Having a Ball!

by Misty Simon

  “Well, be careful what you read. Most of what’s out there can be very misleading.”

  Why did I feel like we were dancing? “Look, some weird things have been happening lately. I’m thinking I need to be better informed, so I’m looking for books.” She looked me over with disbelief. Crap. “So I’m here to find some books about mice, too, since I seem to have an infestation. And I thought I’d pick up some gnome books at the same time.” Good save.

  Her eyebrows went back down to their normal resting place. She folded her hands at her waist. “I see. We don’t carry any books on mice infestation, but I think you’ll enjoy the selection of gnome books. Let me know if I can help with anything while you’re here.”

  She walked away and with her went my chance to ask her about the library.

  I got down to business walking my fingers through the books. I found only one book that the library hadn’t had. But I went ahead and bought everything the store displayed because it would be nice to have them in my own personal collection when I returned the other stuff to the library. I grabbed the troll stuff, too. I would have some extra money now that I wasn’t painting so much.

  Plus, this way I could point out various things to Arrol if I wanted to.

  My trusty watch told me it was time to head on home. It was after four, and I only had a few hours to bone up on what I could poke at him about.

  I also wanted to see how Phoebe was doing and scope out the situation for what she was doing later, after her visit to my mom. It was time I read up on my little guest and make plans for what exactly I was going to do about this troll situation.

  Ms. Metal Fisher, she of the covetous nature concerning Larry, rang me up while sneering at my choice of books.

  “Be nice,” the owner said from behind her.

  “Yeah, whatever, have a nice day.”

  “Thanks, you too.” I ducked out of the shop as quickly as I could.

  ****

  Back at the old homestead, I parked in the alley and gathered all the stuff I’d bought or borrowed. My hands were filled, so I had to bump my car door closed with my hip.

  I opened the back gate and made my way into our backyard. We had a crepe myrtle tree close to the two-story garage, and some other kind of tree halfway up the yard. Other than a few flowers, that was about it. Some fairy statuary would look pretty cool out here. Toby hadn’t done much with this area yet. He was concentrating on the inside, at this point, so I bet he wouldn’t have a fit if I wanted to do a little something back here.

  Hmmm. I’d have to start thinking about it. And I could draw on one of my many blank sketch pads. Finally put it to good use.

  I was whistling tunelessly and wandering along the thin sidewalk when I heard a scream rip through the air. Unless Toby was screaming like a girl again, I had a very bad feeling that was Phoebe doing her very own banshee impression.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I hauled ass like I’d never hauled ass before. Part of me wondered if she was just being her usual overdramatic self. But the other part of me knew something was definitely wrong.

  I hadn’t seen Toby’s car out back, so I figured he was off doing some rental property manager-type thing. I could really use his help right about now.

  I didn’t know whether to yell to get her attention or assess the situation first. And wasn’t I sounding awfully like Magnum, P.I.?

  I fairly flew up the stairs to my apartment and banged open my front door. I dropped all my packages in the process. The scene I stepped into was something outside of my deepest, darkest nightmare. I couldn’t have conjured it up if I’d tried.

  Phoebe was cowering in a corner, her hair a mess, her shirt ripped, but gripping a fireplace poker. The troll thing was hovering over her, snarling and dripping slime all over my floor. My poor carpet.

  Not that that was the most important part, but still.

  I waded right into the fray even though I had no idea what I was doing. This was my cousin, and even if she seemed annoying at times, and downright dramatic, this was something else entirely.

  And what the hell was the troll doing back a day early?

  “Get off her, you dirty son of a bitch!” Fear may have been coursing through my veins, but my familial instinct was stronger.

  “You!” he/she/it snarled. I still wasn’t entirely positive what the gender was. All I knew at the moment was that it was seven feet tall again and dripping that slime.

  “Yeah, me, you shyster. Get the hell away from my cousin, troll.” I advanced on him, trying to glance around for some kind of weapon. It occurred to me that I could probably jump on his back, but I had no real desire to touch all his slime.

  “You’re not doing what I told you, mortal.”

  “You haven’t told me to do anything yet, so how am I disobeying?” I didn’t see anything but an old copy of Teen Beat on the coffee table with Corey Hart on the cover. I didn’t think that was going to do much damage even if I rolled it up.

  “You kn-kn-know this lunatic, Danner?” Phoebe still cowered in the corner. Her eyes were getting wider with each passing second. I was afraid they’d pop out of her head at any moment.

  “I don’t know it, per se, but we’ve had a few encounters.”

  “I am not an it!” the thing yelled. “I will be human, and you are not following my earlier directions to find the book.” It snarled at me, spittle flying and big, nasty hands formed into claws.

  The book. Right. But I had been looking for the book. I told him so.

  “No, you have been trying to buy out every store from here to the next town. You have spent endless, pointless hours in the house of books, but that’s not the place to be if you’re gonna find the one I want, doll.”

  Great. The pseudo-gangster was back. Why couldn’t Toby show up at this very second? A quick look behind me revealed no Toby in sight.

  “No explanation, huh? You’re lucky I don’t get out the rubber hoses and take you apart piece by bloody piece with it. You need to look closer to you.”

  “I have been working on things today. I swear I have been.”

  “Not to my liking, though, and since I’m the one who needs to be pleased, I guess that makes you the loser. So this is what I’m going to do.” He made a grab for Phoebe, hooked onto her arm, and they both disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

  It wasn’t until I’d fallen on my butt that I realized I should have asked him a question about the book and frozen his ass to the floor.

  Shit.

  ****

  Ten minutes after the smoke had dissipated, I was still crouched on the floor and fighting my rolling stomach to keep the contents where they belonged instead of on the floor to mix with the icky slime.

  I lunged to my feet to get to the bathroom, and in the process saw Arrol hanging out on my bed.

  “Oh, God, Arrol, Arrol! Wake up! I need you right now.” I shook his little, solid body and tried every magic word I could think of to get him to de-stone earlier then sunset.

  “Abracadabra.” Nothing.

  “Open Sesame.” Nada.

  “Bibbety, bobbety, boo!” Not even a twitch.

  Argh!

  Then I heard hammering echoing through my still open front door. Toby was home. Toby was home!

  I skedaddled out of my bedroom and through the door, and clattered down the stairs. Maybe he could help me. I couldn’t believe what a mess this all was now. I’d tried to protect Phoebe from all the weird stuff going on around here, and now she was being held hostage by one of the very things I hadn’t wanted her to have to see. She must be a total mess.

  I finally made it to the bottom of the steps and ran smack into Toby and his hammering. His arms closed around me, and I enjoyed just a brief moment of relief that here was someone I could lean into. Not lean on, mind you, but leaning into wasn’t so bad.

  He held me back at arm’s length and looked into my eyes. “Not that I don’t want to think you just couldn’t wait to see me and ran straight into my arms for a
little quality fooling around time, but you look like you’re about to come unglued. And not in a good ‘oh, that is fantastic touching’ way. What’s up?”

  I proceeded to blubber and babble all over him until it was all out. He listened and pulled me back in to his body as I cried. I was a horrendous crier, so I was much more comfortable not letting him see my puffy eyes and runny nose.

  “So what you’re saying is that the troll guy Arrol was talking about took your cousin and they left in a puff of smoke?”

  “I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me. I’ve seen some crazy stuff the last few days, and nothing prepared me for this.”

  “No, not crazy. I’m just trying to figure out what we can do. Is the book he’s looking for the same one that Arrol is so protective of?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And we can’t talk to Arrol until after the sun sets?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, shit.”

  “My thoughts exactly. What are we going to do? I have no idea where he took Phoebe, and I don’t know how to get her back. I also haven’t the faintest glimmer of an idea where the hell that book is. What am I going to do? What will my mom say? Oh, God. I’m going to have to call Phoebe’s husband and tell him I lost her.” I shook and cried again, feeling the world crashing down around me.

  “Let’s not jump into anything too hastily, Danner. We need help, but we can’t go running off half-cocked.”

  Which made me very aware of him and how close his body was to mine, some of his harder parts pushing very enticingly against my soft ones. Yum. I wiggled a little just to see what would happen.

  I was rewarded by a soft groan at the back of his throat and some wiggling of his own.

  “As nice as that is,” I said, moving a small fraction of an inch away, “I can’t be distracted by you and your manliness right now. My cousin is out there somewhere, maybe not even nearby, depending on the poofing abilities of the troll, and I can’t be making out with you instead of trying to find her.”

  He reeled me back in, that fraction of an inch, and saw me another fraction, until we were pretty much plastered against each other. “We’ll find her, Danner. I promise. Why don’t you go back up to your place, and I’ll meet you in about ten minutes.” He turned away and then glanced back. “Did the troll say anything to give a clue about where he was going and when he was coming back?”

  “No. But he did say I was wasting my time looking around the town and I should look closer to home.” And then it hit me. “Do you think he could have meant it was in the house? Like Arrol was in the wall? Maybe there are some other hidden doors in the house, and that’s where we’ll find the book.” Excitement rose inside me that I may have finally hit on one clue. Score one for me.

  “You could be onto something.”

  I kissed him hard on the lips and got a little distracted there for a minute. All right ten. When we came up for air, I swatted his butt and told him to get looking for the secret door down here while I ran up to my apartment.

  “I’ll leave my door open so I can hear you.”

  “I’ll leave my door open, too.” He leaned against the door jamb. “Scream if the troll comes back or if you find something.”

  “You do the same.” I turned to walk up the stairs and into my apartment, set on searching until I found the damn thing that was fast becoming the bane of my existence.

  “Oh, and Danner?” Toby said.

  I stopped at his casually sexy tone and turned around three steps up from him. “Yeah?”

  “After this is all done, Arrol is getting his fairies, and he can stay down in my apartment for one night while I take you to heights you’ve never climbed.” He smiled and included an extra punch in the quirking of his lips.

  He walked into his house and, true to his words, left his door open. Even in the cool autumn afternoon breeze I felt my body go on complete heat overload. Wow!

  I was pretty sure I then stumbled up the stairs and smacked into the side of my apartment, looking for the door to get in. When I realized I still didn’t have my purchases from earlier today, I floated back down the stairs to pick up my dropped bags. One particular book dropped out onto the stairs and caught my attention: Trolls and the Women Who Hate Them.

  As much as I wanted to stay in this beautiful sexual haze, I needed to get my mind back on what we were supposed to be doing. My cousin could be in serious trouble—most likely very serious trouble—and I was overcome with lust. Not good.

  I got my mind back out of the bedroom and started knocking on walls. I didn’t hear anything hollow like Scooby Doo and the gang always experienced, but then again, I didn’t think this was going to be a case of Old Mr. Pritchard donning a mask and scaring people away from his treasure.

  What else could I do? And how was I going to be able to get Phoebe back without trading the book for her when and if I did find it? Crap.

  Fortunately, I only had about an hour and a half before Arrol destoned and I could start asking some very pointed questions to the ball. I knew this whole limited-time-available thing would suck with the gnome and the ball. Never more than right now.

  I picked Arrol up from his stuffed dog bed and stuck him in the living room. I put him on the floor for right now and went to make sure I had beer before going back to wall-knocking.

  I heard Toby knocking and banging around down below. Thoughts of him intruded on my diligent search. His body called to me, but then so did his mind and his sense of fun. Not to mention the whole piano-playing thing.

  But again came the question of letting him really get that close to me. I did have a good thing going here and didn’t really have time to mess it all up for myself. I wasn’t very reliable on the commitment front. At least not that I had seen so far. Witness the fact that I hadn’t talked to Caro in a little bit and couldn’t seem to connect with my own cousin Phoebe. I would be a terrible girlfriend.

  But those kisses and those lips. That body and that mind. I wanted it all, more than I was willing to admit, actually. If only I could get some firm guarantee that things would work out okay, I would be on him like white on rice.

  I passed by Arrol again and decided to put him on the couch. I wanted him to be as comfortable as possible when he came out of his frozen state. We were going to have to be on very friendly terms when the time came to track down this book. The less animosity the better, was what I always said. I should probably think about getting him an extra large pizza all his own.

  Then I heard Toby scream downstairs like a little girl. In my haste to get down to him—my God, he may have actually found the book already, and wouldn’t that be fabulous—I tripped over Arrol’s round little belly. He thumped on the floor with a loud bang, and I hoped there wouldn’t be any damage to him. That would not work in my favor.

  I bent down to inspect him, even though excitement was clawing in my stomach to get down to Toby this instant. But if Arrol was broken…

  And then nothing else seemed to matter. As I turned over Arrol, picking him up by his head to get him at least standing upright again, something made a soft but audible click.

  With trepidation in my heart, I looked at his backside to see what had happened. If his butt had fallen off, I was in so much trouble.

  But then my eyes widened with absolute disbelief. Nothing had broken, but something had opened. From hinges on his lower back, Arrol’s bottom swung open, much like that hidden door from whence he had arrived in my life.

  There was something inside him. I wasn’t particularly happy about sticking my hand inside his body—through his butt, no less—but I had to know what it was.

  Toby’s yelling was all but forgotten as I reached inside Arrol and wrapped my hand around smooth, supple leather.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  I sat absolutely stunned as I looked at the leather-bound book in my hand. I had found it. I had found it! Holy crap.

  My fingers played over the golden lettering on the cover, and I wondered at the title of thi
s elusive book, the book everyone seemed to want for one reason or another. Best I could tell, the book had the words Ralinda’s Maladasical Memoirs—A Book of Shadows on the cover. Um, okay?

  The name sent shivers down my spine, no matter how odd it was. I started mouthing it to get the pronunciation right, but then I remembered Arrol’s warning that the troll could “hear” the name of the book. I wanted Phoebe back, but I also needed a plan before the troll got here and tried to play Let’s Make a Deal with me.

  Plus, I couldn’t be sure what the actual wording was, since that first name seemed to be peeled and flecked from years in Arrol’s butt.

  God, I wished Arrol was awake. This was killing me, and I didn’t have any earthly idea what to do. I wanted to scream with frustration.

  Which reminded me of Toby and his scream. I hauled ass down the stairs, this time with Arrol in one hand and the book in the other. I think it was probably the fastest I’d ever clattered down those steps. I flew through Toby’s open door and came to a grinding halt when I saw him sucking on his thumb.

  He gave me a sheepish smile around his thumb. “Um, hi.” He even waved at me with his other hand.

  “Hello. Taking up an old habit?”

  He took his thumb out of his mouth. “Heh, heh, heh. Oh, no, not me. I, um, hit my thumb when I was trying to tap on the walls, and it hurt. Did you think I had found the book?”

  I smirked at him. “Nope, I knew you hadn’t because I did.”

  He scrambled up off the floor and came at me with purpose in his eyes. “You found it? You seriously found it?”

  “You don’t have to sound quite so flabbergasted,” I said.

  “No, no. That’s not how I meant it to come out.” He ran a rough hand through the top of his hair. “I didn’t mean that at all, Danner.”

  I nudged him with my elbow. “I’m just kidding. But I really did find it, and it was a complete accident. An awesome accident, but a mistake all the same.”