My Blue River

by Leslie Trammell

  “Yeah, something like that. What’s up?” We had barely spoken two words since “the incident” so seeing him standing at my car window with a huge smile on his face was very surprising.

  “I was just thinking about homecoming. I was thinking it would be fun to get a big group together for the dance. Wanna go?” I knew immediately that he had let all the small stuff go and now wanted to make amends. It was so typically Jack to take the high road and be forgiving. I felt horrible for the news I was about to deliver.

  “Oh, um…yeah, about that. I…um, well, it’s just that Mac just asked me to go to the dance and I said…I said… yes.”

  His face froze as I struck an arrow through his heart. This was an awful thing to do someone so sweet and gentle, but it had to be done. This was probably something my mother would refer to as “tough love.” He’d learn from this and walk away a better man. Yeah, right. He’d walk away full of hurt and wanting to hate me. But it was in everyone’s best interest. Mac would just be a casualty of war if he got attached.

  “Oh.” He flatly replied. He visibly shook his head as if he had just taken a blow to his skull. “I…I…uh, okay.” Clearly, he was at a loss for words. It took a moment for him to regain his composure, but once he did he stood up straight, backed away from my car, and very confidently said, “Well, I guess we’ll all see you and Mac at the dance. See ya, Addy.”

  He turned and quickly walked away to his Jeep, not bothering to look back at me. I didn’t need to see his face again to know he was full of hurt and anger. The gravel spray his Jeep tossed let everyone else know, too.

  As soon as I arrived home, I looked up the only MacKenzie listed in the notebook thin Blue River phone book, asked for Mac, and accepted his invitation. I dismissed his failing attempt at downplaying his excitement.

  ********

  I only had four days to prepare for my date to the homecoming dance. I was grateful this small town didn’t go all out when it came to attire for this semi-formal event. I had plenty of designer dresses on hand so I randomly picked a little, black dress. I’m not sure I even truly thought much about it. Is it Ralph Lauren or Versace? I can’t remember. I put my hair into a curly up-do, threw on some makeup and called it good—good enough for a boy like Mac. He was an okay guy, but no one I would ever seriously date.

  I felt very little inside as I waited for Mac’s arrival and when he did, I walked as fast as I could in my high-heeled shoes to avoid any moments with my family that may involve taking pictures. This was one moment I didn’t want to memorialize. We ate at the best restaurant in town, The Cattle Club. The name left something to be desired, but the food was shockingly fantastic.

  When we arrived at the school parking lot, we saw Aaron and some girl he had been hanging out with lately. His date was doing the best she could to guide his drunken body to the sidewalk. I grabbed her by the arm and told her she better not let him drive. I came to learn he’d spent the summer taking a State driver’s Ed. course, getting a permit and now, he was out with an actual driver’s license. She nodded in agreement. I warned him not to get caught to which he responded, “Got it covered, Sis.” What an idiot. I felt sad that clearly, our heart-to-heart talk had not had the impact on him in the way I had hoped it would.

  We were headed for the gymnasium doors when I stopped dead in my tracks. Jack was helping a girl out his Jeep. Mac hadn’t even opened my door for me. I gaped after Jack and his date until I realized my pie hole was hanging wide-open and could have caught flies. I was in complete shock. Aaron whispered in my ear, “that must bite,” then walked off in raucous laughter.

  Go in a big group, huh? What’s this? Oh, just lovely. It’s the girl from the bathroom, the one I call Red.

  “Ready?” asked Mac.

  I managed to recompose myself. “Uh, yeah, I’m ready,” I replied. Ready to smack the crap out of Jack is more like it.

  He held his arm out to escort me which, had I not seen Jack with another girl, I otherwise would have declined. The nerve of Jack coming with some girl after making such a big deal out of us going as a group! I cursed him under my breath even though I knew this whole mess was my fault.

  “Hi guys!” yelled Jack, making sure we all saw him with his date.

  “Hey, Coop!” said Mac, giving Jack the “man hug,” bumping into each other’s opposite shoulders, giving one pat on the back. I rolled my eyes.

  Jack turned his attention to me in order to make introductions. “Hey, Addy, I don’t think you’ve ever met Amanda. Amanda, this is Adelaide. She goes by Addy. Addy, this is Amanda. She goes by Mandy.” His voice was thick with sarcastic arrogance. I really wanted to punch him in the gut. We all stood in silence as an uncomfortable feeling hung in the air.

  “Yeah, we met over the summer at The Barn,” interjected Amanda as she clung to Jack’s arm. She was clearly very proud of her conquest. I couldn’t resist the need to take her down a notch.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I just don’t seem to remember you.” I knew I sounded like a snob and I didn’t care.

  Her lips pursed as her nostrils flared. I had done my job, but then she just held on tighter to Jack’s arm. My lips began to involuntarily twitch as I glowered at her. She pretended not to notice. I snapped out of it when Mac suggested we get inside and “get our dance on.” Does anyone even really say that?

  As we greeted everyone, there was a lot of talk about the football team’s big win, especially whatever part Mac played in that victory, which seemed to gain him some extra attention. Mac was eating it up and if I didn’t know better, I might have thought he had single handedly won the game for the team.

  While everyone else discussed that game, I realized that Jack and I seemed to be playing a game that no one would win. He would place his hand on Mandy’s back so I would grab Mac’s arm. Mac seemed to like that and would respond by putting his arm around my waist. I would then realize I was misleading Mac and let go. Jack would smile a victorious smile.

  The D.J. put on a slow song and as it started to play, the dance floor rapidly filled with pubescent bodies, eager to have an excuse to hold one another close.

  “Hey, you don’t mind if I borrow your girl, do you, Mac?” asked Jack, as he was already pulling me away to the dance floor.

  “Uh, I guess not Coop,” answered Mac as he watched us walk away.

  Once we assumed our dance positions, I wasted no time. “So, going to the dance in a group, huh?” I threw his words back at him.

  “Not going to date while I live in Blue River, huh?” He threw my words back at me.

  “Whatever.”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  We danced in an uncomfortable silence for a moment until Jack broke it by saying, “You seem a little jealous, Addy.”

  “Why would I be jealous? I’m here with the quarterback of the football team.”

  “Division B football team, by the way. That has to be well below your standards.”

  “And Mandy has to be well below yours.”

  “Whoaaa! What’s that about? You don’t even know her.”

  “I don’t plan to, either. By the way, I’m fairly certain she is one of the girls I overhead in the bathroom on the first day of school, so I’m really happy you asked her out. It takes the pressure off of me. Now I know I have NOT ruined her life.”

  “Is she? Huh, imagine that,” he sarcastically replied.

  Holy crap! He planned this! He was becoming more and more arrogant, and nobody beat me at my own game. Before the song had even ended, I decided I was done and began a dramatic exit.

  “Guess I’ll let you get back to Candy.” I sneered, deliberately saying her name wrong. I tried to release our hands, but Jack held on tight.

  He pulled me closer and said, “Remember how this feels. Sucks doesn’t it?” He stared intensely into my eyes. I diverted my gaze from his piercing stare.

  “I won’t even dignify that with a response. I’m leaving,” I hissed. He released me and I returned to Mac, who stared suspiciou
sly back at Jack.

  I couldn’t wait to end the evening. I was certain Mac would be named homecoming king, so I waited for the crowning of his royal moment. I then complained of an extreme headache and asked him to take me home. He was disappointed but obliged.

  “Thanks again!” I called out to Mac. He left me standing on the porch of my parent’s house. He seemed disappointed with receiving just a quick peck on the cheek, but it was all I could do to muster up that much affection. I was grateful he hadn’t tried for more. I sat down on the porch swing, grabbed the blanket that had been left, and reflected on the Jack incident. Why am I so jealous? We weren’t in a relationship, we had never kissed and more importantly, I had made it clear we couldn’t date.

  Time escaped me. I lost track of how long I had been on the porch swing, but when that familiar brown Jeep Wrangler entered the driveway, I was suddenly very aware of everything around me. He was driving so slow the gravel barely crackled under his tires.

  Jack got out and was almost to the house when I called out, “You a stalker now, Jack Cooper?”

  “Very funny. No. I—it’s just that—I,” he stammered. “I came here to apologize.”

  My eyes flickered briefly to his bandaged left hand but I ignored the urge to ask him about it. “Apologize for what? Didn’t you and Mandy have a good time?” I was taunting him and I knew it, yet I couldn’t seem to help myself.

  “Yeah, I mean, no, I mean…it was okay taking Mandy, but I did it out of spite and that’s not right.”

  “Well, then, sounds like you owe her the apology.”

  He let out an exasperated sigh. “I know and I promise, I’ll apologize to her but Addy, you knew I was jealous. Can you please make this a little easier? It drove me nuts that you accepted a date with Mac. I thought you were just trying to make me jealous, so I retaliated and asked Mandy.”

  “Well, thanks for your honesty, but I didn’t accept Mac’s invitation to make you jealous. Mac knows you and I are just friends, and he also knows I don’t plan to date anyone. He’s good with it. He asked me as a friend because he didn’t want to be alone when he was crowned homecoming king.”

  “Really? That’s not at all what he was telling half the football team. He’s fairly certain he can change your mind.”

  “Hmm, that’s interesting, because so do you.”

  He had no response. I think I stunned him into silence.

  Jack walked from where he stood at the end of the walkway. My heart pounded as each of his steps drew him nearer to me. When he stopped right in front of me, I wondered about his next move—his next words. Slowly, he leaned down to me until his face was just inches from mine.

  “You know, I think someday you’ll regret being such a cold-hearted person, Addy.”

  Ouch. We exchanged an intense stare for what seemed like an eternity.

  My eyes stung with tears but as confidently as I could, I retorted, “When I leave here, I won’t even care and I won’t look back. I promise you, Jack, I’ll have no regrets.”

  As slowly as he had moved in, he backed away. He shook his head and muttered something about me being stubborn. We simply stared at each other until I could resist no longer and asked about the wound he was sporting.

  “So, what’s up with your hand?” I asked.

  “This?” He held it up. “It’s nothing. You wouldn’t care anyway.” His words had a bite to them.

  Part of me knew he was right. I was so incredibly stubborn that I wouldn’t even pursue my desire to know what had happened to his hand. My gut told me it had something to do with me but we simply continued staring at each other. We both knew we were at an impasse.

  “Guess I’d better get inside and see if Aaron survived the night,” I said.

  “Yep, guess so,” agreed Jack.

  When he turned to leave, I allowed the tears to fall over my cheeks. I furiously wiped them away.

  “I will not get hurt,” I muttered. “I will not get hurt.”

  ********

  Jack’s Journal

  Saturday, October 16

  Homecoming

  Why do I let Addy get to me like this? She swears she didn’t accept Mac’s invitation to the homecoming dance just to make me jealous, but she had to know it would. She’s been such a little baby ever since I called her out on being spoiled. Man, she can hold a grudge! Why do I care? Never mind. I know why. But why do I want her so bad? Crap. Never mind. I know why.

  I felt something for her on day one—the first time I laid eyes on her. I knew she was the one for me. I just wish she didn’t piss me off so bad! I shouldn’t have gone home after dropping Mandy off at her house because that gave me time with my thoughts, which lead to me punching the wall in my room. That was a really bad idea. I almost broke my hand and now it hurts like hell and to top it off, I have a hole in the wall to fix. This sucks. I swear, one day she and I will laugh about how she played hard to get…I hope.

  17. Birthday Wishes

  The month of October not only brought homecoming but also my birthday, hunting season, leaves of many colors, and in the higher elevations of the mountains, snow. Jack was a hunter, and since he no longer seemed interested in hunting me, he was off somewhere bow hunting. Part of me was relieved to see less of him since our uncomfortable homecoming games, but another part of me really missed him. The football team may have been victorious, but no one had been victorious in the Jack and Addy game.

  My long awaited day of October twenty-third had finally arrived. I was eighteen and would celebrate this day with my family and Claire. I was finally an adult and I wanted to party Davis family-style. It felt like leaving Blue River and returning to California would somehow happen at a faster pace now. I started the day by marking off another day on the calendar. Almost ten blank months remained on the calendar that led to my personal victory.

  I looked at myself in the mirror. Do I look older? Am I somehow more mature and adult-like? As I pondered those thoughts, I heard a knock on my door.

  “Honey, Claire is here,” announced Mom.

  “Wow, she’s early. I’ll come down,” I responded.

  “She seems upset. You might want to ask what’s wrong.”

  I wanted to sarcastically reply, “Yeah, no kidding, Mom.” She never gives me enough credit. Obviously, I will ask Claire what is bothering her. Obviously, I will try to help. I swear Mom’s brain has a malfunction in the common sense department. Today was my day and I wouldn’t let her ruin it. I didn’t want to fight so without a word, I let it go.

  I shook it off and skipped down the stairs, still on a high from turning eighteen. I stopped short when I saw Claire’s face. She wasn’t crying, but she looked like she’d been crying.

  “Hey…what’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Is it okay that I’m early…like really, really, early?” asked Claire.

  “Of course it is. Let’s go up to my room.” I nodded in the direction of the stairs.

  “And can I bring this?” She held up an overnight bag. “Can I stay?” She nearly whispered the words as she held back her tears with fierce strength. I didn’t bother asking my parents if it was okay with them. I knew it would be. I had to give them credit when it came to friends in need. They would gladly help and accept Claire into our home for as long as she needed to stay.

  In the time I had grown to know Claire, I learned she hadn’t had an easy life, starting with her parent’s divorce. They divorced when she was twelve and I couldn’t help but think that was horrible timing. There was really never a good time for a family to fall apart, but at twelve a kid’s hormones are raging, their body is changing and they don’t know what is happening, but they definitely know they feel different. Everyone knows that’s a rough age but her parents couldn’t seem to make it work. I didn’t know what was worse; an absent father or an unhappy home filled with manic rage and tears. Claire’s dad simply walked out without an explanation and since that time, her mother had dabbled in a variety of stepfathers, hoping to fill the void. T
his year’s variety was named, Garrett.

  “Claire, of course you can stay. You’re starting to scare me! What happened?” I inquired.

  I gently guided her up the stairs by the arm. As soon as we entered my room, she tossed her bag to the floor and began to cry.

  “Claire? What’s wrong?” I practically begged her for an answer as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

  “It’s my mom, well, my mom and Garrett, well, mostly Garrett. What an asshole. I got into it with him about how much he sucks and how he’s incapable of treating my mom the way she deserves to be treated. I don’t know why she puts up with him.”

  “Oh, Claire. I’m so sorry.” As much as my brain was telling my lips to stay closed, I couldn’t help but point out the similarities Claire shared with her mom.