by Woods, Karen
Susie could see the pain in her eyes and gripped the middle of her arm as she tried to comfort her. “Helen, things will work out don’t worry. I’m just sorry you’ve ended up in here with me that’s all.”
Helen accepted the arm of friendship and sank her head into her shoulder. “I don’t think I’m going to make it you know. I can’t do jail.”
“Neither can I love,” Susie huffed, “But we’re just going to have to stick together and get through this, the best we can.”
Helen lifted her head up and looked deep into Susie’s eyes. “Thanks love; if you’re here with me I’m sure it won’t be half as bad.”
Susie hissed and gritted her teeth. “It’s your brother Tim, you have to thank for all this fucking mess.”
Helen pulled away from her with an angry face. “What the fuck do you mean by that? What’s our Tim got to do with us getting slammed?”
Susie nodded her head slowly and looked about to make sure nobody was listening. “He set me up love; you just got mixed up with it all. It’s like you said, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Helen was bouncing about, there was no way she was letting Susie disrespect her own flesh and blood. “Get a fucking grip Susie, why would Tim stitch you up, he was getting a drop, it doesn’t make sense. Have a fucking think about it you daft bitch.” Helen was waving her hands about in the air and the screws were watching her every movement. Seeing she was on top, she quietened her voice down and smiled at the officer. “Sorry for shouting love, I was just having a moment.” She stood next to Susie and whispered. “You can tell me later when we’re alone, but there’s no way I’m having it that our Tim has grassed us up.”
Susie smirked and nodded her head. “We’ll see about that love, we’ll see.”
The women were escorted onto the landings. The prison looked huge inside, Susie stayed next to Helen. Each of the inmates were allocated pads and Helen had already told the screw as they were walking along the landing that she wanted to be padded up with her sister-in- law. The sound of doors being slammed shut could be heard, and in turn each of the convicts disappeared behind their prison doors. Opening a grey steel door in front of them, the warden looked at Susie and her side kick. “Here you go ladies. One double pad as ordered.” Helen popped her head around the door and scanned the room quickly. Susie walked inside as Helen followed closely behind her. The door was slammed shut.
Helen placed her belongings on the bed and walked towards the small window at the back of the room. Sticking her head through the iron bars she spoke to Susie. “Fucking hell, there’s no scenery out here, just loads of other windows.”
Susie tried to raise a smile as she spoke in a sarcastic tone. “What did you want a fucking pool view?”
Helen pulled her head from the bars, “I’m just saying, that’s all. Fuck me, if that’s all I’ve got to look at for the next few years, I’ll go off my fucking head. I’m telling you.”
Susie lay on the bed and folded her pillow under her head. She knew the baby inside her body would have to be spoken about now; she couldn’t keep it a secret any longer. Dragging her blouse up over her stomach she watched Helen’s jaw drop. “What the fuck is that stomach all about,” she shrieked.
“I’m pregnant.”
Helen walked over to her bed and placed her hands on Susie’s stomach. “Fucking hell, you must be at least five months gone or summat like that.”
Susie shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe, I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Helen snapped.
Susie bolted up from her bed. “I’ve got myself into a right mess love. I think you already know who the father is don’t you?”
Helen snarled and gritted her teeth, “Yeah its Ashley’s, innit?” Susie nodded. “I fucking knew it.” Helen was dancing about the room now. “I’m like fucking Miss Marple me. I said to our Tim you were shagging the arse off him,” her hand covered her mouth as she realised what she’d just said.
Susie bolted up from her bed and ran to her face. “I fucking knew it was you, you grassing cunt.” She was in her face ramming her fingers into her chest; they were both nose to nose. Neither of them were backing down. Susie clenched her fist and launched it into Helen’s face, she was screaming at the top of her voice. “So all this is your fault. Tim would have been none the wiser if you’d have kept your big fucking trap shut.”
Helen was giving as good, as she got, this time and twisted Susie’s hair in her fat fingers. “You’re a slapper, you always have been. Our Tim deserves better then you, you skanky boot.”
“Oh fucking does he now?” Susie shrieked, as they both scuffled about the cell. Susie let go of Helen’s hair, her face looked white. Grabbing the bottom of her stomach she yelled out in pain.
“Helen stop it, it’s the baby.” Susie fell to her knees and her face screwed up as she blew a laboured breath.
“Are you alright?” Helen asked in a concerned voice.
“Just give me a minute, and I’ll be fine.” Susie staggered to her bed and folded up in pain as Helen watched on in disbelief.
“See, you’re a daft bastard you are, fancy fighting when you’re pregnant.”
Susie couldn’t reply. The room felt cold and Helen stood at the side of the bed watching her doubling up in pain. “I’m going to call for help,” she insisted. Susie was rolling about on the bed her face looked hot.
Helen hammered her fist onto the door. “Help us please,” she yelled at the top of her voice. Marching about the cell she kept running back to the door and kicking at it with force. “Bastards, open the fucking door,” she ranted. Keys could be heard rattling from outside the door. Helen started shouting again at the top of her voice. The door flew open and two female screws stood there ready for action, their eyes were all over the place looking for the problem. Once Helen explained to them what was going on they immediately came to Susie’s side. The officer could see something was wrong and ordered the other warden to go and get some medical help. Helen plonked on her bed and wrapped her arms around her body, she was shaking.
“I think it’s the baby, I mean, it must be, mustn’t it?”
The female screw looked shocked. “How far is she?”
“I don’t know, the daft bitch hasn’t even been to see the doctor yet, she’s only just told me she was pregnant.”
More moans could be heard coming from the bed. As Susie lifted her head up you could see small droplets of sweat on her forehead. “Get me a doctor; I think I’m miscarrying.”
The screw’s face looked tormented and you could see a tear forming in the corner of her eyes. “Help’s on its way darling, just be patient.”
A medical team came into the room. Once they knew it was safe to move Susie they took her from the landing to the medical wing. The female officer stayed with her all the time holding her hand and telling her everything was going to be alright. Susie was with a doctor who was assessing her. Once he’d done a few tests, he put all Susie’s pain down to a water infection. He passed her two small white tablets and told her to take them straight away. The female screw passed Susie a cold drink of water. “There you go sweetheart; I knew it was nothing to worry about.” Susie gulped the water as she popped the tablets to the back of her mouth. The doctor left some tablets for Susie and told her to take the full course of the antibiotics.
Susie looked exhausted as she lay on the bed. She could see the screw at the side of her looking at her baby bump. “So, is this baby planned or what?” she asked.
Susie shook her head. “Is it fuck, it’s a bad, bad, mistake. If I wasn’t in here believe me, I would have got rid of it.”
The woman held her hand over her mouth and grabbed Susie’s hand. “Don’t say that, you don’t know how lucky you are. My baby died four months ago, so you should cherish every moment of being pregnant.”
Susie looked at her and could see she was upset. The woman introduced herself as Jane and started to fill her in about her own heartbre
ak. “My son was only four months old; they said it was cot death.” Susie chewed on her bottom lip as she continued. “I had postnatal depression after his birth and I blame myself every day for his death. It must have been something I’d done.”
Susie watched the woman break down in tears at her side. Sitting up from the bed she tried to comfort her. “Don’t be silly; cot death is just one of them things that happen. Even the doctors don’t know why, so how can you blame yourself.”
The woman shook her head as she dropped it into her hands. “My life was a mess, my husband was out all the time, even when he knew I wasn’t well after the birth, he just seemed to be in a world of his own.”
Susie reached for her hand and slowly stroked it. “Things always happen for a reason, I’m sure you’ll have more children.”
The distressed woman bolted up from her chair as if boiling water had been poured over her. “Me, more kids, never. I’ve been through enough. My husband is a lying cheating bastard who doesn’t deserve me.” The officer paced about the room thinking about her home life. She told Susie a bit more about herself. “This is my first month back into work, the doctor said I should have stayed off a lot longer, but I was going mad sat there on my own, each day.” Susie smiled at the woman, it was quiet obvious she’s been through a lot. The pair sat talking and slowly a friendship was being built. Susie was eventually moved back to the wing once she felt a little better.
Helen looked after Susie over the next few weeks. Every two minutes she was inquiring how she was feeling. Susie was spread across her bed with the grey blanket tucked underneath her neck. “I’m getting it adopted,” she whispered.
Helen rolled on her side and looked Susie straight in her face. “What you going on about?” Helen lay quiet for a minute before she spoke. “Why, don’t you see if Ashley wants it first? I mean he’s the father after all isn’t he. His parents will have it won’t they? Well, until he gets out of prison at least?”
“Are you having a laugh or what, he thinks I had an abortion months ago,” Susie chuckled, “he told me straight when I told him I was pregnant, that there was no way he wanted any kids.”
“Yeah but once he knows you didn’t have the abortion he might feel different, it’s worth a try don’t you think?”
“Nar,” Susie hissed, “the man’s a prick, he’s shagging Pippa now and I couldn’t stand seeing my child with that shower of shite.” Helen started to make a roll- up. Susie smiled. “Make me one ay, I haven’t had a cig for hours.”
“You’re fucking pregnant, woman, smoking should be the last thing on your mind,” Helen said.
Shrugging her shoulders Susie sighed “Just fucking make me one, I don’t need any big lectures.”
The women lay on their beds smoking. Susie was staring at the ceiling as she spoke. “If I get it adopted, no one would ever know I had a child would they?” she shot a look at Helen, “Well that’s if you kept your fucking mouth shut.”
“Ay, I’m no gossip, I can keep a secret me, ask anyone,” Helen protested.
“Yeah right,” Susie giggled. There was silence for a minute then Susie began to talk again. “No one would ever know, I would leave prison and be able to get on with my own life. Ashley would be none the wiser, or Tim for that matter.”
Helen jumped in. “Would you really get your own flesh and blood adopted.”
Susie looked her directly in the face. “It’s a mistake, not a kid; imagine every time I looked at it, I would just see the mess I made of my life. Tim would never have me back if I had a baby to his best mate,” she took a deep breath. “No, it’s for the best, it’s getting adopted. I’m going to set the ball rolling tomorrow.”
“Well it’s your choice, and I just hope you don’t live to regret it,” Helen moaned
Susie yanked the blankets over her body and faced the wall. She was staring into space. Helen was fidgeting about in her bed; the rustling sound of a newspaper could be heard. Every two minutes she was trying to talk to Susie but she just ignored her pretending to be asleep. Finally she said, “Right, we need to set the record straight about our Tim setting you up, I want to hear your side of the story.”
Susie yawned and stretched her legs out in front of her. “Not tonight Helen, I’m done in, all I want to do is sleep. I’ll tell you tomorrow.” Helen tried talking to her again, but this time she gave her no reply, her mind was elsewhere and she had to somehow sort out the mess she was in. The days in front of her were going to be long and she knew she needed a miracle to see her through her prison sentence.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Susie took Helen’s advice and wrote a letter to Ashley telling him all about the baby she was carrying. Today she was sat waiting for the post to come hoping he’d replied to her. Helen was brushing her teeth in the sink and talking to her with the toothbrush hanging from her mouth. “Why do you look so scared? What’s the worst he can say? You already know he doesn’t want the baby, so anything else is a bonus innit?”
Susie sat with her legs apart at the side of the bed as she rolled a cig. “I don’t even know why I ever listened to you. I should have just ignored you and done what I was doing.” Helen dipped her head around the silver tap and gulped some water from the running tap; swilling it around her mouth she spat it into the sink. “Like I said, you have nothing to lose.” The cell door opened and the prisoner’s mail was delivered. Susie gripped her letter in her hand and just looked at her name across it. She’d never had any letters before, so she knew it must be from Ashley. Helen grabbed the two letters she’d received and pushed them into her pocket. “It’s from Ashley I know it,” Susie yelled.
Helen parked her arse at the side of Susie on the bed. “Open it then!” Helen was rubbing her hands together with excitement; her face was hot and flustered as she watched her pad mate just staring at the letter. “Fucking hell, open it will you.”
Susie slowly slid her finger along the brown envelope and pulled out the white letter from inside. Her hands were shaking as she unfolded the two pieces of paper. Her eyes scanned the words. After a few minutes she threw the letter onto the bed. “The daft cunt, why did I ever think he would be anything but a complete nob?”
Helen reached over to the letter and gripped it in her hands, as she was reading it she was cursing under her breath. Once she’d finished reading it, she lifted her head up and looked at Susie. “Well you were right, he’s a cheeky fucker isn’t he? He seems angry that you’re still pregnant.”
Susie stood up and walked towards the window. She seemed to be suffocating and squeezed her face through the bars gasping for some fresh air. Helen came behind her and rubbed her shoulders. “I’m sorry love; I thought he might have had a change of heart.”
Susie turned her head back to her; tears were rolling down her face. “Fuck it Helen, the baby is getting adopted. Jane has already told me she would help me get it sorted out.”
Helen watched her as she fell onto her bed. Helen screwed her face up, “Jane’s all over you like a rash lately, what’s the script with her? I mean a few of the girls have said there’s more to her than meets the eye. What’s she after? Come on tell me.”
Susie smiled at Helen, “Well you know her baby died a few months back.” Helen nodded her head, “Well she’s after adopting mine.”
Helen giggled. “What, a screw wants to adopt your baby.”
Susie sat up and chuckled. “Yeah I thought it was weird at first, but ay, who gives a fuck, I don’t want it, do I?”
Helen shook her head, “Just be careful love, it’s not right, why would she want a prisoner’s baby when she can just go through the motions and get one from the adoption agency?”
Susie smirked and twisted her hair in her fingers. “There’s a waiting list, and she would have to wait years, so with me she knows she’s guaranteed a baby as soon as it pops out.”
Helen hunched her shoulders, “Is she paying you for it? I mean you’ll want some cash won’t you? Don’t let her have it for fuck all.�
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Susie replied. “She’s talking to her husband about it, apparently he wants the baby too and they’re just getting the money together.”
Helen heard the words money and rubbed her hands together. “How much are they giving you? I mean it’s got to be at least ten grand or summit hasn’t it?”
Susie shook her head as she blew a laboured breath. “Nar is it fuck that much, I’ve told her I want five grand and to be looked after in here.” She winked at Helen. “That’s priceless innit? I mean she can get me things that I need and all that, ay perhaps she might even do a few parcels for me to get started up. We could do with some cash in here couldn’t we?”
Helen held a cunning look in her eyes, she knew Susie was right, none of them had a pot to piss in and this woman could be the answer to their prayers. Helen nodded her head slowly and went to lie down on her bed. Reaching into her pocket she brought out the two letters she’d received earlier. The cell was quiet and all you could hear was the rustling of Helen turning the pages of her letter. Once the first one was read she placed it at the side of her and started to open the next letter one, it was from her brother Tim.
Helen was concentrating as she read every word on the piece of paper. Her mouth was moving but no words were coming out. Bolting up from the bed she stood facing Susie with the letter held in her hand. “Our Tim said it’s your fault that I’m in here. He said to ask you about Jenkins and what you did to him.”
Just the mention of Tim’s name sent shivers down Susie’s spine, her face lost all colour as she sprang up from the bed. “Listen gob shite, I’ve told you before what that bastard did to me. It’s his fault you’re in here, not mine love.”
Helen was bouncing about the room and dragging her fingers through her hair. “Nar, there’s more to it, so you better start talking and sort this out.”
Susie fell back onto her bed and kicked her legs out in front of her. “Tell that brother of yours that I’m saying fuck all. We both know who’s full of shit, and I can tell you now, it’s not me.”