Delirious, a Tame Quantum Novel

by Marie Force

  The baby monitor on the table crackles to life when Maddie coughs.

  Aileen releases my hand and gets up to go to her daughter. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Take your time.” I have no fewer than ten million things I need to get done today, but none of them matter when stacked up against what Aileen needs. So I wait, and I try not to think about what it means that I’m here, that I’m captivated, that I’m terrified.

  He came back. I’m so full of giddy joy this morning I don’t know what to do with myself. When I woke alone, I feared that maybe he’d changed his mind. But I didn’t have to wait long to find out he hadn’t.

  I step into Maddie’s room and find her sitting up, her eyes bright and alert, which is a huge relief after the trauma of last night.

  “Hi, baby.” I sit on the bed and smooth the hair back from her face. Washing the blood out of her hair is my priority now that she’s awake. “How’re you feeling?”

  “Okay.”

  “Does your head hurt?”

  “A little.” She yawns and then grimaces. “Ouch.”

  “You’re going to need to take it nice and easy today.”

  “I don’t want to take it easy. I want to go to the beach and go swimming.”

  “We’ll be back to doing that in no time, but today is a rest day. We’ll snuggle and read books and watch movies and relax.”

  What sounds like a perfect day to me doesn’t appeal to my high-energy child, but she’ll do what she’s told because she always does.

  “Mr. Kristian came to check on you, and he brought doughnuts.”

  Her eyes light up with delight. “He really came to check on me?”

  I’m touched that she cares more about him than the treats he brought. “Of course he did. He was worried about you. Everyone is.”

  “That’s nice of them. Is Logan here?”

  “No, he slept over at Natalie’s house, but Mr. Kristian is going to drive us over there to get him. Our car is still there. But first things first, we need to get you in the shower to get you cleaned up. Do you feel up to that?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Aware that Kristian has put his workday on hold for us, I hustle Maddie through a shower and get her dressed. She can eat her breakfast in the car on the way to Nat’s house. When we’re dressed and ready, I grab a small bottle of apple juice. “Good to go,” I tell Kristian, who’s still on the deck, typing on his phone.

  He glances up at me, and before he can school his features, I see everything I’ve ever wanted looking at me with heat and desire and affection. Then he smiles, and it’s all I can do not to turn into a puddle of need when the dimples make a rare appearance. “How’s our patient feeling this morning?”

  “Good,” Maddie says. “My owie hurts.”

  He gets up, grabs the box of doughnuts and comes to us, sliding the screen door open and crouching to Maddie’s level. “I’m sure it does, but you were so brave last night. Such a big girl.”

  My daughter leans into me, suddenly going shy in the face of such powerful male charm. Like her mother, she’s only human, and he’s quite something.

  “Kristian brought us yummy doughnuts.” I take the box from him and let her choose one.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” He stands, takes the aviators from the top of his head and puts them over his eyes. “Shall we, ladies?”

  We head out to the car, and what was perfectly fine last night in the middle of an emergency has me second-guessing today as I strap Maddie and me into the passenger seat. “Please don’t crash. This is so against the law, it’s not even funny.”

  His hand lands on my knee, sending a powerful surge of longing through my body. “You’re totally safe with me. All of you. I’d never let anything happen to you.”

  I sigh, because how can I not? He’s perfect, and if I could spend every day for the rest of my life just like this—my arms around my children and his arms around me—I’d never want for anything.

  Whoa, Nelly. Back it up, sister. Talk about getting ahead of yourself. If he had any idea the thoughts I’m having about him, I’d probably never see him again. Even with my better judgment raining on my lovely parade, I can’t help how I feel. It’s been different with him since the first day I met him, and I’ve begun to accept that I’ll always feel more for him than I probably should, especially since he’s going to be one of my bosses.

  PC—or pre-cancer—I might’ve talked myself out of feeling the way I do about him. It’s not practical or advisable, but I don’t care. AC—after cancer—I know life is short and feelings like the ones I have for him don’t come around every day. I’ll be damned if I’m going to run away and hide the way I would have before life gave me a mighty bitch slap and a potent reminder that time is finite, good health is a gift, and life is to be celebrated and lived to the fullest.

  I want him. I want his hand on my knee in the car. I want his big, strong, sexy body wrapped around mine in bed at night. I want him to really know my kids. I want him in our lives—any way I can get him—and his actions last night only make the wanting more so in the bright light of this glorious Southern California day.

  “Would you like to come for dinner later?” I ask him, trying to affect a casual tone. I think I pull it off quite convincingly. “I want to thank you for everything last night.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. I was happy to be there with you both.”

  “Still, we need to eat. You need to eat. And I’m a very decent cook, if I do say so myself.”

  He keeps his gaze, covered by those maddening sunglasses that seal off his gorgeous eyes, on the road, so I can’t tell what he’s thinking. After a long silence, he says, “Sure, that sounds good. What time?”

  “Around six thirty? Or is that too early for you? I could feed the kids and then—”

  He squeezes my knee, which shuts me up. “Six thirty is fine. What can I bring?”

  “Nothing. You’ve already done more than enough for me. Let me do something for you.”

  He glances at me quickly and then returns his attention to the road. “You don’t have to do anything for me, Aileen.”

  “Why not? Is friendship a one-way street in your world?”

  “No,” he says, sounding uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation.

  I should let it go, but I can’t. “Let me tell you how friendship works in my world. You arrange for me to have a car and a job and a whole new life. You rush to the aid of my injured child, accompany us to the ER and stay with me until you’re certain I’m not going to have a complete meltdown afterward. Then, you show up this morning when you certainly have better things to do, bearing doughnuts and the offer of a ride to pick up my car. After all that, I’ll need to make you dinner every night for a year to properly thank you.”

  After another long silence, he says, “I didn’t have better things to do this morning.”

  “Right,” I say with a laugh. “If you say so.”

  “I say so.” He squeezes my leg again, and I swear to God, if my child hadn’t been injured and strapped to me, I might’ve been tempted to throw off my seat belt and make myself at home on his side of the car. One squeeze is all it takes to make me crazy for him.

  “My mommy is a really good cook,” Maddie says. “She makes yummy chicken and mac ’n cheese, too.”

  “I love chicken,” he says, seeming more comfortable talking to her than he is talking to me.

  They keep up the chatter about silly things all the way to Flynn and Nat’s house. Kristian’s hand remains on my leg except for when he needs to shift the car. Each time he shifts, he puts his hand right back on my leg, making me yearn to be alone with him. But that’s not to be. Not now anyway.

  Kristian has the code to the gate and punches it in. It swings open to admit us, and we pull up next to my car, which is right where I left it last night. So much has happened since then that my head spins as I try to process it all. He gets out of the car and comes around
to help with Maddie, who’s still a little wobbly on her feet. Seeing that, he scoops her up into his arms, and she goes to him like it’s something she’s always done.

  My heart swells to an unhealthy size, watching him carry my little girl.

  She winds her hands around his neck, and he tightens his hold on her.

  It’s too much for me, and not enough at the same time.

  Kristian walks right into the house like he’s done it a million times before, which he probably has. These people are family to each other, and they’ve made us feel so welcome among them.

  We find Natalie and Logan at the pool, where he’s splashing around while she keeps a close eye on him.

  Logan jumps out of the pool and rushes over to us.

  Kristian puts Maddie down, and Logan hugs her tightly.

  Again with my heart. It can’t take the overload of emotion today, and it’s only ten o’clock!

  “Are you okay, Maddie?” he asks, pulling back for a look at the bandage on his sister’s forehead.

  “Uh-huh, but I had to get shots in the head!”

  “Holy crap. Did it hurt?”

  “So bad.”

  He winces. “I’m glad you’re okay. You wanna swim?”

  “She shouldn’t get the bandage wet,” I tell him.

  “She can put her feet in.” He takes his sister by the hand and gently leads her to the steps, waiting for her to get settled before he lets go of her.

  “He’s incredibly sweet to her,” Kristian says.

  “He’s almost always like that,” I say, keeping my hand flat on my chest as if that alone will contain the emotion.

  Natalie hugs me. “He’s been so worried. How you holding up, Mama?”

  “As long as she’s fine, I’m fine.”

  “Did you get any sleep?”

  I glance at Kristian, who’s expressionless as he keeps an eye on the kids. “A little.”

  Natalie’s eyebrows lift, but thankfully, she doesn’t say anything.

  “I should get to the office,” Kristian says.

  “Flynn’s already there. I’ll be glad when this premiere is behind us.”

  “There’ll be another one before we know it,” he says. “Keeps us in business.”

  “I guess so, but no one told me celebrities work so hard.”

  Kristian laughs. “They make it look so glamorous when it’s a ton of work.”

  I want to hug him, but I manage to control myself. Barely. “Thank you so much for the ride and the doughnuts. And everything else.”

  “No problem. I’ll see you later.”

  “Okay.”

  “Bye, guys,” he calls to the kids.

  “Bye, Mr. Kristian.”

  “Have a good day, ladies.”

  I watch him go, because the view is as good from the back as it is from the front, and after he goes inside and slides the screen door closed, I find Natalie watching me as closely as I was watching him.

  Chapter 8

  The second he’s out of earshot, Natalie pounces. “Do I see progress?”

  “A little.”

  She takes me by the hand and half drags me to the chair next to where she was sitting. “Do tell. Leave nothing out.”

  Leaving out the more personal elements, I fill her in on what happened after we got home last night and how he surprised me by showing up this morning bearing breakfast and the offer of a ride to pick up my car.

  “He’s so into you, it’s not even funny,” Natalie says. “And the poor guy has no idea what to do about it.”

  “I like him so much.”

  Natalie bites her lip, making me wonder if there’s something on her mind.

  “What?”

  “I just… I want you to be careful with him. He’s very… complicated.”

  “What do you know that I don’t?”

  She shakes her head. “Nothing I can tell you. It has to come from him, if and when he chooses to tell you.”

  “Natalie! Come on! You can’t drop something like that on me and then not tell me what you mean.”

  “I’ve already said more than I should.”

  “Can you give me a hint?”

  “No.”

  “Are my children and I safe with him?”

  Her eyes bug. “Yes! It’s nothing like that. God, I’m making a mess of this. When I say complicated, I mean private and personal and… Shit. I suck at this.”

  “You have to tell me what the hell you’re talking about, or I’m going to lose my mind wondering.”

  “It’s not my place to tell you his personal business. That’s up to him.”

  “How do you know about his personal business?”

  Again, she bites her lip, her eyes darting around until they land on the kids. Logan is swimming in circles in front of Maddie, who’s telling him what to do, as usual. They’re thoroughly occupied and far enough away from us that I’m not worried about them overhearing our conversation.

  “If I tell you this, you have to swear to God on a stack of Bibles you’ll never tell anyone where you heard it or that you even know about it.”

  “I swear to God.” I’m so desperate to know, that I’d swear on my own life at this point.

  “Do you know what BDSM is?”

  “Uhh, yeah. I saw the movies. What about it?”

  “He’s into it. They all are. We all are.”

  If she had told me that pigs were flying in hell, I wouldn’t have been more stunned by this information. “You, Flynn…”

  “He introduced me to it after we were together, and I’ve become a fan. To say the least.”

  Speaking of fans, I need one. And a cigarette. “You’re serious.”

  “Dead serious. The only reason I’m telling you this is I watched what happened when Hayden kept his interests from Addie when they were first together. They nearly missed out on having something great because he wouldn’t share it with her. I don’t want to see you get any further down the road with Kristian if you don’t think that’s something you want. If I’ve learned anything from these guys, it’s that being a part of the lifestyle isn’t a choice. It’s who they are.”

  I have no idea what to say.

  “Flynn would kill me for telling you this, Aileen.”

  “Thank you for telling me. That actually explains a lot.” I’m having visions of being bound and at his mercy. If the flash of heat that travels through my body is any indication, the idea intrigues me.

  “Whoa,” Natalie says. “Are you all right?”

  “Of course. Why?”

  “Your face is all red and flushed.”

  “It’s the sun. I’m not used to it.”

  “Hmm, are you sure you’re not imagining all sorts of scenarios that have you at Kristian’s mercy?”

  “Stop,” I hiss at her and glance at my kids, who’re thankfully still occupied by the pool.

  She laughs. “Thought so.”

  And then another thought occurs to me. “It’s not like that could ever happen with us.”

  “Umm, why’s that, exactly?”

  “I’m a single mom. It’s not like I can run off and have any kind of sex, let alone kinky sex, whenever I want.”

  “You have friends who would happily take your kids any time you want to get your groove on.”

  “You have your own life to lead and your own kinky sex to have. You don’t need my kids around your neck.”

  Natalie reaches out to squeeze my arm. “We love you. We love your kids. And we love Kristian. I’d like nothing more than to see you two together. I think you’d be good for him, and vice versa.”

  “Why do you think that?” I’m not even ashamed of the fact that I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve when it comes to him. I can’t hide that I’m fiercely interested.

  “There’s something about him. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’re times when he reminds me of some of the kids I had in my class, the ones who came to school hungry and wearing dirty clothes. It’s hard to explain what I mean, but
there was something in their eyes that I’ve seen in him, too.”

  My heart aches at the thought of him being hurt or lost in any way. I want to swoop in and fix it so that nothing will ever hurt him again. “He’s a rich, powerful, successful man.”

  “Now. But I honestly have no idea where he comes from. No one talks about his past, and I’ve never heard mention of a family.”

  “I want to know everything about him. I’m like a fourteen-year-old crushing on the football team captain. I feel so out of my league with him.”

  “Maybe he feels out of his league with you. Did you ever consider that?”

  “Seriously? Look at me and then look at him. He’s not the one out of his league.”

  “You, my dear friend, are gorgeous and sweet and joyful. You have nothing to worry about, and judging by the way he looks at you, he sees what I do.”

  “You’re very sweet to say so, but it’s been such a long time since I had any interest in a man. Hell, I haven’t had sex since I was pregnant with Maddie.”

  “Whoa…”

  “I know! There’re probably cobwebs in there.”

  Natalie loses it laughing.

  “What’s so funny, Mommy?” Logan asks.

  “Nothing,” I reply. “Nothing at all.” I give Natalie the stink eye as she continues to laugh.

  “Sorry.” She wipes tears from her eyes. “It was the cobwebs that did it.”

  “Not all of us can be lucky enough to have a hot, sexy, kinky movie star in our beds to keep the cobwebs away.”

  She snorts. “No cobwebs growing around here. That’s for sure.”

  “I can only imagine.”

  She looks over at me. “Could I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “You never talk about the kids’ father, and I haven’t wanted to ask. But I’ll admit I’m curious.”

  I fix my gaze on my babies, the only good things to come from a relationship that caused me more heartache than joy. “He left us right before Maddie was born.” There’s so much more to the story, but it’s not something I talk about, even with my closest friends. Years after it happened, it’s still so painful to think about.