Cougar Cocktales

by N'Tyse

  “Okay, head,” he said. He removed his coat and dropped it to the floor. He rushed over to me and kissed me passionately. Even though our skins were cold to the touch, we were both burning hot inside. I quickly undid his belt and his jeans and went down into a squat and bobbed up and down on his massive dick. I slurped loudly and he pulled my hair and my neck snapped back. He grabbed his dick and said, “Stick out your tongue, baby.” When I did, he slapped his dick against my tongue before forcing it back into my mouth. He began to pump his dick inside of my mouth harder than ever. I gasped trying to keep up, but I felt I’d choke if he didn’t slow down.

  I looked up at him. I figured he saw the tears from him nearly choking me, running down my face. He pulled away and then pulled me up.

  “Come here, baby,” he said, breathing heavily. He knocked everything on the dresser to the side and lifted me on top of it. It was rough, but I liked it. “Open your legs,” he instructed. After planting a few kisses on my wet cheeks, he went to my nipples, sucking on them strong and hard. I wondered if the liquor was to blame for all the roughness.

  “Oooowwwwweeeee, baby, you’re hurting me.” I winced. He was biting on my nipples with more pressure than usual.

  “I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry,” he said. He kissed me again. “I’d never hurt you, Madison. I love you, baby,” he breathed into my ear. My heart stopped. He said he loved me.

  I held up my hands to his chest to stop him. “Jerome, baby, don’t say that if you don’t mean it.” I loved him, too, but was terrified to say it.

  “I mean it, Madison. I love you and I want you to stay,” he said, pushing his tongue back into my mouth. He pulled my ass into him and he slid in, this time without the latex separating his flesh from my flesh. He felt so good inside of me. He stroked me nice and slow. I moaned in his ear and he picked me up from the dresser without pulling out. He laid me on the bed and then he undressed completely. When he got on top of me, he looked me in my eyes and I said it back.

  “I love you too, baby, and I want to stay with you, Jerome.” He pushed my legs back and reentered my pussy. We made love until our bodies gave out and the next day, we didn’t leave our love nest. We ordered in and made love over and over. I knew I’d have to either stay in Chicago or convince him to move to Arizona. Either way, being without Jerome was not an option.

  • • •

  Two weekends later, we were out again, and I took a nap earlier that afternoon so that I could hang and not give out like an old lady. I danced and met a few more of Jerome’s friends. After a little while, I started to feel uncomfortable. This wasn’t a family gathering like before and no one was even close to my age. It was a bunch of young adults partying like I used to back when I was in my twenties. The music was bumping, drinks were all over, and the women looked like they were on a music video set.

  I leaned into his ear. “Baby, I’m going to run to the ladies’ room.” He gave me a point. I headed to the restroom. I was so happy when it was my turn because I had to wait in a line to piss.

  “Did you see that old-ass bitch Jerome is with?” I heard a voice say. I paused. I was about to exit my stall, but instead stopped to listen.

  “Gurl, yes…I’m looking like, are you fucking serious. That bitch is like fifty or sixty,” the other said. They roared with laughter.

  “I know, right…I mean, her body is tight for someone her age, but she has to be lining his pockets wit’ dat chedda for him to have her up in here tonight.” I tried to peek through the opening in the door to see who was talking about me. I could see one, but not the other.

  “Well, maybe he’s a male escort now and done left his daddy’s limo business.” She laughed loudly at her own jokes. They continued to carry on with their insults and snickering.

  After they exited the ladies’ room, I walked out of my stall and went over to the sink to wash my hands with my head low enough to taste the water that ran from the faucet. I didn’t want the other women to notice that I was the one they had been talking about. I stood outside the bathroom and took a few cleansing breaths before I headed back to Jerome. Before I made it back to his side, the same chick I had peeped out in the restroom, was in his face, flirting and touching my man way too much.

  A few seconds later, they headed out to the dance floor. I headed back to my stool and watched my man get his groove on with a girl that looked more age-appropriate for him. They danced a couple songs and I saw her slide him a card or something before he headed back my way. I turned and pretended I didn’t witness the exchange. My eyes burned, but when he embraced me from behind and whispered, “Hey beautiful,” in my ear, I put on my big-girl smile and let it go. After a couple more dances and drinks, we were ready to head out. I caught that same chick eyeing my man as we were leaving.

  When we got into his truck, I was silent. He detected something was wrong.

  “Baby, you aw’ight? You’re pretty quiet,” he asked.

  “I’m fine, Jerome,” I said.

  “No, you’re not. What is it? Are you mad because I danced with Sage?”

  “No,” I answered, and figured Sage was the one that was dogging me in the bathroom with her little friend.

  “I was gon’ say…chill on that. Sage and I have been cool since forever. I ain’t checking for her or no other woman, baby. I’m all yours and everyone knows it, so don’t sweat that,” he said. I just looked out the window. I didn’t reply because it didn’t matter. I was not in the mood to compete with any woman. I didn’t have the time for foolishness and if Jerome wanted someone his age over me, I wouldn’t blame him.

  When we got back to my suite, he wanted some pussy, and even though I didn’t deny him, I didn’t participate much. He passed out after filling my body with his juices. I lay awake and made a decision to leave the next day. I weighed all the pros and cons of our situation, and I felt that I was truthfully robbing him of everything. I was taking away his chances of growing old with someone, and definitely taking away his chances of becoming a father. My cycle had stopped being regular after Amber, and even though we tried for years to have another baby, it never happened. After I turned thirty-five, Kirk and I put a lid on the baby business, and now I hadn’t seen a menstrual in two years or so. I just didn’t want to take that away from him. I had experienced so many things and he belonged with someone his age. Not my old ass.

  The next day, I was nervous as hell and didn’t know how I would tell him I was leaving. I went on line and changed my flight to leave that evening. I slowly packed up the things I really wanted to take back to Arizona and didn’t worry about everything else because the suite wasn’t a rentable suite. It was set up for me and my family when we visited so no one occupied it when we were away. When Jerome got into the shower, I called down and told the front desk to have a car ready for me by five. I pretended to be working on something for work when he had asked what I was doing. I was writing him my farewell letter. Around 4:45 p.m., I hinted I wanted some Portillo’s. I knew he’d go out to get it for me. When he made his exit, I put the note on the table and scrambled to get my things to head downstairs. When I grabbed my purse and headed for the door, he walked back in. He scared the shit out of me. I was standing there with my bags.

  “Baby, I forgot my keys—” he said. “What’s going on? You trying to sneak out on me?” The expression on his face was the sight I didn’t want to see.

  “I’m sorry, Jerome,” I whispered.

  “No…you gotta fuckin’ come better than that, Madison! What the fuck? What happened between yesterday and today, baby? Was it the club? What…why…why are you packed to bounce? Why would you just leave me without a word!” he yelled.

  “I couldn’t face you, Jerome. I left you a letter,” I said, now shaking. I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do to someone.

  “A note, Madison…a fuckin’ note. I’m not worth a face-to-face truth!” he continued to yell. He went over to the letter and snatched the paper from the table. He quickly read through it. I stood in
that one spot trembling. “No, no, no, baby, you got it all wrong. Listen…this is not what it is, okay. I don’t want anyone my age. I want you, and you are not cheating me out of anything, baby. Please don’t do this,” he begged, moving closer to me. “Baby, I know there are some things I will have to sacrifice to be with you, and I don’t mind, okay. Don’t leave me like this, Madison. Baby, when I say I love you, I mean it. I’ve never felt this way for any woman and if you leave, you are going to rip my heart into pieces,” he cried. I heard him, but I felt that I’d hurt him in the long run if I continued to stay.

  “I’m sorry, Jerome…I am, baby. And I don’t want to hurt you…I just don’t see us having a happy ending. I don’t want you to ever resent me or look back and wish you had of chosen someone that can give you children. By the time you’re thirty, I’ll be fifty, and then you’re forty, and I’m sixty. My number is going to climb so much higher than yours too fast, and I can’t do that to you, Jerome. That would be selfish of me to do that. I can’t.” I tried to walk away, but he grabbed me and held me so tight. He put his face close to mine and I could feel the love he had for me, but it was still best for me to go. I didn’t want to take away his life.

  “Madison, I’m begging you not to walk out that door. If you want me to come to Arizona, I’ll move, baby. If you don’t want to stay here, we can go, but I don’t want to live without you. You have to reconsider, baby. I’ve never in my life begged a woman to be with me. I’ve never loved a woman like I love you, Madison. I’m telling you, I can handle this. I can handle us and I want us to be together as long as we can be,” he said, allowing a tear to fall. It was breaking my heart.

  I didn’t want to leave him this way, but there was no other choice. I kissed him softly and caressed his face. “I love you, Jerome. Too much to stay. Take care of yourself and you will find someone that will make you happy. You will fall in love again, get married, and have babies with someone that can, because I can’t. I can’t give you that life, Jerome. Trust me, baby, this is ripping my heart apart. But last night, I watched you have fun, dance, and mingle with women that are your age. I’m old enough to be your mother. I should not have let things go this far, and I’m sorry, but it’s best I go,” I said lastly. I hurried out the door.

  “Madison…Madison…Madison, don’t do this!” he cried behind me, but I kept going. I stood in front of the elevator. He came out into the hall. “Baby, please come back inside and let’s talk this out. Please don’t leave me like this. I can handle whatever it is to come, Madison—baby, I love you,” he cried. I stood in silence, willing the elevator to hurry. When the doors opened, I stepped in and hit the lobby button. He stood there and watched the doors close.

  When I got into the limo, I broke down. I cried harder than I ever remembered crying in a very long time. I was so tempted to tell the driver to go back, but I’d only prolong the inevitable. Jerome was a good man and he deserved someone that could give him a long life of love, and because I had him by twenty years, it wasn’t me.

  JEROME

  It had been four days since Madison left. I couldn’t function. My heart was aching something bad and I had never experienced heartache in my life. It was a bitch. I called and called and called and texted, and she didn’t answer. I called from other numbers, blocked my number, left her tons of messages, but she didn’t reply. I tried to see where she was coming from, but it pissed me the fuck off that she took it upon herself to decide what was best for me. I was a grown-ass man and I could decide what was best for me, and it was her. I loved and missed that woman so much my entire body ached. I found myself crying at the drop of a dime, and nothing but her return would take away my pain.

  There was a knock at the door and I raced to it, hoping it was her. When I opened it to my mother, I was unpleasantly surprised.

  “Momma, what brings you by?” I asked, standing in front of my door. My place was a mess and I didn’t want my mother to see me like this.

  “Can I come in?” she asked. I hesitantly stepped aside. “Your father called me and said you haven’t been to work in a few days so I came to check on you,” she said, looking around. I flopped down on the sofa and my mother pushed some clothes out of the chair to sit.

  “She’s gone, ma. She left me,” I said, unable to hold back my tears. My mom got up and embraced me. I cried in her arms like a little boy, but I didn’t care.

  “Shhhh, baby, it’s okay. I know it hurts,” she said softly. “Heartache is the worst, son, but it will get better.” She held me until I was calm. For a while, I was too choked up to talk, but my mother sat with me patiently until I was ready to open up. “What happened, baby?” she asked tenderly.

  “We hung out on Saturday night. I danced a couple songs with Sage, and I didn’t think it was a big deal, you know because we dance with other people when we go out, but when we got into the truck on the way back to her place, she was oddly quiet. I tried to talk to her, Ma. And the next day things felt funny. I knew something wasn’t right. I went out to get something to eat and forgot my keys. Went back up, and she had her bags, heading out. I begged her not to leave me, Ma. I told her that I could handle our thing and that I knew I may be giving up all these experiences that she thought I was entitled to, and she still left. She wrote this,” I said, handing my mother the letter. She read it.

  “Listen, J.T. You and your brother are grown men and you know I don’t get involved or tell you boys what to do. When you told me how old Madison was, I wasn’t happy, but I saw your face, baby, when you spoke of her and how you were with her. I told myself that I raised you into the man that you are, and that you can handle your own business. I’m sorry she left, son, but I can understand all the reasons she did. I know from this letter that she loves you,” she said. I still didn’t understand.

  “Ma, if this is love, I’m afraid to know what she’d do if she hated me,” I said confused. You don’t leave when you are in love. You endure.

  “Okay, let me put it to you this way. She loves you enough to put your happiness first. In ten years, you both will be ten years older, and her ten years older will still be twenty years older than you. What if you change your mind about kids or if she gets sick. These are things Madison considered,” she said. It started to make a little sense, but I still didn’t like it.

  “Mother, I hear you, but she should have allowed us to cross those bridges when we got to them. I could have had a change of heart, and then again, I may not have. The thing is, I was willing to take that chance with Madison, and now she’s gone,” I said, lying back. All the points my mother made were valid, but it didn’t take away any of my pain.

  My mom hung around to clean and cook me dinner. I promised I’d eat, but my appetite hadn’t returned.

  “Call your father because the company is called Three J’s Limo Services, and one of the J’s haven’t been to work, and you know I don’t do your father like that. He and I ain’t cool,” she joked, giving me a motherly kiss.

  I stayed home a couple more days and didn’t give up on Madison. I called her several times and continued to leave her messages, trying to convince her to give us another chance.

  MADISON

  I couldn’t move and I hadn’t left my bedroom in days. Every bone in my body missed him, and I wanted to talk to him so bad, but I had to stand by my decision. Jerome was like a triple scoop of double Dutch chocolate ice cream, buried under bananas, fudge, caramel and strawberry syrup with whipped cream and almonds. It was entirely too sweet and hard on your thighs, but you wanted it all anyway. I missed him more than I missed anything or any person in the world. My heart ached so badly and I questioned myself over and over. Did I make the right decision? Did I make the right call? Was it precipitous to just determine what our conclusion would be? All I knew is I loved him more than I loved Kirk. I loved him more than I loved all of my favorite things in the world and deep down, I wanted him and what we had back.

  I wondered if he was okay. I knew in time he’d be fine and find h
im a Sage, or a Brittany, or a Chiquita…I don’t know. I just knew it was meant for him to be happy and I wasn’t sure how long I could be that for him. I listened to his voicemails constantly like they were a complete CD. I cried my eyes out as his words penetrated my heart, even after hearing the same message thirty times over.

  I’d picked up the phone to call him but put it down. I had to be strong for the both of us. I knew eventually he’d stop calling, and soon he’d have another woman in his life to make him smile. I had to concentrate on nursing myself back to sanity, because at that moment, I didn’t know my left from my right. All I knew to think and speak was Jerome.

  • • •

  Six months had gone by and the calls finally stopped. I was back to a semi-normal life. I thought of him constantly, but there were no more daily breakdowns. I was back to taking pictures and had gained the twenty pounds I had lost the first two months post-breakup. I started to take my daughter’s advice and get back out there and date. It was hard because I compared everyone one to Jerome. At first I tried to date guys my age. What a joke that turned out to be. The ones I tried to date didn’t have a sexual appetite like mine, and it was just plain old boring.

  Mike, one guy that I was kind of digging, was fine. Things were going good until I learned that Viagra was his source of a stiff one. We had sex twice and it was decent, not Jerome of course. The first night he slept over at my place he didn’t have his blue pills with him and he couldn’t get it up. He finally confessed that he had to pop a pill to get going, so the next morning after, I closed the door behind his limp-dick ass and deleted his number from my phone.

  I tried, but I still thought of Jerome every day. I wanted to call him, but I told myself that I’d be wrong to set him back after so long, so it was better to leave it alone. I went back to being dateless and spending my days reminiscing on what I had with Jerome, wondering if I’d ever get over him and what we had.