The Island

by Mary Grand

  She knew where the clock was and went straight there. She saw a man in a black leather jacket, reading the Guardian, and felt pretty sure this must be Tim, but she took a moment to scrutinise him before he saw her. He was tall, with black hair and thick glasses and older than she expected.

  As if sensing she was there, the man looked up, grinned, and tucked his paper under his arm.

  ‘You must be Juliet?’

  ‘Um yes, you’re Tim?’

  ‘That’s me. Let’s go to the Embankment and get a coffee.’

  Juliet felt swept along. She had been expecting some meek, quiet man, not someone so assertive, and she was walking quickly to keep up.

  ‘I’m not usually free now, it’s lucky it’s a later rehearsal today,’ Tim was saying, not in the slightest bit out of breath.

  ‘You are in the same orchestra as Cassie?’

  ‘Oh no, I am a composer, the rehearsals are for a new piece I’ve written.’

  ‘Oh right.’

  Once they were at the café, she was relieved to sit, and when a waitress came over, Tim said, ‘I’ll have a flat white please. Same for you, Juliet?’

  Feeling annoyed at him for taking over, she said, ‘No, an Americano please.’

  He sat back and looked her up and down. ‘I can see you and Cass are sisters,’ he said.

  She had the same feeling of discomfort she’d had when Tim called her sister Cass in the emails. It wasn’t right; her name was Cassie, and it was like he was claiming a special intimacy with her sister by giving her a different name.

  ‘Well, we both have brown hair, I think that is where the likeness ends.’

  He shook his head. ‘No, there is far more than that. I can see from the way you pursed your mouth when I tried to order coffee for you. That is exactly how Cass would have reacted.’

  ‘Cassie and I like to speak for ourselves, that’s all. All us sisters are like that.’

  ‘I’ve heard about you four sisters, it reminded me of Little Women.’

  She groaned. ‘That’s not very original, although I’ve not heard it for a while. If Cassie has told you the truth about us, you’d have understood we are nothing like them. Cassie was no Meg, fussing over us all – in fact, we didn’t see much of Cassie at all.’

  Tim put his head to one side. ‘I know Cass felt left out in a lot of ways, it’s an odd childhood for the gifted. Some may say it’s no childhood at all.’

  ‘Was it like that for you?’

  ‘A bit. Although I was an only child, so I had no brothers or sisters to feel cut off from. I was aware of being different; I wasn’t involved in the social lives of most of my friends at school. My own son has no musical inclinations in the slightest and I have to say I’m rather pleased.’

  ‘You have a child?’

  He grinned. ‘I should have brought a CV with me… you would like a quick resumé of my life, wouldn’t you, which I understand. Yes, I have two children, both at university now.’

  ‘Sorry if you feel I’m interrogating you.’

  ‘Don’t apologise. It seems only fair. I know a lot about you after all. I was fifty last year, I’m a composer – a title that sounds a lot more impressive than it is in reality. I was married for fifteen years. I am on good terms with my wife. My children have met Cass. My daughter gets on particularly well with her, they read the same books.’

  ‘I don’t even know what Cassie reads nowadays.’

  ‘They both like high-brow literary stuff. Me, I like science fiction, which they think is hysterical, but then they are both very superstitious.’

  ‘Cassie is the only one of us like that. I blamed it on being a performer – you know, you hear of actors having all these rituals.’

  ‘It’s so illogical, isn’t it? I bought Cass this beautiful green bag to keep her resin in, showed it to my daughter and she went mad, “you can’t give her something green, it’s unlucky, Cass will go mad.” I changed it to red and all was well.’

  Juliet listened to this other life of Cassie’s and had to admit to feeling hurt that she had created and kept secret a world apart from them all.

  ‘How long have you and Cassie been together?’

  ‘We’ve known each other for about five years but got together about two years ago now. Still, as my daughter would say, we’re not really an item now.’ The bantering tone slipped, and he suddenly looked older. ‘It was all so sudden, the break-up, I didn’t see it coming… she seemed fine even after her diagnosis.’

  Juliet’s heart thumped. ‘What’s the matter with her?’

  ‘Well, I don’t see why you shouldn’t know. Cass has arthritis in both her hands. It has been getting worse, even though she’s seen specialists. All the exercise and playing from a young age has caught up with her. She can’t play her violin for long periods now; the rehearsals were killing her.’

  Juliet remembered Cassie’s bottle of frankincense that her mother also used for arthritis. ‘But she told Mum she just had some aches and pains, she told mum they were nothing to do with why she was leaving music. Is it really that bad?’

  ‘It feels that way to Cass at the moment.’

  Juliet gave herself a minute to try and take in the implications of what Tim had told her. ‘So that is why she’s not played her violin since she came home. She was playing the piano and it was wonderful. In fact, it might be one of the few times I’ve really appreciated how exceptional she is. You don’t with family, do you, we got so used to hearing her practising.’

  ‘It seems to me that Cass’s life was very separate from the rest of yours.’

  ‘It was in a lot of ways. But we’re all older now, and it hurts that she didn’t tell us about her arthritis or why she was really leaving the orchestra.’

  ‘She said she didn’t want your mum to go blaming herself; you see, it could be partly from over practising when she was young.’

  ‘Gosh, Mum asked if that had caused a problem, but Cassie denied it. I can see she was trying to protect Mum, but it would be better to have talked about it; Mum is so confused.’

  ‘I tend to agree, and I hope Cass will talk to her but it’s all been so heart-breaking for her, she’s kind of lost.’

  ‘When she was talking to us, she sounded almost relieved though to be getting away from it all. She talked about being a kind of slave to all the practising, never having time to have fun.’

  Tim smiled. ‘Ah, that’s the huge paradox. Can’t live with it, can’t live without it. Musicians are not easy people to understand. Very driven perfectionists who moan about missing out on the real world but at the same time are completely lost without their music. So, tell me, what is this restaurant Cass is talking about?’

  ‘She’s thinking of going into business with someone called Anwen on the island. She showed us a site – well, part of a site – they are thinking of buying. I think Anwen has money to put in and she is a chef.’

  ‘I see. But it seems so odd to me. Why would Cass be interested in a restaurant of all things?’

  ‘It seemed odd to us as well.’

  ‘The trouble with Cass is she is so secretive. She seems to have real problems trusting anyone…’ His voice broke. ‘I always knew there was a history with Cass, things she’s not told me. Did something happen to her in her teens?’

  Juliet scowled and said defensively, ‘No, nothing. Her home life was wonderful; she was so loved, Mum and Dad did everything for her.’

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m confused that’s all, I can’t make her out. She has this problem with trust and the way she closes down, and yet she seems drawn to go back to the island all the time. I know it’s your home, but you must admit it’s a bit weird to live on an island miles from everywhere.’

  ‘Oh, it’s not that far. I came up this morning, I’ll be back this evening. Add an hour on from Southampton. It just happens to be on a boat instead of a car.’

  He grinned. ‘You make it sound so normal.’

  ‘That’s because it i
s a lot of the time… unless the weather changes or the ferries break down. Then it goes a bit crazy. Have you ever been to the Isle of Wight?’

  ‘No, never. I’ve always gone to Cornwall or Devon for holidays.’

  ‘You should come, it’s beautiful. Fabulous beaches and downland, it’s lovely.’

  ‘Cass has never invited me over.’

  Juliet looked down. ‘I can’t think why not, but then I don’t understand a lot of what Cassie does. Me and her have never been close, it’s hard to know what she thinks of any of us.’

  ‘But she admires your art and was impressed you went to China.’

  ‘She told you that?’

  ‘Yes, and about Mira. You’re so dedicated as a family, what with you all learning to sign, it’s special.’

  ‘Of course we all sign!’

  ‘Not of course. But most people can’t. I love it, I ask Cass to sign as she speaks to me sometimes, it’s like a beautiful language that most people don’t even know exists. Like music. It expresses things in a way words can’t.’

  Juliet fiddled with the teaspoon next to her mug. ‘I suppose Cassie told you that Mira’s husband, Rhys, was killed in a hit-and-run?’

  ‘Oh yes, how tragic. I didn’t think things like that happened over there. Up here, well, we have guns, knives, the lot, but I imagined your island to be cut off from all that… Cass was obviously very upset, although she did say he was interfering with her plans. To be honest, she said that, as awful as it was that he’d died, it could be a blessing for some people.’

  ‘She said that?’

  ‘I don’t think she was thinking straight, she was in shock, in fact I offered again to come and be with her, but, as always, she turned me down.’

  ‘I can see you still really care about her.’

  ‘I do, but I don’t see how I can help her if she keeps pushing me away. I’d be very grateful if you could persuade her to come and talk to me sometime.’

  ‘I’m not sure she’ll listen to me. In fact, I’m not sure I’m brave enough to tell her I came to meet you!’

  ‘But you’re her sister, you should be able to talk to her.’

  ‘That’s the theory…’

  Tim looked at his watch. ‘I’m sorry but I’ve got rehearsal, I’ll have to go. I don’t know where that hour went.’

  ‘Thank you for taking the time to see me. It’s been helpful to talk to you. At least I can understand a bit more now about why Cassie has left the orchestra.’

  ‘Good, and maybe we could send each other the odd email, I’d like to know how Cass is doing.’

  ‘Of course.’

  They said goodbye and Juliet realised there was no rush for her to get back. She walked over the bridge and up to the National Gallery and then round to the National Portrait Gallery.

  After a couple of hours wandering the halls of the gallery Juliet found something to eat before reluctantly returning to the station.

  On the train home, Juliet thought about Cassie. As awful as it was about her arthritis, Juliet couldn’t help being annoyed with her for keeping it a secret, particularly from their mother. Her phone rang and Juliet saw it was Cassie.

  ‘What the hell?’ Cassie shouted.

  Juliet held the phone away from her ear.

  ‘Tim told me you’ve been talking to him.’

  Juliet cringed; she’d not expected Cassie to find out so quickly.

  ‘How do you even know about him?’ demanded Cassie.

  Juliet panicked, there was no way of dressing this up. ‘Cassie, I’m so sorry. I read the email on your laptop.’

  ‘You did what? How dare you.’

  ‘Look, I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done it, but no one would give me any answers. I needed to find out what is going on.’

  ‘And you think everyone has to answer to you?’

  Juliet could feel the heat of Cassie’s anger down the phone.

  ‘I’m sorry I snooped, but why didn’t you tell me about your arthritis, or about Tim for that matter?’

  ‘Why should I?’

  ‘Well, not me maybe, but Mum at least, she is heartbroken about you leaving the orchestra, you should have explained.’

  ‘My relationship with Mum is none of your business, my life is nothing to do with you. You have no idea what I’ve been through.’

  ‘Well tell me then.’

  ‘I can’t, I won’t. All you’re doing is messing up everyone’s lives. Just get off the island – go back to China for all I care – no one wants you here any more.’

  The line went quiet; Cassie had ended the call. Juliet stared at the table in front of her, stunned. She’d had plenty of arguments with her elder sister over the years, but none had been this bitter and venomous. ‘No one wants you here any more’ – was that true? Juliet knew she’d upset people but surely they wanted the truth as much as her. Yet even she knew she’d overstepped the mark looking through their things. She wanted to throw all her anger at Cassie and yet she felt Cassie had a point. Maybe all she was doing was making everyone more unhappy; she wasn’t solving anything was she? Should she just pack up her bags and leave?

  Juliet crossed her arms and hugged herself. There was no one sitting opposite her fortunately, but she caught the eye of the young woman across the aisle, who threw her a sympathetic smile. Juliet tried to smile back but her lips were trembling. Instead, she turned away and looked at her reflection in the window, fighting back tears.

  The train pulled into Southampton and Juliet made her way to the Red Jet. Usually when she came back to the island, even if she’d only been gone for a day, she felt those flutters of excitement, breathed in the familiar sights and smells of home. But today she felt she’d become the enemy, neither the island nor her family wanted her here.

  Juliet walked to the car park and then drove to the village and parked in the field. She wanted to stay here, sit in the car, have time to think, but she knew she couldn’t stay out all night. She had to get this over with. Juliet walked up the road, pushed open the gate and entered the house as quietly as she could, hoping not to see anyone. However, as she ran up the stairs and turned onto the landing she nearly collided with Cassie, who was dressed but wrapping her long hair in a towel. Juliet saw a flash of anger on Cassie’s face, but she didn’t speak to her, just pushed past her and went downstairs. Close to tears now Juliet threw her bag down on her bed and decided to go back out to try and sort out her head.

  She went downstairs, glanced in the living room and saw everyone in there, including Anwen. But before she could run away, her mother caught sight of her.

  ‘Oh, you’re back.’ Her mother said, and the calm normality of her voice was comforting.

  ‘Um, yes.’

  Cassie continued to stare steadfastly at the television, but Anwen glanced her way.

  ‘I saw you on the Red Jet this morning,’ Juliet said, feeling she should at least try and say something. ‘You looked in a rush.’

  ‘No, you were mistaken, I didn’t go anywhere today,’ said Anwen quickly and looked away.

  Juliet sighed. She was sure she’d seen Anwen but why bother arguing again? Instead, she said, ‘I’m going to the beach to get some fresh air,’ and then left the house.

  She went straight down to the beach car park and was relieved to see there was no one around tonight, perhaps because there was a chill in the breeze. She stood at the top of the rough path that led to the beach. It was hard to associate the dark, bottomless, endless sea which merged so easily with the black sky, with the innocuous blue twinkling sea of the day time. The tide was in and waves crashed noisily below. Juliet closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of the sea, salt, shingle, and sand. But then she paused, what was that other strange smell, and was that a whisper of warmth?

  Her heart beat faster as she opened her eyes, and a voice hissed in her ear. ‘You need to stop. Remember Rhys.’

  Juliet went to turn, but before she could, she felt a hefty push from behind. She was propelled fo
rward, helpless to stop herself tumbling down.

  Once she managed to stop, Juliet rolled herself to sit upright, wiped her hands, felt pinpricks of pain where small stones had stuck into the palms of her hands. There were holes in the knees of her jeans, and the grazes stung. She was sat uncomfortably on the sandy mud; the beach was only a matter of feet away now.

  She got up, shaking, looked around, but she was alone. Her ankle was sore, but she stumbled back up the path. She nervously scanned the car park, but there was no one there either.

  Quickly she crossed the road and made her way to the house but paused by the gate. In the same way she’d felt uneasy coming back to the island, now she felt scared of going into the house. The island, her home, once places of retreat and safety, had become threatening, unknown, dark.

  She pushed open the gate and knew there was one place she was happy to go. She walked across the garden and opened the door to the workshop, put the light on and eased herself into the old armchair.

  Slowly, the truth of what had happened began to sink in. Someone had purposefully pushed her, threatened her. There was nothing playful or light-hearted about this, there had been hatred behind that push. It hadn’t been an attempt to kill her, no, it was a warning – this time.

  That voice, who was it? They’d spoken gruffly, but there was something familiar about it. ‘Remember Rhys,’ they’d said. The implication was clear: if she didn’t stop interfering, she could die as well. Did this mean the person who pushed her was the person who killed Rhys? It might do, or maybe it was someone using it as a threat.

  But who was it? Had they found her there by accident? No, that was not likely. Someone had known she would be there; she’d only told the people in the house, which meant it had been one of them. That would mean Cassie, Mira, Rosalind, her mother or Anwen. To Juliet’s mind Anwen seemed more than capable of physical violence. However, Cassie was also very angry with her. If she’d thought Cassie capable of killing Rhys, surely she must also be able to imagine Cassie pushing and threatening her. It may have been one of them, but it could have been one of the others in the house. The threat from a faceless enemy was somehow even more terrifying that one who was known.