Unsteady

by Elizabeth York

  “Not yet. It’s too soon,” I warmed at the thought. Logan and I had discussed starting over and everything was happening really fast, but marriage wasn’t something we ever talked about except when we were ten. It was just an unspoken vow that we would be together.

  “Whatever happens I love you, and I am so happy you found a life with him. I can see the way he looks at you and know he would die before he would ever hurt you again. Dad told him so too,” Brooklyn chuckled and then I pulled her in for a hug.

  “He’s the only man for me,” I gushed to Brooklyn who smiled happily for me, but then her expression changed. She turned her head to Mark and I watched in slow motion as he climbed out of his SUV and began a rapid journey toward us.

  Oh my God was she having the baby?

  “I really think you should go with Mark and get to the airport,” Brooklyn’s voice was determined, but her face showed some kind of fearful rage I had never seen before as she tried to pull me toward Mark.

  “I don’t think she should,” a deep voice echoed from behind me. I turned to see Michael standing there.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Brooklyn immediately tried to pull me behind her, but I couldn’t let her do that. She had her baby to think about. I was used to being a sacrificial lamb, after all that was how I ended up going to a boarding school and meeting Logan.

  “Watching the telenovela that is your sister’s life unfold,” he smirked. “It seems we just keep running into each other.”

  “You’re a stalker,” I declared as I heard Mark’s footsteps.

  “More like a customer. You are that carnival prize I have yet to win for my friend, but I have all the time in the world to keep trying until its perfect.”

  “You do not have business here,” Mark challenged as he pushed both Brooklyn and I behind him. “You should leave.”

  “Did you put me on a bidding block?” I asked, and his attention left Mark and was focused solely on me. I heard a gasp from Brooklyn and saw something between rage and disappointment in me for lying to her. One day she would understand that her life was more important than mine. She was the stopper of criminals and I was the attractor. Besides, she had the baby to think about now. “Did you follow me here, so you could sell me to someone?” He cocked an eyebrow as a sly crooked smile crossed his face.

  “Who could you know that could’ve told you that?” he seemed curious.

  “Answer me!”

  “I did,” he answered nonchalantly as if it wasn’t a big deal.

  “I’m not for sale,” I gasped as a million words rambled around in my brain looking for something that translated how offended I was.

  “Everything is for sale,” he sneered and then walked over to Mark and looked around him as if he was nothing. “You were bought from your boyfriends dad’s photos.” Suddenly men with guns were all around us as he sidestepped Mark and reached his hand up to my face.

  “Are you okay my child?” Sister Katherine walked up behind us.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked and she nodded down at Brooklyn’s belly. She was here because Dad had asked her to stay and christen the baby with the family that was due any day.

  “I came to see you off. I wanted to go with you to see what Logan had in store when you got there,” Sister Katherine replied.

  Michael caressed my cheek and I refused to flinch as Sister Katherine turned to stare him down. An involuntary tear fell from my eyes as I realized I was never going to make my plane. I was once again going to hurt Logan or let all the people I love get hurt in my place. That wasn’t the Markovich way. We didn’t let others get hurt for us.

  I sniffled and looked at Sister Katherine hopeful she could understand me without words. I half expected her to tear open her habit showing some super hero logo on a t-shirt underneath and demolish him like he was a demon.

  “You’re beautiful when you’re crying. So raw. So real,” Michael wiped at a remaining streak of wetness from my tears that fell.

  “I think you’re done here,” Sister Katherine tried to get in between us again, but he instantly pulled a gun and put it to her head.

  “No!” I shouted, but Michael just laughed. Mark was getting ready to charge at him as I put my hand on his arm and shook my head. “Please don’t,” I quietly begged. “He’ll kill her.”

  “I’ll go with you,” I told Michael as I walked up willingly and allowed him to pull me into his arms as he pushed Sister Katherine away.

  “Still want me to find God?” He asked Sister Katherine as he placed the gun to my temple and I forced myself to remember to breathe. Brooklyn’s eyes showed me that at any second she was going to lose control and she was going to find a way to fuck him up, but I couldn’t let her. Mark showed he was already prepared to die for me. The sister in law, he barely knew. Sister Katherine held her rosary and looked for help in a volatile situation.

  “No, she doesn’t want you to find him. I want you to meet him,” I yelled as I stomped on his foot and turned into him. My knee came up and collided with his groin. I then punched him in the stomach while I had him off-guard. “Run,” I shouted at everyone as he caught his breath and lunged at me.

  “Someone help,” I heard someone shout. “Brooklyn no!” Mark bellowed as he tried to carry her away from harm, and fight off a lackey. “Help her!” voices were chaotic as Michael flipped me and I was sprawled out on the concrete sidewalk. His hand tightened on my throat as I fought to get free.

  “The sooner you submit to me the easier this goes,” Michael’s face reddened as the air was evaporating, and my life was hazing in and out with each allowed breath. He seemed to find joy from this.

  Sister Katherine doubled in my vision as she hit Michael in the head with a bible forcing him to loosen his grip on me. He pulled up his gun and pointed it at her. I watched as she acknowledged and accepted her fate within seconds. I recalled what she once told me about God putting paths for us to follow or cross in our way, but this wasn’t her path it was mine.

  I used everything I had to push his hand off my neck and forced myself to grab at his arm that had the gun. I tried to take it from him but failed as a shot went off.

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  Logan

  “Logan,” Ada screamed as she ran for me when I deplaned. I dropped to my knees and pulled her into my arms. “You were late,” she scolded as she held onto me tightly. I couldn’t help but wish this was my own daughter, with my own family. The one thing I felt I had been truly denied.

  “How was your trip?” Lisa asked as I picked up Ada off the floor and carried her out to a cab.

  “Long,” I tried to hide the emptiness I felt. Truth was I had been thinking about London the last twenty four hours straight.

  “I’ve been cooking all day,” Lisa smiled as the cab pulled up to take us to my apartment. “I hope you’re hungry,” she was always happy to see me. I picked up Ada and carried her as we got into the cab and Lisa rolled my suitcase behind us.

  I think that was the first moment I noticed that look in her eye. The one that most women had the morning after I spent the night in them. She was lusting after me. She tossed her newly lightened dirty blond hair and smiled whenever I looked at her. Maybe this is what I was meant for. London was just a lesson to a small boy about what to look for in a woman. Lisa had everything London had except she wasn’t London, and Lisa had a daughter. I adored Ada and could be a father if I really tried.

  “How about after dinner we play some board games,” I asked after we got to my apartment.

  “I don’t want to make you cry,” Ada giggled.

  “Maybe a movie, Ada is a very boastful winner,” Lisa accepted my offer and tickled her daughter who was once again in my arms.

  “I’m just smarter than everyone else,” Ada laughed. “I’m sorry about your friend,” Ada whispered as she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me. “Gravity can be an asshole.”

  “Ada,” Lisa scoffed at her daughters words.

&nb
sp; “You’re right, but everything can be an ass at some point,” I replied and Lisa took Ada from me. I started dinner and relished the time away from everyone as I stood on the outer landing with the grill. It truly was the first moment I had alone since I realized London wasn’t going on the trip.

  I had fooled myself into believing she cared. I lied to myself to believe she wasn’t angry about the way I had treated her when I found her again. I allowed myself to believe I was something more than just a cock for her to ride. I suddenly knew what all those women felt like after I dropped them off the morning after.

  “Logan,” Ada approached me with her doll after dinner when we were halfway through a Disney film.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Lulu, my doll doesn’t like the movie, it’s scary,” she stuck her bottom lip out.

  “It’s Nemo.”

  “It has sharks,” she countered.

  “It has good sharks,” I argued with her.

  “Sharks eat fish, it’s the natural order. Those fish may not die because they talk, but someone’s fish is going to be shark bait,” her rebuttal left me speechless.

  “What does Lulu want to watch?” Lisa laughed across the room.

  “MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews,” she tried to smile sweetly. I looked to Lisa who was shaking her head to tell me it was against her rules.

  “How about we negotiate,” I offered, and Ada visibly thought about it as she put her fist under her chin. After a minute she finally agreed. “What if I let you watch the new Barbie movie. You can use a ladle as a microphone and you can wear my work jacket. Then you can be your own announcer for Barbie-politics?”

  “I love that you get me,” she laughed as she jumped into my arms.

  “She gets this from you,” I joked as I looked over to see Lisa getting my jacket for Ada.

  By the time the movie finished Ada had fallen asleep on the couch. She decided about ten minutes in that Barbie was a conservative democrat which was not normal in her eyes. Then we heard that Barbie had fake boobs and Ada was done with watching it. She tore the story writers apart in seconds. I walked over and turned off the screen that had shifted to a television show about racing horses. I had an amber colored drink in my hand that Lisa had made as I stared out the window of my second story apartment.

  “You okay?” Lisa asked as she loaded the dishwasher.

  “I’m fine,” I unintentionally snapped at her. “I’m sorry.”

  “Logan, when you left you were the adorable neighbor that my daughter loved. You were deliriously happy. Now, you seem to be forcing yourself to even tolerate us.”

  “I don’t mean to. I love you guys. You’re my family,” the words stung as they rolled off my tongue. London was my family, and just like my father she had abandoned me.

  “What happened?” Lisa asked as I tossed back the rest of my drink and walked over to my liquor cart, pouring myself another. “Talk to me Logan,” she spoke softly as she put down the dish towel she had been holding and walked over to me. She put her arms around me and pulled me to her. I tossed back my drink and rested my chin on her head as I embraced her familiarity.

  “I am having girl thoughts,” I chuckled.

  “I’m a woman. I can help,” she offered.

  “You would see my balls retreat if I spoke the words out loud,” I continued my joking, but she had taken the bait I didn’t mean to lay out.

  “Let me see your balls.”

  “I was just wondering if there is only one person out there for you. What happens if it doesn’t work with that person? You know girl thoughts.”

  “For the record those are not female inner musings, everyone wonders about life stuff at some point,” Lisa took my hand in hers and continued talking. “As far as I understand it, if you are meant to be then there is nothing that can’t be worked out. Cupid isn’t going to shoot you twice because you fought over something silly like which way to hang the toilet paper.”

  “It’s always over,” I roistered.

  “It’s under,” she scoffed, and pulled me back to her, this time a little tighter.

  “See we would never work. We would split up over the toilet roll,” I bantered. “Next you will tell me you squeeze your toothpaste from the middle.”

  “Don’t you?” Lisa laughed and laid her head on my chest.

  “Maybe we should get Ada to her bed,” I tried to put some distance between Lisa and I, but that look on her face followed by her words told me she had other ideas.

  “We would wake her if we moved her. Besides, I want to spend some time with you,” Lisa took my hand and led me to the bedroom. “You think your balls shriveled up because you were thinking about the one, but I think you have never been hotter and more approachable,” she pushed me with her finger to the bed and I sat down.

  “Lisa, I…”

  “You know when my husband went out for groceries that night I never expected that he wouldn’t come home. I never thought he would get in a car crash it was only a few blocks. I didn’t believe I would end up like this, but I’m good with where I am because I have you. I was able to move on with my life because you were there. This strong person who never let me fall even when it was hard, or when I missed him the most. You kept me going. I strived every day to make him proud, but now I find myself striving to gain your affection.”

  “Lisa, I’m sure he’s proud of you and what you’ve done with Ada. She’s an amazing little girl,” I reassured her and tried to ignore the rest of what she was saying.

  “I know I’m not the one you want. I have even accepted I’m not the one on your mind, but I’m okay being in second place because I would still have you. I’m truly okay with never being you’re first choice because my husband will always be my first choice.”

  “Lisa,” I tried to stop her, but she put her fingers over my lips.

  “You are so easy to fall for. Everything about you draws a woman in. Those hazel brown bedroom eyes with tiny green specks that light up when you laugh. The way you clench your chiseled jaw when you get mad. The way you cross your arms, like you’re doing now whenever someone tries to speak from the heart. You act as though you are protecting yours. I have lived next door to you for years. I have been your friend, neighbor, and anything else you needed me to be. It would be so easy with me.”

  Lisa continued pushing until I was lying across my bed. She climbed up in her jeans and straddled me. I watched her unbutton her shirt slow and seductively. I should want her, I always wanted a piece of ass, but my head was in other places and it was obvious.

  “Where are you?” Lisa asked as I noticed her blue lace bra was showing as her shirt hung open.

  “I’m here,” I lied and flipped her, so I was on top. “There is nowhere else I need to be,” I spoke the words, but I didn’t believe them. I leaned down and kissed her lips as she wrapped her legs around my hips.

  “Logan,” a woman screamed as she beat on my door. I turned from my balcony and stared ahead at the emptiness that shadowed my apartment. “Open this fucking door,” she continued as I walked across the living room. “I will kick this door in.”

  “Do you have any idea what time it is?” I asked as I jerked the door open to see Brooklyn standing in the hallway. She pushed me aside and walked indignantly into my apartment. She looked all over and stopped at my bedroom when she saw Ada curled up with Lisa in my bed.

  “I need you to fly me somewhere.”

  “There are these things called tickets you buy and then you go to the airport and get on a plane that has a scheduled pilot and flight plan that will take you wherever you want to go,” I sarcastically stated as I held the door open for her to leave.

  “I can’t,” she finally fessed up to why she was here. “I need to get to London, and I am on doctor’s orders to stay grounded until my belly buddy decides to escape.”

  “You were just there last month,” I scoffed. “And I have a flight tonight to Phoenix,” I looked at my watch to see the sun woul
d be up soon.

  “I don’t want to go to London. I need to get to her,” Brooklyn was ominous as it seemed her words were carefully chosen to give nothing away.

  “If you are fighting or whatever I don’t want any part of it or her.”

  “Brook-,” Mark breathlessly called her name with exasperation lingering on the words as he stumbled into the door frame. “You are not taking her,” Mark pointed his finger at me.

  “I didn’t plan on taking her anywhere. You need some water?” I asked because he looked like he was ready to fall over.

  “Please,” he replied. “When your pregnant wife commits grand theft auto with a police cruiser you don’t really think about how far she will go, you just chase her.”

  “I told the chief I was taking the car when he refused to put out a APB on Michael. That’s hardly theft, because I told him in advance,” Brooklyn rolled her eyes as Mark stepped in the doorway.

  “It’s illegal,” Mark argued.

  “Wouldn’t be the first time you cuffed me,” she smiled. “Besides who’s going to prosecute me?” She asked as she rubbed her belly and flashed him a flirty grin that seemed to take away his anger. “I will apologize to the chief later, but one way or another I will get to London tonight.” Brooklyn was more like the London I remembered from us being kids and not the one who stayed guarded now.

  I shut my door and went into the kitchen to get Mark a glass of water as he plopped onto my couch while Brooklyn continued to look around my apartment. I handed the glass to Mark and then shut my bedroom door, so Lisa and Ada could continue sleeping.

  “Do you have a family?” Brooklyn narrowed her eyes at me. “Were you cheating on them with my sister?” I watched as Mark’s temperament changed while he waited for my response.

  “They live next door,” I answered with a sigh. “They’re the only family I have left.”

  “What about London?”

  “London left me waiting again. I don’t know why I believed she was going to show up. Guess I was thinking with my heart and not with actual brain matter. Now, it’s not that I don’t love visitors at four in the morning, but whatever you two have going on here seems like a marital thing and I don’t know you to help you, so maybe try counseling.”