Shadow

by Aris Austin

  That weekend, Adam returned with his fiancée and they took Shadow to the dog run to play. Shadow could hardly contain himself, and his tail wagged so hard he could barely keep his feet beneath him. Annie decided to let Riley out too, and for a brief moment, Shadow felt like a puppy again. The sunshine, a future family, Riley, and Annie, all together in the dog run. It was almost too much to handle.

  Adam’s fiancée, a woman named Sarah, turned out to be quite friendly. Shadow made sure to spend plenty of time with both her and Adam, even putting in the effort of retrieving a ball they threw. He didn’t exactly run for the ball—anything more than a trot hurt too much—but fetch was a game Shadow knew well. He made a beeline for the ball every time one of the humans threw it, then marched straight back to deposit it in a waiting hand. After the game of fetch was over, Shadow showered Adam and Sarah with kisses, leaving drool all over Adam’s glasses again. He made the humans laugh at every possible opportunity, and nearly exploded with excitement when Adam showed Sarah his favorite spot to be scratched.

  Annie did her best to get Shadow adopted too, making sure to mention all of his best traits to the young couple. She did it in a casual sort of way, saying little things like, “Last week I took him on a walk, and he knew the exact route all by himself. He’s such a smart guy.” Or, “That dog over there is his friend Riley. Shadow seems to be able to make friends with just about anyone, but Riley’s his best friend. She’s an older dog too. Senior dogs tend to be pretty well-behaved, you know. Shadow only chews on things he’s supposed to chew on, and he’s usually very quiet. He seems to want to be friends with every dog here. And the humans too!”

  To emphasize Annie’s last point, Shadow flopped down in front of Sarah and rolled onto his back for a belly rub. She obliged, and he squirmed with delight. It got even better when Annie knelt down to help and smiled at Sarah. “The way he’s showing you his belly like that? That means he trusts you.”

  Adam and Sarah stayed for quite a while, but they eventually left with promises that they’d talk about it. Shadow was a little disappointed that they didn’t take him home, but Annie explained that Adam promised he’d be back the next weekend.

  Satisfied, Shadow settled down next to Riley and rested his head on her outstretched paw. Riley’s warmth chased away any discomfort Shadow felt about not going home, and her steady breathing quickly lulled him to sleep. Trying to get adopted was hard work, and he was worn out.

  Chapter 10

  Shadow wished he could close his ears the way he closed his eyes. He hadn’t ever seen the puppies who lived at the far end of the hall, but he certainly heard them. They barked at every human who came by their kennels, which meant they barked a lot.

  According to Annie, puppies were easy to adopt out, but adult dogs were a little harder. Because of this, the hallway was arranged so that adult dogs were closer to the door and puppies lived down at the very end. That way, anyone looking for a puppy would see the older dogs first and consider taking one home. It had all made sense when Annie explained it, but Shadow still didn’t understand what made so much barking necessary.

  Kim claimed that Adam was coming back soon, and Shadow hoped she was right. The peace and quiet of a new home couldn’t come soon enough. The puppies were all the way at the end of the hall, but the squeaky, grating quality of their voices more than made up for the distance.

  Shadow considered silencing the puppies with the loud, superior bark that comes only from years of practice, but decided against it. They would probably just bark back, anyway. Instead, he sighed and paced back and forth by the kennel’s gate. He wasn’t going to waste a single second once Adam arrived.

  Relief washed over Shadow when Adam finally entered the hallway. Kim had been right! He resisted the urge to bark, but he did press his face against the kennel’s door to get a better look at his new human. Home! It was time to go home! Shadow’s tail wagged so fiercely that it moved his entire body. Adam smiled and waved, but he didn’t stop. Instead, he walked right past Shadow’s kennel and kept going down the hall.

  Shadow let out a soft whine as Adam disappeared from view, but forced himself to be patient. There was nothing to worry about. Adam would return, fill out the necessary forms, and take Shadow off to his new home. That was how it was supposed to work.

  While he waited for Adam to return, Shadow occupied himself with what had become his favorite pastime: imagining his new life with Adam and Sarah. He pictured himself napping in warm sunspots in their house (or what he imagined their house to be like), or stretched across the couch with them while they watched a movie he had no interest in. Slow, gentle walks. A much bigger space than a kennel, with no barking puppies down the hall. Soft, carpeted floors instead of concrete. And of course, plenty of scratches in his favorite spot

  Maybe they would even have a backyard, and Sarah would throw a ball for Shadow while Adam watched. Fetch was more tiring than it had once been, but Adam and Sarah seemed to like the game. Shadow decided that if his new humans had a backyard, he’d play fetch with them for as long as he could stand. He’d do anything, if it made them happy.

  Shadow was so absorbed in imagining his new life that he almost didn’t see Adam walk by again. Unable to help himself, he gave the man an excited bark. Home! Adam kept walking though, pretending not to hear. That was when Shadow noticed the puppy in tow. An adorable little lab, with paws too big for his legs and a head too big for his neck. He gazed up at everything in wonder, occasionally tripping over his own paws. His collar, which was too big for him, was secured to a long leash. The other end of the leash rested firmly in Adam’s grip.

  Adam spoke to a disappointed-looking Kim, who had followed him back from the puppy kennels. Despite the dissonant barking that echoed down the hall, Shadow managed to catch a few of Adam’s words. “… and so we decided we were really just set on a puppy. This little guy fits our lifestyle better…”

  Shadow sat back on his haunches, staring down the hall in disbelief. So, that was it then. Two weeks of waffling on whether or not to take him home, but only ten minutes to pick out a puppy.

  He turned and retreated to the back of the kennel, climbed into bed, and slumped down with his nose in the corner. Why didn’t anyone want him? He was a good dog. Annie told him so almost every day. So why wasn’t he good enough to go home?

  It was Annie’s day off, so Kim took it upon herself to comfort Shadow. She was by his side within minutes, stroking the fur on his back.

  “I’m so sorry Shadow,” she sighed. “I was hoping maybe you wouldn’t notice what happened. I really thought he was here to take you home.

  “I want you to know it was nothing to do with you. Nothing’s your fault. There is nothing wrong with you, okay baby?”

  Shadow tuned her out. Kim was a friend, but he didn’t want to see any friends just then. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to see Annie. He just wanted to be alone. Shadow retreated deep inside of himself, blocking out the rest of the world. It was a skill he’d learned well when Brian had abandoned him. Being alone made it much easier to wallow in sadness.

  He wasn’t sure when Kim left, but she eventually must have gotten tired of being ignored. No one bothered to try walking Shadow that day, which was fine with him. They knew he wasn’t planning to leave the corner.

  During the afternoon feeding, someone gave Shadow an extra scoop of food in hopes that it would cheer him up. He ate every last bit of it, but it didn’t help, so he returned to his corner and waited for sleep. Sleep never came, of course, so Shadow passed the hours by staring at the wall. When someone came to tell him good night before closing the shelter, he pretended to be asleep just so he wouldn’t have to look at them.

  When darkness finally arrived, Shadow welcomed it. Night had a way of bringing a sense of isolation to the shelter, quieting the barking and sending the humans home. Except for the patch of moonlight streaming through the kennel’s window, the darkness did a pretty good job of obscuring Shadow’s vision, too. The isolation
suited him perfectly. He stared at the wall in front of his face for what must have been hours, even after darkness prevented him from seeing it. Why didn’t anyone want him? He could be good, if they would only give him a chance.

  A familiar click at the end of the hall caused Shadow’s ears to prick up, but he found himself hoping Annie hadn’t come to comfort him. He really did just want to be by himself.

  Shadow sat up, suddenly alarmed. Something wasn’t right. It certainly sounded like Annie, but her footsteps came too fast. The rhythm was off, and she didn’t make any attempts to shush the barking dogs. However, what really worried Shadow was the smell drifting down the hallway. The only other time a human had smelled that way was the day Brian had fallen while running. That scent meant pain, worry, and fear.

  Shadow stood to greet Annie when she entered the kennel, all self-pity replaced with concern. Annie immediately collapsed on the floor, burying her face in Shadow’s fur. Muffled sobs came from her mouth. Tears left mascara stains on Shadow’s neck, but he remained perfectly still. He had been through enough crying episodes with Brian’s children that he knew exactly what to do: hold back on the worried growls, and let the humans cry it out. Humans always felt better after crying. For all Shadow cared, Annie could pour every tear she had into his fur. He wouldn’t tell anyone.

  Annie’s sobs grew heavier, and she wrapped her arms around Shadow’s neck. Breathing through fur must have been too difficult to be practical, because she eventually lifted her head for fresh air. That was when Shadow identified another scent on her. Dry, and several minutes old, but unmistakable. Blood.

  Just when Shadow thought Annie was done crying, another round of violent sobs wracked her body. She pushed her face deep into Shadow’s side again, and he waited as patiently as possible. The scent of blood made patience much more difficult though. Something was very wrong. Shadow had always been gentle, but his fur bristled at the idea of someone hurting Annie. He wondered if they were still out there, lurking in the dark. Silently, he dared the attacker to follow Annie inside. They would find out exactly how much power still remained in an old dog’s jaws.

  Shadow waited for Annie’s sobs to fade to a quiet series of whimpers before he pulled away. The moonlight cast an eerie glow across her face, but he could see it well enough. Annie’s left eye was swollen shut, and a blotchy bruise had formed just below the eye. The scent of dried blood came from a gash in the middle of the bruise, perhaps made by a ring.

  He smelled the man on her then, and Shadow knew all he needed to know. Fury boiled up inside of him. He turned to lunge at the door, find a way out, and find the man who hurt his friend. Annie’s voice stopped him.

  “I’m—” Her voice caught in her throat and she heaved, threatening to burst into tears all over again. Shadow’s anger vanished, and he turned back to her. Patiently, he sat and held her gaze until she managed to find words again.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I know it’s kind of silly, but I wanted to see you. You’re such a good listener.

  “I just don’t understand what happened Shadow!” Annie’s voice cracked. “Hunter’s such a gentleman until he’s drunk. Everything was so good before I ever saw him drunk.

  “I don’t even remember how the fight started. We were at his house. He was drinking, but I decided not to because I had to drive home. Then we were shouting, and we got in each other’s faces, and all of the sudden he—”

  Annie’s voice broke off. Shadow inched closer, waiting for her to finish.

  “He hit me!”

  The tears started again. Annie’s next words came slowly, broken up by sobs.

  “Hard, Shadow! I didn’t even have time to process it. He just swung a fist at me, without warning.”

  Annie’s face twisted again and sobs won out over words. She closed her good eye and let the tears run down her face, unable to speak. Shadow just stared at her, unsure of what else to do. Seconds ticked by, each one marked by fresh tears. He didn’t want Annie to cry.

  Moving slowly so he didn’t hurt her, Shadow leaned forward and licked at one of the tears on Annie’s cheek. She cried even harder, but Shadow didn’t stop. He licked at Annie’s face as energetically as possible, even when the tears decreased in size and number. Strange sounds came from her mouth then—laughs, interspersed with sobs. Shadow didn’t stop licking until every tear was gone and every sob was replaced by a laugh. Annie pulled away and wrapped her arms around Shadow’s neck, staring at him through her open eye.

  “You’re so good.” Annie managed a weak smile. “I’m sorry for freaking out on you buddy. It’s just that the shelter was right on the way home, and before I even realized it, I was pulling into the parking lot.”

  Shadow stared at his friend, still concerned.

  “Don’t worry,” she said. “I left right after he hit me, and he let me go.”

  Annie pulled a sleeve over her hand and dragged it across her eyes. “It’s not even that it hurts that much anymore. It’s just throbbing a little. But I was so scared, Shadow. He isn’t a very big man, but he’s bigger than me. After the first hit, I was so worried that the blows were going to keep coming. He just looked so angry, so out of control. For a minute, I thought he was going to kill me.”

  She shifted, pressing her back against the wall. Then she folded her arms across her chest and sighed. “I guess we both had a pretty rotten day today, huh buddy? Kim texted me and told me about Adam. I’m so sorry.”

  Shadow whined. He didn’t want to think about Adam just then.

  “Come here, buddy,” said Annie. She patted the ground, and Shadow plodded over to her side. He sunk to the floor, resting his head on her leg. They stayed that way for a long time, with Annie slowly scratching Shadow’s favorite spot. He was almost asleep when she spoke again.

  “I just don’t know what to do now. Do I break up with him? He really is a good guy when he isn’t drunk. Maybe I should just stay with him and tell him he’s not allowed to drink around me anymore.”

  Shadow lifted his head and growled.

  Annie seemed startled for a moment, but then she understood. She always understood. “I know. I knew the moment I left his house tonight. I just didn’t want to say it. I probably shouldn’t ever see him again, should I? It’s not like I have anything to pick up from his house, anyway.”

  Shadow didn’t move. He just stared at Annie, waiting for her to understand again. She sighed, tears brimming in her open eye.

  “Yeah. I know. You’re right, buddy.”

  A single tear escaped Annie’s eye and rolled down her cheek, but Shadow licked it away before it could drop to the ground.

  Chapter 11

  “Aww, look at that bunny!” said Annie, then quickly added, “Don’t chase him.”

  Shadow panted at Annie, unfazed by the command. He hadn’t been planning to chase the bunny anyway.

  He and Annie were almost finished with their walk, and had only a minute or two left before they reached the shelter. Annie had seemed happier during the walk than she had been all day, although her mood was still somewhat subdued. The swelling in her eye had improved remarkably in the three days since the incident with Hunter. A scab and a blotchy purple stain still covered part of her face, but at least both eyes were open.

  The warm weather and nearby forest sounds seemed to have helped both of their moods, because Shadow was feeling a little better too. He’d allowed himself some time to pout about Adam and Sarah over the last few days, since Annie hadn’t been at work. As soon as she was back though, it was time to be done pouting. He needed to be strong for his friend.

  Annie spent most of the walk pointing out little creatures in the branches or remarking about how warm the sun was. She seemed ready to talk about anything that wasn’t Hunter, but she finally broached the subject near the end of the walk.

  “I finally did it last night, Shadow. I made sure it was over the phone so he couldn’t blow up at me again. I told myself I couldn’t get up from the kitchen table until I f
inally called him, so I sat there for almost an hour working up the courage to do it. I told myself it was irrational to be scared, but I was so worried that he’d drive over to my apartment and start hitting me again.

  “I finally told myself that the doors were locked, I had Cam and Ollie with me, and Hunter was probably sober anyway. So, I just called and told him that it was over and I never wanted to see him again. He was quiet for a long time, until I finally begged him to say something. And then he got so mad, Shadow. It scared me, even through the phone. He started yelling about how it was one little mistake and how I was overreacting. He even got to the point where he started suggesting that I made the whole thing up. I hung up before he finished, and I didn’t answer when he tried to call again.

  “I don’t know if that was immature. Hitting me was immature too though. And trying to gaslight me about the whole thing…that’s almost scarier than the fact that he hit me. I keep looking for some kind of sign I missed, some kind of indication that he was going to be like this. But I can’t think of any. He wasn’t like this until a few weeks ago, and I just don’t get it. I just want to be done thinking about him, and I’m glad I cut him off. I was worried he was going to talk me into going back to him, you know? Even after what he did, it’s going to be hard.”

  Shadow stared up at Annie, panting. He was proud of her, and he was glad she wasn’t ever going to see that man again. Humans who hit each other were the same as humans who hit dogs: it was never just a one-time thing.

  As usual, Annie seemed perfectly in tune with Shadow’s thoughts. “Oh, and I think it’s probably a bad idea to try and have him adopt you now. And I’m not just saying that because I’m mad at him. It’s just that if he was willing to hurt me, he’d probably be willing to hurt you, too. Violence isn’t limited to just one species. It’s all kind of the same, you know?”