Lesson over.
As she walked toward Ty and Les, her features were tight and he could see she was exhausted. But she’d won that round. And the gelding didn’t try his usual bolt for freedom when she let him go in his corral after untacking him.
“I’ll be up as soon as I feed,” she told her grandfather.
“Want help?” he asked.
“No. Put the kettle on and I’ll be up in just a few minutes.”
Les shot Ty a look, as if fully expecting him to jump Shelby the moment his back was turned. It would have been amusing if the situation had been different.
Ty waited until Les had crossed the driveway and was halfway to the house before Ty turned to Shelby and said, “Send this horse back. Now.”
“Have some faith in me.” Shelby moved past him on her way to the hay stack.
Ty caught up with her. “I know that you can ride that horse. My problem is that you’re never going to be able to turn him into what those people expect, and by continuing on, you’re risking yourself for a lost cause.”
She rolled a bale off the stack and cut the strings. Ty pitched in and helped her load the hay into a large rubber wheeled wagon. She stood, wiping her forehead with the back of her glove. “I want to see how far I can get him, even if I don’t get paid for all my days.”
“Why?”
Shelby yanked the wagon handle, pulling it forward, leaving him where he stood. He caught up with her again, fully expecting her to ignore him, but instead she said, “I’d like to get him to a point where they can sell him to someone who knows what they’re doing.”
“Do you honestly think these guys are going to sell?”
“We’re going to have a long talk.”
Ty let out short humorless laugh. “Did you hear them when they delivered him? They’re delusional. They want you to tame this horse—in less than thirty days, please.” And anyone who didn’t know the difference between taming and training should not be in possession of a horse like Evarado.
She shot him a fierce look. “I may not succeed, but I’m going to try. For the horse.” She tossed two flakes into a manger. The horse shoved his nose in and tossed loose hay in the air.
“How about not doing it. For me?”
Her shoulders stiffened as she pulled the wagon forward, but she didn’t look at him as she said, “You don’t get to ask those things anymore, Ty.” She stopped pulling and tossed a couple more flakes into the next feeder. “I train horses. It’s what I do. And I’m not stupid about it. I know when an animal is too much for me. I can move this gelding to a better place.”
“And probably get yourself sued.”
“Meaning?” She tugged the wagon along to the next manger.
“Do you really think they’re going to be satisfied with what you’re able to do for him in thirty days?”
She fed the horses in the last two pens, then started back to the haystack. “He’ll be a better horse when I’m done.”
“I don’t trust him and I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“You’re a fine one to talk about getting hurt on horses,” she said mildly.
“I ride bucking horses for a living. I expect them to explode. This gelding… you never know when he’ll blow up.”
Shelby’s head came up. “Don’t you mean ‘rode’? As in past tense?”
He sucked in a breath and he saw the moment she understood that, no, he didn’t mean rode in the past tense.
“You’re going to start again?”
“I have an entry in the Copper Mountain. I’ll see how things go.”
For a moment she simply stared at him. “You’ll see how things go.” She echoed his statement flatly, but her eyes were blazing. “What. The. Hell?”
He frowned at her. “You never had a problem with my riding before.”
Something flickered in her expression. “You’ve never been this beat up before.”
“I disagree,” he replied evenly.
“You walk like Gramps before a rain storm.” She took a couple steps away from him, then turned back. “Son of a bitch.”
She looked as if she was going to take him by the front of his shirt and shake him.
“What the hell?” she said again. Before he could answer, she asked, “How many times have you been hit in the head?”
“Twenty or thirty.”
Her eyes went wide before she realized he was being facetious. “How many?” she asked from between her teeth. “For real?”
“Really clocked? Less than ten. Five times maybe.”
She shook her head. “And the ground? What about that? How many bones have you broken?”
He scowled at her. That wasn’t a fair question, given his occupation.
“So many that you can’t tell me off the top of your head?”
“Some of them were small and barely count.”
“Let’s go with all parts of your body made of calcium, big and small, teeth included. How many?”
“Why do you care?”
She ignored his question. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
“And I can’t believe you’re reacting like this.”
Shelby pressed the heels of both hands to her face, shaking her head. “Neither can I.” She dropped her hands and met his eyes again.
She was, in a word, angry. And he didn’t get it.
“Why do you care if I ride?” he repeated. Because he was starting to feel a tiny spark of hope. After that kiss last night…
“Common sense,” she blurted out. “What else could it be?”
“Maybe you freaking care about me a little?” he asked through his teeth.
“I care, all right? I care about you, but I also care about me. I care too much to take another chance.”
His brow wrinkled. “Sometimes you got to cut loose and take a risk.”
“I did. And the aftermath was not pretty.” She lifted her chin to meet his gaze. “I ached for you, Ty. I’d wake up in the middle of the night wanting you so badly. It really, really hurt.”
“Yet you never called me.” Because he’d wanted so badly for her to pick up that phone and tell him it wasn’t all over. They hadn’t been ready to get married, but they could have worked at dealing with stuff together. But no. At the first obstacle, Shelby had cut him loose.
“Why? So that I could prolong things? Feel a little hope only to be smacked in the face by the truth. You were so focused on rodeo. On winning.” She smiled ironically. “And it paid off. You became a champion.”
“At a cost.”
“Was it worth it, Ty?”
“Do you want me to admit I made a mistake? Even though we both had shit to work out and it probably wasn’t a mistake? Is there something about hearing those words that makes everything better? Because, if so, I’ll say them. I made a mistake. But so did you. I think we could have worked our way through things if you hadn’t slung ultimatums at me. It didn’t have to be all or nothing. Other people manage relationships while they’re on the road.”
“And how good are those relationships? How many people do we know that broke up because of them?”
“You didn’t give us a chance.”
“The only way I could stay sane was to have you gone once and for all. I couldn’t handle having you pop in an out of my life.” She glanced briefly down at their boots, which were only a few inches apart, then raised her gaze, her jaw tightening in the process. “Maybe you can operate like that. I can’t.”
“You didn’t even try. I wanted to see you, Shelby, after I left. I didn’t want to get shut out of your life.”
“And you wanted everything your way. You wanted your life on the road. You wanted me.”
“I wanted you with me.”
Her mouth tightened ominously. “Same here. You could have stayed here. With me.”
“Meaning that you wanted everything your way?”
“Low blow, Ty. I had responsibilities. School. Gramps.”
“Les was well able to run
things. Uriel was here.”
“School. My future career.”
“And what are you doing with your degree?” He was getting hot.
Angry. This wasn’t all on him and maybe that was what had been eating him for so many years. He was the bad guy, even though breaking up had been a mutual decision—in a way. She’d issued the ultimatum and he’d made the only choice he could have made.
“That’s not fair, Ty.”
“It’s the reason you gave for not leaving with me.”
“When I start something I finish it.”
“Unless it’s a relationship?” Another low blow, but he didn’t care. “Given time, we could have built something.”
Shelby shook her head and started up the path toward the house.
“You’re a coward, Shelby.”
She didn’t slow down as she called back, “I’m a survivor, Ty. There’s a difference.”
Chapter Nine
Shelby’s breath was coming fast and her heart was beating harder than usual as she approached the house, and since she had no delusions about her ability—or, rather, lack of ability—to hide her feelings when she was this upset, she veered away from the front door, which would take her through the living room and past her grandfather. Instead she entered the house through the side entrance leading to the mudroom and kitchen, quietly closing the squeaky door behind her. And there she stood, centering herself so she could act normal when she took the tea into her grandfather who would no doubt have a few words concerning the black gelding and Ty and who knew what else? She leaned back against the counter, letting her chin drop to her chest.
Next move, next move, next move…
She gripped the counter hard on either side of her, studying the worn linoleum as if it could give her the answer she needed. The linoleum remained stubbornly silent and finally she released her death grip when the kettle her grandfather had simmering on the stove started to slowly whistle.
Shelby poured the water in her grandfather’s tea mug and dropped the teabag inside, letting it steep as she put a few store-bought cookies on a plate. Drawing in a deep breath, she carried the mug and plate into the living room where Gramps was sitting in his recliner.
He gave her a look as she set his mug on the table next to his chair.
“If you have something to say, I’m ready to hear it,” she said as she took her usual seat on the well-worn sofa.
Gramps reached for his cup. “I don’t have anything to say that Ty probably didn’t already say.”
She almost laughed. Gramps had no idea what things Ty had said, what subjects he’d broached. Or that he’d called her a coward. Her jaw muscles tightened at the memory, but she forced herself to relax.
“He has entry in the rodeo.” Just saying the words made her stomach lurch.
Gramps gave her a startled look. “I thought he’d retired.”
“He didn’t.” She picked up her cup to warm her hands, which were oddly cold. “He faked his retirement, and it really pisses me off. I mean, we both know he’s hardheaded, but this is stupid.”
“Maybe it’s something he needs to do,” Gramps said in a low voice.
Spoken like a man. “That doesn’t mean I have to be around to watch. We’ve had our differences, but I don’t want to see him get hurt.” Shelby closed her eyes, did her best to shut out reality, but it refused to disappear. “Maybe you could fire him,” she muttered.
Obviously her plan to get used to him by having him around was a huge fail. And now she had to contend with his riding.
“I would, but I need him—at least until the fence is done.”
Shelby was surprised at his admission, but was careful not to show it. Gramps had just come very close to showing weakness. “I can hang on until then.” Even though she was half afraid she was getting to the point that she needed Ty, too.
“We should be done a few days after the rodeo weekend if all goes well.”
“Good thing,” Shelby said matter-of-factly. “Because he plans on hitting the circuit again.”
“And you don’t like that.” Gramps’s gaze was just a little too shrewd.
“I can take it if he can.” She meant the comment to come off as tough and uncaring, but the effect was ruined when her voice came close to cracking. What the hell?
Oh… she knew what the hell. She was scared. Scared of Ty riding. He’d ridden for years, but she’d removed herself from that realm, so she hadn’t needed to acknowledge the fact he put himself in danger on a weekly basis.
She put her cup aside. “I’m going to town.”
Gramps didn’t argue with her. It was only seven o’clock. Still early. There was no roping practice that night and she needed a couple of shots of decent whiskey. Drinking might not solve problems, but it dulled them in the short term.
“Are we going to behave?” Cassie asked when Shelby called to tell her that she was coming to Marietta for the evening.
“I hope not.”
“Then plan on crashing here with me.”
“That was exactly my plan.”
*
Shelby met up with Cassie at Grey’s, where her friend had claimed their usual table near the billiard area. It was their tradition to have a tall beer and conversation at least once a month while they watched the cowboys play pool, either at Grey’s or FlintWorks. But cowboys with pool cues didn’t interest Shelby tonight, and it didn’t take Cassie long to both notice and comment.
“I’m fine,” Shelby replied.
“I don’t think so.” Shelby gave her friend a let’s-not-go-there look, but Cassie, true to form, ignored it. “Spill your guts now or later. I don’t care. But we will talk.”
“You sound confident.”
“Remember when I didn’t want to talk after Tod cheated on me? You wore me down.”
“That’s different.”
Cassie gave a soft snort, but didn’t bother asking how it was different. She focused on the game closest to their table while Shelby stewed.
Finally, without looking at Cassie, Shelby said, “It’s Ty. He has entry into the rodeo.”
Cassie set her glass down. Other than the first sip, Shelby hadn’t touched hers. “I thought he was back in Marietta because he retired.”
“Apparently he didn’t get the memo.”
“He wrote the memo.”
“And we argued about it. The stupidity of him coming out of retirement.” That was one of the things they’d fought about anyway. “It blindsided me and I totally overreacted.”
“Of course it did.” Cassie said, shifting her chair and leaning her arms on the table so they could speak more softly and still hear one another.
“I’ve been lying to myself.”
“About being over Ty?”
“Among other things.” She pushed her beer aside. “I can’t go back into a relationship where I invest and get nothing in return.”
“Don’t invest.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Then own your investment.” Shelby tilted her head to one side and Cassie said, “He did things on his terms. You do things on yours.”
“I don’t even know what that means.” Shelby brought her forehead down to rest on her folded hands, then quickly brought it back up again.
Jason Grey didn’t like it when people passed out in his establishment, or looked as if they were passed out—especially not this early in the evening.
“It means take what you want. Don’t expect anything in return.”
“I’m not wired that way.”
Cassie leaned closer. “How are you wired?”
“I’m wired to give and get. And to not be left behind.”
Cassie frowned at her. “Being left behind was your choice.”
“It was my choice with Ty.”
“I don’t understand…” An expression of dawning understanding crossed Cassie’s face. “Your mom.”
Shelby gave a small shrug. “I have a thing about losing people.”
<
br /> “I can understand that, but… Ty rode broncs when you guys were together. Didn’t that bother you?”
“Yes.”
“Yet you said nothing—to me anyway.”
“I refused to think about it.” Cassie frowned at her and Shelby made a small gesture. “I never acknowledged that it bothered me.” Not even to herself.
Weekend rodeos during the summer had been hell enough, but when he’d announced that he was going to be on the road full time…
“I was never okay with his riding. I… think I was afraid of losing him. Kind of like I lost Mom. I’ve only deeply loved three people in my life. I lost one. I wasn’t ready to lose another.”
Cassie leaned even closer. “Did you let him go on purpose?”
“I don’t know.”
But even if she had, it didn’t change the here and now. She certainly would never again ask him not to go. Now that she was older, and hopefully a touch wiser, she realized had he stayed four years ago, when he’d so desperately wanted to pursue his career, it would have spelled trouble for their relationship—exactly as he’d tried to tell her before. Ultimatums were not the answer.
And trust her to learn that the hard way.
She looked up at Cassie and sighed. “Cass… I think I still love him and I don’t know how to handle it.”
*
Ty flopped over on the uncomfortable bunk, then sat up and leaned his head back against the jalousie window before scrubbing a hand over his face. He was still angry—almost as angry as he’d been when Shelby had told him to never call her again. When she’d shut off a two-year relationship just like that and he’d gone cold inside. Told himself if that was the way she wanted things, that was the way they would be. Fooled himself into thinking he’d moved past the anger into the realm of not caring about her if she didn’t care about him.
He’d managed to fool himself until he drove into Marietta and had headed south toward the Forty-Six like a homing pigeon. But there was no happy ending waiting for him on the ranch. He’d hurt Shelby and she’d hurt him. He was willing to try again, but he’d been the only one in that frame of mind. Or rather, he’d been the only one until tonight. Now neither of them was in that frame of mind.
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