A Royal Secret

by Jerry Cole

  “She’s a nurse?”

  “Was,” Steve said with a shrug. “She’s retired, but she volunteers a lot to keep busy. I think she gets lonely a lot and maybe that’s why she spends so much time involved in what I’m doing.”

  “To be fair, I think that’s all moms.” There was a strange expression on Bobby’s face, but Steve thought it was more wistful than saddened.

  “Your mom would have been the same,” Steve offered, hoping that he wasn’t overstepping his bounds. “The way you look when you do talk about her, I know she loved you.”

  Bobby didn’t answer for a moment, but he was smiling warmly, eyes on the table in front of him. “Don’t think there was ever moment with her where she wasn’t telling me that she loved me. I miss her, but I never worry that she didn’t.”

  It was Steve’s turn to reach across the small table and take Bobby’s hand in his own, rubbing a thumb over the back of his knuckles. “I lost my dad, so I get it to some degree, but I don’t remember enough about him. I’m glad you have good memories of your mom.”

  “Thanks,” Bobby said. He turned his palm, tangling their fingers together, and holding Steve’s hand while they both finished off their coffees. It was…nice was too soft a word for it, and Steve didn’t know how to quantify it. He knew some of his friends’ relationships could be just as romantic, and he could see himself and Bobby in most of those positions. “What are you thinking about?”

  Steve shrugged easily, smiling gently. “Just about this,” he said, lifting their joined hands, “and you.”

  Bobby blinked, seemingly speechless, but his expression quickly gave way to an expression of delight and happiness. “Steve.”

  “Is that,” Steve started, cut himself off, and swallowed thickly. “Is that all right to say?”

  There was no hesitation. “Of course it is, Steve. You’re really awkward about this, huh?”

  Steve flushed, could feel the burn up his neck and cheeks. “Well, I’ve never done this before, you know?”

  “I do,” Bobby assured him, squeezing Steve’s hand. “Neither have I, if it helps. This is kinda new for both of us.”

  That was a relief, and Steve felt less awkward about making mistakes. Not that he wanted to make them intentionally but knowing that Bobby found this as difficult as he did, made everything less daunting. “New enough you wanna avoid my mom?”

  Steve didn’t care which answer he gave. He was sure he could convince his mom Bobby just needed time, and if Bobby never wanted to meet her, he would work that out as well. Bobby surprised him, leaning across, tugging Steve in with his free hand, and kissing Steve right there, in front of everyone, for a long time. Steve felt his breath catch in his throat, his heart hammering in his chest, and fuck, he really wanted Bobby, loved him. The words wanted to spill out of him, but there was a part of him still worried about chasing Bobby off, or coming across too strong.

  “No, actually,” Bobby said eventually. He smiled gently. “I want to meet her.”

  “Oh, okay,” Steve said gently. He felt euphoria bubble up in his chest and laughed, pleased. “I’m glad.”

  “Yeah, I can tell.” Bobby was grinning in return. He seemed caught up in Steve’s happiness. “I’m sure she has a lot of stories about how cute a kid you were, no?”

  Steve flushed, shaking his head. “You’re not allowed.”

  “Oh?” Bobby said, eyebrow quirked. “If I charm your mom, I don’t see how you can stop me.”

  Steve laughed. He couldn’t know how serious Bobby was being until that weekend, when Bobby agreed to come with Steve to his mom’s for dinner. The excitement was warring with nervousness, and Steve didn’t know what to expect from his mom or from Bobby. They had both been relatively quiet and while that didn’t bode well, Steve hoped they would get on. He didn’t want to imagine a world where the guy he was in love with didn’t like his mom, or where his mom was unhappy with Steve’s choice in partner.

  Bobby arrived at Steve’s apartment a little early, and though he was dressed down, he looked gorgeous in dark jeans, shirt, and jacket.

  “You didn’t have to dress up for my mom,” Steve pointed out, but Bobby just gave him the once over deliberately. “I have to! She’s my mom.”

  “Let the guy try and impress your mom,” Sam said from the couch, one leg thrown over the arm, magazine hovering just above his face. “Jackie loves it when people make an effort.”

  Jamie snorted, and peered at Bobby around Steve. “By people he means boyfriends and girlfriends.”

  “You had girlfriends?” Bobby asked, sounding surprised.

  Steve groaned, and Jamie laughed. “Jackie’s kinda my mom too, Bobby. I have to have her vet my girlfriends.”

  “Good to know,” Bobby said, frowning, and Steve didn’t know what that was about, but Jamie was already ribbing him once again about wanting to make a good impression.

  Steve sighed, shoving Jamie away and gesturing for Bobby to precede him out the door. “Come on. Don’t wanna be late. Mom gets weird about that.”

  “As she should,” Bobby said, grinning as nudged against Steve’s shoulder. There was a flicker of uncertainty on Bobby’s face for a beat, which made Steve want to reassure him, even if he wasn’t sure what he’d be reassuring exactly. “She’ll like me, right?”

  Steve sighed, drawing Bobby in and leaning in for a kiss. “Bobby, she’s gonna love you. Be the charming guy you usually are, and she can’t help but do so, all right?”

  “Sure,” Bobby said, smiling widely. There was a hint of something in his eyes that Steve couldn’t place, but let it go, knowing that Bobby wouldn’t tell him what was wrong unless he wanted to. “We better get going?”

  Everything seemed to go wrong from that moment on.

  They arrived on time, and Jackie immediately swept up Bobby, drawing him into a hug. It seemed to startle Bobby, and he swallowed, but hugged back, giving Steve a wide-eyed stare over her shoulder.

  “Dinner will be on the table soon, boys,” Jackie said, closing the door behind them. “Make yourself at home while I get it sorted out.”

  “Can we help?” Bobby offered, shedding his jacket and hanging it on the hook inside the door. There was something strange about the smile on Bobby’s face, almost a touch fake, but Steve didn’t know why.

  Jackie tutted, smiling. “No, don’t be silly. I’ve got it handled.”

  Bobby’s demeanor didn’t improve, his smile a little too forced, and though Steve wanted to say something, he kept his mouth shut. “Mrs. Mitchell, you have a wonderful son, and you’ve done an amazing job raising him.”

  “Bobby,” Jackie said, blushing and laughing gently. “That’s mostly Steve, you know. He’s a good boy.”

  “The good boy is sitting right here,” Steve said rolling his eyes.

  Bobby threw Steve a wry smile, and then it shifted back into something tight, a strange look in his eyes. “Either way, I think you’re a great mother.”

  It was a strange thing for him to say, especially when he’d only just met her, and Steve swallowed thickly, not sure what to say or do. Jackie didn’t seem to see anything wrong with it, laughing and squeezing Bobby’s arm, drawing him into conversation about his schooling, his house, his friends. Steve felt a little weird, as if he was the third wheel.

  He kept his own silence, but the tension between them seemed to increase throughout the dinner, and Steve could tell his mother was picking up on it.

  “Bobby,” Steve said eventually, hand on Bobby’s elbow when he disappeared toward the bathroom. “What the hell is up with you?”

  Bobby frowned, jerking out of Steve’s grasp. “What are you talking about?”

  Steve dropped his hands, gesturing at Bobby’s face, his body. “You’re acting weird. I’ve never seen you so charming before. Not that I don’t like it, but I haven’t.”

  There was a strong, awkward silence, and Bobby’s face flickered through a myriad of emotions, too fast for Steve to get a hold on any one thing. “I’m ju
st doing what you said. Be my charming self. I want her to like me!”

  “This isn’t natural,” Steve pressed, waving a hand toward the kitchen, where his mother was putting dishes into the sink. “You’re perfect as you are, and I don’t know why you think you have to do this.”

  “You have no idea, do you?” Bobby snapped, moving away from Steve and folding his arms across his chest. “God, Steve, I thought I was doing what you wanted.”

  Steve shook his head. “I never wanted this. My mom can’t like you if you’re not you.”

  “This is me!” Bobby yelled, immediately darting a look toward the kitchen and lowering his voice. “This is still me, whatever you think.”

  “But it’s not,” Steve said, keeping his voice low. He didn’t know how to put into words what he was really feeling. “Bobby.”

  “No, you know what,” Bobby said poking a finger at Steve’s chest and shoving him back. “I hate you think that of me, and I can’t stay here if you don’t trust me to know what I’m doing.”

  “I do trust you,” Steve hurried to say. “Bobby, please.”

  “Steve,” Bobby said, his voice hard. “I just—I need some time, all right?”

  Steve didn’t know what to say to that, could only watch as Bobby walked back into the kitchen, said something to his mother. Steve hurried through the house, to see Bobby grabbing his coat from the hook and his mom saying something to him in low tones. “Bobby, don’t go.”

  “Steve,” his mother said quickly. “Let him go if it’s what he wants.”

  “It’s not,” Bobby said quietly. “But I have to.”

  There was nothing Steve could say to that and could only watch as the door shut behind Bobby.

  Chapter Ten

  “I’m sorry,” Steve said.

  Jackie was standing in the middle of the living room, arms folded across her chest, lips pressed into a thin line. “Do you even know what you’re apologizing for?”

  Steve opened his mouth to reply, but closed it again, when he couldn’t answer truthfully. Steve could feel his mother’s eyes on him as he rubbed his hands over his face and head. “Mom.”

  “Listen to me, Steve,” Jackie said, crouching down in front of him, and taking his hands in hers. “Do you want to know why Bobby was trying his best to be so charming?”

  “No,” Steve said honestly. He shrugged, meeting his mother’s eyes slowly. “I thought—he wanted you to like him—and I thought that he was just being weird with you.”

  Jackie brushed a hand over his face, kissing Steve’s forehead and shaking his shoulders gently, almost as if to make him realize. “Darling, I need you to realize Bobby doesn’t have a mother. Wait,” she said, when Steve opened his mouth to say something. “Your father died a long time ago, but Bobby never had one of those. He had a mother, who also died. Think about how you’d feel if I was gone.”

  Steve’s throat felt thick and he swallowed. “Oh, God, Mom.”

  “Sweetheart.” Jackie moved to sit next to him on the couch. “He wanted me to like him because I’m a mom, darling, and specifically because I’m your mom.”

  “I thought he’d be weirded out that I loved him,” Steve admitted. His mother looked shocked, but she recovered quickly. “I haven’t told him yet because it feels too soon, and I didn’t want to lose him. Now I might have anyway.”

  Jackie tapped his chin. “That boy is waiting for you to go and find him, Steve. If he cares half as much about you as you do about him, he’s probably hoping you will come and wants to fix this as much as you do.”

  “Will he?” It was a legitimate question. Steve wanted his mother to say yes, even if it was only to lie to him.

  She didn’t have to lie, and when she said, “Of course he is,” Steve believed her.

  “All right,” Steve said, finding some reserves of courage and leaning over to kiss his mother’s temple. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “You bring that boy around again, you hear me?” Jackie stood when Steve did, walking him out to the door. Steve’s heart was still heavy, but he was hopeful, somewhere deep down, that Bobby would be willing to hear him out at the very least.

  Though it was quite a trek to Bobby’s apartment, and it was getting late, Steve made the trip on the subway anyway. It was crammed full of people thanks to the late hour, and Steve was irritated and grumpy as he jogged the rest of the way to the apartment block. Steve hovered outside for a while, nervous about what the reception would be. Bobby lived with Helena, and Steve was a little afraid of her.

  The door buzzed, making him jump, and a familiar female voice filtered out of the speaker. “You coming up or standing out there forever?”

  “I wasn’t sure,” Steve started, but pulled on the door.

  “Idiot,” Helena said. “Get your ass up here.”

  Steve did as he was told, and headed for the elevator, watching the numbers increase slowly. His stomach seemed to be filled with lead, and he almost wanted to change his mind, go back down to the lobby and let it go. He couldn’t. He loved Bobby, and he wanted to fix this, even if it took forever.

  The elevator opened onto Bobby’s floor, realizing quickly he hadn’t thought to check the apartment number. He stepped out into the hall, digging through his pocket for his phone, startled when a door opened, and Helena poked her head out. She didn’t look impressed, and Steve immediately felt the need to defend himself.

  “I came to apologize,” he said, rubbing at the back of his head.

  “You and him both,” Helena said, jerking her head back in the direction of the apartment. “He’s been whining ever since he came back that he fucked shit up. Wasn’t sure if you’d realize that, though.”

  “My mom kinda knocked some sense into me,” Steve offered.

  “Smart woman,” Helena said with a grin. “Come on.”

  Steve slipped past Helena into the apartment, surprised by how quiet it was. He was used to the TV blaring in his own, or music, or Jamie and Sam arguing. The apartment itself wasn’t the tidiest, but it was nice, and Steve hovered awkwardly in the hall.

  Helena snorted, shoving at his shoulder. “Come on, you can’t talk to him from the hall.”

  “Actually, I could,” Steve pointed out, but he let Helena lead him into the living area. Bobby wasn’t there, and Steve breathed out a small sigh, grateful he had a least a few more minutes to get himself together.

  “Helena? Who was at the door?”

  Helena grinned. “Some guy.”

  “Some guy?” Bobby opened the door to what Steve assumed was his room, saw Steve and froze. “That’s not some guy.”

  “Hey,” Steve said, and immediately cursed himself. “I came to say I’m sorry.”

  “Great,” Bobby said, face shut down. Steve had no idea what was going through his head. “Consider your apology heard.”

  But not accepted, Steve thought.

  “Idiots,” Helena muttered. “You,” she snapped at Bobby. “Listen to him at least, or I’ll kick you out of the apartment.”

  Steve wasn’t expecting it to work, especially knowing how stubborn Bobby could be. Instead, Steve was surprised when Bobby huffed a sigh, and then came into the living area. He had changed, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie that seemed three sizes too big. He looked small, and if Steve could have felt worse about what he’d done, he would.

  “Right,” Helena said. “You two are going to sort this out because as much as I hate hearing about how great you think Steve is, you’re even worse when you’re moping.”

  “Thanks,” Bobby muttered, but Helena was already leaving, grabbing her keys and giving them both a hard look before shutting the door.

  The silence in the apartment was awkward, and Steve wanted to break it desperately. Bobby didn’t seem inclined to do it for him, sitting back in his chair and playing with his phone.

  “I’m sorry,” Steve said again. When Bobby made no move to acknowledge him, he ran a hand over his face. “I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything, and I know…I know what
I asked of you was hard. Meeting my mom must have been awful when you see what you’re missing. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to make you angry or hurt you. God, Bobby, that’s the last thing I want. I just didn’t realize how hard it was gonna be for you, and I’m sorry about that. I’m just sorry.”

  When Steve risked looking at Bobby, Bobby was staring back at him, eyes dark, and though he wasn’t smiling, he had shifted forward in his chair, and he wasn’t peering down at his phone.

  “I love you,” Steve said, knowing it was the right time. Bobby’s eyes widened, his breath catching, and Steve leaned forward, holding Bobby’s gaze. “I love you, Bobby, and I would never want to hurt you, even by accident.”

  “I just wanted her to like me,” Bobby admitted. “I didn’t think it would matter to you how I acted as long as I was nice to her.”

  Steve let out a slow breath, and leaned cross the arm of Bobby’s chair, hesitating before touching Bobby’s hand, squeezing gently. Bobby was watching him slowly, and it was easy for Steve to say what he needed to. “You’re a good person, Bobby, and I don’t know how anyone can look at you and not realize it. Why would my mom not immediately want to get to know you?”

  Bobby let out a shaky breath, gripping Steve’s hand tightly and clinging. Steve knew there were parts of Bobby that constantly worried he wasn’t good enough, and it showed in that moment. Bobby opened his mouth, but closed it quickly, before leaning forward, kissing Steve gently. “I’m sorry.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about,” Steve said, kissing Bobby back and brushing a hand through his hair. “I love you,” he said again, because he could, and Bobby didn’t seem to mind him saying it.

  “I thought I dreamed that part,” Bobby replied, swallowing thickly. “You’re sure?”

  Steve wanted to laugh, but it wasn’t funny, and he didn’t want Bobby to shy away from him again. “Bobby, I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t sure. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” Bobby breathed, seemingly shocking himself with the words as much as Steve. “I was scared of it, still am if I’m honest, but I do. Love you.”