As she stood there taking in the rugged western town, noting the differences between Denver and Boston, she also looked nervously around her trying to determine who Matthew might be. She saw the older man with white hair and hands turned into claws with rheumatism. Surely that was not him. She turned her attention to the tall skinny man with the long greasy hair and oil-stained slicker. She quickly looked away when he noticed her gaze. “Please, not him...”
Then her attention was pulled to the tall man standing at the end walkway. He was leaning against a post with his hat pulled low. He had a knife out and was whittling away at a block of wood. He pushed back his straw cowboy hat showing his entire face, which was clean-shaven and chiseled. There was a slight smirk to his lips. He was wearing a dark plaid shirt and brown pants tucked into thick leather boots. A gun was holstered on his hip, and she knew just by looking that he knew well how to use it. Everything about the man spoke of confidence and determination. As she observed him, she startled when he met her gaze. Piercing blue eyes peered at her from his darkly tanned face. He flashed her a smile, showing off beautiful white teeth. He put his little block of wood and his knife in the satchel that was looped across his body. When she realized he was walking toward her, she almost lost her nerve.
“Anna Fairchild?” he asked.
Anna stammered in embarrassment as thoughts of how incredibly handsome this man in front of her was. He was breathtaking, and she found it hard to form an intelligent response, so she simply nodded in affirmation.
“Splendid!” replied the man who Anna estimated to be at least ten years older than she was. She stared into his face, embarrassed that she could not rip her gaze away, but also in awe. Surely this man was not the one who put in the ad for a mail order bride? Surely, this man could have had his pick of any woman in the entire West if he so chose. The question hung in her mind: if a man who looked like this and had charm and confidence oozing off him in spades had to put in an ad like that, what was wrong with him that no woman in the local area would have him? She could not contemplate the thought, though, as the man reached out to shake her hand:
“So pleased to meet you, Mrs. Fairchild. I am Matthew Johnson, but you can, or course, just call me Matthew.” After they shook hands, Matthew looked around, settling his gaze on the bag that Anna was gripping tightly. “Do you have any other luggage?”
Anna finally found her voice.
“No,” she said as she glanced at her worn carpet bag, "this is all I own.”
Matthew reached for the bag and relieved Anna of its weight. “That is not a problem at all. Once you are settled, I can get you some fabric for new dresses or whatever else you need, but my sister will be able to lend you anything else you need to be comfortable until we can make up a list.”
Anna perked up at the mention of a sister.
“Sister?”
Matthew laughed, "Yes. I know we have a lot to learn of one another, and I can assure I look forward to learning of you and sharing my life with you, but there is plenty of time for all that. First, we have some business to attend to if you are not too tired from your trip.”
Anna felt a strange comfort emanating from the tall man and, even though they were complete strangers, she was relieved that they already felt at ease with one another. She was certain that at the very least, she and Matthew would be friends. “I am not tired at all,” she replied. “Just the opposite, really. Now that I am here, I am wide awake and excited to see this place that I will be calling home.”
Matthew smiled down at Anna and nodded in the direction of the far side of town. “Well, then, if you have no objections, my sister, Beth, and our pastor, Joe, have set up a small ceremony for us.”
Anna stopped dead in her tracks. “Oh! We are to be married right away? Today?”
Matthew stopped and gazed down at Anna, seeing the surprise in her face, and a flicker of fear?
“Well, I guess I didn’t think you would need time to prepare, but you see, we live almost a day’s ride from town, so I thought it would be more convenient to say our vows and then we can be on our way to your new home. But if that is not acceptable, we can certainly stay in town for a day or so. I am sure Pastor Joe would understand.”
Anna felt near to panic. Jake’s face clear in her mind’s eye, his gentle voice, his even gentler touch, their too-recent wedding night was branded in her mind. He had not even been dead three months! She chided herself silently. What was she expecting? She knew and accepted becoming remarried when she got on the train. She should have had plenty of time to mentally prepare for this. Really it made no difference if they married right then and there, or the next day, or a week from that day. She was convinced that no matter how charming and attractive Matthew was right then, once he learned of her problems, the best she would ever be able to hope for was his friendship.
She lifted her green eyes and, taking a deep breath to still her nerves, she smiled at Matthew. “I am okay. I was just surprised. I guess I was just envisioning this process a little differently, but I would much rather see my new home than stay here in town if this is not where we live.”
Matthew gently took Anna’s arm and led her down the dirt street. The two walked in silence, but both were aware of each other, as well as the stares and the small group of people following them along. Once the couple reached the steps of the small, white church, Anna glanced at Matthew with clear question in her eyes about the people behind them. He winked at her, leaning down and whispering, "Apparently, my putting in an ad for a bride from the East was not a popular decision among my fellow neighbors. The fact that I got a reply within a week of posting it really piqued the curiosity of many of them. They merely want to see you.”
Nervous about the attention, Anna merely nodded her head. Matthew nodded in return and the couple went into the church.
That evening, after several hours of riding in another wagon, Anna, Matthew, and Beth finally reached the edge of Matthew’s ranch. It was nestled in the most beautiful valley Anna had ever seen. She looked from the slopes on one side of the valley to the other, and took in the green meadows, the tall forests on the slopes, the numerous cattle and horses standing here and there minding their own business. Her eye was drawn to the homestead itself. The house was a rough-cut cabin, two stories high and whitewashed. There was a covered porch that extended along the front of the house and tall windows both downstairs and upstairs. Next to the house was a plain wood barn with its double doors propped open and a few men leading horses into the barn for the night. Just to the back of the barn were two smaller cabin-type homes complete with the same tall windows and covered front porches. Anna took it all in, while Matthew remained silent. Beth, who had taken an immediate liking to Anna because they were about the same age, leaned forward and whispered to her, "Isn't it the most beautiful place you have ever seen?”
Anna met Beth’s eyes, which were clear blue just like her brother’s and nodded with a huge smile on her lips. However, as beautiful as the scene before her was, Anna also realized this was her new home, with her new husband, and tonight was the first night of their marriage. A knot of nervousness sat in her belly, and her hands turned to ice. She glanced at Matthew out of the corner of her eye. He sat so straight and tall and, in the hours of riding together, sharing small talk, or simply riding in silence, she had plenty of time to reconsider her opinion of him. But still after all those hours bumping along, she had no indication of anything beyond his intense physical attractiveness and his overflowing charm. She compared him to Jake and thought to herself that Jake would have liked Matthew, but Jake was hers, forever and always, and she had been his. How was she supposed to forget Jake to make room for this man?
By the time Matthew pulled the wagon up in front of the house and one of his hired hands helped them all down, Anna was so nervous she was afraid she would be sick in front of Beth and Matthew. Beth immediately saw Anna’s discomfort. She led Anna into the house and motioned for Matthew to stay behind. Matthew caught h
is sister’s cue and took a seat on one of the benches he built for the front porch. Wondering what the women would discuss in his absence, he pondered his new wife.
He knew she was a widow, but he had not realized she was his sister’s age. He knew she wanted a new start, but he had no idea that she would appear to be so frail. He sensed a tough side to her, but physically she was weak. He found her to be rather pretty. He compared her to Beth. His sister was a little taller than Anna, was tanned and strong with the same blond hair and blue eyes he had. Anna on the other hand was pale and petite with strawberry-blond hair and deep green eyes. Dark freckles dotted her nose and her small mouth seemed to express her feelings for her before she knew how to.
He had immediately felt protective of her when he saw her get off the stage, and he felt a certain amount of instant liking pass between them, but he wondered, would she ever love him? Would he love her? He knew his deceased father would scoff at thoughts like these. According to his father, Matthew should have married when he was seventeen, and any gal would have sufficed, for the only reason a man should have a wife was to bear children and keep house. Matthew had disagreed with that mentality as a teen, and still did. When both his mother and father passed away just after Matthew turned eighteen, he and Beth made do as best as they could, but finding a woman to marry according to his own standards or even his father’s just did not matter to Matthew. It was only in the past six months, as Beth started being courted by men around the countryside, that Matthew realized she would not be with him forever, and he did need someone to share his life with besides his hired hands. When he had mentioned putting in an ad, even Beth was skeptical, but they both prayed over it before they wrote it out, and then finally Matthew worked up the nerve to drive into Denver to post it. That had been almost six weeks ago. He certainly did not know what to expect, but from the telegram he received, he had envisioned Anna to be at least his age if not older. He could not imagine someone so young to be already widowed. The thought made him sad for her.
He bowed his head there on the porch. "Lord, you answered my prayers for a new bride. Please help me care for her, protect her, and learn to love her as you would love her. Please allow me, Beth, and this place to become the home she needs where she can find peace, happiness, and love. Amen.”
As he finished his prayer, Beth came out onto the porch.
“You might want to show her y’all’s room, but Matt, there is something you need to know. Anna just lost her husband three months ago.”
Matthew’s eyebrows shot up in question and concern. “What?”
Beth nodded, “And it is even sadder than that. The young man was lost at sea a mere week after they were married. They had only spent three days as a married couple before he went to sea.” Overcome with empathy, Beth stared up at her older brother with tears pooling in her eyes. “Anna is determined to start a new life, but she is too scared to admit just how scared she is.”
“Scared?” whispered Matthew.
Beth nodded. "I am not sure of what, but I can see it in her face.”
Matthew hugged his sister. “Thank you for telling me. Is she okay right now?”
Beth said, "Yes. I don’t know if she is just that strong, or if she is fighting to hold it in, but she seems okay. I left her in the kitchen with a cup of tea. I am going to check on the Williams family and their new baby. Y’all don’t wait up for me.” Beth winked at her brother and strolled around the yard to the cabins behind the barn.
Matthew watched the dusk grow into night before he went into the house, his mind working and his own heart racing. He was not his father, thankfully, but the way his father treated his mother and sister was all he knew. He wanted to treat Anna with kindness and understanding, but was not sure how to do that. As he entered the kitchen, he found Anna staring into her teacup, the candlelight flickering and catching the red highlights in her hair.
Clearing his throat, he drew her from her thoughts. “It has been a long day.”
Anna nodded and rose to her feet. She offered him a small smile. “Yes, it has.”
Matthew extended his hand to Anna, “Shall we?”
Anna hesitated for just a moment before resolutely putting her hand in Matthews. She looked into his face and realized that, no matter what she feared, she did not have to fear him.
Once the couple entered the bedroom, Anna looked around. It was a beautiful room with a four-poster bed covered with a beautifully detailed quilt. Opposite the bed was a tall armoire with a mirror on the door, and a lantern lit on top. On either side of the bed were simple tables, each with a small oil lamp, but the one closest to the door had a worn, leather Bible, and a pair of spectacles. Anna’s carpetbag was resting on the single chair in the room, and with a sinking heart, she realized she had not even a nightgown. She was in the habit of sleeping in her shift.
Matthew moved to the side of the bed and pulled the covers back. He turned to Anna as he started unbuttoning his own shirt. As he removed it, he noted her discomfort. Laying his shirt on the end of the bed, he stood in front of his new bride. He gently lifted her face so he could look her in the eye.
“Anna, Beth told me about Jake. I am not going to make you do anything you are not ready to do. This is our room. That is our bed. But I will not come to it until you invite me to it. Do you understand?”
Anna searched Matthew’s eyes and face even as she was intensely aware of the heat from his body and his nearness. Something in her wanted to curl up right into him, knowing he was safe, and yet Jake’s was the face in her heart, the voice in her mind. Tears welled up in her eyes as she struggled with what to do. “Please... God...” Her prayer failed her.
Matthew gently wiped away a stray tear as it escaped her eye, and he leaned down to gently kiss Anna goodnight. Then grabbing his pillow, he nodded goodnight and left Anna alone in the bedroom.
For several long minutes, Anna stood staring at the bed, then the door, thankful but also ashamed. She finally undressed and climbed into the bed. As she repeated over and over in a barely audible whisper, “Oh, God, please help me,” she finally found sleep.
Chapter 5
Anna woke up to find Beth sitting next to her. Both women hugged each other and then sat in silence watching Matthew’s uneasy breathing. Beth was glad Anna was there. She had no idea what she would have done if she had been alone when Matthew became ill, but having Anna there gave Beth added courage and determination to see her brother well again. She looked at Anna and wondered what her sister-in-law was thinking.
When Matthew collapsed while corralling some of the cattle to be branded, no one had any idea what was wrong with him. It was Anna who recognized the symptoms of his illness because she had seen them in the slums around Boston. Once the men had brought Matthew into the house and gotten him settled in their room, Anna refused to leave his side.
If her feelings for Matthew were less than obvious before, there was no doubt about the depth of caring she had for him since he fell ill, now going on a week. Beth felt incredibly sad for Anna, not knowing if her new husband was going to live or die. Anna had only been with them for a month now, and as far as Beth knew, the couple still had not shared their room together. She had not been concerned. She could see the relationship building, but then again she saw the spark between the two when she saw them walk into the church that day Anna arrived. What she didn’t understand was how it was that neither Anna nor Matthew seemed to be able to see it or act on it. Beth leaned on Anna for a moment.
“Anna, you need to take a break. I will stay here with Matthew, but you need to go wash, eat, and maybe step out for a breath of fresh air.”
Anna looked at Beth, her eyes red from crying, her face a little more tanned from the last month of learning about ranch life, but blotchy now from crying and lack of true sleep. As she looked at her new sister and, more importantly, her new friend, Anna realized Beth was right. She glanced around the room again, a sudden bitterness in her gut. She looked at Matthew, certain he would
not last another couple of days. This room that was supposed to be theirs, that he had made sacred to Anna by giving her the choice to invite him in, might never see them share that intimacy at all. The bitterness and anger started to build up, and Anna suddenly found Beth’s presence and the room stifling.
She rose and, not wanting to be unkind, squeezed Beth’s shoulder and left the room without a word.
As she entered the kitchen, the sunlight outside caught her eye, so she grabbed some of the food waiting on the table and simply walked out of the house. She walked toward the sun, nibbling on a bit of bread and cheese, her mind blank, her focus entirely on the sun hanging low over the nearby mountains. Without realizing how far she walked, Anna finally stopped when she realized she had eaten all the food she grabbed. She turned back the way she had come and realized she was on a high rise overlooking the back of the homestead in the middle of a vast field. There were cows off to the side, but there were no people in sight. The house and main area of the ranch were strangely still, as though holding their breath.
Anna fell to her knees with the sun behind her now, and she stared at her new home. Barely a month.
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