How Spy I Am

by Diane Henders

  I was just glancing away when the dark shape shifted at the edge of my vision. I jerked my gaze back to it, my pulse battering my eardrums, hand hovering over my gun.

  Another long stare, panting shallowly.

  No, goddammit, it’s not fucking moving! Get a grip!

  I let out a long, slow breath through my mouth and waited some more, trying to convince my heart to migrate back down into my chest and beat at a normal rate.

  What time was it? How long had I stood here? Was he late? Or had he arrived earlier, decided I wasn’t coming, and left? Or worse, was he standing concealed somewhere nearby, watching me?

  Cold fear crawled down my spine and set my knees trembling. What if it was a setup? He could have a dozen men concealed down here with night-vision equipment. I’d never have a chance.

  I stiffened my knees and resisted the urge to draw my gun. The ache in my too-wide eyes spread to my temples while my shivering intensified.

  An interminable time later, I clenched my teeth against their chattering. My shivering had turned into long tremors that shook my entire body, and my feet were falling asleep. I reluctantly released my arms from their tight hug around my body. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to know what time it was.

  I fumbled in my waist pouch with shaking hands and promptly dropped my keys, the jangle resounding like a crazed cymbal band in the silence. Cursing under my breath, I hunched down, patting the ground in widening circles until I encountered them.

  Still crouched, I extracted my tiny LED flashlight and flicked its beam briefly onto my wristwatch. The feeble light seared my retinas after so long in the darkness and I blinked away afterimages, muttering quiet obscenities and shivering. After a suspenseful pause while I gawked blindly around me for potential threats, I tried again. This time, a slightly longer burst of light showed me I’d waited over an hour, and I swore in earnest.

  I must have gotten the meeting place wrong.

  And I was running out of time before my automated email blew up in my face.

  Dammit!

  I stuffed my keys and flashlight back into my waist pouch and creaked upright to limp down the path. Shudders shook my body, and I tried to jog, achieving a lurching half-trot until the tingling eased from my feet.

  By the time I reached the welcome glow of the streetlights, my exertion had warmed me into a clammy sweat. Inside the car, I cranked on the heat and consulted my watch again. No time to spare. I blew out a shivery sigh and slammed the car into gear.

  It took longer than I’d hoped. When I jammed on the brakes in the visitor’s slot at Hellhound’s condo building, a tense glance at my watch made me spring from the car and hurry for the main entrance. As I crossed the parking lot, I couldn’t help taking another anxious look at the time. Close, too damn close.

  I didn’t even notice the shadowy figure between two parked cars until a hard yank on my hair nearly threw me to the ground.

  The burst of pain and shock wrenched a yell out of me. Already snatching at my holster, I spun to face my assailant, but surprise stopped me when I recognized her.

  Harmless.

  Well, kind of.

  Hellhound’s top-heavy brunette took a savage swipe at my face, claws extended. I dodged, barely evading her nails as her grip on my hair yanked me up short. Over the pounding of my heart, I barely translated her shrieking.

  “Mine! He’s mine! Back off, bitch!”

  She flung herself at me, all wild eyes and hate-contorted face and long, lethal nails.

  Instinctive reaction closed the hand that had hovered near my holster into a fist that drove up before I even had a chance to consider the action.

  The short, vicious uppercut sank into her solar plexus, and she squeaked and doubled over, her face slamming into my shoulder, fingers tangled in my hair. As she continued to fold, her hold on my hair pulled me down toward her bent back, and a very small part of my mind gave a wince of reluctant sympathy at what I was about to do.

  I was pretty sure I felt her nose break when my knee pistoned up.

  She fell with a blubbering wail, and I thudded painfully to my knees beside her when she yanked my hair again. My face inches from the pavement, I tore at her grip, losing hair and patience at the same rate.

  At last, I hammered the point of my elbow into her side and ripped my hair free to sprint for the condo building’s entrance. When I leaned on the button, the speaker crackled to life immediately.

  “Aydan?” Hellhound’s rasp filled the tiny entry.

  “Let me in, quick!”

  The lock released and I tumbled through the door, slamming it shut behind me.

  Home free. Thank God. I leaned my sweaty forehead against the glass, gasping and trembling. I was reaching up to rub at the resulting greasy smudge with my jacket sleeve when I heard Arnie speak again, but he wasn’t speaking to me.

  “Got her.” The words were clearly audible through the glass.

  Panic slammed through me. “OhShitOhShitOhShit…” I ran flat-out for the stairs.

  Chapter 26

  I pounded up two flights with my brain screaming denial. This couldn’t be happening. I’d planned it so carefully. It wasn’t one o’clock yet, goddammit!

  I skidded into Hellhound’s door with a thud that knocked the wind out of me. I twisted the knob, throwing my weight against the door before remembering he always left the deadbolt locked from inside.

  “ShitShitShit…” I bit off my swearing and rattled the handle, restraining myself from hammering on the door only because I didn’t want to wake Miss Lacey across the hall.

  An eternal few seconds later, I heard the deadbolt slide back. I flung myself inside, cannoning off Hellhound as I dashed for the tiny bedroom that served as his office.

  “Aydan, what the fuck…” he began.

  “Need your computer,” I threw over my shoulder, already diving for his desk.

  Thank God, he’d left it on. The login screen mocked me.

  “Password!” My voice was a rising squawk. “I need your password!”

  “Hang on.” Hellhound shouldered me aside, his nimble musician’s fingers dancing over the keyboard.

  Seconds later, I was typing the browser address, my icy fumbling hands wasting precious time getting it wrong twice. I switched to two-finger typing. Just get it right.

  I smacked the Enter key and vibrated in front of the screen while the connection completed.

  “Dunno what she’s doin’,” Hellhound rasped into the phone. “She’s workin’ on my computer.” He paused. “What?”

  There it was. The remote view of my home computer read 12:58 A.M. when I punched the delete key. Twice. Permanently delete. Yes.

  “Stop, darlin’.” Hellhound’s hands closed over mine. “Kane says I gotta make ya stop.”

  I let my quivering knees drop me. “I’m done.”

  As he gazed down at me worriedly, gravity pulled me the rest of the way down and I slumped on the floor, panting and trembling. The tremors turned into long shudders that racked my body in waves, and Hellhound knelt beside me, his face tense.

  “Gotta call ya back,” he said into the phone, and hung up.

  He sat on the floor and pulled me into his lap, his strong arms warm around me. I huddled into his bulk, soaking up his blessed body heat, half-laughing and half-crying in gasping breaths against his chest.

  He stroked my hair, peering down anxiously. “Aydan? Are ya okay, darlin’?”

  “F-fine. I’m fine.” I let out a hysterical giggle and burrowed closer, shaking uncontrollably.

  “No, ya ain’t. What’s wrong?”

  “Just… c-c-cold…”

  “You’re sweatin’ up a storm.” He frowned down at me. “When did ya eat last?”

  “S-s-supper…”

  “An’ ya been runnin’.” His arms tightened around me, and he dropped a kiss on my forehead. “Come on, darlin’, I know what ya need.”

  He half-carried me to his sagging couch and propped me in the corner, sw
addled in one of his hand-crocheted afghans while he rattled around in the kitchen. A few minutes later, he was back with a steaming bowl and a package of crackers.

  “Sorry, darlin’, I ain’t got any orange juice, but this oughta do it,” he said, handing me a spoon. “It’s just instant soup, but if ya eat some crackers ya should be okay.”

  “T-thanks.” My tremors splashed most of the soup out of the spoon on my first try, and I blew out a breath of frustration and crushed the crackers into the bowl. After a few seconds, the first hot, soggy mouthful burned its way down my throat.

  Hellhound sat watching me in silence for a few minutes before picking up his phone again. I winced at the abrupt crackle on the other end of the line, imagining Kane’s terse greeting.

  He was going to be mad. Well, madder. But maybe I could still pull this out of the fire. My email hadn’t been sent, and I’d retrieve my USB stick before I left for home.

  Hellhound’s voice interrupted my racing thoughts. “Yeah, she’s okay. Blew in here nothin’ but eyeballs an’ asshole, but I’m gettin’ some food into her an’ she’ll be fine.”

  A pause. “Dunno. I’ll let ya talk to her.”

  I took the phone reluctantly. “Hello?”

  “What happened?” The expressionless cop voice.

  “Nothing. I just had an errand to run.”

  “I’ve secured this line. Tell me what happened.”

  Shit, I had hoped to postpone this conversation at least until tomorrow, when I’d had some time to think.

  “Um, nothing happened. I was, um… I didn’t want Stemp to know where I was. I was outside for a long time and I got cold, that’s all.”

  “Hellhound said you were meeting a contact and you’d left instructions for him to call me if you didn’t make your check-in.” His voice was flat.

  Shit again.

  “The contact didn’t show, and Arnie jumped the gun by a few minutes.”

  Hellhound straightened indignantly and held out his wrist, pointing at his watch. I sighed. “My fault. I should have thought to synchronize watches with him. I’m sorry he woke you. Just go back to bed. Everything’s fine.”

  “Aydan…” Kane’s voice was tight. “Tell me. Now.”

  “That’s all I can tell you. I’m really sorry. Good night.” I pressed the disconnect button and squeezed my eyes shut, half-expecting the receiver to explode in my hand from the force of his anger on the other end.

  When nothing happened, I slowly opened my eyes to face Hellhound’s frown.

  “Sorry I got ya in shit, darlin’,” he rasped. “I waited a coupla extra minutes just to be safe, but I guess my watch musta been fast…”

  “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I should have thought of it.” I pulled the blanket over my head and groaned. “He’s going to kill me.”

  “Really?” The alarm in Hellhound’s voice made me emerge from the shelter of the soft wool.

  “No,” I reassured him. “At least, I doubt it. Probably not tonight, anyway.”

  He scowled. “That ain’t helpin’, Aydan.”

  “Sorry. No, I don’t think he’ll actually kill me. But he’s really, really pissed off at me.” I bit back a whimper. “Like he wasn’t already mad enough.”

  Arnie moved over to slide an arm around my shoulders. “Eat your soup, darlin’. It’ll all work out in the end.”

  I leaned into him. “I hope so.” After a moment, I straightened and went back to spooning up sodden crackers. “What happened to your date?” I mumbled through a mouthful.

  “Kicked her out.”

  “I’m really sorry, Arnie. I didn’t mean to spoil your evening.”

  “Ain’t your fault, darlin’. She started raggin’ on me about two-timin’ her.” He grimaced. “I only brought her home one other time, coupla months ago. Shoulda known better.”

  “Yeah, she seemed like the possessive type.” I fingered the livid scratches on the back of my hand. “Or maybe the rabid-psycho-bitch type. Lucky she missed my face.”

  “What?” Hellhound straightened, staring.

  “She was waiting for me in the parking lot. I guess she must’ve overheard when I said ‘see you later’.”

  Hellhound took my hand, turning it gently to examine the scratches. “Better get some antiseptic on those, darlin’. Wouldn’t wanna get rabies or anythin’.” He looked up, grinning. “So you’re sayin’ I missed a catfight? Damn, I woulda liked to’ve seen that. Was she still standin’ when ya left?”

  “No.” Guilt squeezed my heart. “I think I broke her nose. We should probably go down and make sure she’s okay.”

  Hellhound rose to drop a quick kiss on my forehead. “Don’t worry about it, darlin’. I’ll go on down, but she’s prob’ly fine. You get those scratches cleaned up.”

  He slipped out the door, locking it behind him, and I made for the bathroom.

  I groaned at the sight of the hollow-eyed hag staring out of the mirror from under a wild tangle of hair. I pulled my sweat-clammy shirt away from my skin, shivering. I still had to pick up my USB stick, and I had a two-hour drive home. That would make it about four A.M, and I could get a few hours sleep before showing up at Jack’s place.

  Or.

  I straightened as a much more attractive option occurred to me. I could hop in the shower for a few minutes and be cuddled up all warm and naked in Hellhound’s bed when he got back. Convince him it was permanently over with Kane, get some hot sex, a few hours of sleep, and I could still make it back in time for Jack’s curry if I went directly there in the morning. That sounded like a hell of a plan.

  Except I’d need a change of clothes.

  And I still had to retrieve that USB stick tonight. I didn’t dare leave it there any longer than necessary.

  And I’d be frustrated as hell if I couldn’t convince Hellhound to play. I really wasn’t in the mood for rejection. And if I pushed him too hard…

  Dammit, I’d already destroyed one friendship over sex. Time to cut my losses.

  By the time the scrape of the deadbolt announced Hellhound’s return, I was stretched out on the sofa half asleep while Hooker purred on my chest, kneading my shoulder rhythmically with his big furry paws.

  I cracked an eye open as Hellhound leaned down, smiling, to tuck the afghan around me. “It’s okay, darlin’, I couldn’t find her, so she musta been okay,” he murmured. “Just go back to sleep.”

  “I can’t.” I struggled reluctantly upright, relocating the cat to the warm nest of wool beside me. “I still have one more stop tonight, and then I have to drive home.”

  “Don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re bagged, ya shouldn’t be drivin’.”

  I sighed. “I know. But I really have to go and pick up… um, I still have to do this one thing tonight. And once I get in the car, I might as well just keep going. I have to be back in Silverside for eleven tomorrow morning anyway.”

  Hellhound eyed me dubiously. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Be careful, Aydan. Drive safe.”

  “Thanks, I will. And thanks again for doing this for me tonight.”

  I gave him a quick hug and left.

  Even worrying over my fractured friendship with Kane wasn’t enough to keep me alert on the long drive home. When I had to pull over for the third time, I groaned aloud and viciously punched the button to activate the four-way flashers.

  Pacing around the car in the cold darkness, I wondered for the umpteenth time if Kane was mad enough to rat me out to Stemp.

  I couldn’t really blame him if he did. After all, his duty was to keep me in one piece for Stemp’s electronic espionage. Add that to our current disharmony, and I’d be shocked if he hadn’t told Stemp already.

  I gave the back tire a couple of perfunctory kicks, cursing without much enthusiasm. What would Stemp do?

  I was pretty much guaranteed another session with Jack’s lie detector. If Stemp asked the right questions, that was the end of Robert. And probably the end of me, too. Stemp would likely decide I couldn’
t be trusted.

  Idiot. Why hadn’t I just talked to Stemp in the first place?

  I slid back behind the wheel, thumped my forehead against it a couple of times, and put the car in gear again.

  By the time I pulled up at my gate, the dashboard clock read 4:20 AM and my entire body vibrated with fine tremors. I groaned my way out of the driver’s seat and stumbled over to squint at the combination lock. I had to blink a couple of times to bring the numbers into focus, and by the time I parked the car in the garage and sleepwalked into the house, I could barely keep my eyes open.

  In my bedroom, I relied on moonlight for illumination while I staggered into the walk-in closet to strip. I had just dropped my underwear into the hamper when some sixth sense made icy gooseflesh stand up on my arms.

  The silence was wrong.

  I was stooping for the waist holster I’d left on the floor when a large figure lunged out of the deep shadow in the corner of the closet.

  I made a wild grab for my gun, but I was too slow. A steely hand crushed my wrist, jerking it up behind me. A heavy weight slammed me to the floor, the cold hardwood biting my naked skin. A knee ground agonizingly into my back.

  I had only enough breath for a strangled cry, only enough time to flail once with my free hand before both my wrists were pinned behind my back.

  The full force of panic hadn’t even struck me yet when a voice spoke from behind me.

  “Now we’re going to talk.”

  Chapter 27

  I let out a whimper of sheer relief at the sound of Kane’s voice, my heart resounding against the hardwood.

  “John, thank God! You scared the shit out of me!” When his hold didn’t loosen, I added, “You can let me go now. I promise not to shoot you.”

  “Why would I believe that?” His voice was a hard growl. “You’ve done nothing but lie to me from the very beginning.”

  Indignation made me struggle against his grip. “I have not!”

  I added an involuntary yelp when he increased his pressure by a few pounds. “John, you’re hurting me,” I said evenly.