by Gabbi Grey
“My turn.”
He shook his head and gestured for me to leave the shower. “Quicker if I do it myself.”
And it’d give him a moment to collect himself. I read the confusion in his expression. The longing mixed with the uncertainty. Not wanting to add to the storm of emotions, I stepped out of his arms and onto the floor. Heated tiles, no less. Decadent and welcomed. The towels also came off a heated rack, and I wrapped myself in the warmth.
Mere moments later, Thomas joined me, snagging a towel and drying his hair quickly and efficiently. His beautiful longish hair was down around his shoulders. I longed to run my hands through it. I wanted to sink my hands in it and tug. Hard. If his reactions thus far were any indication, he’d likely enjoy it. He was a sensualist, something I always longed for in a partner. Desmond hadn’t been that way. He enjoyed sex but rarely lingered. He was all about the orgasm.
Stop.
I didn’t need to be comparing the two men because, frankly, Desmond would come out the loser, and that wasn’t how I wanted to remember my ten years with him.
Thomas pressed a thumb to the spot between my eyebrows. “Regrets?”
“Never.” I added extra vehemence. “I want you to sleep in my bed tonight.”
His pupils widened.
“We don’t have to do anything.” He needed to know this wasn’t about sex. “I want to hold you.”
“I’ve never…” His gaze broke away from mine.
With gentle fingers I guided his chin back so his eyes met mine. “Your choice. Honestly, I enjoy being your first for everything. There’s a headiness that comes with it.”
“But I have nothing to offer.”
Aw, shit. “You have everything to offer. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re funny and considerate. You’re attentive and tell great anecdotes.” I doubted he even realized how pleasant he was to be around. Even after such a short time, I looked forward to seeing him. When my mind wandered between takes, I’d wonder what he was doing.
“I guess I’d better dry off, then.”
Not wanting to crow over the capitulation, I offered a smile. Another small step.
Chapter Ten
As sexy as it sounded, there could be no doubt having sex against a tree was uncomfortable. Or at least that was my perception. Cole was ever the professional and made plenty of jokes, but this shoot was tough for him. Peter’s kindness helped, I’m sure, as did all the care of the crew, but when it came down to it, being naked in nature was an exercise in patience, not glamour.
Grateful to have been allowed on set, I watched as Peter pretended to fuck Cole. And fuck was the right word. No gentleness or consideration. This was animalistic rutting. This was consensual force and violence.
This was hot as fuck.
More than once, my cock twitched. I’d seen guys going at it before. But to see the man I was coming to care for performing in such an intimate scene? No, that was new. I didn’t feel jealousy, though. Because although he was good at his job, he wasn’t actually hard. No hiding the fact he was flaccid. Ha, even soft he was impressive. I almost felt bad the paying audience wouldn’t get to see him, but they wanted an R rating, not NC-17, so that meant cocks could be hinted at but never shown. Damn shame, but then did I really want women—and men—ogling my boyfriend?
Boyfriend.
Okay, that was still sinking in. Last night he’d blown me. Obviously a first for me. Then he’d held me all night—he the big spoon despite me being taller. I was soothed by his strong presence, and the quick hand job this morning had been pretty sweet as well. I’d wanted to try to give him a blow job, but getting to set on time was more important. We’d been ten minutes early, leaving me to speculate whether I could’ve done it. If we stayed together, I wanted to try.
If.
I would not go down that train of thought. I’d promised to enjoy each moment, each day as it came. Tomorrow would be here soon enough, and I hoped it’d come with more joy and not heartbreak.
“Cut.” Lisette’s voice carried through the forest, echoing against the trees. “I’m going to call wrap.”
Janine stepped forward. “Tomorrow night, we’re in the village. Call time is four in the afternoon.”
Oh, holy hell, that meant we had twenty-four hours before we needed to be back. As I pictured all we could do in that time, my cock twitched in anticipation.
Cole and Peter stepped over to the tent where they donned their clothes and reappeared within just a few minutes. Cole slapped Peter on the back and then headed toward the car park.
We’d landed a spot close to civilization with the blessing of the land management group. They’d sent a representative who’d kept a respectful distance from the closed set. Still, the woman looked sharp to me, so she must’ve known what we were doing. I loved being in a place where two guys hooking up was no big deal.
Peter pulled me in for a quick, hard kiss. “You ready to go?”
A quick glance at Janine confirmed I was.
She made a shooing motion, then went back to speaking to one of the camera operators.
“You okay?”
Peter’s quiet question brought me back to the moment. I grabbed his hand and smiled. “I am now.”
We walked down to the SUV together, and Jo drove us back into town. We held hands the entire time, and although we conversed, I was only half paying attention. Twenty-four hours. More than enough time to convince Peter to take me to bed, right? After all, it’d been his request I stay in the chalet with him.
Jo pulled up and shot us a grin in the mirror. “You guys have fun. I’ll be here at three thirty.”
Peter grinned back. “Thanks, Jo.”
He didn’t let go of my hand, instead pulling me out his door. We made our way into the chalet where the scent of tomato sauce hit us full-on. My stomach growled. The sandwiches for lunch had been good, but they’d also been hours ago. Still grasping my hand, Peter led me to the kitchen, tossing his bag on a chair. He read the note and finally released my hand.
He donned the oven mitts and opened the door to the oven. Man, that smells good. Picking up the pan, he then placed it on the stovetop.
I flicked off the oven and sniffed.
“I requested pasta.” His grin was infectious. “A little heavy on a hot day like today.”
We’d been cooler up here in the mountains, but it’d still been warm. I hadn’t sweat through my T-shirt, though, so that was something.
“We’ll need the energy.” He said the words casually as he removed two plates from the cupboard. “I need a quick shower, and then we’ll eat.”
“I can join you…”
The corners of his lips twitched. “Uh, I want to eat before the night is over. You in the shower is a distraction. I need to wash off nature.” And undoubtedly Cole’s scent. They’d been in each other’s space most of the day.
He was being considerate, and I appreciated it.
“I’ll heat the garlic bread and dish out the salad.”
He leaned in on tiptoes, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Thank you.”
Then he was gone.
****
Dinner passed in a blur of conversation and laughter. I recounted stories from my childhood, even including a few of my adventures with Luke. He might’ve been the older one, but he’d often allowed himself to be led by me and my desire to try new things.
Being a daredevil wasn’t in his nature, but he refused to be bested by his younger brother. His broken arm had resulted when he’d jumped off the roof of the house. I had gone first and rolled gracefully. He’d tried to do the same thing but had hit the ground hard with his right arm extended.
I still remember the sound of bone crunching. He told my parents what he’d done but insisted he’d gone first and no one else had jumped. That was Luke, quietly cleaning up my messes.
Peter had a few tales of life growing up on a cattle ranch. I’d tried riding horses but was terrible at it. Peter had done a couple of movies where h
e’d ridden—he played a rancher in one and a cowboy in the other.
I had no problems saying the man had an amazing seat. Better than many I’d seen. Had I been checking out his ass? Not intentionally, although yeah, probably. And such a fine ass it was.
“There’s ice cream for dessert.”
I pressed a hand to my belly. “I don’t think that’s happening soon.”
“For later, then.”
We rose and took the plates to the sink. I put foil over the pan and put it in the fridge. Plenty for lunch tomorrow. Good planning on his part. No, we didn’t need to leave here at all, for anything.
Peter grasped my hand and turned me to face him. He pressed me back against the counter and settled between my thighs. Reaching up, he applied pressure to the back of my head so I’d lean forward. Lean into his kiss. I snaked my arms around his waist and tugged him closer. The kiss was languid, easy. Tasting, teasing, and tempting.
When he eased his tongue into my mouth, I welcomed it. This whole kissing thing still felt awkward, but a little less so each time. Maybe at some point I’d be able to initiate the intimacy.
Pressing against me, he ground slowly. My cock against his hip jumped to life, and I cursed the denim. Too tight and confining. Too thick a fabric between the two of us. Suddenly I wanted more.
I wanted it all.
“I’m ready, Peter.”
He eased back, his hands resting on my hips. “There’s no pressure, Thomas.”
“I know.” And I did. But I was also dying of curiosity and wanted to know. Sure, jerking off felt good, but I wanted to be close to someone. Huh. I guess this had always been my wish. A desire hidden deep within me. Something I never planned to share. Not after everything that’d happened. “Please, Peter. I want this.”
He leaned in so our foreheads touched. “You can stop this at any time, okay?”
I gulped. “Yeah. Same goes, right?”
Laughter erupted from him. “Yeah, same goes. God, you’re adorable.”
Not sure I wanted to be seen as adorable at that moment. I followed him through the main room and up the stairs. Telling myself to be calm and actually being calm were two completely different things. I tried to keep my heart rate under control, but I struggled. I didn’t think I’d wanted anything more in my life, and although I wanted to speed things up, I also wanted to slow things down and savor them. Memorize them. Snapshot the images to keep me company on the cold lonely nights ahead of me when Peter left.
Jesus Fucking Christ.
We hadn’t even had sex, and I was already planning the funeral of this relationship.
Get your head in the game.
“Thomas?”
Shit.
He tugged me close, and I pressed one hand against his chest. “I want this. I really do.”
Something passed in those expressive eyes. Understanding? Compassion? I wasn’t sure, but he stepped back and pointed to the ground.
“This starts with us removing our shoes.”
Mundane but necessary. In fact, we probably should’ve removed them when we first came back, but now wasn’t the time to fret over cleaning. We sat next to each other on the bed and removed our shoes. And socks, for good measure. Peter rose and held out his hand for me. I allowed him to pull me to my feet. In movies the couple usually grabbed at each other, kissing frantically while yanking off clothes. It looked sexy, but I’d no idea how to replicate it. Or even if I wanted to.
Peter stepped back and moved to a chair in the corner of the room. He settled down in it, leaning back. “I want to watch you undress.”
Yeah, like that didn’t set off a whole new batch of nerves. I mean, I was removing clothes. How hard could that be? It also meant revealing part of myself that I’d never shared with anyone. That intimidated. Okay, he must have his reasons for wanting this. I grabbed the hem of my T-shirt and pulled it over my head. I tossed it aside and tried to flatten my messy hair.
“Continue, please.”
The edge to his voice was unmistakable. I might not know much, but I recognized need. The jeans were usually easy enough to unzip, but I had to carefully ease it over my hard-on. Yeah, I was hard. Oh, man, I was going to be with Peter. Was I more overwhelmed or invigorated? My briefs did nothing to hide my erection, and when he waved his finger up and down, I was left with no illusions of what he wanted. Hooking my fingers in the elastic, I eased them down.
“Jesus, you’re beautiful, Thomas.”
The protest died on my lips. To him, in that moment, I probably did look good. The sunlight hit my chest, emphasizing my pecs. A shadow cut across my groin, but my cock stuck straight out, leaking precum and begging for action.
“Pull down the duvet and lie on the sheets for me, okay?”
Okay? Hell, I’d do just about anything he asked at this point, but his instructions were simple and clear, so I obeyed. I settled on the bed. Now what?
“Touch yourself.”
A weird power imbalance existed, but I didn’t care. Taking my cock in my hand, I stroked slowly.
Peter rose and made his way over to the bed. He removed first T-shirt and then jeans.
His briefs were quickly shucked, and as he stood over me, his cock stuck out. I wanted to touch, to taste, but his eyes continued to pin me to the bed.
Turning, he moved to his overnight bag. He pulled out a bottle and a box.
Condoms and lube? Two things I hadn’t thought to bring. Had I envisioned being in his bed? As a dream, perhaps, but not a realistic one. Boy, how wrong I’d been.
Placing the items next to me, he sat so our hips touched. He leaned over so he could feather a hand through my hair. “Now we talk logistics.”
Logistics? Oh, yeah, that.
“I’m going to be honest, Thomas. I only ever topped Desmond. It worked for us. That being said, I’ll take you anyway I can get you. It’s your call.”
Shit. This was the moment of reckoning. The moment where nothing but the truth would work.
“I told you, I tried to bottom, and it didn’t work out.”
“I remember.” Nothing but compassion was in his eyes.
“Yeah, didn’t work out was an understatement. He hurt me. Badly.”
Peter cocked an eyebrow, waiting for me to say more.
“Basically it hurt like fuck, and when I asked him to stop, he wouldn’t, and he had me pinned down. He was a lot bigger than me. I was tall, yeah, but scrawny. Anyway, he wouldn’t stop.” And I might as well tell the rest of the story. “As soon as I could, I got away. I ran until I got to the highway. I called my brother because I was so embarrassed, and I didn’t want my parents to know. He was coming to get me when a semi lost control and hit his car. He was speeding, but the truck crossed the center line, so, yeah, not his fault.”
“But you blame yourself.”
“Of course I do. If I hadn’t called. If I hadn’t gone home with that guy. If I hadn’t been curious and horny…”
“If he hadn’t raped you.”
I jackknifed up, but he put a hand on my shoulder, easing me back down. The touch unsettled, but it wasn’t unwelcome. “I wasn’t going to tell you.”
“I understand why you didn’t want to, but you can see why I needed to know, right?”
Not really.
My doubt must have shown because he continued. “I might’ve triggered you and not known why.”
“Does this mean you’re going to treat me differently?” That’d always been behind my unwillingness to share. I didn’t want people to see me as less. As less of a man. As a victim.
“It means I won’t rush you. Not going to use force. Not try to overpower you.”
Disappointment flashed through me. I wanted those things. Wanted him to take control so I could turn off my brain and just enjoy myself.
“What do you want, Thomas? Be honest.”
“I’m…” I struggled. “I don’t think I’m a top. At least I don’t want to be one right now, you know? I’d be so scared of hurting you. A
nd…” Jesus Christ. “When I, uh…well, it feels good, you know?”
“When you massage your prostate?”
Okay, my face was on fire again. I closed my eyes in humiliation.
“We need to be open and honest with each other.” He stroked my jaw. “Will you let me touch you that way?”
After all this talking he still wanted to touch me? I wasn’t worthy of him.
“Open your eyes, sweetheart.”
The endearment did it. Where I might’ve been hesitant before, now I was willing. To face him. To face my shame. Opening my eyes, I locked gazes with the compassionate green ones looking down at me. Something inside me shifted. I’d known what had been done to me that night years ago was wrong, but Luke’s death had obliterated that. Guilt had settled, and I’d been convinced nothing could dislodge it. Maybe because I’d never talked about it, I hadn’t seen any way out. Peter was offering me that out. Offering me absolution I hadn’t known I needed.
My previously flagging cock perked up a bit at the mere thought of him touching me intimately. Slowly, deliberately, I opened my legs, letting my knees fall to the side. Letting him see, and hopefully enjoy, what I had to offer.
“Beautiful.” He surveyed my body, then looked back up to meet my gaze. “You’re stunning in so many ways.” He leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss. “But it’s your heart that calls to me.”
He wasn’t being literal, but I basked in his words. This I could offer. My heart. My affection. And, dare I say it, my love.
He stroked from my jaw, down my throat, across my sternum, and lower still. My cock, full and weeping, lay against my stomach. At his first intimate touch, I nearly jackknifed again. Such a simple gesture that meant so much. He pressed his thumb against my slit as precum leaked. Grasping me firmly, he squeezed in just the right way. With his other hand, he fondled my balls and rolled them around.
My body sang with need. Little electric sparks jolted through me. My brain nearly exploded with pleasure. My body built toward something bigger than myself. I entreated. “Please.”