It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Chick Lit

by S. E. Babin

  We followed Brady inside and he directed us down the hall to the bathroom. I couldn’t help but be impressed by the apartment. By New York standards it was huge. It was ornately decorated with chandeliers and elegant furniture, tasteful art adorning the walls. The place reeked of money and class—unlike Tobey Thomas.

  “Second on the right,” Brady said, pointing down the hall.

  “Thanks,” I replied.

  “No problem. I can wait here for you, if you like?”

  As I looked into his eyes my belly did another flip-flop. “I, err...”

  Lana tugged on my hand. “Let’s go. See you back out at the party, Brady.”

  We reached the bathroom and closed the door firmly behind us. Lana and I looked at one another for a moment before we both burst into laughter.

  Lana high-fived me. “We’re doing this! That guy Tobey is going to feel so bad.”

  “So bad.” I put my hand over my mouth, shaking my head. I almost felt sorry for Tobey. But not quite.

  “Now we just need to work on the real target tonight, Brady,” Lana said, peering in the mirror.

  There was that guilt again, creeping across my chest.

  “Look, Lana. I was thinking. It’s ancient history. Brady seems nice now. Really nice. And this? It all feels a bit ‘high school’, you know? Let’s just forget the drink and lighting the poop present, okay? Have a nice time.”

  Lana turned to face me and took me by the shoulders. Speaking in a slow, deliberate fashion she said, “You’re getting speed wobbles, Tilly. It’s only natural. I need you to close your eyes. Now focus in on how these guys made you feel back in high school. What they did to you, how humiliated you were.”

  I did as she instructed. In an instant the gut-wrenching mortification washed over me like it was yesterday.

  “Better?” Lana questioned when I opened my eyes.

  “Let’s go light that sucker.”

  Back outside, I scanned the terrace for Brady. I spotted him deep in conversation with a beautiful woman who looked like she could be on the cover of Vogue magazine. Typical: he always had a way with the females of our species.

  It was now or never.

  I wandered nonchalantly over to the Christmas tree as Lana circled behind Brady in a ‘party ops’ move we’d practiced at our apartment. I picked up the present and pulled the lighter fluid out of my purse, ready to give it a good dousing.

  As I bent over, a clammy hand slid around my waist. “There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.”

  I straightened up to see an intoxicated Tobey Thomas next to me. “Hi,” I said with less enthusiasm than a kid at the dentist. I guessed the mega dose of laxative hadn’t kicked in just yet. More’s the pity.

  His eyes slid over my body, settling once more on my chest. Well, I’d give him points for consistency, that’s for sure.

  “I can’t believe you’re Tilly from high school. You’ve changed so much.”

  “You too,” I replied. Back then Tobey was athletic, cute in an arrogant kind of way, and Mr Popularity. Today? Not so much.

  “You think? Thanks. Hey, how about you and I get a little more... comfortable. We’ve got a lot to catch up on, don’t you think?”

  The last thing I would ever want to do would be to get ‘comfortable’ with this man. Whatever that meant.

  “Oh, I’m just... putting this present under the tree.” I brandished the wrapped poop at him.

  Tobey eyed it. “Is that for Brady?”

  “Yes. It’s... ah... cufflinks.” I glanced down at the gift. It was far too big to be cufflinks. “And chocolates. Cufflinks and chocolates. You know, that classic combination?”

  Really?

  “Nice. Can I have a look at it?” He reached up to take the gift from me.

  I snatched it back. “No! It’s... delicate.”

  He raised his eyebrows at me. “Delicate cufflinks?”

  “Mmm-hmm.” I said a silent prayer he would let it go.

  He glanced over my shoulder. At least he was no longer talking to my breasts. “Look, can I borrow that?”

  “Borrow it? Why?”

  “I’ll be honest with you. My boss is here tonight and I totally forgot to get him a Christmas present. If you let me have this one, I’ll owe you. Big.” He raised his eyebrows suggestively. “If you know what I mean.”

  A slow grin spread across my face. “Sure. Of course.”

  “Atta girl.”

  As I handed him the gift, I caught a fresh whiff of eau de turd. This couldn’t have worked out better if it’d been a part of the Three Point Revenge Plan.

  “Awesome.” He pulled me into him. I could smell the beer on his breath. Intermingled with the stinky gift it was quite the aroma. I suppressed an urge to vomit.

  “Don’t go anywhere. We’ve got some things to talk about,” he breathed on me. Not a moment too soon he released me and meandered off, presumably in search of his unsuspecting boss.

  I took a deep breath as I watched him leave. His boss was going to get a rather sizeable surprise when he opened Tobey’s present. I guessed he would be one grumpy man. I grinned.

  “What are you smiling about?” Brady asked, now Vogue model free.

  “Nothing. Just having a nice time.” I shivered, tried to cover it up.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to put your coat on? Seriously, Tills, you’re turning blue.”

  He called me Tills? In a flash I was back in history class, buddied up with Brady on an American Revolution project. I was trying not to blush as we sat close together, discussing dates and events. ‘Tills’ became his name for me. We worked on that project together for a week. The best week of my entire school life.

  Until he ruined it.

  I swallowed. “I’m fine, really.”

  “So how come you’re in New York? I thought you were only ever here for senior year.”

  I shrugged. “I was. I came back a few weeks ago. It’s so cool to see all the amazing buildings, the shops, Central Park, the Rockefeller Center.”

  “The Rockefeller Center is awesome this time of year, I’ll give you that.”

  “I know,” I replied whimsically. “It’s...”

  “Magical.” Brady finished my sentence for me.

  I grinned at him, those hamsters cranking up their dance party in my tummy.

  I cleared my throat. “I went to the Rockefeller Center with my friends the Christmas I lived here. I’ve never forgotten it.” I thought about how I felt when I first laid eyes on it: the giant tree, the gold statue, the ice skaters. It had felt like Christmas the way it ought to be. After a moment I shook my head, bringing myself back to the present. “Anyway, I loved it here in the city so much I wanted to come back.”

  He seemed surprised, relieved even. “You did?” His face broke into a smile. “That’s good to hear.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Why do you say that?”

  He shrugged, looked down at his feet. “I don’t know. I guess, back then...” He paused, looking back up at me. “Tilly, I owe you an apology.”

  The atmosphere suddenly changed.

  I swallowed. Hard. “You do?”

  He nodded. “I do. That thing in high school? I’m not sure if you remember...”

  “Oh, I remember.”

  “I figured as much. Look.” He put his hand on my arm, sending shivers down my spine. “I know I shouldn’t have done it. All of us guys pulled a name out of a hat and had to ask that girl to the Winter Dance. When I pulled your name out, I felt horrible.”

  I nodded at him, my lips pursed into a thin line as my old friend mortification knocked on the door. I knew I was supposed to be seducing and then dumping him to give him a dose of his own medicine, but in an instant our Three Point Revenge Plan felt irrelevant, childish.

  I hung my head. “You didn’t have to do it, Brady.” My voice came out in almost a whisper.

  “I know that now. It was really crappy of me. I’m sorry.”

  I looked up in
to his eyes. We held one another’s gaze as my heart squeezed. I wanted to pinch myself, make sure this wasn’t another one of my fantasies. “That’s okay.” I could barely hear my voice over the thud of my heart.

  We heard a ruckus over by the drinks table. “What the hell?” a man’s voice boomed.

  “I wonder what’s going on?” Brady asked.

  I spotted Tobey with another man over by the drinks table. Lana was standing a few feet away, phone in hand filming the unfolding events.

  I shrugged, knowing exactly what was happening. “No idea, although I’m sure it’s none of our business.”

  Brady shot me a puzzled look. “You may be right.”

  I spied Lana approaching us. “Oh, look. There’s Lana. Doesn’t she suit that colour? I think so. It’s totally her. I wonder how she’s doing. Lana! How are you?” I babbled.

  She glanced uncertainly from me to Brady and back to me again. “Hey guys. Look, Tilly, I think we need to get going. We’ve got that thing, remember?”

  “That thing?”

  She glared at me.

  “Oh, yes, of course. That thing.”

  “And we need to go. Now.”

  The voices got louder on the other side of the terrace. I turned to Brady. “Thank you, Brady, for a lovely evening. It was—”

  “Bye, Brady.” Lana dragged me towards the door before I had the chance to finish my sentence.

  “Tilly!” Tobey yelled, stomping over towards us, his face like thunder.

  “Yikes!” I tottered in my heels behind Lana who grabbed our coats as we headed for the door.

  As we reached the threshold, I turned back to look at Brady. He stood watching me, open-mouthed, confusion written across his face. I stopped still and savoured the moment—not because I knew Tobey had got his comeuppance for being the ring leader in my humiliation after all this time, but because in a matter seconds, Brady would know what I’d done. And he would think less of me.

  “Tilly, get back here!” Tobey shouted, closing the distance between us.

  I mouthed “sorry” to Brady then tore my eyes away from him. Together Lana and I dashed through the door, down the stairs, and ran as fast as our heels would take us to the elevator.

  “Come on! Come on!” Lana cried in frustration as she pushed the elevator button repeatedly. Like that was going to make it come faster.

  As if by some miracle, the elevator arrived a couple of seconds later. We dived in and hit the ‘close’ button, willing it to weave its magic. As the doors slid together we heaved a collective sigh of relief, both leaning up against the elevator wall, hearts hammering with adrenaline.

  “That was close,” Lana commented, shaking her head. “Too close.”

  “It was. How did you know what had happened?”

  “I saw it. That idiot Tobey stole our present from under the tree and gave it to his boss! Can you believe it?”

  I let out a nervous, high-pitched laugh. “I know. Only he didn’t steal it. I gave it to him.”

  She shook her head. “Genius, girl. Genius.”

  “I know, right?” I took a couple of deep breaths, grinning from ear to ear. My triumph was short lived. In an instant, my mind turned to Brady. What must he think of me?

  Lana was oblivious to my inner turmoil. “I don’t know about you, but I think we rocked that party.”

  “Yeah. Totally.”

  The elevator reached the lobby and pinged as the doors slid open. If this were an action movie, Tobey would be standing there, waiting for us, an axe in his hand and a crazed look on his face.

  Lucky for us it was not and the coast was clear.

  We slipped our coats on and walked out onto the street. “Where do you want to head?” Lana asked.

  “I know this is probably really cheesy for you, but is it okay if we go to the Rockefeller Center? It’s been on my mind tonight.”

  “Sure. It’s only a few blocks away.”

  We arrived a short stroll later. I stopped and stared at the huge Christmas tree, mesmerized by its twinkling lights, the giant, bright star atop, the huge gold statue beneath. People were milling around, while others were ice-skating to Christmas music under the giant tree.

  I let out a sigh.

  “You really like this place, don’t you?” Lana asked, smiling, her eyes kind.

  “I do. I came here to see the tree when I was a teenager. I fell down ice-skating there.” I pointed to a spot on the rink below. “And there.” I pointed to another spot. “And there.”

  “Sounds painful to me.”

  I shrugged. “It was... magical.”

  She shook her head. “Tourists.”

  We stood in companionable silence as I got swept away by the scene before me.

  This. This is why I’m in New York at Christmastime. With all the people, the endless traffic, the twenty-four hours a day noise, the pollution, being where I am right now makes it all worthwhile.

  Lana nudged me in the ribs, pulling me back to earth.

  “Ouch! Why’d you do that?” I protested.

  In response, she nudged me again, cocking her head to the side like a confused spaniel.

  I turned to see what she was looking it.

  Brady.

  My heart leapt into my mouth. “What...? What are you doing here, Brady?”

  “You left so fast.” He puffed as he spoke. “So I ran. I guessed you’d be here.”

  I glanced down at his hand. “You ran here with your beer?”

  He lifted the beer up and looked at it as though he hadn’t seen it before. “Ha. I didn’t realise I did that.”

  We stood for a moment together until Lana said, “I’m going to head over and look at the thing over there.”

  Before I had the chance to ask, she was gone.

  I turned to Brady. “Why’d you follow me?”

  “We... I didn’t think we’d finished talking.”

  A fresh wave of guilt slammed into me. “Brady, I... I need to tell you something.”

  “That you tried to prank me with a pile of turd wrapped up in a present?”

  I shifted my weight. “Ah, yeah. I’m really sorry. It was dumb of me.”

  He shrugged. “No harm no foul. Well, for me, anyway. Tobey’s not in the best space right now.”

  I bit my lip. “I bet.”

  “And to top it off he thinks he’s come down with a tummy bug. He looked pretty green when I left.”

  “Oh. That’s no good.” An urgent change of subject was required. Stat! Something had been nagging at me since we’d last met. “Did you really not remember who I was when you came into the store?”

  He scrunched up his face. “Yeah, about that. I might not have been totally honest with you. I put two and two together: the nametag, your accent. You may look different from high school days, Tills, but I could still tell it was you.”

  I regarded him with surprise. “You didn’t seem to.”

  He kicked the floor. “I was embarrassed. Back in high school, I was a bit of a—”

  “Complete asshole?” I offered.

  Brady chuckled. “I was going to say jerk, but asshole is probably more accurate. I’m glad I have the opportunity to make up for it now.”

  I grinned at him, suddenly shy. He smiled back as he absentmindedly raised his beer to his lips.

  Oh, god. The laxative! And, knowing Lana and her excessive approach to revenge, enough of it to fell a fully-grown elephant.

  Action was required: and fast!

  In an instant I reached up and hit the bottle with my palm, sending it flying out of Brady’s hand and onto the ground. It smashed, the remains of the beer—and liquid laxative—frothing over the broken glass.

  Brady gazed down at the smashed bottle and back up at me, his mouth agape.

  Okay, how are you going to explain this one, Tilly?

  “Is that another New Zealand tradition?” he asked, dumbfounded.

  “Yes!” I replied, relieved he’d come up with an almost plausible explanation for
me. “It’s... considered bad luck to... to drink from a beer that’s been held in the hand for more than ten minutes at Christmastime.”

  What?

  He grinned. “I’ll be sure to drink my beer faster in the future then.”

  “Or put it down on the table in between sips. You could do that,” I offered reasonably.

  He nodded. “I guess you can never be too careful with these things.”

  He smiled at me and the hamsters banged against the walls in my belly.

  He dropped his chin. “I thought you’d hate me after what happened.”

  I shrugged. “I did.”

  “Past tense?” The look on his face was... hopeful.

  “We all do things we’re not proud of and would rather forget.” Such as Three Point Revenge Plans.

  “I always kind of liked you.”

  “You did?” I squeaked.

  “Yeah. I’ll admit, you’re much cuter these days, but you’ve always been really nice. I remember how fun it was doing that history project together. I liked you.”

  My face glowed. “Thanks. I liked you too, despite the asshole behaviour.” I laughed. “And that’s saying a lot.”

  His grin crinkled the edges of his eyes and lit up his face. “Does that mean I can do this?” He took my hand in his, looking into my eyes. “Wow, you’re cold.”

  “I know.” My mouth went dry.

  He pulled something out of his pocket. It was the mistletoe that had slipped off the chocolate Santas. Without another word, he held it above our heads, leaned in, and brushed his lips against mine. It was achingly good. He pulled away for a moment before kissing me again, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into his wonderful, warm, firm body.

  I’m kissing Brady McKinnon! I’m kissing Brady McKinnon!

  I know it’s a total cliché but my knees actually did go weak.

  Eventually—but far too soon for my liking—he pulled away from me again. “Tilly? How about we come to a deal. If I forgive you for this evening, would you forgive me for what I did to you in high school?”

  A smile spread across my face. Without a moment’s hesitation, I offered him my hand. “Deal.”

  We shook and he grinned back at me. “What are you doing for New Year’s? Would you like to go out with me? As long as you leave any poop presents you may still have lingering around at home, of course.”