The Clause

by Brian Wiprud

  I’d never lifted any sparks at the Galaxy. Twenty years ago, had I been in the business, I might have. Stealing from old ladies and frail men was something I didn’t do. There were plenty of younger morons with piles of sparks splayed on the dresser.

  Benito’s was tucked into the lower-right façade, paneled in wood and comfy with squeaky, red-vinyl banquets. A dark wooden bar was in back, where Tito—in a rumpled suit—sat on a stool. In front of him was a scotch and his cell phone. Around him the restaurant was busy enough for a Sunday evening, but most of the elderly crowd had eaten at five and were already upstairs soaking their dentures.

  Tito’s face was flush from the bender he was on. The Hispanic bartender with the giant mustache seemed a little on edge, probably about whether his customer should continue to be served, and he eyed me nervously as I sat next to Tito.

  A napkin was placed on the bar in front of me. I could have used a bourbon. A big one. That couldn’t happen until I was on my way to the edge of the earth.

  “I’m on the wagon tonight—seltzer and lime, please.” The bartender’s mustache twitched, and he looked briefly relieved.

  I held my wrist in front of Tito. “This your watch?”

  Tito blinked hard. “No, I don’t know what time it is.”

  “No, what I meant was, is this your watch, the one on my wrist?”

  Tito focused on my wrist and then almost tipped backward off his stool. I grabbed him by the lapel to keep that from happening. “Steady!”

  He blubbered, “Is that my watch?”

  “Sure looks like it, doesn’t it. I found it on your dresser. Patek Philippe. Nice. Here.” I took it off and handed it to him.

  Tito took the watch, squinted blearily at it, then turned his eyes to me. “Who are you?”

  “Come on, Tito, who else would have your watch but a thief?”

  His eyes widened and they began to search the room, perhaps for the police or the Kurac. He didn’t seem to know what to do, but knew that he should take action.

  “Steady, my friend, steady. You’re not calling the police, or the Kurac.”

  The bartender set my seltzer in front of me. I said to him, “See, I found Tito’s watch!” The bartender smiled politely and drifted to the far end of the bar. Tito was my problem now.

  “You are very stupid coming here with my watch!”

  “Didn’t you want your watch back?”

  He clenched his jaw and hissed. “I want it all back!”

  I laughed. “Oh no you don’t. Imagine what the Kurac would say when you handed them back their gems? Oh, they’d take them, and then they’d take you to a basement room and go to work on you with bolt cutters and a curling iron.”

  Tito shuttered so violently that half his drink sprinkled onto the bar. “What?”

  “They’d think you took them and got scared and tried to give them back.” I put a hand on his shoulder. “Tito, look, I can’t give them back any more than you can. They already suspect you, right?”

  “No! My wife, she told them …”

  “Your wife?”

  “Yes, Idi.” His eyes went icy. “She told them I was not involved.”

  “Really. Are you sure?”

  “Sure of what?”

  “That your wife told you the truth?”

  He took a deep breath and reset his jaw. “Why have you come here?”

  “Because you and I are riding the same bus.”

  “How? You stole from me and you stole from them! I did nothing. I am a victim!”

  “Shhh, no need to shout. Okay, so if you’re a victim, whose victim are you? Mine?”

  “Yes!”

  “Let me ask you, Tito, why were the Kurac sparks in your safe?”

  “I was doing a favor.”

  “Favors are free, my friend. No, you were getting paid. And you needed the money, right? Let me take a guess. Was the money to cover real estate losses? For new investment property? Or maybe to cover Idi’s expensive lifestyle? All that Cartier jewelry doesn’t come cheap. And I’m sure her breasts cost a bundle.”

  I could hear his teeth grind. “So you have come to torment me, is that your purpose?”

  “Nope. I just thought we might be able to help each other.”

  “If you want to help, give back what you stole, thief!”

  “I think I did you a favor last night.”

  “A favor!” He wiggled his empty glass at the bartender, who came reluctantly back toward us. I gave the mustache a nod that it was okay, suggesting I’d take responsibility for Tito. More scotch was poured, and I shoved a twenty across to pay for it.

  “The Cartier stuff was insured, am I right? So what will you lose? Well, maybe you’ll lose Idi, but that was inevitable. You really couldn’t afford her anyway, am I right? Very few men could or even should. And let’s be honest: she’s not the kind of person a man wants as his wife. I mean, aside from her obvious charms. When has she ever cooked you a meal? And do you trust her? Really trust her? Why was it her who explained things to the Kurac? Maybe she actually works for them.”

  “She has gone to the Kurac boss and not returned.” Tito slumped. “Now why is it you torment me, too?”

  “I’m here to help, and I already have, you just don’t know it yet.”

  “Go away. I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “It’s too late for that. You have to talk to me now. Imagine if the Kurac found out we were here drinking together? Smile.” I held Phone #2 at arm’s length and took our picture.

  He had another violent shudder, his eyes wide with horror.

  “I see you’re beginning to understand now, Tito, and that’s good. Look, they’re chasing me, not you, and there’s no connection between us other than this little visit and that watch. Too late, the bartender saw me give it to you. And I have the picture. I need you to help keep the Kurac chasing me.”

  Tito looked thunderstruck. “Why?”

  “What do you care as long as they’re not looking your way? Can you tell me some of their names? Who runs the show?”

  “You are insane!”

  “Am I? Well, maybe. At this point it can only help you to tell me. No skin off my nose if they get that picture, come and talk to the bartender. In fact, that would shift their attention to you away from me.”

  He seethed: “I should kill you right here.” In his hand was a small automatic, a fancy thing with a white handle.

  “Put that away before someone sees it. If you kill me, then what?”

  “I say to the Kurac that I caught you! I deliver you to them!”

  “That wouldn’t look good at all. Not to the Kurac, who would see it as a falling out among thieves. I don’t have the gems on me so they would still be missing. And police might take exception to you killing me. Remember them? Those are the ones who would put you away for life for murder.”

  Tito’s impotence was reaching the boiling point, and for a second there I thought he was going to shoot me—I was pushing him too hard, he was at the brink of not caring what happened, of only caring about taking decisive action.

  I said, “Look, Tito, don’t do this, prison will only make your life worse than it is now. I’m not the problem. Idi is your problem. The Kurac is your problem. Let’s take care of the real problems and make your life better. Tell me their names and something about them.”

  The gun went back into his jacket, tears rolling down the poor slob’s cheeks.

  “Was it wrong to want a beautiful woman?”

  “No man in his right mind would walk away from a woman like Idi, Tito. You can’t blame yourself for that. Any man would do the same. Only once you realize that she doesn’t make you happy, that she really only makes you miserable, you have to move on and find someone else. You have to take action, not with a g
un, but with a lawyer. Tell me about the Kurac.”

  “The top man is Dragan Spikic. He runs the show from the shadows, arranges to sell the gems.” His voice was low, flat, and defeated.

  That name sounded vaguely familiar. “Sell to the Israelis?”

  “Of course.”

  “Was the deal supposed to go down soon?”

  “All I know is they were coming to pick up the gems today. How did you know?”

  “Know what?”

  “To steal them last night? I must know: are you with Idi?”

  I put a hand on his shoulder. “I am not with Idi. All I knew was that Idi wore a lot of expensive jewelry and that I wanted to take it.”

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  He sniffled. “Why do you take things like that?”

  I had to think a few seconds about that.

  “Is it for the money?”

  Finally, I said: “I take it because I can.”

  “Do you not realize that stealing in this way hurts people?”

  “People hurt themselves by being careless, by not realizing what’s important.”

  He squinted. “And what is important?”

  “People seem to think jewelry, money, flashy cars, and expensive suits are important. Or that their jobs or missions are important. But there’s only one important thing in this life.”

  “You mean sex?”

  “Love, Tito. It is more valuable and harder to attain and hold onto than any gems. Find it. Keep it locked in your heart where no thief can take it away. Who is the one in the ponytail?”

  “Vugovic.”

  “He answers directly to Spikic?”

  “Yes.”

  “When did these guys get in town?”

  “Last week, from Rome. The gems needed only be in my apartment a short time while they met with the Jews to cut a deal.”

  Obviously Roberto was dialed in and knew these honchos were coming long before they got to New York. No doubt through the Corporation’s connections, possibly with the Israelis.

  “How tight are they with the Russians?”

  “I don’t know those things. They are not friendly with the Corporation. I overheard one of them saying that they kidnapped one of their men to find out more about you.”

  “Ramón?”

  “I think so.”

  Roberto would have fits over this. Unless of course he knew Ramón was a leak in his organization. Roberto was a wise man. If I had to guess he’d see poetic justice in Ramón’s fate. The Kurac promised Ramón money to tell what he knew, and when he had nothing else to tell them, they grabbed him and squeezed him some more, because people always tell more when faced with torture. That’s how the Kurac think. Always with the torture.

  “Where do the Kurac stay?”

  He hesitated. “I will not say. If you visit them as you did me, then what? They will know I talked to you, they will …”

  I put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not going to confront them. Tito, the more they focus on me, the less they will even think about you.”

  Tito groaned. “What does anything matter now?” His hand stroked the automatic in his jacket pocket. “They have rented a penthouse apartment at the Grand Excelsior, upstairs from me. They were staying near their treasure.”

  Which was how they could show up so soon when the alarm went off.

  “Spikic: he stay there too?”

  “No. I do not know where he is. But if I had to guess I would say he is in Manhattan. He is careful not to stay close to the gems, and likes to live well, better than those who work for him. But I do not think he even lets his men know exactly where he is. It is possible …”

  “Possible?”

  “Spikic may be a conflict commander. In hiding. This is what I have heard.”

  “One indicted by The Hague?”

  Tito shrugged. “Many have been.”

  “You ever talk with Spikic? On the phone?”

  “No, just Vugovic.”

  I stood, fishing out a tip from my change. “Good work, Tito, I’m proud of you. You overcame your anger with me and were smart enough to recognize what’s in your best interest. But why should that be surprising? You’re a successful and respected businessman around here. It’s time you got your house in order and went back to respecting yourself. Now go home and get some sleep. I’ll keep the Kurac off your back. Tomorrow is Monday. Wake up to a new day, get yourself a lawyer to get Idi off your back. ”

  “Here. This is no good to me.” Tito held out his watch sadly, and I took it. “It is on the list of items stolen. I cannot be seen with it.”

  “True.” I nodded. “Buy yourself a real Patek Philippe with the insurance money. Just make sure the dealer is reputable, not like the last guy you bought this from.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “The case is real, but it was salvaged. The insides are Timex or some crap. You can tell by the weight and the movement. No gems inside.”

  I left Tito at the bar with his mouth hanging open.

  People get ripped off every day. They just don’t know it.

  Down the block I stopped at a bench and opened Tito’s phone. I’d lifted it off the bar. I copied some of his recently called numbers onto Phone #2, including one tagged as Idi’s. One of them must be Vugovic’s number.

  Then I swung by the Excelsior and handed Tito’s phone to the droopy doorman.

  “Here, this belongs to Tito. He left it in my car. I was looking for him to give it back.”

  KNOWLEDGE OF THE ENEMY’S DISPOSITIONS CAN ONLY BE OBTAINED FROM OTHER MEN. HENCE THE USE OF SPIES, OF WHOM THERE ARE FIVE CLASSES:

  1. LOCAL SPIES

  2. INWARD SPIES

  3. CONVERTED SPIES

  4. DOOMED SPIES

  5. SURVIVING SPIES.

  WHEN THESE FIVE KINDS OF SPY ARE ALL AT WORK, NONE CAN DISCOVER THE SECRET SYSTEM. THIS IS CALLED “DIVINE MANIPULATION OF THE THREADS.” IT IS THE SOVEREIGN’S MOST PRECIOUS FACULTY. LOCAL SPIES ARE THOSE WE EMPLOY FROM THE INHABITANTS OF A DISTRICT. INWARD SPIES ARE OFFICIALS OF THE ENEMY. CONVERTED SPIES ARE THOSE ENEMY’S SPIES WE USE FOR OUR OWN PURPOSES. DOOMED SPIES THAT DO CERTAIN THINGS OPENLY FOR PURPOSES OF DECEPTION, AND ALLOW OUR SPIES TO KNOW OF THEM AND REPORT THEM TO THE ENEMY. SURVIVING SPIES, FINALLY, ARE THOSE WHO BRING BACK NEWS FROM THE ENEMY’S CAMP. NONE IN THE WHOLE ARMY IS IT MORE IMPORTANT TO MAINTAIN INTIMATE RELATIONS WITH THAN SPIES. NONE SHOULD BE MORE GRACIOUSLY REWARDED. IN NO OTHER ENDEAVOR SHOULD GREATER SECRECY BE PRESERVED. SPIES CANNOT BE USEFULLY EMPLOYED WITHOUT A CERTAIN INTUITION AND SAGACITY. THEY CANNOT BE MANAGED WITHOUT KINDNESS AND STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS. WITHOUT SUBTLE INGENUITY OF MIND, ONE CANNOT MAKE CERTAIN OF THE TRUTH OF THEIR REPORTS.

  —Sun Tzu, The Art of War

  Seventeen

  EUROPEAN ORGANIZED CRIME TASK FORCE

  MEETING MINUTES

  1800 EDT SUNDAY AUGUST 8, 2010

  ATTENDANCE: LOG ATTACHED

  Re: Kurac gem theft conspiracy—recent developments re: G. Underwood

  EOCTF Agents Brown and Acosta apprised superiors on interceding on Kurac kidnapping and torture of “Corporation” soldier Ramón Vasquez at approximately 1300 EDT @ the Lincoln Motor Lodge, Tonnelle Avenue, North Bergen, New Jersey. Paramedics called to aid R. Vasquez redirect to hospital, protective services alert to process medical secure. Apprehended: Dusko Ilimic, Serbian national. Passport/visa: business. Evidence team and security arrived to process crime scene, to include 9mm automatic handgun, pruning shears, 12v car battery, jumper cables. Appears abductee was “chimped” [fingers and toes removed with shears] to extract information on G. Underwood whereabouts. Interrogation of D. Ilimic as yet unproductive. Interpol ID of D. Ilimic: Tupo Muvolivic, convicted of gem theft in Frankf
urt, prison escapee, served two years, outstanding warrant. Tattoos match description. Filed with ICE to commence extradition to Germany. Interrogation to recommence.

  1. Agents Kim and Bola of Intel Surveillance section report tactical database ref data re: Asian OCF—Nee Fat Tong, Hong Kong to intercept G. Underwood for Kurac gems. Details as yet unavailable, surveillance subsystems targeting. Data also indicates “Corporation” knew Ramón was leak and promoted his abduction by leaking that Ramón was not in full disclosure to the Kurac re: G. Underwood.

  2. EOCTF Supervisor Palmer initiates discussion of G. Underwood location. Finding Underwood key to putting Kurac and gems in same place for prosecution. G. Underwood burglary resulted in lost opportunity to make arrests of Kurac upon exchange of Britany-Swindol gems to Israelis.

  3. Agents Kim and Bola of Intel Surveillance section report G. Underwood and Trudy Elwell registered cell phones not in use. Calls from G. Underwood to veterinarian via prepaid phone, surveillance and ping not yet successful on G. Underwood prepaid phone; consensus is that G. Underwood likely changing prepaid phones and turning them off/removing batteries between use. Agents were dispatched to respective apartments of G. Underwood and T. Elwell, which Kurac had already searched for data. No computers or personal effects of any use. Navy commendations on wall, see attached for complete inventory. Intercepts indicate Kurac found no computers or useful personal effects. DNA samples obtained from hairbrushes, forwarded to Baltimore labs for analysis.

  4. EOCTF Supervisor Palmer initiates discussion of injured T. Elwell condition, possible to locate through medical community.

  5. EOCTF Agents Brown and Acosta apprised superiors possibility T. Elwell may already be dead even though Kurac intercepts indicate they believe she is alive.

  6. Intel Profiler Agent Laurenta provided input on G. Underwood M.O. A quick study of his Navy file suggests G. Underwood will employ highly evasive tactics to include multiple layers of subterfuge. As Navy intel officer, the record indicates that G. Underwood was a fundamentalist military tactician and adherent of the ancient Sun Tzu text “Art of War.” Navy ops employed revised tactics in raid with G. Underwood supervision, multiple casualties, G. Underwood severely injured, tactical operation and G. Underwood’s program deemed failure. G. Underwood spent time in psychiatric hospital for PTSD and depression. Unclear how he transitioned to crime, how he met T. Elwell, possibly in hospital as they were admitted to Portsmouth Naval Medical Center approximately the same time in 2002. Profiler believes G. Underwood will follow his training and Sun Tzu text but to a fault. To “know enemy and self” 100% not possible, coinciding errors in judgment likely as complexity of G. Underwood’s deceit progresses. Agents to look for misstep that will signal progressive failures and apprehension by G. Underwood’s pursuers.