Journal of a Novel

by John Steinbeck

  June 12 [TUESDAY]

  Restless night full of thoughts. We went to Elizabeth’s to dinner and had a good talk. But I do find it very hard to lose the work when it has run so hard. And my discovery of yesterday is sure burning in me. I have finally I think found a key to the story. The only one that has ever satisfied me. I think I know about the story finally after all this time. It is a fascinating story and my analysis which is going in today should interest you. It should interest scholars and it should interest psychiatrists. Anyway at the risk of being boring I’m going to put it all in today. And it will only be boring to people who want to get on with the plot. The reader I want will find the whole book illuminated by the discussion: just as I am. And if this were just a discussion of Biblical lore, I would throw it out but it is not. It is using the Biblical story as a measure of ourselves.47

  Well there’s the naming and if you are interested, you can find a great deal in it. It is a hard thing to do. And I could have put it in a kind of an essay but I think it was better to let it come out of these three. And the writing of it has exhausted me. I planned to write another page today. But it’s the end.

  June 18, Monday

  Dear Pat—: I thought I would lose a week in moving but it seems to me that maybe I won’t. It is Monday and I am going to try to start to work. I have little hope of reestablishing the working rhythm the first day but at least I am trying. This is a beautiful place 48 and the most peaceful I have ever seen. The boys are good, the weather cool, and if I can’t work it will be because of what we talked about—things are too good. But I will try. You can see that my handwriting is a little haywire yet. So I will have to dawdle until it settles down. Change of desk has something to do with it I guess. I have a little room to work in and it is mine exclusively and I can look at the ocean out of my window. It has a desk to work on—not a tilting desk but an ordinary one. I will soon get used to that, I think. The question is one of rhythm. After a break, it takes time to get it moving in waves again. But that is simply a matter of keeping at it.

  I won’t try to describe it here because you will be seeing it and I need my descriptive time. The work day will be like this: Up at 7:30 all of us. To work at 8:30. Elaine and the boys will go to the beach mostly taking their lunch. I will work until I have finished. Then we will go to other beaches, go fishing, swimming, sailing or what have you. To bed very early after dining, etc.

  It is a matter of sorrow to me that my disposition went to pieces in the move. I think this was largely because of the break in work and the change. It will improve as the work starts. And now I think it might be time to start with the Nantucket section of the work. It will be interesting to see whether there is any change in tone to match the place. I don’t think there will be. But we shall see.

  Now—for plan. The next chapter will be the life of Tom Hamilton. It will be fairly long and I shall be thinking that ten years are passing. So that when the next chapter starts, the boys will be ten years old. Then the story will move up in time very rapidly to their seventeenth year. And that will be the critical year of their lives, particularly Aaron’s life. So now I start. But first I must get a glass to hold my pencils.

  June 19, Tuesday

  Well, oddly enough the work went well yesterday—very concentrated as it should be and moving in toward something. I think I have a large key. I did not sleep last night and I look forward to those nights of discovery. I have one about once a week. And after everyone is asleep there is such quiet and peace, and it is during this time that I can explore every land and trail of thinking. Conjecture. Sometime I will tell you about this in detail if you are interested. I split myself into three people. I know what they look like. One speculates and one criticises and the third tries to correlate. It usually turns out to be a fight but out of it comes the whole week’s work. And it is carried on in my mind in dialogue. It’s an odd experience. Under certain circumstances it might be one of those schizophrenic symptoms but as a working technique, I do not think it is bad at all.

  I’m getting into Tom Hamilton today, and he is a strange man, shy and silent, and good—very good and confused. I don’t think he ever knew what was wrong with him. But he bears out the thesis of guilt—carries it to its logical conclusion so that he must sacrifice himself. And his sacrifice was strange and rather sweet. I guess the Hamiltons were all nuts, just as my father said. And now to work on Tom.

  June 20, Wednesday

  And a beautiful day. I am deep in Tom now. Last night I dreamed a long dream of my own paralysis and death. It was objective and not at all sad, only interesting. I’m pretty sure this was set off by the study of Tom Hamilton. I hope you will like the study of Tom. It is very close and I think very true and also it is very important to our story. It is one of the keys to the story and the story attempts to be a kind of key to living. It is a fascination to me to dig up all of these old things and try to re-evaluate them in the light of my greater age. Curious things come out. All yesterday’s work about Mary trying to get to be a boy is true to the smallest detail. It came up in my memory as I was working. This island is wonderful. I feel at home here. I wonder if it is my small amount (¼) of my New England blood operating. The people here do not consider me a stranger and we seem to recognise each other. It is a pleasant island but there is energy here too. I have no impulse to neglect my work. In fact I never felt better about working. I am going to ask you to get some books for me. But I will put that in a letter. I got plastic spray so all of this stuff which will go to you Saturday will be well sprayed and preserved. It is necessary because of the dampness here.

  And now to work.

  June 21, Thursday

  The first week two thirds over. Up early and Elaine took the boys to a picnic at the beach. Will come back for me at 2 P.M. when I hope to have finished my work. But I am dawdly today. I seem to waste time—to find many little things to do. I am determined not to let down my quota even if I have to work at night—and here’s a curious thing. If you are determined to finish even if you work at night, you usually find that you don’t have to work at night.

  I was pleased to get your wire that the Ricketts had signed. 49 They could have caused great trouble simply by doing nothing. I’ll bet you are relieved. You letter was good and I liked it. It is strange not to be able to discuss things regularly. And with me too—East of Eden grows as the final title. I wonder whether you ought to try it on anyone else, though, before they know what the book is about. It sounds like a soft title and it is anything but soft. Once you get it in your mind, it fastens. I think the quotation “And Cain etc.” should be at the bottom of the title page and in fairly large italics—maybe even with the pronouncing spacing between the letters. There should never be any doubt in the reader’s mind what the title refers to.

  Your new translation of the story has one most important change. It is the third version. The King James says of sin crouching at the door, “Thou shalt rule over it.” The American Standard says, “Do thou rule over it.” Now this new translation says, “Thou mayest rule over it.” This is the most vital difference. The first two are 1, a prophecy and 2, an order, but 3 is the offering of free will. Here is individual responsibility and the invention of conscience. You can if you will but it is up to you. I would like to check that phrase over. Will you do it for me? The exact word—because if it is incontrovertibly, “thou mayest” I must put this in my discussion, because it will turn out to be one of the most important mistranslations in the Old Testament. Get me the Hebrew word, will you? The word that has been variously translated “do thou,” “thou shalt,” and “thou mayest.” This is important. This little story turns out to be one of the most profound in the world. I always felt it was but now I know it is. Now there is one other thing. Abel brought of the firstlings of the flock and the fat thereof. I know that the animals were brought to the altar alive and that the fires were usually made with the fat. But does this mean 1, that firstlings were fat? 2, does it mean that both firstlings an
d mature animals were brought or does fat simply refer to goodness like the fat of the land? One other thing occurs to me. What does firstling mean? We have thought it meant the young lambs like firstlings of the year. But the words say firstlings of the flock, and might this not mean the best of the flock, in which case fat would simply be a repetition of the meaning best. Fat would refer to the flock and not the animals. There—I’ve given you a lot to do for me but I think it is work you will not dislike. And when we finish we will be authorities on this story. If firstling and fat are qualitative, then fruit of the earth without a qualitative might be some key to the rejection. Now—I must get to my work.

  Later. There I have finished my day’s work. And I think you can see where this section is going.

  June 22, Friday

  Last day of the first working week at Siasconset and I think a pretty good week. I’ll have to wait to see what you think about it. If I finish in time I will send you the week’s work tonight and it will be there Monday morning sure as shooting. As this mss. will tell you, it is very damp here. Stamps stick together. I am glad I am spraying the paper now. Even the pencils seem softer in the dampness. But the air is cool and lovely and the sun is warm. The boat has still not arrived. Isn’t that crazy. Can’t imagine what has happened unless the man just didn’t send it. I should have done it myself I guess.

  I hope you will like the family meeting of yesterday’s work. I think it was pretty much the way they used to happen. They were a high-strung bunch, the Hamiltons. My father used to say affectionately that they were all crazy. And I guess they were and I guess I am. I feel so some of the time anyway.

  The mornings are heavy with fog and then about ten o’clock the sun burns through and it gets warm and lovely and the breeze blows sweet and cool. If you want to be hot, you just get out of the wind. This day is going just that way. And a little gurgle of joy is starting in my stomach that means I am going to like working today. This dam book does go on and on. And today is going to happen just what you knew was going to happen. I want to give it a curious feeling of farewell without ever saying it. I want to make it funny that you can’t laugh at. Let’s see if I can do it. This is the last time you will see Samuel Hamilton except on his death and I’m not sure you will see him then. I have spoken of his death very early in the book. It occurs to me that it might be better to let it go at that. He lived a very short time after he left the ranch and nothing important to this book happened afterwards, but the work of today and perhaps one more day is very important because I hope I am going to show you Samuel in a kind of golden light, the way such a man should be remembered.

  Now in the work today or tomorrow I am going to need that Hebrew word which has been variously translated “do thou,” “thou shalt,” and “thou mayest.” I need the word and I want you to get me a good scholarly discussion of it. I have a charming scene to use it in and I can write it all only leaving out that one word to be filled in later.50

  Do you feel that this book is holding up? It is hard for me to know. I think it is but I am deeply immersed in it. The trouble is that you are deeply immersed in it too. And I wonder whether you have been able to keep a detached attitude. Elizabeth has the kind of criticism that can snap apart from any personality. But tell me, have you ever been this closely associated with a book before? While it was being written, I mean. I don’t think you have but perhaps.

  Now I will say good-bye for this week and get to work. This afternoon, Friday, I will mail the ten pages airmail registered. And I am sure you will have them by Monday. And I know that you will let me know that they have arrived. We may get a phone next week and if we do, I will call you one day just to hear your voice. Now I want you to go back to Juan Negrin. It may be that he will want to increase the strength of the medicine a little. Only two is not bad but I think it can be arranged so that there are not any. It is remarkable, isn’t it. But then he is a remarkable man and I am fond of him. Lord, I have good friends, such good and great friends.

  Now there you have it. And I wonder if it has possibly the little perfume I wanted it to have. On Monday Samuel will visit Adam Trask and the twins and Lee again and that will be the last of him. But he must leave a light (as the litany says), to lighten the gentiles.

  And that’s all now. You’ll have ten more pages next week.

  June 25, Monday

  Dear Pat. I get the feeling that since I have put things in these notes, I have written them to you. I am going to phone you this morning on our new phone and also to let you know that we have one. Also to tell you that the boat arrived and to tell you that the boat arrived yesterday, so you won’t assault the man at the factory. I wonder why it was so late but am very glad it came at all. We set up the boat and painted it and if we can, we will put it in the water this afternoon. It is a very pretty thing.

  I fell to pieces this week end—got full of congestions and aches that I couldn’t shake. Horrible dreams and many aches. I think just a very bad cold with nervousness. The boys have a transition to make and so do we. Ordinarily I have two complete lives to lead, book life and other and now I have three. And I do not change very easily. I get into the most trouble when I am not working actively. But that is always so. Tom needs camp very badly. He needs the supervision of older boys. In many ways he is a baby—less old than he should be. This grows from a frantic desire to be appreciated. He tries to be like Catbird. And like most humans, some of his methods of attracting attention are pretty unattractive and nerve-wracking.

  This may be a bad week for the book. I am pretty badly split up and concentration is slipping through my fingers. It is time for me to take a good short grip on myself and snub myself up tight to the hitching post. Well, I can do that. I can see mistakes with the boys but I wonder whether I could do better.

  Now I will try to get back to the work. Samuel has now to meet Adam Trask and Lee for the last time. I want to make a fine thing of this. I will tell you now what I intend. I want Samuel to become a kind of a huge figure of folklore. For that reason I am not going to take the reader to his death. I have already described it early in the book. I will only report it in this part. In this way I will keep him partly alive like a frog’s heart in saline solution or like the memory of a man.

  Now I have talked to you on the phone and it doesn’t seem so far away. There are advantages to a telephone after all. I’m sorry it is hot there. It is so fine here. But then, your office is cool. It is when you have to leave it that hurts.

  Now the week and the week’s rhythm. It would be so much better if I didn’t ever stop but I don’t have enough energy for that. The new pages pile up in typescript. It is getting to be a thick book at least on typing paper. Wouldn’t it be fine if I didn’t miss much time this summer? I would have a great section of E of E finished. You are right—the title seems to stick. I think of it pretty much by that handle now and it seems right. I will get a card off to you today. I keep thinking I have written to you when all I have done is fill in these working notes. You must admit they are very full and I imagine much of them very dull.

  Now I read that the Russians have suggested a cease fire.51 If we haven’t figured their policy yet, I think we are crazy. They press until the pressure from us equalizes and then they give and start it in another area. It seems to me that when they press we should press in some area of their weakness as well as meeting their pressure. We seem to do almost exactly what they want us to do. I’m going to get into this thing pretty soon. I have lots of ideas. And now I will get back to my knitting.

  June 26, Tuesday

  It is now four months since I have been on this book. And it seems to go a little over a hundred pages a month. That is pretty good as an average. I would not be ashamed of that. It would make me about half way through the novel now but I really don’t know. Yesterday I didn’t get as far along in the story as I had thought because I had to put in the cosmogony of Eliza. She was no lay figure in the family but a pillar of great strength. And I had to say how and o
f what it consisted. Then I got Samuel to the Trask place. Now it seems to me that Adam Trask has faded. I want him to fade but not to die. In other words, before I finish this next scene, I want to give the reader some glimpse into the world he has retired to. Now it is my opinion that many people thwarted build their desired life behind their eyes and live in it. I think that Adam never really gave Cathy up. I think he is living with the Cathy he invented. And I wonder how I am going to get that over in the book. I think I know. It is fascinating how method assembles itself. The man who holds on to an impossibility is a frightening spectacle to many people and yet that is exactly what we all do more or less. It is simply a matter of degree.

  Now—I presume the manuscript arrived yesterday. I think you would be burning up the wires by now if it had not. And there is no reason why it should not. I shall try to get it in the mail every Friday afternoon, which means it will go out by air Saturday at eleven and be delivered Monday in the first delivery. And I am requesting a reply card every time to be sure you get it. I shall be glad to know what you think of last week’s work. This is a great section on Hamilton—the last great section save only one. There will be a Trask section, then the final one on Tom and that will be the last important contribution of the Hamiltons except for small sections. My patterned book is clear to me now —right to the end. And I am pleased that I am able to follow the form I laid down so long ago. I hope the book will sound a little formless at first until it settles in the mind. One thing interests me and in a way frightens me. I am deeply immersed in the book and so are you. I wonder if it is interesting—to anyone else, I mean. I hope you gave Elizabeth the rest of it. I want her icy opinion. It has never failed me. I just don’t know whether my devilish playing with the verities will be interesting in a time when speed and action are the only literary interests. If my book should be liked, it will mean that at last there is a revulsion for the immediate and a slight desire to return to the contemplative. But we shall see. I know it is the best book I have ever done. I don’t know whether it is good enough. You know better than anyone what this book means to me. Do you remember the struggle in the Bedford Hotel when I knew and did not know that Gwyn had rejected me? And all the notes and tries and false starts? Of course you do. It was franticness and then it was ready and it came normally, but do you know, Pat, I don’t think it could have been done without all the preceding nonsense.