Behind the Third Door: The Innocence Cycle, Book 2

by J D Abbas

  Her eyes flicked to Mikaelin and back to him, then anger flared in them. “Let me out of here. I need to leave this place.” She charged toward the door.

  Mikaelin planted himself in front of the exit. Elena pushed at him with no success. She grunted with frustration, kicked his shins and pounded his chest with her fists. Silvandir moved to stop her, but Mikaelin shook his head. He made no attempt to defend himself but let her expel her anger. Finally, Elena wore herself out and leaned her head against his arm, her body sagging.

  “I can’t stay in Kelach,” she sobbed. “I continually create more troubles and bloodshed by my presence. That creature nearly killed Celdorn. You saw; he almost died as we all stood by helplessly watching. And I would have been the one responsible for the death of your beloved leader.”

  “But the Jhadhela was with him, and he prevailed,” Silvandir said.

  Elena held out her arms. “And… and look at me; I’m covered with that man’s vile blood.” She pointed at the spatter on her clothes. “And if that weren’t enough, I’ve been paraded in front of all of those men, supposedly for my vindication, but-but instead I’m stripped naked and humiliated before the entire keep. I can’t believe what he said. I’m so ashamed.”

  “Celdorn would have silenced him immediately had he not been concerned for your feelings,” Silvandir said. “He showed amazing restraint. I would have struck him down after his first words.”

  Elena threw up her hands. “You’re all so quick to shed blood, especially when it’s not your head it falls upon.”

  “It’s not on your head either,” Silvandir argued. “You didn’t rape him. You didn’t make the law, and you didn’t break the law. Your only part was to be the victim of that vermin.”

  “And yet, every man in this keep knows that he died because I came to Kelach, and many of them are probably wondering if I did entice him, because that’s what I am, that’s what I do. Isn’t it?”

  “They heard his vile words. They could discern what kind of man he was. Rather than being repentant, he was arrogant and defiant. He mocked the Lord Protector, to whom he pledged fealty, and questioned Celdorn’s character before the men he commands.”

  Elena stopped arguing and flopped onto the floor shaking her head. “You don’t understand. You’ll never understand,” she muttered.

  That was a knife in Silvandir’s gut. He looked away. “I-I need to inform Celdorn that you are safe and with us.” His voice was as gentle as he could make it. “I’m sure he is concerned for your welfare. He knew this execution would be difficult for you.”

  With a deflated heart, he moved to the door. “I’ll return shortly.”

  ~

  Mikaelin stepped aside to let Silvandir out then slid in front of the door again.

  Elena glared at him. He lowered his eyes.

  “I’m sorry you were humiliated.” Mikaelin’s voice was low, wrought with emotion.

  “Everyone knows such intimate things about me now. How do I ever walk around Kelach again?”

  “I understand.” It came out little more than a whisper.

  “How could you possibly…” Elena’s words dissolved in her mouth when she saw the mask of agony that slipped over Mikaelin’s face.

  “I felt such empathy for you,” he continued, not even hearing her objection. “I do know the feeling. As I watched, I decided I want to tell you something today…”

  Elena grabbed her knees and hugged them.

  “The day I healed—” Mikaelin shook his head and restarted. “The day I shared your wounds, you asked how else the darkness of Rhamal affected my uncle.” Mikaelin looked at her directly but couldn’t hold her gaze. Instead, his eyes focused on a crack in the floor. “The many things that beast, Loqarad, did to you and forced you to do to him, my uncle did to me, repeatedly, for the four years I lived with him. I was only eight when it started.” Silence hung heavy in the small space. Mikaelin shifted his weight and struggled to find the words to continue. Elena gazed up at him, tears filling her wide eyes. He closed his.

  “But that wasn’t sufficient humiliation in his warped mind. One day after he’d… violated—no, raped me, for that is what it was,” he argued with himself. “After he’d done that, he”—Mikaelin faltered—“he cut off one of my testicles.” Elena gasped and clamped her hand over her mouth “He told me that since I served his needs and cried like a girl, I should look like one. It was his intent to remove the rest of my… manhood as well, but he was too drunk. He slipped and… well, only got part. And-and I was so terrified, I was able to push him away and flee before he could finish.” He paused, his head still down and eyes closed.

  “I have kept that well-hidden for eighteen years. When other boys swam together without their clothes, I wouldn’t join them. Living among the other men here, I’m always careful not to dress around anyone or be in the bathing room unless I’m alone.” Mikaelin began to pace.

  “No one had known my secret until the day I took on the wounds of the children at the doqajh in Rhamal. While I was unconscious, Dalgo undressed me to tend my injuries. He saw the evidence. When I found out he had witnessed my deformity, I was so ashamed, but I couldn’t explain to him or Elbrion what had been done to me. Elbrion discovered the truth later when he entered my mind.” His fists clenched and unclenched as he moved from wall to wall, his pace quickening.

  “I was a boy, raised near Queyon by good people. I knew about rape, knew it was against our laws, but no one told me it could happen to a boy. It shouldn’t happen to a boy. A boy is supposed to be strong, to fight.” Mikaelin slammed a fist into his other hand, his jaw tense. Then his energy evaporated and his body went slack. “In that… in that, I failed…”

  His voice trailed off, and he paced in silence, cracking his knuckles as if to release something from his very bones. “And now… now I’m not fully a man. How can I be with a woman when I am only half a man? I don’t even know if I can function as a man. How do I let her see my mutilated body? How do I tell her it has been used like a woman’s? It’s humiliating.” He finally looked at Elena. “I do understand your feelings.”

  She sat quietly, gazing down, ashamed of herself for being so self-absorbed. What could she say to this revelation? Finally, she met his gaze. “Mikaelin, I’m so sorry.”

  “I didn’t tell you so that you would pity me.” He ran his hands through his hair, pacing again. “I-I never thought I’d tell anyone what I just told you; but I wanted you to know because, as strange as it may sound, I feel a bond with you because of what you have suffered… what we have suffered. I knew you would understand… the… the humiliation… the degradation, the shame.” He stopped his frantic movement and looked at her. “I told you, not because I want your sympathy, but because… I trust you, and I don’t readily trust, as you well know.”

  They were quiet for several minutes as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

  “Thank you, my friend, for entrusting me with this.” Elena searched for the words that would convey what was in her heart, that weren’t trite and placating. “Though I deeply regret what happened to you and the pain you carry, it is at the same time a strange comfort, I’m ashamed to say, to know what you have endured. I don’t feel quite so alone. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, very well. And that was part of my hope in sharing with you. I have always felt so alien here among these good men, these whole men. I have felt damaged and isolated in my truth.”

  “It’s good not to have to suffer alone,” Elena whispered.

  Mikaelin’s head bobbed, and he dropped to his knees. “So I beg you, Elena, please don’t leave, or I will again be alone.” His dark, brooding eyes continued the entreaty, their depths begging for her understanding, for her companionship.

  Elena nodded slowly to herself. “You’re good with your timing, Mikaelin.” She gave a weak grin. “How can I refuse you? You, who took my scars, and the only one who has felt my pain.” She looked down and sighed before lifting her eyes to him. “You’ll have to
help me then. Your exposure was limited, mine was heard by all.”

  “I’ll stand beside you, strongly, proudly when you feel the shame overwhelm you. I won’t allow you to hide and let that bastard win.” His voice punched the words. “There are many men in this place—good men—who know the truth and believe in you. You’ll find your footing again, I’m certain of it.”

  ~

  Silvandir climbed the curved steps of the tower, muttering to himself. Elena had placed a chasm between them with her words. He wanted to understand. He thought he did understand… as much as a man could understand. But his anger had gotten in the way again.

  He still fumed over Elena being spoken of in such a vile way in front of the entire keep. She had done nothing to deserve such treatment. He was glad he hadn’t been on the balcony during the exchange, or he might have overstepped his bounds and silenced Loqarad sooner. Why couldn’t Elena see that he was on her side, that he would do anything to protect her honor? He sighed with frustration.

  When he opened the door at the top of the steps, Silvandir heard a man bellowing for Celdorn from the courtyard below. The Lord Protector ignored the shouts as he paced the length of the balcony, ranting to Elbrion. The other guards had wisely removed themselves from the terrace.

  Celdorn stopped his tirade when he noticed Silvandir.

  “Lord Celdorn!” the voice called again.

  Celdorn waved his hand dismissively toward the balustrade and focused on Silvandir. “Where is she?”

  “With Mikaelin.” Silvandir kept his eyes averted as he reported. “In the small room under the tower stairs. We prevented her from running farther.”

  “Good.” Celdorn gave a stiff nod. “Thank you,” he added distractedly.

  “Please, my lord!” The man below sounded desperate.

  Celdorn finally looked over the rail. “What is so damned urgent, Drahmil?”

  “I’m sorry to disturb you, my lord. It’s about the body. I-it’s gone.”

  Chapter 14

  “Of course the body’s gone. I ordered it burned outside our walls,” Celdorn called down to Drahmil.

  “But no one moved it, sir. The body just… vanished.” The Guardian’s voice cracked.

  Silvandir joined Celdorn at the balustrade. Drahmil was pointing at the ground, his face pale, knees wobbly.

  “A body doesn’t just vanish, Drahmil.”

  “I know, sir, but I watched it. It was there and then it was gone.”

  “Who took Loqarad’s body?” The courtyard amplified Celdorn’s roar, grabbing the attention of every man below and in the bailey beyond. A stillness followed.

  Drahmil gripped his head as he shook it. “It’s not just the body, but his head, the blood, everything. It all disappeared. Poof! Just like that.”

  Celdorn spun around, and his jaw dropped open. Drahmil was right. The pools of blood on the balcony and the spatter on the walls were all gone, as if the execution had never taken place, as if the man had been a fabrication of their collective imaginations.

  Silvandir stared at the ground along with him, dumbfounded. How could this be?

  Celdorn turned to Elbrion, brows raised.

  Elbrion shook his head, equally incredulous. “I cannot explain it.”

  Celdorn stepped back to the balustrade and gawked at the unmarred ground. “What manner of creature was he?”

  ~

  Accompanied by Celdorn and Elbrion, Silvandir knocked on the door under the tower stairs, where he’d left Elena. Mikaelin let them in.

  Elena sat on the floor, quiet and calm.

  Silvandir glanced from her to Mikaelin. “What magic did you work on her?”

  Mikaelin shrugged. “I talked with her.” Then he winked at Elena.

  Silvandir felt a moment’s jealousy at the smile she gave Mikaelin in return, frustrated his friend could calm her when all Silvandir seemed to do was infuriate her.

  When Celdorn entered, Elena’s smile vanished, and her gaze fixed on the ground. He immediately knelt in front of her and reached for her hands.

  “Forgive me, little one. Forgive me for exposing you like that. I sought only your vindication. I deeply regret putting you in that position.”

  “Perhaps you should stop trying to defend my honor. I’m indefensible,” she snapped, pulling her hands free.

  “That’s not true. He was a beast and a liar.”

  “He didn’t lie.” Elena raised her eyes to his with the same defiant glare she’d given Silvandir earlier. “He just exposed my truth for all to hear and gawk at. He might as well have stripped me bare right there in front of everyone.”

  “I’m truly sorry, little one.” Celdorn said again, gathering her hands in his. “But I don’t believe the men of this keep will take anything that creature said seriously.”

  “You give your men far too much credit, Celdorn. They are men, after all.” Elena scowled as she spewed the bitter words. “Many of them had serious doubts about me already. I could feel it when I stepped onto that balcony. Now they know that I lay with my own father, as well as many other men and women, and that my body is so used-up it couldn’t possibly satisfy any man’s—or animal’s—desire.” She pulled her hands away and firmly tucked them under her arms. “No, I can’t imagine that your men will take those words seriously. They will continue to believe I’m a sweet, innocent girl—a paragon of virtue, no less.”

  “But the men already knew about your history,” Celdorn pointed out, ignoring her sarcasm.

  “How?”

  “I addressed them the day after you arrived, just prior to leaving for the encampment.”

  The color drained from her face. “Wh-what did you tell them?”

  “I told them who you were and how you came to be here…”

  “You told them about the Farak?” she interrupted.

  “Yes. I told them how you had been sold into these kinds of arrangements since you were small.”

  “You told them that?” Elena turned from white to a sickly green.

  “We were going out to deal with this vile business of selling children as Gille d’Zhajh. They needed to know the despicable things that were happening in our valley.”

  “So you announced that I’m a whore to the entire keep without informing me?”

  “You are not, nor were you ever, a whore. I never implied any such thing.”

  “No, just that I was sold to groups of people to have sex. Your men could supply the word,” she snapped.

  “It was necessary to tell them, little one. There were already rumors about the girl we’d brought into the keep. It was important for them to know the truth. They don’t see you as a prostitute but as a victim of perverse men who used children for sex—not adults, children!”

  Elena shook her head. “But in announcing all that, you led Loqarad right to me. That’s how he knew who and what I was and how to find me.” She looked stunned.

  Celdorn’s shoulders slumped. “I had no idea that there was such a man among us. I would never have exposed you had I known. I was trying to protect you.”

  “Did you also tell them you and I were not lying together? That I’m too used-up for you?” Elena said, her voice filled with icy bitterness.

  “All right, all right, you win,” Celdorn conceded, holding his up hands in surrender. “He did much more damage with his words today. Words I, unfortunately, can’t undo. But I know my men won’t trust what he said.”

  “And why wouldn’t they? He appears to be one of them.”

  “That is no longer the case.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He is apparently not at all what he appeared, even when touched by Shatur.” Watching her carefully, he added, “His body has disappeared, vanished without a trace.”

  Elena jolted. “What? How can that be?”

  “None of us can explain it. We just know that the body, the head and the blood all disappeared, as if they had never been there.”

  Elena looked down at her shirt and gasped. �
�The blood’s gone from my clothing.” Her face went paler still. “What kind of evil trick is this? That… that man hurt me. You all saw the wounds. He was real.” She grabbed her chest and seemed unable to draw a breath.

  “I still carry the scars and the sensations to prove that,” Mikaelin agreed.

  “We all watched you execute him.” Her wild eyes turned to Celdorn. “H-how could he just be gone? What kind of creature can change forms and not be killed, even vanish at will? What is this evil?” Her rabid gaze shifted from one man to the other.

  Silvandir longed to sweep Elena into his arms and protect her from this awful truth. He wanted to somehow make this right and relieve her fear, but he stood motionless, watching. It was not his place to offer such comfort.

  “None of us can answer that either, little one.” Celdorn’s voice was soft as he took her hands in his again. “I know it’s confusing. I deeply regret having to bring you this news.”

  ~

  A short time later, they returned to Celdorn’s chambers. Elena didn’t speak again. Her face had gone blank and lifeless. Silvandir was surprised she hadn’t shifted with all of the emotional turmoil that radiated from her, which battered through even his strongest wards.

  She spent the remainder of the day avoiding the men, refusing to do her training either in the arena or Celdorn’s room and unwilling to eat. She was enveloped in a cloak of shame that none of them could penetrate.

  And I’m to blame, Silvandir grumbled to himself. He was the one who had pushed Celdorn to address the men and tell them of Elena’s history—the truth of it. He thought they needed to understand. Silvandir was defending her reputation, as was Celdorn. It hadn’t occurred to him Elena might feel exposed by it. Apparently, he had much to learn about women.

  Silvandir hoped that when Elena’s brothers arrived the next day, it would pull her out of this slump, bring a smile to her face—the smile he so loved to see, like when she and Nakhona flew through the fields. He sighed and rubbed his aching chest.