Broken by Desire

by Dani René

  “Cassie!” I twirl around and glance up into sky-blue eyes. He looks incredible. Jayce offers the guy behind me a death stare. Once the stranger has backed off, he rounds on me. “What the hell are you doing?” I grasp his leather jacket, yanking him towards me. With a smile, I lean up onto my tip toes and crash my lips onto his, pressing my body against him. His hands gripping my shoulders, Jayce pulls me away and looks into my eyes. There was something he wasn't telling me, but I didn't care. I needed another shot.

  “Babe!” Kenna came rushing up to me, tugging at me. I pull away and frown at her. “Come on, let's go. Please?” She stared at me, glancing at Jayce. “Hey!” Her greeting to Jay is guarded. My eyes flit between Jayce and Kenna.

  “What the hell are you doing, Cass?” His cerulean gaze trained on me.

  “Me? I am having fun!” I yell, the music was suddenly too loud, ignoring them both, I grab another shot and swallow it. The tension in the air is thick. Jayce isn’t happy with me, but he doesn’t own me. Only one man owns me. Fuck! I need to forget about him.

  Jay turns to Kenna, his face adamant. “I am taking her home.”

  I turn to Kenna. “Jayce is taking me home. Ooohh!” My sing song voice earns me a sky-blue stare. She nods at him and tugs me into a tight hug, whispering in my ear.

  “I love you, babe.” She turns and walks off into the crowd, leaving me with Jayce, she heads for the exit. What just happened? I peer up and give him a smile.

  “So handsome, you going to dance with me?” I smile up at Jay.

  “I am taking you home!” My body sways and I grip the leather jacket. In one sudden movement, he scoops me up into his strong arms, and carries me through the club and out into the cool night air. I was too drunk at that stage to think for myself, so I let him rescue me from whatever stupid decisions I would have made. He walks over to his black Jeep and sets me down. Once the door is open, he helps me into the passenger seat and buckles me up. I giggle at his stone expression. He’s definitely in a bad mood.

  “Thank you.” I whisper, hoping he won’t regret rescuing me. When his sky-blue stare meets mine he offers me a sexy smile and shuts the door.

  He slides into the driver’s seat a few seconds later. “Do you want to go home? Or my place? Either way I am not leaving you alone.” His voice was stern, and I giggle again. He sounds like a school teacher admonishing me for forgetting my homework. No words come out of my mouth and he shakes his head, the car is in motion and I suddenly want to puke. My eyes flutter closed, and I hope I will not throw up in his car. He senses my unease, and drives through the quiet LA streets at a slow speed, taking the turns carefully. I stare out the window and watch the lights flickering by. The city at night looks so blurry, but I think that may have been an effect from the amount of shots I had done.

  “Come on, princess.” Jay scoops me up and I pry my eyes open. It’s almost like there are weights hanging from them. The sound of a door shutting behind him has me blinking. We’re in an apartment that isn’t mine. As if reading my mind, he whispers in my ear. “You’re at mine. You passed out, and I didn’t want you to be alone.” I nod. Too tired to fight. He climbs the short staircase and we arrive in a spacious bedroom. He sets me down on the comfortable mattress, then tugs my shoes off and I let him. I fumble with the button on my jeans and slide them down. He places them on the chair in the corner of the bedroom and helps me with the covers as I slip in. The bed smells like Jayce, spicy, warm, a summer morning. It’s such a calming scent. I am tired. My heart hurts.

  “Jay, don’t leave me?” My words are slurring and I wonder if he understood what I said. All he does is nod. “I can’t do this.” Words fail me, I am not sure what to say to him, but somehow I realize he understands.

  “It’s okay princess, close your eyes. I am here.” He covers me with the soft white sheets, giving me a sexy smile. “Sleep.” I nod and my eyes close.

  Lucien

  Once I am in the apartment, I make my way straight to the bar. I need more fucking alcohol. The cabbie looked at me like I was crazy, sitting in the parking lot until I saw Jayce walking out with Cassie in his arms. She looked so small, fragile. The pain that pierced my heart when I saw her like that was indescribable. As soon as he placed her in his car, I told the cab to drive. At my bar, I pour a triple whiskey, the burn of the liquor would numb me. With my phone in my hand, I stare at the screen, unsure of how to ask, or what to ask. Easily finding Jayce’s number, I type out my message.

  * Is she okay? *

  I didn’t have to wait long for his reply, it came quickly.

  * She’s here. Sleeping. She needs to rest *

  I sigh, although, I am not sure if it was it from relief or anger. She was at his place, in his bed. There was nothing I could do. I didn’t know if I should be happy, or completely fuck him up.

  * Don’t you dare fucking touch her Jayce, I am warning you *

  Why did I still want to be with her? My body yearned for her. To tie her to my bed, slide my fingers inside her tight little cunt and savor it tightening for me. To watch her face as she came undone on my hand, on my cock. To have her body tremble under my touch. Fuck, I really can’t do this! I need to get over her. My phone buzzes with a reply from Jayce.

  * She’s not with you anymore. You chose this. She needs to move on some time *

  “Fuck you!” My shout echoes through the room and my blood is at boiling point. As I pinch the bridge of my nose, I rise off the sofa to grab another drink. Once I had refilled my glass, I flop back down on the sofa and grab my phone. Without thinking I scroll through the numbers, wanting to find someone to talk to. I hit the call button. The last person I wanted to speak to at this stage, but she might be the only person who could help me through this.

  “Lucien.”

  “How are you?”

  “Fine, how are you?” Her voice is wary and I realize why. I am silent for such a long time; her next question doesn’t surprise me. “Lucien, what the fuck do you want?” This is what I need. Someone to tell me like it is and there is no one I would want to do it, but her.

  “Kenna, I fucked up. I walked out.”

  “I know, she told me. Lucien, I don’t know what to say to you.” I bite down on my lower lip until the metal taste of blood fills my mouth.

  “I have no idea why I called you. There are things I have done and so has Cassie, but I…” My words trailed off, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. She would never take me back, it’s been too long, I waited too long. I should have fought for her weeks ago. She’s with Jayce now and there is nothing I can do to stop it. You fucked up, Verán, as usual.

  “Luke, she’s hurt right now. What you said to her. It’s… You… I can’t even think about this. She didn’t lie to you because she doesn’t love you. She lied because she does love you. Don’t you see that? She was scared. Have you never been so scared of losing something you would do anything to keep it? Please can you just leave her alone? She needs to move on.”

  The line went dead, but the words replayed in my head. She was right, there was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep Cassie. It seems she did the same. I launch my phone against the wall I watch it shatter into tiny pieces. Just like my life and my fucking heart. My soul, broken by the desire for the girl I walked out on. That part of me that will never be whole without her. There’s nothing I could do now. I walked away, and she would move on. My focus should be on getting over her. Even though, she’s inside me, everywhere. She’s inside my veins, my heart, mind, even my dark soul. In the depths of my darkness, she’s added a light. I will never get over her. Regret and guilt fill me like a poison.

  Cassandra

  The sun flooding through the window woke me. I reached over and grabbed a fluffy pillow, hugging it to my chest. With the pounding in my head, I am sure there was a hammer inside my brain; I didn’t want to open my eyes. The scent of Jayce is everywhere, its intoxicating, I shouldn’t be here, but I faintly remember not being coherent last night. There’s a soft melody fl
oating through the open door. It sounds familiar, but I can’t make out the song. The sound is soothing the pounding in my head. I swing my feet over the bed and regret it at once.

  This will hurt. With a small crack I open my eyes, I take in the immaculate bedroom. I have only been here once, after our office party, but it looks different. Unless it’s the pounding headache. It’s the first time Jayce had to carry me out of a club, I must have been far gone. I pull on his T-shirt I found laying on the foot end of the bed. My jeans are nowhere to be seen, so I guess he must have put them in the wash.

  I pad to the top of the staircase. When I glance down, I can’t see into the living room, but that’s where the music is coming from. I stop to listen for a while, closing my eyes. When he stops playing, I sneak down the stairs and find him sitting in the living room at a black grand piano. The muscles in his back flex as his fingers stroke the ivory keys. His short black tousled hair stood in every direction. It looked like he had just gotten out of bed.

  Since Lucien walked out of my office three weeks ago, I drank to numb whatever pain I felt. Kenna tried to stop me at first and later realized that I wouldn’t listen, no matter what she said. She and Jay had been there every day watching me, following me. She was at the club last night and she let Jayce bring me home. I was the one in dire need of help. They weren’t that close anymore, and I wondered if they had been arguing about me. I walked up to him, reaching out as he turned around to face me. His eyes were a dark blue, almost navy, it was such a contrast to his beautifully tanned skin. He was wearing a pair of worn blue Levi’s and nothing else. He was so handsome, so sexy.

  “Good morning, princess.” He gave me one of his sexy lopsided smiles and I grinned.

  “My knight in shining armor.” I offered him a small curtsey.

  “Always at your service,” he spun around on the bench and I took in his sculpted abs. They were exquisite, but I couldn’t think like that. He was Lucien’s friend and my heart still hurt so much.

  “So I see. You’re quite the hero, bursting in and carrying me out in your arms.” I giggle. His smile curves that incredible mouth and there’s a familiar ache I didn’t realize I had, to lean down and kiss him. What the hell is wrong with me? Way too long without Lucien that’s it! I need to talk to him. Make him see I love him. It won’t work though. You need to move on Cassie. Move on.

  “Well, if I was a hero, I wouldn’t be sitting here wishing I could carry you back upstairs and lay you on my bed. Slowly undress you and devour every inch of your perfect body.” My breathing hitches and my pulse skitters. Heat travels from my toes all the way to my face and I am flushed. His eyes travel over my bare legs and desire tightens in my stomach. I chew my lower lip and envision Jay kissing me roughly.

  “Jay—”

  “I shouldn’t have said that, I was just being honest.” He rises and gazes down at me with hooded eyes. His body flush with mine. Heat radiating from him. I glance down at his sculpted body, reaching out I run my fingertips over his collarbone. His skin is soft, smooth and on fire.

  “It’s okay. I… I don’t know how…” I glance up and his gaze softens. There is so much desire in his stare that it sends shivers over me. I haven’t been with anyone since Luke, and it’s like I can’t remember what the protocol is. Like I am a virgin, unsure and nervous. Am I ready to move on? Would Jayce be a good choice?

  “Cassie, we don’t have to do anything. I was just being foolish. You love him; I have no idea why he’s being such an ass about everything. It’s not like he’s perfect.” Those cerulean eyes glance down at me and I realize what he was talking about. Lucien’s past was as broken and dark as mine.

  “I suppose he couldn’t get over the part of mine I kept from him.” Jay pulls me into his arms, holding me. I rest my head on his chest, his heart beating against my ear, its racing. Does Jayce really want me? Is he doing this to irritate Lucien?

  “Would you tell me about it?” He steps back and cups my face in his hands. “Stay with me today, spend the day here? I will make you dinner tonight and we can talk?” His eyes plead with me. With a small smile, I nod.

  “You can kidnap me today.” He chuckles, the smile reaching his magnificent blue eyes. “I need to call Kenna and let her know I am still alive. I think.” My headache came back with a vengeance.

  “Let me get you coffee and painkillers. I guessed you would sleep in. I hope I didn’t wake you?” We stroll into the kitchen and Jay hands me my purse. I pull out my phone and see two messages from Kenna. Just checking in. I realize leaving me last night was a decision she made with Jayce, and I wonder if there was an ulterior motive. Did she know of his feelings for me?

  “No, I loved the song you were playing. What was it? I recognize the melody.” I glance up before responding to my messages. He picks up a remote and presses a button. A song filters through the speakers and I recognize the song. The lyrics rip into me so deep, it feels like a knife slicing through my veins.

  The song Luke played in the car on our trip to Hawaii. My expression must have given away my pain because Jayce walked up to my and held me. “I will play for you tonight? How about that?” I nod. The song ends and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. I peer up at Jayce with a smile.

  “You trying to romance me, Mr. Alexander?” I giggle. His face holds more emotion than I am ready for right now. My throbbing headache hits me harder when I realize something. He stares at me and I know he can see the realization on my face. I didn’t notice it before. When he steps back, I can see the hurt in his eyes. I didn’t think about his last name before. “Jay?” I stand and step toward him. My eyes searching his face.

  “Yes, Alexander. Jayce Alexander.” His voice was low, a shiver skittered across my skin when it hit me. I set my phone back on the counter. My small frame standing in front of him, staring up into those sky-blue eyes. Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! He’s…? Shit!

  “You’re… I mean… You and Sasha?” I couldn’t believe it, besides the blue eyes they looked nothing alike. Were they related?

  “She’s my sister.” How had I not known? How have I spent months around both him and Luke, neither of them said anything? My mind is whirling and my headache is pounding.

  “Wow, shit.” I spin towards the breakfast bar, gripping the edge. My head was throbbing. Lucien dated Sasha, his best friend’s sister. That makes sense. Lucien hurt Sasha. That’s why him and Jay have such an uneasy relationship. That’s why Lucien called Jay that night. OMG! I suppose it kind of makes sense. My hold on the counter tightens, it feels like I am about to faint.

  “Look Cass, I didn’t mean to keep it from you. I never considered it would really make a difference between us. You know?” I turn to face him again. He looked so sad.

  “No, it’s okay, I didn’t realize. It’s just a shock. Although, it doesn’t change my feelings towards you.” I smile at the smirk that suddenly curved his lips.

  “You have feelings for me?” He cocks his head to the side. I squirm under his intense gaze. The butterflies in my stomach decide that this is the right time to flutter.

  “You know what I mean.” I pick up my phone, hitting reply, I type a message to Kenna. My decision to stay with Jayce today is easy. In my message I tell her I will see her tomorrow. The heat on my skin from Jay’s gaze is difficult to ignore. I slip into the stool. When my eyes peer up, I notice he’s turned around and making coffee. My hungry eyes drink him in, his back is sexy. I admire the toned muscles moving under taut skin.

  “Do you want breakfast, princess?” The earlier confession forgotten. He sets my coffee and a glass of water with some painkillers in front of me, I glance up into his eyes.

  “Yes please? Only if you’re joining me though?” He smiles and nods. I put the aspirin in my mouth and gulp them down with water. Hoping the painkillers take effect immediately.

  “Yea, I guess I could manage food. What did you want?” He opens the fridge, pulling out eggs and bacon. I can’t help gawking at how hi
s low-slung jeans hug his hips and thighs. His tight ass filled out his Levi's perfectly. “Cass?” I glance up realizing that Jay had twisted around, I was caught staring at his jeans. The heat warms my face, flushing my cheeks and I grin.

  “I don’t mind, let me help you.” As I hop off the stool, I take the tray of eggs from Jay. “Are we doing scrambled?” I turn to look at him and the amusement on his face. “What?”

  “Just looking.” His eyes darken and I wonder if he’s as turned on as I am. The realization of being attracted to Jayce, being almost naked in his kitchen has me squirming.

  “Looking at?” My one hand on my hip, I stare at him. Not realizing the T-shirt has now ridden up and he can see my thighs and a small glimpse of my pink cotton panties. His eyes roam my body from my chocolate brown eyes to my bare feet.

  “You.” His gaze burns into me and I tremble at the intensity. He shakes his head as if to clear a thought and turns around. With the cupboard open, he pulls out a frying pan and sets it down on the counter. This is the strangest time I have spent with him. The painkillers take effect and the headache eases, I am so thankful. I keep my gaze on him.

  “And what precisely about me were you looking at, Jayce?” I watch him move back to the fridge, grabbing the milk.

  “Just how sexy you look in my T-shirt.” He turns to face me and there’s a wicked smirk on his lips and I can’t help smiling. He hands me a large bowl, milk and a whisk. “You do the eggs. I will do the bacon.” With a cheeky wink, he turns to the stove top and busies himself with the pan, oil and bacon. I grab 4 eggs from the tray, I crack them into the bowl. We work in comfortable silence till something dawns on me.