Magic Man

by Ashley Hastings

  For some reason this made me start to cry again. Damn it.

  “Hey.” Darby hurried in after me. “I’m officially giving you the afternoon off. Pete and Mike can handle the rest of the feedings for today.” She pulled her phone from her pocket and fired off a text, presumably ordering just that.

  “Casey, who’s running the bakery?” I couldn’t believe she had dropped everything to come to check on me. And Lucy, too, had come running to my rescue.

  These were terrific friends. I had never had friends of quite this caliber before, and I appreciated them so much.

  “My assistant has it under control, at least until this afternoon when I need to decorate a wedding cake.” Casey sat down in my overstuffed armchair. “Darby called me, and then I immediately called Lucy to come with me.”

  Lucy sat on the ottoman that matched Casey’s chair and crossed her legs, looking comfortable but worried. “Yes, and I’m so glad she did. When I heard you and Maxwell had some kind of blow up, I figured you might need some support.”

  Darby and I collapsed side by side on the couch, and I tried to think of where to begin my story. The obvious place to start was back in the tenth grade.

  Damn it. Would high school ever end for me?

  So, as briefly, as possible, I told them about the night of my sophomore dance, and the horrors that had awaited me in that darkened classroom.

  I glanced up when I finished talking to find Darby’s eyes full of tears, and Lucy looked dazed. Casey had buried her face in her hands, and I heard her mutter a curse.

  “Oh, no. I’m not telling you all of this to make you cry.” A sinking feeling descended over me. I was so sick of my rapist continuing to inflict pain, even years later. “It was a long time ago, and I am more or less over that part.”

  “I can’t believe you went through all of that, and at such a young age, too.” Darby repositioned herself on the couch, and she looked furious.

  Casey glanced up. “Tell me this next part involves the police hauling his dumb ass off to jail.”

  Lucy nodded in agreement, watching me with care. I think of the three women, she instinctively understood that things had only become worse after I stumbled away from my attacker.

  “No, the only person I told was my mom, and she wanted me to keep it quiet, to protect the family name.” I used air quotes as I relayed that last part. I had always been deeply disappointed in my mom’s response that night, but for the first time, I experienced the stirrings of real anger.

  She had let me down. A mother should protect her child in every situation, and my mom had deserted me when I needed her the most.

  Now it was Lucy’s turn to drop some profanity. “Damn it, Millie. Protect the family name? You had been brutalized. You needed medical attention.”

  Casey sat up straighter. “And police action, for sure.”

  “And counseling.” Darby looked at me with her big, tear-filled eyes. “Did you ever get any of these things?”

  I thought about it. “Well, I took myself to a clinic a few weeks later. I suspected I was pregnant, and I still had visible injuries in private areas that needed attention.”

  Lucy winced, and Casey reached over to grab my hand in a show of support. I squeezed her hand in gratitude.

  “I saw a counselor that day who wanted to know if I had been raped. I mean, I’m sure it was pretty obvious from the physical exam, but the lie had already taken root. So I didn’t tell her.” I took a deep breath. “And here’s where today’s fight with Maxwell comes in.”

  All three watched me with expectation.

  “The counselor gave me this ugly notebook that day, along with some pamphlets about abortion and adoption. Told me to write down my feelings in the notebook, and that maybe that would help me get past the rape. I never took her advice, but I used it for something else entirely.” This was a tad awkward, and I had to glance away.

  “Okay, you’ve probably guessed by now that I got pregnant with Ivy as a result of my rape. Even though the timing of that pregnancy couldn’t have been any worse, she was the unexpected blessing in all of this.” I smiled, thinking about how much I loved my daughter.

  “Yes, thank God for Ivy.” Lucy smiled over at me, and Casey and Darby echoed her sentiment.

  “I found out I was pregnant with her that day. I took the notebook and the meaningless brochures from the counselor and went home to plot out the rest of my life. I wound up leaving home to live with my grandmother, and I got into horses, thanks to my grandmother’s neighbor.” I stretched my legs out in front of me, trying to relieve some of the physical tension that had gripped me since lunch.

  “And the horses brought you here, so yay horses.” Darby squeezed my other hand, making me smile.

  “My whole life revolved around taking care of my daughter. I didn’t go back to high school. Instead, I took online classes to finish up. I went to the local community college the same way. I didn’t date. I didn’t have hobbies. All I did was take care of my kid and work when I could.” I stretched my neck and rolled my shoulders, feeling my nerves increase.

  “Whatever is worrying you, just tell us.” Casey gave me an encouraging nod.

  “I used the notebook to write down fantasies. You know, of a sexual nature.” I blushed a little. “Because I wasn’t dating, and...” My voice trailed off.

  “And the only attention you had received from a male was violent in nature.” Lucy nodded, too.

  Darby looked at me. “Makes perfect sense to me. Despite your circumstances as a single mother, despite the violence of the attack, you are still a woman with needs.”

  Relief flooded my body. I should have known these incredible women wouldn’t judge me.

  “I kept the notebook all of these years and added to it on occasion. Today I found out that when we moved in here, apparently I dropped the notebook somewhere outside, and Maxwell found it.” Now I was getting to the heart of the matter, and I cringed again.

  I was so fucking mad at him for keeping my journal from me that I wanted to scream.

  “Oh.” The perfect unison in which the three spoke would have been funny under different circumstances.

  “He read your journal?” Lucy raised her eyebrows at me. “Your very personal, only for Millie’s eyes journal?”

  “Yep.” I shrugged my shoulders. What else was there to say? I knew they understood how violated I felt by Maxwell’s insensitive actions.

  “And you had just met.” Casey frowned. “And he didn’t return it.”

  Darby made a face of dismay.

  We sat in companionable silence for a moment. Then Darby spoke up, seeming to choose her words with care.

  “Look. Maxwell was an ass for what he did, but I know he loves you, Millie.” She shook her head. “Maybe after you kick him in the behind a few times, you will find it in your heart to forgive him. I don’t know.”

  More silence as we thought that over.

  Lucy picked up Darby’s thought. “What did he do with the information he found in the journal?”

  I blushed some more, making Casey grin for the first time since I found her on the stairs. “He made your fantasies into reality?”

  I nodded, and Lucy giggled.

  Darby looked impressed. “Sounds like he was a jerk for getting his hands on your journal, but talk about taking lemons and making lemonade.”

  We all smiled this time. I leaned forward. “Maybe.” Or maybe not. Only time would tell.

  Casey said, “I think this is forgivable, in time. You love him, Millie, we’ve all seen that. And Maxwell loves you big time. Men are kind of dumb about some things. Let’s face it, ladies.”

  That made Lucy laugh some more. “Grayson is a caveman all the time. A romantic, loveable caveman, but still. This sounds like something he would do, and I would still be explaining to him weeks later why it was wrong.” She smiled with affection for her husband.

  Darby agreed. “Yep. Nathan would do this kind of thing and make absolutely no apologies for
it. He would say it was his right to know my every thought, no matter what opinion I had.”

  I sighed, long and deep. “I do love Maxwell. A lot.” I leaned back against the couch, weary. “And there’s the other complication.” I shot a sideways look at Darby.

  “Did you ever...” She stopped speaking, and I loved her for keeping my secret, but it was okay for the others to know. I trusted them.

  I looked towards Lucy and Casey. “Maxwell thinks I’m pregnant.”

  Cue the dramatic gasps.

  “Well, if Maxwell says it...” Lucy started to speak, but I held a hand up.

  “I’m so tired of hearing how right Maxwell is about everything.” I growled the words, but I also smiled a little as I spoke. “Anyway, Darby got me a pregnancy test while she was out of town, but I haven’t taken it yet.”

  The room got so quiet I had to look up. All three women were staring at me with raised eyebrows.

  I sighed again. “I guess I could go do that right now.” I stood, but then sat right back down again. “I’m still not ready to find out if I’m having yet another unplanned pregnancy.”

  Lucy stood up abruptly and squeezed in next to me on the couch. “Now you listen to me. Being raped wasn’t your fault. And you and Maxwell are in love. Babies happen sometimes.”

  Casey crawled over onto the couch next to us, and we giggled as we all crowded in together. “She’s right. Stop beating yourself up about this.”

  Darby threw her legs into Lucy’s lap, trying to make us all fit. “Yep. And I’ve contributed the first baby to this group. Now Lucy is having a baby. You and Casey are up next.”

  Casey groaned.

  I threw my arms around every one of them I could reach. “Did I tell you Maxwell thinks Lucy is having twins?”

  Lucy said, “Oh, hell.”

  We erupted into laughter, and my heart fluttered with relief. It seemed I had put down the burden I had been carrying for so long, or at least, I was sharing its suffocating weight with my good friends.

  Twenty Six

  My friends left about thirty minutes later, after reassuring themselves I was going to be okay. Darby lingered the longest, letting me see the worry on her face.

  “Maxwell really does love you, you know. He’s been so lonely for such a long time.” She bit her lip as she spoke, and I knew how much she wanted me to forgive him. “Nathan and I were thrilled when he found you.”

  “I know he loves me.” I hugged her, grateful that she cared so much about both me and Maxwell. “Thanks, Darby. For everything.”

  She hugged me back, and then she was gone, leaving me alone with my troubled thoughts.

  I knew I needed to go take the pregnancy test, but I decided a nap would be so much better. I stretched out on my comfortable bed, but I couldn’t sleep. Finally, I went to pick up Ivy from school.

  “Mom, can we go get milkshakes or something?” Ivy had been babbling on in the back seat about a group project, and about how she was the project leader.

  I had been trying to listen, I swear, but by this point, I was wearing my fatigue like a heavy blanket. I needed an early bedtime tonight.

  “Okay.” I pulled into the local hangout and ordered us both milkshakes.

  As we waited for someone to bring our treats to the car, my thoughts drifted. I probably wasn’t pregnant. When I was worried about being pregnant all those years ago, I had suffered from morning sickness almost immediately. I remember jumping on the internet and checking on that, because didn’t it take the body a while to even realize it was pregnant?

  The internet had reassured me that yes, morning sickness can take a while to present itself. So for a short time period, I had thought I had a virus.

  Turned out it was a nine-month virus, after all, a precious virus I named Ivy.

  I hadn’t had any morning sickness at all this time.

  Maxwell couldn’t be right all the time. If so, I needed him to go buy me some lottery tickets, stat.

  And my thoughts rambled on from there. Just take the pregnancy test and get a final answer to this question that is hanging over my head. Wouldn’t that be the smart and logical thing to do?

  “Mom?”

  “Yes, baby?” I looked in the mirror to find Ivy’s sweet face.

  “There’s this boy...” Ivy screwed up her face as she thought about what to say next.

  Jesus. I knew the time would come when Ivy would discover boys, but not today. Please?

  Amen.

  “Yes?” I kept my tone neutral. I wanted Ivy to know she could always discuss anything with me, no matter what. I hadn’t had that freedom as a child, and I wanted to give her this gift that I had never received myself.

  “He says he wants to be my boyfriend.” Ivy made a face, as if the idea of a boyfriend was so foreign to her, she couldn’t even imagine it.

  Good. Ivy was nine years old. The last thing she needed was a boyfriend.

  “What do you think about that?” I kept my eyes on her, not wanting to miss a thing, whether it was a facial expression or body language.

  “I don’t know. He doesn’t smell like a tadpole, so there’s that.” She met my eyes in the mirror. “What else should I be looking for in a man?”

  To my credit, I didn’t crack a smile, although I was dying to do just that. “Well.” I had to think a minute. Was my daughter asking me for advice about men? I was no expert.

  That was for damn sure.

  “Is he worth shaving your legs for?” I still hid my smile, keeping my face perfectly straight.

  That made her giggle. “I don’t shave my legs, Mom.”

  As if I didn’t know that.

  “You know how I complain about having to shave my legs sometimes? It’s a job. I’m telling you the truth.” I gave her an exaggerated wink in the mirror. “Just imagine you did shave your legs. Would he be worth going to that extra trouble for in that case?”

  I was delighted to see her thinking this over. “Hmm. I don’t think so.” Ivy shrugged her shoulders, dismissing the boy with that one thought.

  “What else makes you like Mr. Maxwell so much?” She met my eyes in the mirror again.

  “I don’t know, baby. He’s so kind and thoughtful. And he makes me laugh.” I turned around to face her. “And when I’m able to spend a bunch of time with him, I swear ten hours feels like only ten minutes. I never get tired of being with him.”

  Ivy beamed. “I like him, too.”

  “I know you do, kid.” And I didn’t take that for granted. Not at all. Her opinion mattered most of all.

  We grabbed our milkshakes and headed for home. I kept thinking Maxwell was going to come knocking on my door at any minute, but he didn’t. I ached for him. I wanted him to come to see me, but I also wanted him to stay away, which made no sense at all.

  After dinner, I left Ivy to read a book, and I decided to take a bath. I was still exhausted, but it wasn’t quite bedtime yet. Maybe a good long soak would make me feel better. Perhaps it would help me think more clearly, and stop my thoughts from going in endless circles.

  I slid into the soapy water with a heartfelt sigh. I wiggled my toes in the bubbles and started to relax. I’m sure once I had a good night’s sleep, everything would seem better in the morning.

  Right?

  The scent of roses drifting up from the water made me think of my grandmother, and thoughts of her always made me smile. I wondered what she would think of Maxwell. I bet she would like him, too.

  Everybody seemed to like Maxwell.

  I remembered one night long ago...

  “What’s going on?” My grandmother squinted at the mantel clock that confirmed that yes, it was only two in the morning. She perched on the edge of the couch cushion, concerned.

  I sat down in the rocking chair, weary to my very bones. I might as well be fifty, instead of seventeen. “Ivy has another ear infection. I guess I better take her back to the doctor first thing in the morning.”

  I mentally reviewed the contents of my me
ager checking account. There was enough there to pay for the doctor’s visit, and maybe one round of that yucky pink antibiotic Ivy despised so much. I couldn’t blame her. It claimed to taste like bubblegum, but I would never put gum that smelled that revolting into my mouth.

  I rocked Ivy, holding her close in my arms. Please, God, let her relax and go to sleep. Take the pain away for a little while.

  Amen.

  Ivy’s eyes began to drift close, but I knew better than to stop rocking now. At least a few moments more...

  My grandmother spoke up in the darkness, startling me. I had forgotten she was there for a moment. “One day, Millie, a man will come and love you both as much as I love you. Maybe even more.”

  Her eyes shone at me, so bright in the dark room.

  I restrained myself from rolling my own eyes. “I can’t imagine Prince Charming signing up for ear infections and wanting to walk the floors at night with a sick child. I’m not holding out for a rescue, thank you very much.”

  I kissed Ivy’s forehead. She was so soft and precious, and I loved her very much. I complained because I was overwhelmed by all my responsibilities sometimes, but she was so worth it.

  “He won’t rescue you, sweetheart. You don’t need rescuing. Maybe you will rescue him, instead.” She stood up and prepared to return to her bedroom. “Look for a partner, not a prince. Royalty is so much trouble.”

  I laughed, trying not to jostle the baby, and I stood with her. “I love you, too, Grandma.”

  Time to put Ivy in her crib.

  Yep, my grandmother would love Maxwell, who somehow managed to be both a partner and a prince.

  I climbed out of the tub and put on a t-shirt and shorts, and then I tucked Ivy into bed against her will.

  “Please, Mom, just one more chapter?” Her earnest eyes begged for a reprieve.

  I looked at the clock. It was still early, and how could I say no to a book?

  “Okay. You can read for another twenty minutes, but then it is lights out, no more arguments from you.” I set the timer we kept by her bed for this very reason, and I decided to do a quick bout of cleaning until the timer went off.