Resemblance

by Y. L. Stokes

  “Your mother didn’t have any family?” Ashley inquired.

  “No, and apparently when she went to my father’s family, they practically threw her out, saying that they wouldn’t acknowledge her marriage to him,” he said with a shrug.

  “I’m sorry.” She reached out and placed her hand on his.

  “Don’t be. I know it was hard for her, but I don’t think she ever regretted a moment of it. Do you mind me asking you a very personal question?” he asked after a brief hesitation.

  “Sure, but whether or not I answer it is another story.”

  He laughed. “Fair enough. Are you getting any assistance from his father?” Nicholas watched her closely and wasn’t surprised by the anger that crossed her face.

  “I think I told you before that Marcus doesn’t have a father.”

  Nicholas didn’t press her. Maybe one day she would feel comfortable enough to tell him more about the situation.

  “Let me help you with the dishes?” he offered.

  “No need; I’m just going to place them in the dishwasher.”

  “Look, I’m sorry if my question upset you, it’s just that I wanted to….” For some reason this woman and her son drew him to them, and he was powerless to fight the attraction.

  Ashley placed her hand on his arm, halting his apology. “Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m not upset with you, okay?” Nicholas nodded. “Why don’t you take Marcus into the living room to play while I finish up here in the kitchen?”

  Hearing his name, Marcus reached up to Nicholas.

  “Oh, I see you’re ready to go and play, huh?” Nicholas chuckled, picked Marcus up, and nuzzled his neck. The baby to let out a squeal of laughter.

  Ashley watched as Nicholas walked out of the kitchen with her giggling son. Once done with the dishes, she entered the living room and found her son and her boss fast asleep, the baby on the man’s chest. The sight took her breath away, and the all-so-familiar ache in her heart that she’d thought long buried resurfaced. It was uncanny how much her son looked like Nicholas, and the fleeting wish Nicholas was Marcus’ father filled her mind. She shook her head, knowing that it didn’t make sense—the resemblance or her longing—so she firmly placed her emotions under control and walked over to the pair. Gently, she lifted Nicholas’ arm, trying not to disturb him as she removed Marcus from his protective embrace. She quickly changed Marcus into his pajamas and settled him in his bed.

  Ashley grabbed an extra blanket from the hall closet and covered her sleeping boss. Just as she tucked the cover around him, he mumbled a name, but she couldn’t make it out. She thought he was muttering about Marcus. She stared down at the handsome man lying on her sofa, remembering the images that inundated her sleep last night: their bodies entwined; his long, tanned legs tangled against hers; his lean fingers caressing and touching every inch of her body. Just the thought of his sun-kissed body sliding against her milk chocolate one was enough to send her pulse racing. Bending down close to his ear, she whispered soothing words to calm him down. As she moved to walk away, he sat up.

  “Where’s Marcus?”

  Fear shone in his eyes, and Ashley wondered about it. “He’s asleep in his bed. Are you okay?” She placed a cool hand on his shoulder, and he closed his eyes, taking deep, calming breaths.

  “I’m sorry. When I found you two in here asleep, I didn’t want to disturb you. Were you having a bad dream or something?”

  Nicholas ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out on you.”

  Though he hadn’t answered the question, Ashley let it slide. “It’s okay; do you want to talk about it?”

  “No, this is something that’s been keeping me up for years now.”

  The phone rang. Excusing herself, Ashley answered it.

  “I want to know who you have over there,” the voice snapped across the line. “Is he the father of that bastard child of yours?”

  Ashley closed her eyes and prayed for patience. “What do you want now, Robert?”

  “I asked you a question, and I would like an answer right now!” her brother demanded.

  “Look, Robert, who I have over at my house is my business, not yours!” Ashley slammed the phone down, forgetting for a moment that she wasn’t alone. Quickly, she turned and came face to face with Nicholas. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt she had to explain who had called. “Um, that was Nicole’s father.”

  “Your brother?”

  Ashley nodded.

  “I take it that the two of you don’t get along?”

  Ashley let out a mirthless laugh. “No, he’s just a little upset his sister had a child out of wedlock.” Her voice shook as she spoke. Trying to cover it up, she cleared her throat. “Would you like something to drink?” She hurried to the kitchen to put some distance between them. For some unexplainable reason, she wanted to open up to Nicholas, to let him put his arms around her and comfort her. She knew to do that would only set her up for more heartache.

  Nicholas followed Ashley into the kitchen. He came up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. Ashley gripped the counter as if to keep herself from leaning into him. Was she running away from him, trying to get herself under control? He’d seen the look in her eyes just before she’d fled—the same look he’d seen in his mother’s eyes just before she’d lose it. She used to tell him she just wanted to lie down for a while, but he knew she went into her room to cry. Back then, he was just a child and wasn’t able to help his mother, but now he was a man, and he’d vowed to help Ashley. He gently massaged her shoulders.

  “I’ve been having these dreams, or I guess I should say nightmares, for years now. I haven’t slept a full night’s sleep without waking up in a cold sweat screaming her name.” He paused, knowing he’d thrown Ashley off with the change in subject. “I guess you’re wondering who I’m talking about,” he said before she could ask. “Well, about four years ago, I was the happiest man in the world. My business was growing by leaps and bounds. My fiancée was planning our wedding, and when I wasn’t at work, my life revolved around my little girl, Alicia. I wish you could have met her; she was delightful. She was the apple of my eye.

  “Well, things were starting to pick up around the office, and I had to hire extra staff so I’d be able to spend more time at home than at work. One particular day, I had to stay a little later than usual. So I called home to talk to Trisha, my fiancée, to let her know so she wouldn’t be worried. Well, she wasn’t happy I was going to be late. Thinking back, I don’t remember her ever being happy unless I was at home with our daughter and she was out shopping.”

  Nicholas shook his head. “Apparently there was this dress or something that she had planned on picking up that day at the mall. She didn’t think she should have to wait until I got home to get it. I told her that I was leaving right then, and to stay there with the baby until I got home. She wasn’t happy with my answer, so she hung up on me. On my way to my car, I tried the number again but couldn’t get through. I had a bad feeling about it. The bad feeling got worse the closer I got to the house. When I arrived home, I saw her car was gone. I tried her cell phone, and once I reached her I asked if she had Alicia with her. Trisha had left Alicia with her sister at the house, but didn’t tell me anything more than that. I ran into the house, but it was empty. Just as I was running back out to my car to search for them, my best friend, Jack, pulled up.”

  Nicholas’ voice caught, and he cleared his throat to continue. “When he climbed out of the car, he had this look on his face that sent chills up my spine. Then I noticed my mom climbing out of the car. Seeing her, I knew something bad had happened. Apparently Jack was on his way home when he saw this car barreling down the highway. He was calling it in when the driver lost control and the car flipped. He’d thought he’d seen something fly through the window, but didn’t think anything of it until he saw who the driver and the passenger were.”

  His hands stilled on her shoulders, and Ashley turned
to face him. “And what?” she prompted softly.

  “And he saw Alicia’s favorite doll lying on the back seat. She wouldn’t go anywhere without it. When Jack saw it, he realized that it wasn’t a something that he’d seen fly through the windshield, but someone—Alicia. Just as the ambulance arrived, he found her and tried CPR, but it didn’t work. The EMTs also tried, but….”

  Nicolas let out a sob and squeezed Ashley’s shoulders harder than intended. “I should have come home early! If I hadn’t have worked late, I would have been there, and I should have been there!”

  Ashley took his face into her hands, forcing him to focus on her. “You have to let it go, Nicholas; there was nothing you could have done.”

  “I can’t! Every time I close my eyes, I can sense that she needed me, but was unable to call me like she could when I came through the door.”

  “What do you hear in your dreams?” Ashley asked.

  Nicholas closed his eyes, trying to remember. “I can’t recall hearing her. I just see myself struggling to get to her. And when I try to call out to reassure her, no sound comes out of my mouth at first, but then finally I hear myself scream, and that’s when I wake up.”

  “So, you don’t actually hear her voice or her crying?”

  Nicholas shook his head.

  “What happened with your fiancée?”

  “I didn’t know, and at the time, I didn’t care. When I realized what had happened, I lost it. I think I raved about it being her fault; that I’d asked her not to leave until I’d arrived. My mom knew if I would have been there when Trisha came, I might have hurt her. So she had Jack take me to his place, while the rest of my family and friends packed my things and moved me out of the house. My mom tried to handle the funeral arrangements, but I wouldn’t let her. I felt that since I wasn’t there to protect Alicia, it was the least I could do.”

  “That’s not true, Nicholas, and you know it! You have to know this was out of your hands. There was no way you would have been able to be with her every single day of her life. You have to focus on the good times, the times before the accident. Otherwise, it will eat you alive. Just like….”

  “Just like what?” he asked in barely a whisper.

  Ashley dropped her head.

  Nicholas placed his hand under her chin, bringing her focus to him. “Like what?” he asked again and stared into her eyes. “Talk to me, Ashley. Practice what you preach.” Ashley tried to turn her face away, but Nicholas wouldn’t let her. “I’ve got all night.”

  As if realizing Nicholas wasn’t going to let up, she told him her story. “Both my parents loved to move from one city to the next. They would buy a house, remodel it while we lived there, and then when the urge hit, they’d sell it and move to another house in another town. I don’t ever remember living in a place longer than two years. As you can guess, moving that much meant I never had any close friends. So when we moved here, I think my father’s health started failing, but we didn’t find that out until later. All my brother and I knew was that we were going to be here for a while. I’d been away at college for three years and came home to give myself a break. I kind of hung out with some of the girls I’d graduated with, some that I’d actually thought were my friends. There was this guy that thought he could have any girl that he set his eyes on, and apparently he’d set his eyes on me, but when I told him I wasn’t interested, it hurt his ego.” Ashley shrugged.

  “I guess all of the girls thought he was such a catch because of his family being so well known. Even my so-called friends thought I was crazy for turning him down.” Ashley paused. “Right before I was to return to college, there was a big party, and everyone was going to go. My friends had invited me to go with them, but I turned them down. They tried to get me to change my mind, but I refused. Finally, they gave up and agreed not to go to the party, but we would all hang out. I remember us going to Rene’s place and them handing me a drink. The next thing I remember, I was waking up in a strange bed undressed.”

  A visible shudder rocked her body. “I don’t know what they slipped in to my drink, but I was awake, but I was unable to move. I could see and feel what was going on, but I couldn’t do anything about it. My arms felt as if they were held down by a lead weight. By the time I was able to move again, he had passed out. I grabbed my clothes and slipped out of the house.”

  “What happened to your so-called friends?” he asked.

  “The next day I wasn’t even surprised when no one came to say goodbye before I left to return to school. Luckily my parents didn’t notice anything amiss with my eagerness to leave. I left right after breakfast.” Ashley walked over to the coffeepot to refill her cup.

  Is this the first time she’s ever told anyone the entire truth about Marcus’ conception?

  “Everything was going great at college. I told myself that I loved it so much that it was the reason I never came home on the weekends.”

  “But in truth you didn’t want to run into anyone who knew about that night?”

  “Yeah, and it worked too until I found out I was pregnant. Then I had to come home to tell my parents.”

  “How did your parents take it?” Nicholas asked. He walked up and leaned against the counter near her.

  “I knew they were disappointed, but I thought they were okay with it. I had explained to them what had happened and that I couldn’t bring myself to have an abortion. We talked for a long while the night I arrived back in town, but the next morning they were saying they—especially my brother, who my parents had called—thought it best for me to go away for a while until after the baby was born.”

  Ashley averted her eyes from him before she continued. “When I woke up the next morning, Robert, my brother, was waiting downstairs. He told me to pack my things because he was going to take me back to Rosewood, where I was to live in the home my parents owned up there. He’s way older than me, so as a child I never questioned his authority.”

  Nicholas frowned. “They didn’t give you a choice?”

  “Oh, they gave me a choice, all right. The choice was to stay cooped up in the house, or I could continue my college education.”

  He frowned further. “Why would your brother do that to you?”

  The laugh she gave certainly didn’t sound humorous at all. “Robert was upset because I’d gotten pregnant and I wouldn’t tell them who the father was.”

  “So, this was his way of punishing you for disgracing your family,” Nicholas conjectured, and Ashley nodded. “I guess he didn’t believe your account of what happened that night?”

  “Nope, and I’ve been paying for it ever since. Do you know I didn’t find out about my parents’ death until I received the letter telling me about the reading of the will?”

  “What?”

  Ashley jumped at the anger in that one-word question.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “I know,” she said, placing a hand on his arm.

  Nicholas stared at her hand for a moment then raised his eyes to meet hers. “What was his reason for not telling you?”

  It took a moment for her to answer. “Robert’s thinking was I had enough to worry about with a baby and guilt.”

  “What guilt? Don’t tell me, the guilt for disgracing the family?”

  Ashley nodded. “When I received the letter from my parents’ attorney, I called him, and he advised me that there was a ticket waiting for us at the airport. He was very surprised when I asked when my parents had died.”

  “Was your brother there for the reading of the will?” he asked.

  “Yeah, but he pretended that I wasn’t there until it was stated that the house was left to the both of us. He threw a fit, saying that I wasn’t entitled to it.”

  “So I guess he gave in?”

  “No, are you crazy? What my darling brother didn’t know was my mother had been sending checks to me all the while. I had been saving the money, so I asked him how much it would cost me to buy him out. Since he didn’
t know about the money, he gave me an amount he just knew I didn’t have. So I wrote him out a check right on the spot. And the rest is history.”

  “Well, I know how many times I wished for a big brother while I was growing up, but now I count myself lucky!” Nicholas said.

  “You shouldn’t, because I think that if our ages were closer together, it would have been different between us.”

  Nicholas frowned. “How much older is he than you?”

  “Fifteen years.”

  “He was darn near grown when you were born, but that is still no excuse for his behavior, especially when your parents died,” Nicholas stated.

  “I know you’re right, but—”

  “There are no ‘buts’, none whatsoever. You have nothing to feel guilty about.” He took her hand in his and pulled her into his embrace. Ashley didn’t fight him.

  “Neither do you,” she whispered and gazed up into his blue-green eyes.

  Chapter Five

  Nicholas normally looked forward to the Sunday games with his friends, but he longed for some time alone to go over the thoughts running through his mind and feelings he couldn’t seem to shake. He decided to slip away for a while; the guys were so into the game they wouldn’t miss him. Grabbing a beer, he headed towards the double doors leading to the patio.

  He’d ended up staying the night at Ashley’s, bunking on her couch. He’d not had one nightmare, and being a part of Marcus’ morning ritual settled an anxiousness that had been with him so long it’d felt normal.

  During the last couple of weeks since that night, Ashley and Marcus had become a very important part of his life. Not only that, being with Ashley made him feel like he had a purpose again…that he could feel again. Since the dinner at Ashley’s place, he’d spent as much time as he could with her and Marcus, getting to know her and allowing her to get to know him.

  “I wasn’t sure if we were still on today. I called almost all night and all day today, but I couldn’t get you.”

  Nick turned around. Jack joined him on the patio.