Delirious, a Tame Quantum Novel

by Marie Force

  “There he is,” Ellie says. “Are you feeling better?”

  “I’m all good. Sorry to concern you guys.” I tell them what they want to hear, but Jasper looks me over the same way Marlowe did, and I’m sure he sees that I’m anything but fine. But unlike Mo, he won’t push the issue. Not now anyway.

  I spent most of my life wishing for a family. Now I have one, and for the first time ever, I wish they cared a little less than they do. I want desperately to keep my unusual feelings for Aileen to myself. The thought of sharing them, even with the people I’m closest to, makes me panicky.

  Thankfully, the party kicks into high gear with steaks and drinks and cake and laughs, and no one pays much attention to the fact that I’m quieter than usual, less engaged and thoroughly distracted by Aileen.

  She catches me staring at her a couple of times, which is embarrassing. But I can’t seem to help it. If she’s in sight, I want to look at her.

  We’re sitting around the fire pit after dinner, enjoying the warm evening and the company of our favorite people. Before I had my Quantum family, I’d never loved anyone in my life. But I love them. I love them all so much. I love nights like this when we’re all together, Addie on Hayden’s lap, Natalie on Flynn’s, Ellie on Jasper’s, the rest of us happily unencumbered. Wrapped up in a towel, Logan is on his mom’s lap, his eyes heavy as he snuggles up to her. And I find myself jealous of a nine-year-old because he has her arms around him.

  I’m such a fool.

  But then I catch her looking at me, our eyes crashing into each other, attraction arcing between us so fiercely, I can’t ignore it, even if I know I should.

  Maddie comes out of the house, dragging a towel behind her. She runs toward her mom, and I watch in horror as the towel gets wrapped around her feet, sending her hurtling toward the pool deck.

  I’m out of my chair and bolting for her before I’m aware of what I’m doing, but I can’t get to her in time to stop disaster.

  Time stands still for a second as she crashes down, her forehead taking the brunt of the fall since her hands are wrapped up in the towel. She lets out an unholy scream that gets everyone’s attention.

  I get to her first and recoil in horror at the sight of blood pouring down her sweet face from an open wound in her forehead. Grabbing the towel, I press it to her head as I wrap my arm around her, trying to keep her still so I can apply pressure to the wound.

  Aileen is right there, comforting her injured child, but I can see the wild panic in her eyes at the sight of so much blood.

  Maddie is inconsolable.

  “Let’s get her inside,” Flynn says, taking control.

  I gather her into my arms and stand to carry her in, my gaze meeting Aileen’s. “She’s okay. It looks worse than it is.” As I say the words, I hope I’m right. I carry the sobbing, screaming child inside to the kitchen where the light is better and we can see that she has a deep gash right at her hairline. “We need to get her to the ER.”

  “I agree,” Flynn says.

  Aileen fights a losing battle with her emotions, and tears slide down her cheeks as she wipes blood from her baby’s face.

  All my protective instincts kick in. “I’ll take them.”

  Natalie produces towels and an ice bag that she forces on Aileen. “Go. We’ll keep Logan for the night. Everything is fine.”

  Aileen nods, but as she takes the items from Natalie, I can see that her hands are shaking violently. She turns to her son. “Will you be okay with Flynn and Nat?”

  He nods, his face solemn and his eyes big with shock. “Let me know how she is.”

  “I will.” Aileen kisses her son and goes ahead of me to get the doors as I carry Maddie to the car.

  Chapter 5

  We agree that she’s better off in her mother’s arms for the short trip to the ER than strapped into a car seat. I settle them in the other seat in my car because it’s behind hers and moving cars would take time I don't want to waste. Reaching under the dashboard, I shut off the airbag.

  As I start the car and head out of the driveway, I realize my hands are shaking, too. I try to remember what’s closest to where we are, and then I decide to go straight to Cedars-Sinai because I know how to get there. I drive fast, faster than I should with such precious cargo on board.

  Maddie continues to whimper and sob.

  Aileen speaks softly to her, offering words of comfort, but I can hear the panic she’s trying so hard to keep hidden from her child.

  I glance at her, and her gaze connects with mine. Even in the middle of a crisis, I feel the connection to her. I’m forced to tear my eyes off her to focus on the road when I’d much rather look at her.

  The hospital is close and I’m driving fast, so we get there in about ten minutes. I pull up to the emergency entrance and run inside, asking for help. A nurse accompanies me to the car.

  “Let me take her, honey,” I say to Aileen, who hands over her injured child. The front of Aileen’s dress is covered with blood, and her face is pale, like it was the first time I met her. I’m as worried about her as I am about Maddie. “Come on,” I say to her when I realize she’s frozen in place. “Maddie needs you.”

  That seems to spur her to move, and we hustle inside, following the direction of the nurse, who leads us straight to an exam room. I’m thankful that we won’t have to wait hours. I leave them only to move my car to an actual parking space and return in under a minute. I’m running on pure adrenaline.

  “What happened?” the nurse asks as she settles Maddie into a bed that makes her seem so tiny.

  “She tripped on a towel and fell on a pool deck,” I say. “Landed face-first.”

  “Aww, poor baby.” The nurse gives Aileen some medicated wipes so she can clean the blood off Maddie’s face. “We need to get her checked in. Can you come with me for a minute?” she asks Aileen.

  She glances at me.

  “Go ahead. I’ll be right here.”

  She doesn’t want to go, but she kisses Maddie’s cheek. “I’ll be right back. Mr. Kristian will be here with you.”

  “Don’t go, Mommy,” Maddie says, sobs hiccupping through her tiny body.

  “Is there any way you can check her in right here?” I ask the nurse.

  “I’ll see what I can do.”

  She leaves the room, and Aileen sends me a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

  “Whatever you need. Both of you.” Forever, I want to add, but this doesn’t seem like the right time. I hold back a laugh that would be wildly inappropriate under the circumstances. I’m seriously losing my fucking mind.

  Another nurse comes into the cubicle, pushing a mobile computer station. She goes through the steps of checking Maddie into the ER. “Insurance?” she asks.

  “We’re between plans at the moment,” Aileen says, her face flushing with embarrassment that infuriates me.

  “I’ll pay whatever charges there are,” I say.

  “That’s not necessary,” Aileen says. “I can pay for it.” She hands over a credit card.

  I decide we’ll argue about that after the nurse leaves the room. She takes the rest of the information and lets us know the doctor will be in shortly.

  “I’ll get you enrolled in the Quantum plan on Monday,” I tell her when we’re alone.

  “I don’t start for another week.”

  “I don’t care.” The words come out harsher than intended. I soften my tone when I say, “You shouldn’t be without insurance.”

  “I’m usually not, but the move and everything… I had a plan in New York that doesn’t cover us here.”

  Now I’m afraid that she thinks I’m criticizing her, but before I can correct that, the doctor comes in to see Maddie. He determines she needs stitches and recommends they be done by a plastic surgeon. “I’ve paged her, and she’ll be here within the hour.” He also orders a CT scan to check for a concussion and to make sure she’s not bleeding inside.

  As new tears leak from the corners of her eyes, Aileen thanks th
e doctor while continuing to cling to her little girl’s hand.

  “I’ll call Flynn and let them know she’s okay,” I say when we’re alone again.

  “That’d be good. Thank you for everything.”

  I’m standing next to her so it’s easy enough to put my arm around her and kiss her forehead. “I didn’t do anything.”

  She looks up at me, her heart in her eyes. “You’re here, and that means everything.”

  Fuck me to hell and back again. When she looks at me like that and says such sweet words, all my resolve to keep my distance disappears like I never had it to begin with. I want her. I burn for her. I need her. I crave her. And then she leans her head on my chest, and I’m fucking lost.

  I’m supposed to be calling the others, who’ve got to be worried as they wait to hear from us. But for as long as she wants to lean against me, I’m not letting go.

  I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be letting him comfort me this way, but I can’t seem to get the rest of me to cooperate with the message my brain is sending out. It feels so damned good to be close to him, to let his heat warm the chill that invaded my body the minute I saw the blood on my baby’s face.

  His hand slides up and down my arm. He’s comforting me, but his touch is like a jolt of electricity waking up the rest of me to his nearness.

  I’ll never forget the way he reacted when Maddie fell. He saw her going down before I did and was out of his seat and running for her before she even landed. That makes him that much more appealing to me. I wonder how it’s possible to be even more attracted to him than I was before.

  Maddie is sucking her thumb and watching us, her face pale and her eyes big.

  I take a deep breath, the first I’ve taken since she fell, and it makes me feel light-headed.

  Kristian tightens his hold on me, and I find myself sobbing into his chest with both his arms around me. “It’s okay. She’s going to be fine and so are you.”

  He says exactly what I need to hear and makes me feel less alone with my fears than I would be without him here with me. This is the closest I’ve ever been to him, and I can’t help but notice the way my body seems to fit so perfectly against his. I breathe in the warm, sexy scent I’ve found so appealing since the first time I met him.

  I feel his lips brushing against my hair, and I shiver from the sensations that zing through my body, making me hyperaware of him. Suddenly, it feels wrong to be standing next to my daughter’s hospital bed allowing myself to get carried away by a man who’s just being nice and trying to comfort me. “I’m okay,” I say, drawing back from him even though that’s the last thing I want to do.

  He seems reluctant to let me go, but he does. Tipping his head toward the hallway, he says, “I should call Flynn.”

  I nod in agreement. “Thanks.”

  He leaves the room, and I focus on breathing. Deep breaths in and out. What the hell is happening to me? I’ve never wanted to crawl into a man the way I do him. The magnetic draw to him is the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s like I can’t help myself. If he’s in the room or anywhere nearby, I want to be near him. I want to touch him and hold him and let him hold me and tell me it’s going to be fine.

  All of which goes against everything I believe in as an independent woman who has cared for two young children—by herself—for years while working and undergoing cancer treatment. I’m not a woman who needs a man to make things okay for her or her children. But damn, it felt good to let him comfort me, even for a few minutes.

  I brush Maddie’s hair back from the uninjured side of her forehead. The hair on the other side is caked with drying blood, and her face is paler than I’ve ever seen it. For the first time in a very long time, her thumb is in her mouth, and I’m not trying to get it out the way I normally would. Whatever she needs, she can have. I was so terrified by the sight of all that blood. I almost fainted when Kristian lifted her off the pool deck and I saw how bad it was.

  A nurse comes into the room to take Maddie for the CT scan.

  “Can I go with her?”

  “It’d be better if you wait here. We’ll be quick.”

  I lean in to kiss Maddie. “I’ll be right here when you’re done, okay?”

  “Okay, Mommy.” Her lower lip quivers.

  I watch the nurse wheel the bed out of the room, and then take a seat. My legs feel like rubber. I finally look down to find the entire front of me covered in blood.

  When Kristian returns a minute later, I notice the front of his shirt is also bloodstained. He comes over to sit next to me, once again putting his arm around me.

  Like before, I lean into him because the pull is too strong to resist. “They took her for the CT. The nurse said it would be quick.”

  “I talked to Flynn. He was glad to hear she’s okay. He said to call if you need anything.”

  “You don’t have to stay if you want to go back to the party. I can get an Uber home.”

  “I’m not leaving.”

  Is it my imagination or does he sound annoyed that I suggested he might go?

  “I feel badly that we ruined your evening.”

  “You didn’t. I’m exactly where I want to be.”

  His statement hangs in the air between us, filled with significance. Or is that my imagination running away with me again? I don’t know, and the not knowing makes me crazy. But then he pulls me even closer to him, and I begin to believe he means it when he says he’s right where he wants to be.

  Watching Maddie get the stitches is complete agony. They give her shots to numb up the site, and her shrieks make me feel so fucking helpless. It takes fifteen stitches to close the wound, and by the time they’re finished, we’re all done in.

  Since the scan was clear, they allow us to take her home to sleep in her own bed. They bring in a wheelchair for her, but I insist on carrying her, and she curls up to me like she’s been doing it all her life. Even though sobs continue to jolt her little body, she’s asleep before we reach the car.

  I hand her in to Aileen, who holds her in her arms for the ride to Venice Beach. When we arrive, I again retrieve Maddie and carry her inside, following Aileen, who deals with locks, doors and lights.

  “You can bring her into my room,” she says.

  I can hear the exhaustion in every word she says. There’re boxes waiting to be unpacked in every room, but the house already looks like a home, and they’ve only been here two days. As I enter Aileen’s bedroom, it’s almost funny to me. If you asked me where was the last place I expected to be tonight, her bedroom would be right at the top of the list. But here I am with her and her little girl, and somehow it just feels right.

  We settle Maddie in the middle of Aileen’s queen-size bed.

  “I should wash her hair,” she says.

  “The morning will be soon enough.” I draw the covers up to cover her small chest, which is still hiccupping from the sobs at the hospital. Now that Maddie is settled in bed, I should go. I should get up, tell Aileen I’ll check on them tomorrow and get the hell out of here. But my limbs don’t agree with the orders from management.

  “I can’t thank you enough for everything tonight,” she says, looking at me from her perch on the other side of Maddie.

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  “You did everything, and it meant a lot to me.”

  “It did to me, too.” I can’t stop myself from spilling my guts to her. “She’s such a sweet little girl. I hate to see her hurt.”

  “I don’t know about you, but I could use a drink.”

  “Yes, please. A really big drink would be great.”

  “Your friends left some good stuff here yesterday. Shall we see what we’ve got?”

  “Lead the way.”

  I follow her into the kitchen, where we investigate the bottles sitting on her counter from the get-together I missed yesterday.

  “You like vodka, right?”

  “I do.”

  She hands me a bottle of Absolut Citron, and I
pour a healthy amount into the glass of ice she provides. She pours wine for herself, and I touch my glass to hers.

  “Cheers,” she says.

  “Bottoms up.” I take a healthy drink, keeping my gaze fixed on her gorgeous face as she sips her wine. Everything she does, even drinking wine, is sexy to me. “We look like we just survived the apocalypse or something.”

  She laughs. “If you want, I can toss your shirt in the wash with my dress. We can probably save them if we get them in soon.”

  Every instinct I have tells me not to remove my shirt. But if I let her wash my shirt, that means I get to stay a little longer. The shirt is clearing my head before I have time to second-guess the wisdom of being half-naked in front of the woman I want so desperately.

  At the sight of my chest, her mouth drops open and then slams shut, as if she realized she was gawking and thought better of it. I wish she hadn’t.

  She takes the shirt from me. “I’ll, ah… I’ll put the wash in and be right back.”

  “Okay.” I love that she’s as rattled as I am. I want to ask if I can help her out of her dress, but that’s one impulse I manage to contain in an evening when my impulses are completely out of control. While she’s in the other room, I send a text to the Quantum group chat.

  Maddie is home and resting comfortably after 15 stitches. The plastic surgeon said she shouldn’t have a scar. CT scan showed no sign of concussion. All’s well that ends well.

  The responses flood in, filled with relief and good wishes.

  How’s Aileen? Natalie asks.

  Rattled but okay. We’re having a drink, and then I’ll let her get some sleep.

  Tell her to sleep in. Logan is fine with us tomorrow.

  Thanks, Nat. I’ll tell her.

  Aileen returns to the kitchen, having changed into a tank top and pajama pants, which are as sexy on her as lingerie would be on another woman. I wonder if she would find it weird that I want to hug her some more. Probably.

  On many Saturday nights, I’d be at Club Quantum, a willing sub at my feet and hours of debauchery to look forward to. Tonight, I’m completely satisfied with a good strong drink and the company of a single mom who makes me yearn for things I’ve never wanted before.