The Shuffling Dead Box-set

by Ian Woodhead

Her soft, warm hand encompassed his, Kevin gazed deep into Stephanie’s beautiful brown eyes and sighed. The pale light from the full moon reflected off a small rain puddle just by his foot. He sighed again, it was just his damned luck to have to go through the zombie holocaust before he was able to finally find a girl who didn’t laugh or spit at him.

  It just wasn’t fucking fair.

  They both sat on the flat roof of a brick shed; it felt a little safer up here than down there on the path. Darren wouldn’t let them go into the house; he said that they weren’t worthy enough to step into his mate’s house, so apparently they were the lookouts. Stephanie had pointed out earlier that if enough of those things did appear then they’d be trapped on the roof. Kevin tried not to think about that, besides, what were the chances of that happening? The most they’d ever seen together was three. That did worry him a little. Breakspear was massive, there were thousands of people living on the estate, so where the hell were they? The place was as quiet as the grave. Kevin shuddered, that was perhaps a bad word to use.

  The house next to them looked like it had been transported from the posh estate next to theirs. The well tended garden, stone cladding and brick driveway looked so out of place in Breakspear, not to mention the Merc and four wheel drive parked below them. The look of surprise must have been evident on his face when Darren pushed open the gate, he grinned like a Cheshire cat when he had told them that they weren’t fit to enter Edgar’s house and that the bunnies were on look-out duties. Kevin was cool with that anyway. He had no desire to go into that house, it looked too creepy for his liking, also, who knew what could be lurking behind every corner. He could see everything from up here.

  “Do you think he’s right about the estate being cut off?”

  He shrugged, “Why would he lie about that? It would explain why the place isn’t crawling with emergency services.”

  Although he did get the feeling that Darren was telling lies about the two people he was with earlier getting shot.

  She hugged him tight then looked back at the dark house. “Well I don’t trust him, he’s creepy.”

  “Well I don’t trust him either but I think we’re safer if we stick together.”

  She shook her head, “He’s the type who always looks after himself, and he’ll try to use us as bait or something. I reckon that we ought to leave him while he’s in the house. We’d be at the edge in ten minutes if we go now.”

  She stroked his cheeks then kissed him gently on the lips. “You’re stronger than you think you are, Kevin. I bet bastards like him have been treating you like shit all your life. We don’t need him to tell us what to do. You’ve killed once and I know you can do it again.”

  She stood up and looked towards the old cemetery and the abandoned church next to it. Kevin and most of the kids in the estate played there when they were younger, until the council put a fence around it.

  “I know you can protect us, Kevin.”

  He stood up and joined her. She looked into his eyes

  “If he’s right about them shooting people, why haven’t we heard gunfire?”

  He shrugged.

  “Everyone else has left, that’s why. It’s the only explanation to why it’s so empty.”

  “Not everyone,” he replied, pointing at a figure shambling towards them.

  “Oh God, it’s one of those things isn’t it, I hope it goes past us.”

  The figure then waved, Kevin instinctively waved back.

  “Can you help me please?” shouted the figure. “My wife is trapped.”

  Kevin rushed over to the edge. “Where is she?”

  “Just on Dunthorpe Street. Please hurry; there are two of those things trying to get to her.” The man started to cry.

  He hurried over to the edge, comforted to see that Stephanie was right behind him, she nodded once.

  “Time to leave,” she whispered.

  Kevin turned around and dropped down onto the path, was she right about him being able to kill again? The first one was just a fluke, the old woman, she must have been pushing eighty, and she was too busy chomping down on a severed leg to notice him sneaking up on it. The only thing stopping him from bottling out was Darren’s threat of him killing Kevin if he didn’t go through with it. He also wanted to impress the girl. He’d thrust the bayonet into the back of her neck, she just fell forward; Kevin couldn’t believe how easy it had been or how sick he felt.

  He helped Stephanie down, how would he cope with two of them though, oh God, Kevin was beginning to get sick again.

  “Where the fuck do you think you two are going?”

  Kevin jumped at Darren’s voice; he looked up and saw him leaning out of an upstairs window. “That bloke over there is in trouble,”

  “Like I give a fuck? You ain’t going anywhere. Now come in here now, both of you.”

  When Kevin didn’t move towards the door, Darren’s body ducked out of sight for a moment before reappearing. He now held a shotgun.

  “Look what I’ve got. Come on bunnies, I won’t tell you again.”

  “He’s bluffing.”

  Kevin grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door.“I’m not going to risk it, and I don’t know how I’d be able to live with myself if he hurt you.”

  He hated himself for being secretly glad that he chose that moment. The thought of facing two of those monsters had filled him with dread.

  The front door opened. “Get in here bunnies. Uncle Darren has something to show you.”

  They followed him into the living room, Kevin gasped when his eyes landed on a young man sat in the middle of the room, tied to a dining chair with two belts and the flex cord from an iron.

  Hope and anxiety showed in the eye that wasn’t swollen shut.

  “You fucking animal!” gasped Stephanie as she stared at Darren’s bloodied knuckles.

  The man’s face was a mask of blood and bruises; he stared at the twin rivulets of blood streaming from his face and suddenly wished that they just made a run for it. Stephanie was right, he was an animal.

  “What have you done?” he asked.

  “Done a bit of work on him,” he replied, panting. “I needed some fucking answers, didn’t I?”

  Darren picked a gas mask off the sofa and sat down. “Okay then, Corporal Dexter, why don’t you tell my bunnies what you’ve already told me.”

  Darren put the mask on his face.

  The man stared at Kevin, he had to look away.

  “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled. “I can’t begin to imagine what you must have gone through tonight.”

  Darren pulled the mask off and kicked the man in the shins, “Yeah okay, enough with the soppy bollocks. Just get to the good bit.”

  That acid look the soldier gave Darren earned him another boot in the shins.

  “The whole area has been contaminated.”

  “What with?” asked Stephanie.

  The soldier shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just a grunt.”

  “So where are the rescuers?”

  Darren laughed. “This is the best bit.”

  The soldier shook his head. “I’m sorry but there won’t be any. Everyone has been infected. Sooner or later you’ll all turn into one of those things.”

  “Now that bit is bullshit by the way.” said Darren.

  “Why the fuck would I lie?” spat the man, “You ripped off my mask you stupid little boy so I’m infected too. You may as well shoot me now.”

  “Don’t you fucking tempt me!”

  Kevin thought that bit was a lie as well. Both Thom and Stephanie’s dad had headaches before they turned, he felt fine. “So what happens now?”

  “My superiors are just waiting for the powers that be to give the go ahead and then the area will be cleaned up.”

  “That means that the soldier boys will come into Breakspear with flamethrowers and burn the place to the ground.”

  The soldier nodded, tears were rolling down his face, for some reason Kevin thought he was crying because he
wasn’t getting out of here and not because of what was happening in Kevin’s neighbourhood.

  “Wait a minute; they won’t burn us too will they?”

  The soldier nodded again. A quiet gasp escaped from Stephanie’s mouth. Darren rose from the chair; he pulled a pistol out of his jacket pocket and pointed it at the man.

  The soldier looked at the boy; there wasn’t a trace of fear in his broken face. “Do it, you fucking cretin. I’m dead anyway.”

  Darren grinned and pulled him out of the chair, “I’ve got a better idea.”

  He pulled him out of the living room and into the hallway then opened the cupboard door under the stairs. Darren pushed the man inside and bolted the door. “He may come in useful later on.”

  Kevin jumped when the man barked out an abrupt yelp. The man then started to shriek and boot the door, even over the commotion; Kevin still heard the sound of a low moan.

  “Oh God! There’s one of them in there with him.”

  He ran towards the door but Darren just shook his head then pushed him away. The screaming then stopped to be replaced by the wet sound of tearing flesh.

  Darren grinned. “So that’s where Edgar was hiding. I did wonder.”

  He walked up to Kevin and pushed him back into the living room. “You had better start thinking of a way out of this mess cos no fucking soldier is going to turn me into a bastard barbecue.”

  Chapter Ten

  Ernest couldn’t believe the sense of relief he felt when the two women appeared at the front door, unharmed. Emily left the house followed by the old woman.

  “They have gifts,” whispered Adrian.

  Ernest nodded; he saw the carrier bag as well.

  Mrs.Watson took the girl to one side as they were walking away from the shops. Ernest only caught snippets of their conversation but from what he could gather, she had somehow persuaded the girl to check on her parents.

  He jumped off the bonnet of the classic Volkswagen and wandered over to greet the girls, he’d checked out the vehicle when the girls entered the house, there were a few spots of blood on the floor by the passenger door but no horrible surprises hiding under the car.

  “The house is empty,” said Emily. “I’ve no idea where mum and dad have gone. I don’t even know if they’re still alive.”

  Mrs.Watson nodded. “You’ve done everything you could sweetheart, that’s what counts.”

  This ghost town estate was really beginning to worry Ernest now. Where was everybody?

  “What’s in the bag?” asked Adrian. “Pressies for me I hope.”

  Emily picked out two cans of coke and threw them at the boys, “It seemed a shame to let them go to waste.”

  “What, no beer?”

  Emily smacked the grinning boy on the arm. “Bloody hell, Adrian, haven’t you had enough of that tonight?”

  The noise of the can opening sounded thunderous to Ernest. He opened his and took a swig then watched Emily take out a pack of sandwiches; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had something to eat. The image of Brenda offering him that leg swam to the front of his mind, Ernest closed his eyes then took another drink to force the hot bile making its way up, back down again.

  “Are we ready?” he asked.

  Everyone nodded.

  “Come on then, let’s get out of here.”

  It surprised him at just how reluctant he was to leave the estate. After the mind blowing shock of the situation had quietened, he found himself looking forward to the next encounter with the deadies. Jesus, the fights were like a bloody drug, he hadn’t felt this alive in over a decade, at least since he’d taken the decision to go straight. Perhaps Jeff had been right after all.

  Maybe he was just sick in the fucking head; Ernest decided to keep that observation to himself, things were bad enough as it was without the others thinking that they’d hooked up with a psycho. He placed the now empty can on the roof of the car and turned around. Adrian was totally still, he looked like a cat watching a mouse.

  “Are you okay?”

  The lad nodded, “I’m sure I saw something move just then, over there in that window.”

  Emily followed his gaze to the upstairs window in her house. “You couldn’t have, Mrs.Watson checked that room, that’s my parent’s bedroom.”

  “No, I did, I saw something move.”

  He wondered over to the fence, his gaze still on that window.

  “Ernest? Get him back over here, implored Mrs Watson.

  He walked over to the lad, thinking that perhaps their new recruit to the group may not have been totally straight with the girl. Oh shit. He saw something move as well. Adrian was now directly under the window, he looked back, “I’m not seeing things you know.”

  Emily screamed as a black shape jumped through the window, Adrian had no time to get out of the way before it landed on him and smashed the boy into the grass. Ernest gripped the cue and prepared to leap over the fence just as the thing’s head dived down and fastened its jaws over Adrian’s face.

  “Oh god, Mum, please, no please don’t do this.” sobbed the girl.

  A pair of hands came down on Ernest’s shoulders, preventing him from moving.

  “We really do need to move out.”

  Mrs Watson physically turned Ernest’s head to the right.

  “Look around you Ernest,” she shouted, “They’re coming out of the woodwork.”

  He saw one sitting up in next door’s flowerbed, two more crawling out from under a car across the road, dozens of them appearing in open doors and in windows.

  “What the fuck is happening?” cried Ernest.

  A dozen windows smashed simultaneously. Ernest saw one approaching Emily, she hadn’t seen it, he ran over with the cue raised and took the thing out, and he grabbed the girl’s hand then pulled her back to where Mrs.Watson stood. There were dozens of deadies in the road, a few of them had noticed the group and lurched towards them. He jumped on next door’s wall and stood on his toes, the road leading to the edge of the estate was thick with the things, and they had no chance of getting through that lot.

  “What the hell are we going to do now?” screamed the girl.

  The house next to Emily’s looked empty, no lights on, and no sign of movement. He glanced over to Mrs.Watson.

  “We need to get inside that house.”

  The one from the flower bed was now within spitting distance. Mrs.Watson thrust the sharpened end of her walking stick up into its throat then grabbed the girl. Ernest jumped into the garden and ran across the lawn, he looked back.

  “Don’t just stand there, come on!”

  He watched the woman take another one out before pushing Emily over the wall, she followed her. Emily began to moan. Ernest watched her get up, stagger over to next door neighbour’s fence. He saw Adrian slowly get to his feet and follow another deadie that had come out of Emily’s house, he then stopped and turned, sniffing like a dog as Emily approached the low fence.

  She lifted one leg over the wood.

  “No!” he screamed, “Come back.”

  She ignored him, lifted her other foot over and ran towards Adrian; she ducked under his flailing arms and scooped up his new sock. That one had a couple of smooth pebbles that Ernest had taken from a fish pond; she swung it around her head then cracked him above his ear. Emily jumped back over. Ernest didn’t know what to say; instead he grabbed the door handle a little shocked to find it locked.

  “Now what do we do?” asked the old woman.

  Ernest stepped back and gazed up, the bathroom window had been left open.

  “You have got to be joking.” said Mrs Watson.

  Ernest grinned and jumped onto the drainpipe. He scrambled up, pleased to find that his old climbing skills hadn’t deserted him. He looked behind him as he climbed above the first floor window, there were four of them trying to squeeze through the open gate, and the girls were preparing themselves to fight. He reached the bathroom window and pulled it a little wider. These new windows the coun
cil installed in all the houses a couple of years ago were far easier to squeeze through than the old metal ones. Ernest dropped into the dark bathroom; he tuned the noise from the outside out and attempted to listen to the house. He used to be able to tell whether a home was occupied by just standing in one room and closing his eyes. His senses told him that this place was empty but these weren’t normal times, he grabbed a towel, the only available weapon and opened the door. If anything was out there, he’d at least be able to put this over their head before running like fuck.

  The hallway was as empty as the bathroom. He heard Emily screaming and vaulted down the stairs, he grinned when he saw a set of keys hung up beside the outside door, pleased that some things never changed. He silently thanked the residents for being so stupid and unlocked the door.

  Ernest let them both in before shutting the door and locking it again. Mrs Watson dropped his cue on the floor then wrapped her arms around him, and after a couple of uncomfortable seconds, he returned the gesture.

  Emily coughed loudly and tapped Ernest on the shoulder with the cue. “Do you not think we should be checking out the house?”

  He nodded, feeling his face redden. “Who lives here?” he asked.

  “A young Jamaican couple, I think they may be on holiday though, I didn’t see their car outside.”

  Ernest didn’t know what to think anymore, he felt like his brain had been wrung out. He walked back up the stairs, keeping his eyes fixed in front of him, the layout of this house was the same as his so the largest room should be the last door, if the Jamaican couple followed the norm, that should be where their bedroom was. If they were anywhere, he guessed that it would be in there.