I am going to make something
really great out of that
__________
Be mindful of what you decide to entangle your
happiness with. You may find it doesn’t provide
you with what you need. It’s so much deeper than
surface level.
The Pursuit of Perfection
No one understands how crippling it is
The devastating fear
The recurrence of negative thoughts
played on a loop, haunting me
I have failed my mind with my impulsive need
to analyze every word, every gesture
I am relentless
It has drained me of the ability
to simply be present in a moment
I don’t get to enjoy; I need to control it
I gave up before I even got out
of bed that morning
I had no fight left
I lay there for a while
chained to the thought
that today would be no better
Is Anyone Being Honest?
I don’t want to get out of bed
Here, I’m safe
I’m avoiding starting the day
My sheets and cover are magic
as long as I’m wrapped in them
I won’t have to face what’s waiting for me
The sun’s radiance now feels like an invasion
It’s calling for me to be happy
and I’m failing to meet the expectation
The mere thought of joy is unbearable
It should be raining, I want the rain
For now, I’ll just hide here, block it all out
I don’t want to get up
I can’t let my feet touch the floor, or the pain
I’ve been avoiding will surely meet them
I don’t think people really care
They say they understand the sadness
without knowing how deep it goes
How many people are truly happy?
__________
What is this urge we have to fix what we feel is
broken in someone else and not ourselves?
Human Resources
Passion driven in a direction of revenge
Trying to prove that I was always better
than who they made me out to be
What were once the right intentions
are now tainted
Poisoned by a selfish need to be seen, known,
respected
My age has increased and brought with it
a tidal wave of anxiety and doubt
Who am I becoming?
Watching everyone else’s dreams come to
fruition only helped establish that I haven’t
a grasp on mine
The commute plus my nine-to-five is draining
I let life’s moments idle
I got a whiff of stability and became content
I was meant for something
Isn’t that what we’re searching for?
I’m ambition deficient trying to find myself
I’m going to be great, extraordinary
You just wait and see
Once I figure out who I’m supposed to be
__________
We wake up every morning
to an existence we squander
So used to the routine
we live for anything that deviates
from the norm, doing more harm than good
We look at what we don’t have in envy
I’m a good person, I deserve that
but aren’t willing to take the strides
and make the sacrifices to get it
Let’s let reality check in for a moment
We’d all rather live in a dream
’cause that makes life slightly easier to bear
Growth Has a Cost
This is such a tough place, so lonely
They told me there would be sacrifices
Who knew for others it would be me
My dreams are no longer a refuge
The monsters meet me there
What is to be done when you are no
longer a person to others?
Just another object to be used
repeatedly till the value runs out
It’s such a lonely place when the circle
of who you can trust gets smaller
Rose
You are more than just my friend
You are essential in my life
Your level of kindness is unmatched
You never judge no matter the circumstance
You are always resolute, reassuring
Our bond is almost a decade strong
We’ve talked about being old ladies
who sit and reminisce and also wreak havoc
If there is anything we share in abundance, its
laughter
Talking for hours about our day
and the luck you have with odd occurrences
There isn’t a need to argue for us
There is no conflict
I respect your opinion and you respect mine
We don’t always have to agree
The first person to get a phone call or an update
Family isn’t just about blood, but knowing
who you can rely on
I know I can depend on you for anything
I don’t doubt how much you care
or if I need you that you’ll be by my side
Thank you for being the anomaly that you are
Second Hand
You saw value where others
saw used and I saw damaged
The pages turned so easily for you
No chapter left unread
Your face never revealed a bit of judgment
It was constantly tinged with empathy and a bit
of anger at the unsavory treatment
You saw character, knowledge, and strength
Held me to the warmth of your chest
as if to give me all your love
You handled with care, gave me much needed
attention, and I realized that I was none of what
anyone else called me or
what I allowed myself to believe
I saw the beauty of who I am through you
Thank you for the view
Most people can’t recognize treasure when they see it
__________
I’ve traced my purpose within
the folds of your smile
and the glint in your eye
Right now, I’m just watching you breathe
I didn’t know happiness could be so filling
A daily dose of my appreciation for your
existence
__________
The substance of your knowledge
is all that feeds me
My Soul hungered for years
until in your presence
Now I sit full
Your arms my fortress of solitude
I listen with intent
Please don’t ever stop speaking
Whisper into my ears even while I sleep
Let your words penetrate and enter my mind
For what would my Dreams be without you?
Our First Place
The takeout was awful
We know better for next time
We’re sitting on the floor
eating off the coffee table I put together
We’re exhausted, in desperate need of a shower
and honestly, I couldn’t be happier
My heart is so full, at home with you
My bare feet against the cold floor
Our intimates engaging in the wash
You’re building a dresser in the bedroom
and soon it’ll be time to rest
This all seems so small, so insignificant
Except everything it took to get here
September 4th
<
br /> The smell of coffee lingers in the air
We’re wrapped up in bed again
sweatpants and comfy socks
laughing for no reason
I think when joy spills over
that it comes out as giggles
Then all at once it’s quiet
We’re holding each other
soaking up the moment
We know we’ll have to start the day soon
You kiss me softly and then try to move
I say five more minutes
You stay for ten
Settled In
I love how the sunset seems to linger here
It hangs on just a bit longer
Home, the concept of it has changed for me
It’s become permanent
Enthralled in the routines, and the lingering smell
of garlic from last night’s dinner
I love cooking for you, and the expression that
creeps on your face when you’re satisfied
You know I’m watching, waiting
I love how happiness lives here
roaming fondly through every room
__________
We’re never really here
We’re always looking backward or forward
but the present gets disregarded
The smell of a book, the beauty of a flower,
the vastness that surrounds us
We’re all just so used to it
that we stop giving it credit
We don’t take in its splendor or comfort
We just move past it into the next scene
I love the way the early morning sun
creeps onto buildings and becomes a new skin
The way my husband smells after a shower
How soft his hair feels between my fingers
The face he makes and that little sigh of
exasperation when I stare at him too long
We tune it out like an old song
that we know the words to and love
Checked out from the present moment
as if it no longer needs our attention
Antigua
I took a shower outside today
completely vulnerable, fully exposed
Cast in a full light,
I was forced to bear witness
to the effects of my neglect, and worry
How wrong I’ve been
How hard on myself
With each drop, my insecurities
begrudgingly gave way
I have never felt so liberated
My lover is waiting for me
We’ve rediscovered something
in one another, a carnal desire
Yes, I love you, but I want you, need you
I don’t think I’ve said that in a while
I’m sorry
I think the things we are accustomed to
we sometimes take for granted
I didn’t know what it was
until I was wrapped in it
Serenity, how I’ve missed you
Your waves of calm
Your silent grace
Thank you for finding me here
3am in May
This city lights up for me
at least that’s what I selfishly tell myself
With its radiance shining down on me,
the enormity of its structures
There’s just something about it
A charm that I haven’t been able
to capture in photos or in words
It’s just the feeling I get when I’m in a cab
listening to the sounds of it, watching the people
or strolling through the park with Sin
There’s something about living in
the veins of this city
You feel its pulse and mold
yourself to the rhythm
You belong to it, you want to belong to it
The city lights up for everyone
and we go straight for it, dreamy eyed
After being here long enough
nowhere else feels quite as lively
Fall in New York
I love moments like this
That right-after- 6am beauty that
cascades itself over the still-waking city
Our living room painted in a golden-hour glow
There is just something about morning
It’s a show that builds then unfolds its splendor
stealing your breath away
That’s the payment, your unyielding adoration
for the work of art that is cast into the sky
Midtown
We match this place that we inhabit so fondly
with its warm tones and open space
There is no awkwardness to our silence
It’s filled to the brim with adoration
We don’t need to fill this peace
with empty gestures or words
I guess this is what being secure feels like
This quiet resolve, this strong assurance
of our love for one another
So, we sit holding hands, or with book and pen
Simply ourselves without reservations
First Snow
Snow is coming down by the loads
Whisking by the windowsill
You start to get dressed and
I know what’s coming
Walking around till our fingers
are numb chasing that magic shot
Laughing as we slide on sidewalks
and jump over snow that’s
piled up in the street
These are the moments that make me
adore you all the more
Completely out of the realm of comfort
Thrust into lungs filled with cold air
and snow-covered lashes
I love it, I love you, and that you bring me along
A partner with you on this quest
to capture this beauty
Tackling the storm and laughing right through it
Sausalito
I’ve desperately searched the world
for a place to cleanse my mind
It’s always going, chastising, criticizing
I need a break
A moment where I focus on nothing more
than my breath and how air feels in my lungs
I’ve found paradise in Sausalito, but no peace
My inner critic just keeps knocking away at my
self-esteem
Things are slow paced here, but I’m moving at
full speed
Guess New York is more like an imprint than a
memory
Tucson
I was holding it all together
then you asked if I was ok
It all happened so suddenly
Just like that it was wave after wave of anguish
I just kept crying
I normally don’t say much
Never wanting my gloom
to be an intrusion on anyone else’s happiness
I can tell from your face that
it’s washing over you
I can see it in your hesitance
to reach out and touch me
Trying to decide to come over
or let me be for a while
I sit there waiting for you to cross the
current of my emotions and be an anchor
You do, you always do,
then something quiets in me
I tell myself the storm inside
my head isn’t so bad
Here in your arms I’m steady
I look at myself and see struggles
You see a fighter
I like who I am through your eyes
You’re still holding me, don’t stop holding me
I don’t want to face it all on my own yet
October Is Ours
I remember we were in such a rush that day
You helped me with my dress
/>
So many people make it seem like there’s a
change that happens
Truth is, deciding to spend my life with you is by
far the most natural decision
that I’ve entered into
We stood on the sand, encased in flowers
The ocean crashed against the shore
The sun was setting
The conch shell was blown
and it brought me comfort to think
that maybe someone from whom I descended
showed up to watch our union
You’re a good man; they would be
proud of my choice to have you as my partner
We held hands and took turns
staring at each other
We smiled so much, laughed so deeply
You are my happy place
this merely increased that
With a kiss it was sealed
There wasn’t a more perfect way
to add a new chapter to our journey
We will always have the shore, the ocean
and October
Happy to Be Holmes
I live for these kinds of days
Rain kissing the window
Snuggled underneath your arm
I’m supposed to be paying attention
to what we’re watching
but I’m taken in by your warmth
I’m basking in this blissful moment
Cups of coffee, the scent of candles
We’ve created our own world that
we proudly enjoy together
You catch me staring at you
An inquisitive look on your face
How can I tell you how much I love you?
How happy you make me
I just smile awkwardly then laugh
You get it
You pretend to go back to watching the show
as I simply continue to stare at you
Phuket, First Swim
The chill of the water enveloping my skin,
sliding through my fingers
The sunlight dancing on the pool’s surface
With each stroke I was propelled toward
a freedom unknown to me before
Here I was, a little less afraid
My only focus being to make it to the edge,
to push myself a little harder
Coming up for air, I’m met by the sound
of waves crashing, wind rustling through
the palm trees
I look over my shoulder and catch my lover’s
eyes fondly trained on me
There’s no fighting the smile that’s making its way
out of me from reading the pride that’s
on his face
It’s contagious and all-consuming, this happiness
For once I feel in control
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