Permanent Adhesives

by Melissa T. Liban

  “Laura’s technically not my girlfriend anymore. I still love your mom Mols.”

  “Bullshit!” I shouted.

  “That’s enough,” my mom said.

  I crossed my arms and huffed. “I’ll get a job. You can have all my money.”

  “Your main focus should be school,” my mom said.

  “School, really, since when are you concerned?”

  “Molly, even if you get a job it won’t help that much. You’d have to save your money for college anyways.”

  I looked over at my mom. “I’m going to say I told you so right now. If you let him move in here it’s going to end up like every other time this scene has occurred.” Before my mom took my sister and me and moved out, and before my dad lived in the garage, we had been in the same situation. “He says I’m sorry. I love you. I’ll stop drinking. I’ll go to meetings. Give it a few days, and you’ll see. He’ll be back to his same old drunken self.” I didn’t wait for a response. I ran out of the kitchen.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I just wanted out of there. I needed fresh air. I needed to breathe. Outside the cold air tried to enter my lungs; my deep inhales made it an almost painful process. I stood on top of the stairs, licked my lips, and tried to hold back the torrential downpour that was on the verge of happening. Just Kate, Roberto, and Elias were left outside. Elias said something to them, and they waved and took off. I didn’t move or attempt to wave back. Elias walked up the steps and grabbed both my hands.

  “C’mon,” he said, letting go off the one hand, leading me down the stairs.

  I followed his lead. I did not want to be anywhere near my house. We crossed the street over to Elias’ building. He opened the side gate and led me down the gangway which was quite dark, and I swear about ten degrees colder. He took me across the yard, let go of my hand, and rammed the side door to the garage with his shoulder. Then he gave it a kick, which led to the door actually opening. He went in, flipped a switch—a dim light glowed from inside—, and waved me in. I pouted my lips and entered. Elias went over and opened the rear passenger door to the junk heap of the car that resided in there.

  “This is where I come when I can’t be inside, to think.”

  I looked at him and sniffled.

  “I won’t try anything funny. I swear,” Elias said with a small smile.

  I sighed and climbed inside the car. Elias climbed in next to me, pulling the door shut after him.

  I scooted down in the seat so my knees were up and pressing into the front seat. I covered my face with my hands and screamed. While I was screaming, Elias reached forward to the front seat and pulled out a couple of blankets from what looked like some jumbo sized sandwich bags. When I was done screaming, I rolled my head onto my shoulder and looked at Elias. He offered a warm smile and tucked a blanket around me. I opened my mouth to speak, but my eyes beat me to it, and the flood started. I lay down on my side and used Elias’ thigh as a pillow, pulled my blanket tight, and sobbed—full on sobbed. I didn’t hold back and let it all out. I was so embarrassed and pissed and mad and fed up with my mom, my dad, my life. I was tired of it all, and I just didn’t know what to do but cry. Elias lightly stroked my hair and let me soak his blanket with my tears. It felt good letting it out, but the pain was still there, and I wasn’t sure if it’d ever go away. After I got to the point where it seemed crying was exhausting me, I sat up and lay my head back on the seat.

  “God why, seriously why?” I asked between heavy breaths. “This happens every time. I thought we were done with all this crap. My mom went over a year without letting him move back in. I thought she was gaining freedom from him, ya know?”

  “I dunno Molly,” Elias said with a head shake.

  “He’ll tell my mom he’s going to stop drinking, but he’s just gonna end up drunk again in a few days. They’ll fight, she’ll throw him out, and the cycle will continue. My nerves can’t handle this stuff anymore. I thought we were done with it.” And then I was crying again. Elias scooted over to me so our shoulders were touching. He leaned his head back and looked at the car ceiling with me.

  “And then it all has to happen in front of my friends. This is awful.”

  “Molly, you don’t have to be worried about your friends. They’re your friends. They don’t care about stuff like that.”

  “But I do. I don’t want people to know this is my life.”

  “Why not?”

  “Cuz it sucks, and it’s embarrassing.”

  “It’s not embarrassing. It’s just life, ya know?”

  “No, it’s embarrassing.”

  “Okay, so it might be, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all like you for you Molly and not who your family is.”

  I sighed and looked over at Elias. “I guess. I’ve been trying so hard to hide it for so long, it just seems like the truth isn’t supposed to be known to others.”

  “Sometimes the truth has a way of getting out.”

  “I guess. It still sucks.”

  “Yeah.”

  I lay my head on his shoulder. “Does my dad always talk to you like that?”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  “But I think I should. He doesn’t have the right.”

  “We’re all aware your dad is an ass.”

  “But still.” I sat up straight and looked at him. “It makes me really mad.”

  “Well, you can do something with that.”

  “With what?”

  “Your anger.”

  “Yeah, like punch somebody, mainly my dad.”

  “You know you’re not going to punch your dad, me maybe,” Elias said with a meek smile and half a shrug.

  “I’m not going to punch you again.”

  “But what I’m saying is, you can take that anger and all this emotion you have going on right now and use it as fuel.”

  I sighed. He was skilled when it came to veering the conversation off of him. “Fuel for what?”

  “Okay, you can go two ways with this Molly. What you use your fuel for is up to you. Now, you can go down the dark dismal road of why me and self-pity, or you can go in the other direction and use what happened as fuel and take your campaign to the next level.”

  “Does it even matter, the next level, what’s that? I don’t think any of it matters really. Right now, I kinda never want to leave this car.”

  “No, it matters Molly. People have really grabbed onto The Society of Prodigious Superbness. Have you seen all the stickers put up and all the merch we’re selling? I’ve even seen graffiti asking me if I’ve unleashed my superbness.”

  “So, it doesn’t mean anything.” I wanted to stay in my mood of brood. Elias even said so himself; we’re allowed to wallow in our own self-misery. That’s precisely what I had planned.

  “But it does, your comic means something to people. They cling to the message you’re sending.”

  “I’m not sending any message. I’m just drawing a comic.”

  “Uh Molly, hate to inform ya, it is.” He was nodding his head as if to affirm his statement.

  I sighed with a loud humph.

  “Your comic is essentially about believing in yourself. You need to listen to your own advice, not worry about tonight and what everybody thinks and press on.”

  I sighed again. Sending a message was actually unintentional and pretty darn cheesy, but if I thought about it, I kind of liked how everybody could relate to an underlying theme. Curse him for trying to lift my spirits. He seemed to be onto something though.

  “In a way, it’s kinda drawn us all together, even those we don’t know. It’s kinda like there’s a connection, and me saying I feel a connection is kind of a big deal. I’ve been a solitary unit my whole life, and now it actually feels like I have something to belong to, and I might have friends.”

  “You do have friends Elias.”

  “And it’s all because of you.”

  “No, not me, you. You pushed me in the right direction. You’re the one that got the ball r
olling and came up with everything.”

  Elias shook his head. “I came up with some ideas so your comic would reach more readers. That’s it. You’re at the heart of it all. It’s your comic, your message, your drive and motivation.”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  “It is.”

  “You know, you’re really great,” I said.

  He responded with a shrug.

  “And thanks, but I still have to go home and face that whole situation.”

  “Yes, you do, and it sucks, but don’t let it make you a victim of circumstance.”

  “And what about you?”

  “We’re not talking about me.”

  “But still.”

  “We’re talking about you, what just happened this evening, and how you’re not going to let it ruin your life.”

  “Yes, and you’re spouting all this sage advice and telling me to listen to my own message and believe in myself and all that jazz, and I’m most grateful for it, but it should apply to you too.”

  Elias shook his head. “Not important.”

  “But it is Elias, you have—”

  He cut me off. “Please don’t tell me I have so much potential. Potential is shit.”

  “I was going to say you have so much talent and are so smart, and you think so little of yourself, and it really makes me sad cuz you’re pretty frickin awesome.” I paused and took a deep breath.

  “Please, let’s just stay focused on you.”

  “Elias…”

  “Molly.”

  I smiled, jabbing Elias in the knee. “You are pretty frickin awesome.”

  Elias cracked a partial smile and shoved me in the shoulder. “As are you. The topic of whom we are sticking with. You, who is a great...”

  I filled in, “Girlfriend.”

  “Wait, aren’t we skipping over some things here?”

  “Nope.”

  “You’re not just saying you’re my girlfriend cuz you want me to talk about myself with you?”

  “Nope.”

  “You’re not…”

  I pushed down our blankets and cut him off, leaning over and kissing him and turning my body while swinging a leg over his, so I was sitting in his lap and looking into his eyes. He kissed me back with such an intense warmth and affection, pulling me in close. Our first kiss was perfect, the second one sweet, and that one—our third kiss—was beyond perfect. It was blissful, awe-inspiring, heavenly one could say, and in that kiss everything melted away. There were no worries, or anxieties, or feelings of defeat, or self-doubt. There was only connecting and being together. We had each other and understanding, and all time stood still, and it was just us in the moment; one of those moments you wish could last forever. I slipped off my sweater and then Elias’ jacket. Then he pulled my tee-shirt over my head, and I pulled off his, and we pulled ourselves close—his warm skin touching mine, my hands in his hair.

  Elias turned and lay back. I leaned into him, his arms embracing me. I lay my head on his shoulder, and he held me in his arms. I could feel his chest slowly rising and lowering underneath me. He smelled so fresh, like soap and clean laundry. Elias ran his fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head. Everything was right. Who knew lying in somebody’s arms could be so comforting? I put my hand on his bare chest, and he placed his hand over mine and pulled the blankets around us.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I woke up to a thin ray of light shining through the window. I blinked and tried to squish my eyes shut again to ignore it, but I swear the sun went right through my eyelids. It took me a sec to realize where I was. Then I felt Elias lying on his side next to me. His leg was wrapped around my body, preventing me from rolling off the seat onto to the floor. He snored lightly with his mouth slightly parted. I kissed him on the forehead and wriggled my way up to sitting. I slipped on my tee-shirt and sweater and climbed out of the car where it was freezing. I tried to hug myself warm. I actually had to go you know, but then I got distracted by the spiral edging of Elias’ sketchbook poking out of a crate. I looked over my shoulder and yanked out the book. I was going to just quickly flip through, but his drawings really drew me in (ha, is that a pun?). They were superbly awesome. I didn’t know why he was hiding them. He could draw.

  It wasn’t just normal old boring sketchbook stuff, like half done portraits and hands; it was a whole surreal illustrated world. I had a feeling the main character in his drawings represented him. It was a black line drawing in ink of a boy with a mass of dark hair hanging in his face, but he didn’t have a mouth. The boy not having a mouth gave him a cute quality, but you could tell the boy was sad. He wandered through a desolate black-and-white world and there were these bubbles everywhere and when one would pop a whole barrage of colored imagery spilled out in brilliant color and photo realism. One page led into the next with twisting trees and un-passable brick walls and then before I knew what I was doing, I tore out one of the pages and kind of shoved it in the back of my pants half in and half flat against my back. I was going to continue flipping, but then from behind me, I heard, “What are you doing?”

  I spun around to see Elias standing next to the car, wearing just his jeans. I should have dropped his sketchbook to look less suspicious, but for some reason, it didn’t occur to me. I looked from the sketchbook to him, thinking of the pages inside. “I knew you had something to say.”

  He licked his lips and looked down at the ground. I put his sketchbook back in the crate and walked over to him, lifting his chin with my fingers. He had his eyes closed.

  I whispered in his ear, “You’re not a solitary unit anymore.”

  He shook his head in neither a yes or no direction and opened his eyes.

  *************************

  I snuck back across the street to get dressed. My mom and sister were already gone for the day, but my dad was asleep on the couch. I guess their decision was final. I took a quick shower because I didn’t want to linger too long with my dad there. It was going to be in and out. After I showered, brushed my teeth, and all that good stuff, I threw on some clothes. I pulled on some gray cable-knit tights and some shorts over them. I only owned like one or two pairs of jeans. Since most, well all, my shopping was done in thrift stores, I could never find second hand jeans that fit me properly, so I often opted out of the jeans option and wore shorts. I slipped on some tube socks over the tights and popped on my imitation Chucks, pulled on a sweater, threw my backpack on, and was back out the door. Kate came and picked Elias and me up. At first, I was quite hesitant, but then I remembered I was supposed to be channeling my emotions to press up and on with my comic, so I took a deep breath, and we jumped into Kate’s car. When we got to Quirk’s, Elias and Kate had to remind me to breathe.

  *************************

  We had quite a turn out at Quirk’s. At the gathering we had the day before Elias posted something on the website and put word out through all the social media sites and well, I guess everybody got the word. A few that were at my apartment the night before asked if everything was okay, and Roberto gave me a hug, and Brian gave me a playful punch on the shoulder and said something about hanging in there. It wasn’t as awkward as I was expecting it to be. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it was nice being around my friends and at our meeting. It definitely got my mind off of things at home. During our meeting, we really got some stuff organized. We worked out schedules for who was going to help with what and when. Like who was giving Elias a hand with screen printing and what day this person would help me fill orders and so on and so forth. Elias’ load was greatly relieved, but he was quickly coming up with new ideas. As of then, it was strictly a volunteer operation, being paid in appreciation, tee-shirts, stickers, and pins. Everybody was glad to help. We were turning into one big happy family—a cohesive unit brought together by something more than just my comic.

  A girl approached me about halfway through our meeting. “Hi,” she said, holding out her hand for me to shake.

 
; “Hi,” I answered pensively, shaking her hand.

  “I’m Rachel Wozniak. I’m with our school paper and news station.”

  “Yeah, I know,” I said because I did know who she was. She was one of the school’s obnoxious anchors for the ever dull school news show that showed in division. Division was like our school’s version of homeroom. She had the world’s fakest smile, and you could tell she was a fan of whitening strips because her teeth were so white it was unnatural.

  “I don’t know if you’ve been informed, but Mr. Gardenia is making an announcement tomorrow on my news show about the current school vandalism that has been going on.”

  “Your news show, really?” I asked, because last time I checked she wasn’t the only one who worked on it.

  “You know what I mean,” she said, smoothing out the front of her cardigan.

  “And also, why would the head of school security inform me?”

  “Aren’t you the one behind everything that’s been going on?”

  “No.”

  “Okay, sure. Everybody knows it’s you, as does Mr. Gardenia. He just doesn’t have hard proof.”

  “Okay, great, but what do you want?” I asked, growing impatient with her.

  “An interview.”

  “Oh, no.”

  “She means yes,” Kate said, suddenly appearing by my side. “Even though you’re not behind this, it would be great exposure for your comic,” Kate explained, twirling one of her braids. She had green ribbons woven through her braids that morning. They matched the cords that she wore.

  “I dunno.”

  “They’re more or less opinion questions anyways,” Rachel said. “I won’t come right out and ask if you’re responsible, okay?”

  I sighed.

  “C’mon Molly,” Kate said.

  “If we do this real quick, I could probably put something together for right before Mr. Gardenia’s message to the school. It would be great, so much better than covering budget cuts or the academic decathlon, please,” Rachel begged.