spin around and head in the direction of my office as I reply. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
It makes me feel empowered when I say it, but only until he follows me into my office and closes the door. “What exactly do you want here, Macy?”
I lean back on my desk and keep up the act. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I have a live feed of the security cameras in the building. I know for a fact that you were just standing outside of my office watching me. Is that your thing? Do you enjoy watching, because I can certainly give you one hell of a show?”
It’s time to stop playing into his hand. No matter how hard I try, I can’t avoid this any longer. “What is it about me that you want? Is it my body? Do my legs do something for you? Is banging an associate on your bucket list? Do you like playing head games with women when they’re down on luck?”
He’s beginning to laugh at my assumptions. Ben rests his back against the threshold of the door and takes me in before saying a single sentence. “It pains me to think you’re this confused regarding my intentions. I thought I’ve made it abundantly clear. My bucket list has nothing to do with any associate, but more to the point of you, if you must know. Have you signed the agreement?”
I toss the document in the air. “You mean this one? I won’t be needing it.”
“So what now? You keep pretending there isn’t chemistry between us? You continue to act as if your eyes don’t light up when I walk into the office? Tell me, Macy. Why can’t you just agree that you’re dying for me to give you a proper fucking?”
My eyes can’t go any wider. This isn’t exactly a comfortable conversation, and being cornered doesn’t make it acceptable. “You can’t talk to me like this.”
“Are you ashamed? Is it because we work together? Is it because I threatened your position a while back? Why do you think I took the time to put it in writing?”
My hands go to my hips. It’s a natural reaction when I’m trying to remain composed and in charge. “You need to walk away before I say something I’ll regret.”
He steps toward me, breaking the distance too quickly for me to react. His hand firmly attaches to the fabric over my waist and I’m left speechless and in awe of him yet again. “I’ve watched you day in and out. I’ve seen the anguish in your eyes these past several months. Why would you want to punish me for offering to relieve some of the burdens you face? Why won’t you allow yourself to experience what it’s like to be with a man who can fully satisfy you?”
“What makes you think you can do the job? Who are you to say that Frank wasn’t enough in the bedroom?” I shove him away with my hands. “Move back, Ben. You’re seriously pissing me off.”
This pleases him. He steps back and lifts the back of his hand to course it over my face. “I know I can do the job because it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do since you first applied at the firm. You prance around me flaunting that sensational figure and act as if you’re invisible, but I see you, Macy. I know your husband wasn’t fitting the bill. You’ve been with us for almost seven years and I’ve watched a bubbly young woman settle. A satisfied woman walks proud, she doesn’t slouch and sulk. Do you have any idea how powerful you’d be if you were only confident about yourself? Do you know what kind of doors it would open for you if you stopped hiding from what you really are? I saw the potential when you first started at the firm.”
“You act like I can’t do my job. I win cases. I’m fully capable of having power.”
He snarls. “If it were only so easy. You’re pretending to be something you’re not. You settled because it’s easier than admitting you’re dissatisfied.
“Then what I am? Do you hear yourself? You don’t know me at all. What is it you think I am?”
He turns away as he says it, displaying the first ever sign of struggle that I’ve witnessed. “A weakness.”
I say nothing when he leaves the room. It’s taking everything in me to keep still and not pounce on him. I’ll give him credit for knowing what to say to push my buttons. He’s definitely skilled in that department, but I know I can’t trust what he says is the truth, and I also can’t keep doing this to myself because he’s breaking my barrier down brick by brick.
I have to stop stalling. I’m fighting a losing battle I no longer want. I’m restless and lonely. I’ve created this monster inside of me and he’s the only person who can tame the beast. I feel like my only option is to let it play out. I need to give him what he wants, because I’ve secretly desired the same for far too long to admit.
I find him with his keys in his hand leaving his office. He turns to acknowledge my presence.
“I thought you might want this to file away.” The papers are still crumbled, but I’ve signed them, which is all he should care about.
He seems genuinely pleased at first, then smirks as he sees my signature on the dotted line. “I guess that settles things. I’ll give you some time to prepare before we get started.”
Chapter 6
Macy
It’s Friday night and I can’t relax from what transpired earlier. I’m flipping through television channels when I hear my phone chime. Since I’ve cancelled my plans with my friend I think it’s going to be her looking to reschedule.
The email is from Ben, but it’s not the firm’s address. It’s a personal account, which leads me to believe he doesn’t want this one being read by personnel.
Macy:
Are you thinking about me?
Ben
I feel giddy, like a teenager getting a love letter from a crush. It’s unlike me to act so childish, so I keep my real feelings at bay as I reply by saying something ridiculous in order to make sure he leaves me alone.
I come up with the most disgusting thing and type it out, laughing the entire time as each word appears on the screen.
Ben:
No. I’m picking out the lint from in between my toes. It’s crazy how much can get stuck.
Macy
Macy:
If you had a real man to take care of you, to pamper you, life would be so much more interesting.
Ben
Ben:
I thought signing your stupid disclosure would at least give me a weekend to myself. Don't you have an orgy fest to attend?
Macy
I wait a few minutes before I refresh my screen and discover his response. A glass of red wine is poured and I suck down half of it to see if it will settle my nerves.
Macy:
I find your lack of knowledge about me fascinating considering how much time you invest trying to convince me you're not interested. I plan on rectifying this soon, but first you need to learn to be patient. The best things come to those who wait.
Ben
I laugh to myself as I read his words three times in a row.
Then I finally succumb to the fact that this chase is getting old. Like it or not, I want this man to ravage me until I'm finally satisfied. I want to feel
awakened. I need to understand what it's like to sexually open myself to experiences I once thought were dirty and disturbing. I want to be dirty, and there isn't another man who can give it to me like I know he will.
I’m able to feel confident hiding behind a screen instead of being face to face with him. Not knowing how this will pan out, I say what I’ve been holding back for far too long to ever admit.
Ben:
This is me deciding to let you have your way with me. I'm not a patient person, so unless you want me to change my mind, I suggest you figure out a way to get your ass over here and show me all the things you claim to be able to teach me.
Macy
I’m startled when my device begins to ring while in my hands. I see his name on the screen and can’t believe he’s responded so quickly. I’m reluctant to take the call, but know he’s relentless.
“Emails weren’t good enough for you?”
“Have you ever let a man wash you in a tub of hot soapy water? Do you know what it feels like to be touched on every single inch of your silky wet skin?”
His question is intimidating. I’m taken back in a way I haven’t anticipated. While I stumble with how to respond to such inappropriate questions, he keeps at it.
“Does it bother you to admit you want me?”
“God, do you have to be so cocky?”
“I’m not God, but you can call me it if it helps stimulate you.” I know he’s smiling. I can feel it in my bones. That bastard is under my skin.
“Must you make this so hard? I’m finally conceding. Let me have a moment to catch my breath.”
Bound (Seven Year Itch) Page 4