Warrior Moon

by Sara Orwig

  Twenty-six

  Stunned, Vanessa stared at her father in open-mouthed wonder, thinking she had heard him wrong. Abbot Sutherland was not her father!

  With a grim set to his mouth, he gazed at her. “Your mother…” He paused and Vanessa waited, immobile with shock, curious, yet dreading to hear more. She loved her mother and she didn’t want that love to be destroyed by something her father might say.

  He looked out the window. “Your mother ran away with a man. He was black-haired, one-quarter Chickasaw.”

  Shocked again, she thought of all the years she had wanted her father’s love and he had been so cold and harsh. Ethan was golden-haired, the image of their handsome father, but Vanessa had given little thought to her looks being different.

  “That’s why you hate Indians,” she whispered, suddenly knowing that it wasn’t prejudice alone, but a hatred born of anger and revenge and perhaps envy that made her father so vindictive toward Indians. “Did she love him?”

  “I made her come back so no scandal would hurt Ethan, but she was carrying a child from the union. I told her I would be father to her child because otherwise my son would have grown up with a black cloud surrounding him. We moved so often that no friends knew. It was easy to move to the next fort, live a military life, and have everyone accept the birth of the second child as mine. Thank God, you don’t look like him! But you’re not my blood,” he said in a harsh voice. “I raised you as my child. I’ve given you fancy dresses, lessons, all the things you should have had, and it was to no avail. You have a wild streak in you that is part your mother and probably part your father.”

  “Phoebe and Belva? Are they—”

  “They’re my daughters. I wanted sons and I had daughters,” he said bitterly. “And after Ethan, I never loved your mother.”

  “She kept trying to give you another son,” Vanessa said, thinking how he had dominated all their lives and caused so much misery. “We all loved you and wanted your love,” she said more to herself than to him. She gazed beyond him, still shocked by his revelations, thinking over the years. “I’m part Chickasaw.”

  “Yes,” he answered flatly, and she wondered if he hated her when he thought about her heritage.

  He gazed out the window and wiped his eyes. “All the money I have saved for Ethan—”

  She felt a strange mixture of pity for him and sadness that he had never wanted the love of any of the rest of them. “Papa—and you will always be Papa to me until you tell me not to call you that—let me go. You don’t love me. Give me my happiness and let me go back to Lone Wolf. I’m bound to him; I’m his wife. I don’t want to live in a convent.”

  He looked at her, tears filling his eyes. “Leave me alone, Vanessa.”

  She nodded and turned to step outside where Dupree stood talking quietly to Belva.

  “Should I go talk to him?” Belva asked.

  Vanessa shook her head. “No, I think he wants to be alone right now, Belva. Let’s wait.”

  “I’m sorry, Vanessa,” Dupree said. “You were the closest in age to your brother.”

  “Ethan was five years older, always busy with his own things, so none of us knew him well, but I loved Ethan because he was my brother. Papa adored him.”

  “That damned war—so many dying. That’s the only advantage to this frontier. It isn’t safe here, but it’s not as bad as the war has gotten to be.” He placed his arm around her. “I’m sorry about your loss.”

  She moved away. “Thank you, Dupree. Belva, why don’t you come with me and we’ll go back to my quarters. Excuse us, Dupree.”

  Belva joined her; and as they crossed the open ground, Vanessa debated whether or not to tell Belva about her parentage.

  When they were inside, Vanessa closed the door. Belva picked up two of the rag dolls. “Did you make these?”

  “Yes, and you may have one. I have one for White Bird and there’s one more for either of you.”

  “It’s wonderful, Vanessa!” she said, hugging the largest one. “Thank you. Will you teach me how to make one?”

  “Yes. Belva, Papa told me some things just now. He’s distraught and he was franker with me than ever before. And he said things—” she paused “—I didn’t know.”

  “Like what?”

  “I’m not really his daughter.” Belva looked up, her eyes round.

  “You’re not Papa’s child? Whose daughter are you?”

  “Our mother ran away one time—”

  “Mama did?” Belva asked, surprise in her voice. “I guess none of us could get along with Papa. Where’d Mama go?”

  “I don’t know. He just told me she ran away because she was in love with another man. Papa brought her back, but that man was my father, and he was one-quarter Chickasaw. So I’m part Chickasaw.”

  “Land sakes!” Belva exclaimed, staring at her with an open mouth. “You’re not my sister?”

  “Yes, I’m your half-sister. We have the same mother, Belva.”

  “That’s right. You don’t look like you’re Chickasaw. Maybe that was why Papa was always so angry with you.”

  “Maybe it was.”

  “I think he was the cruelest to you,” Belva said quietly. “Am I his daughter?”

  “Yes. Mama returned to Papa, and you and Phoebe are both his daughters.”

  “He still didn’t love us.”

  Vanessa drew a deep breath, knowing there wasn’t any good answer to give Belva about their father’s love. “Belva, he wants to send you to boarding school. I don’t know whether I can talk him out of it. I’ve asked him to let me go back to Lone Wolf.”

  “I want to go with you.”

  “Listen to me for a few minutes. You’re eleven. If you go to school, you can get an education. In a few years, you may want to do something else besides live out here. Think what you’re giving up.”

  “I don’t mind giving any of it up. If I go to boarding school, I would still be with Papa in summers, and he doesn’t want me. You said you and Lone Wolf do want me, and I love Muaahap and White Bird.”

  With a rush of love for Belva, Vanessa hugged her tightly. “We do want you. I love you, but I’m trying to think what’s best for you.”

  “I want to stay with you.”

  Vanessa nodded. “We may not have a choice, Belva.”

  Belva touched the doll. “Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t like it here, and I never see anyone except soldiers.”

  “Yes, of course, you can stay. They always bring dinner, so we’ll eat soon.”

  After supper they sewed and talked until Belva went to bed. Later, wearing a cotton nightgown, Vanessa stood in the darkness at the window as she had done every night since her arrival. Where was Lone Wolf tonight? In his tipi at the canyon? Would he ride with a war party to the fort?

  Questions played in Vanessa’s mind and she knew there would never be an answer to some of them. What had happened to her blood father?

  She turned to stare into the darkness. Would Papa relent and let her go? She felt he would never let Belva go now because she was the only child he was not furious with; yet she didn’t think Belva had any more of his love than Phoebe or she.

  She finally climbed into bed, stroking Belva’s brown hair away from her face. With all the days in the sun, Belva’s skin had darkened and her brown hair was already dark, so that she looked more like she had Chickasaw blood than Vanessa. Vanessa turned away to sleep.

  The next morning they ate breakfast and then dressed, Vanessa wearing a green moire trimmed in black ribbon and intending to talk to Papa again.

  “Belva,” Vanessa said solemnly, feeling a cold prickle of fear every time she thought about leaving the fort. “Lone Wolf said he would come for me.”

  Belva’s eyes brightened and she sat up. She was bent over the table, working on a doll. “Vanessa, that would be wonderful!”

  “No, it wouldn’t because it would mean a battle. Papa won’t leave here without an escort of soldiers. It would mean a fight between Papa an
d Lone Wolf.”

  Belva’s eyes grew round. “That would be terrible,” she said quietly. “Surely they wouldn’t—”

  “Yes, they would, Belva. They hate each other. But I don’t want him fighting Papa, because one of them wouldn’t survive the fight.”

  Belva blinked and leaned back in the chair, biting her lip. “Is there any way to stop it?”

  “If Papa would let me go back to Lone Wolf, there wouldn’t be a battle.”

  “You have to talk him into letting you go back. Will Lone Wolf leave him alone if he goes back to Fort McKavett?”

  Vanessa looked out the window and saw the soldier standing guard. He leaned against a post, a tall, lanky man with a pistol at his side. Her gaze swung back to Belva. “If Papa goes without me, I think he’ll be left alone.”

  “I’m going to the room where I’ve been staying to get my things and move them here. Papa brought a trunk of my clothes.”

  “He brought all of my things from home.”

  “Why did he do that?”

  “Because he doesn’t expect me to ever go back,” Vanessa answered quietly.

  Belva frowned. “I’ll go get my things.”

  She left, slipping across the parade ground, and Vanessa watched her, aware that Belva was growing up quickly and making some major decisions now about her life. She saw her father striding toward Belva. They stopped to talk a moment. He nodded and glanced toward Vanessa’s quarters, and then he headed in her direction.

  She smoothed the green moire dress and waited, wondering if he had made up his mind about going to Denver, feeling a tight knot inside because he seldom backed down from a decision.

  She glanced at the small oval mirror, staring at her reflection, wondering about her Chickasaw heritage. Who was her father? How did her mother meet him? Questions swirled in thought, questions that might not ever be answered because the answer was locked away with her parents, perhaps some answers known only to her mother, who was gone now.

  Footsteps were loud outside. “Morning, Colonel,” came the greeting from the guard.

  “Good morning.” Papa entered without knocking, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. His eyes were red, his face haggard. Startled by the change in his robust good looks, Vanessa stared at him. He looked as if he had lost pounds and nights of sleep when it hadn’t been twenty-four hours yet since he had received the letter about Ethan.

  “I want to talk to you.” He moved about impatiently. “I’ve had a long night to think about my life, my loss of Ethan.” He paced the floor and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his eyes. “I don’t understand why this happened. Now I’m alone. None of you love me—”

  “We tried, Papa.”

  He looked at her, his expression harsh. “Perhaps you did and I was too busy, too involved with Ethan. I know that all three of you want to be away from me.”

  “You want us away from you!”

  “If I wanted you at home, all of you would still like to leave.”

  She realized he was right. Phoebe wanted the opera; she wanted Lone Wolf, and Belva wanted to stay with her. “A few years ago that wouldn’t have been so, but Phoebe and I are grown and Belva is maturing. We want other things now.”

  “After all these years, I’m alone. I have no one. I have a fortune, but Ethan is gone, and it will be meaningless to you if you’re in a convent. I can’t see settling it on Phoebe when she ran away from home. I feel as if I barely know Belva.”

  “That’s your fault, Papa,” Vanessa stated bluntly. “We’re your daughters and we always loved you and wanted your love. But since you never returned it, finally, we gave up.”

  Haggard, his fists clenched, he stared at her. “I failed you, didn’t I?”

  “Not your son—only your daughters,” she answered truthfully.

  He ran his fingers across his eyes and turned his back to her.

  “Who was my father? And where did they meet?”

  There was such a long silence she wondered whether he had heard her or not. But then he inhaled deeply, his shoulders heaving.

  “I was stationed at Fort Washita in the Indian Nation when Ethan was a baby. In those days, the soldiers were there to protect the Chickasaws and Choctaws from the plains Indians. The fort was a stopping place for migrants and the overland mail. I was a young officer with my wife and child at the fort. We went to parties and dances in the homes of the Chickasaws and Choctaws, and they came to the fort to dances.”

  Abbot’s voice sounded strained, and he paused. She waited patiently, curious, understanding that what he was saying was difficult for him.

  “There was one Indian in particular who wasn’t married, and your mother went with him to Arkansas. I went after her and I shot and killed him.”

  Vanessa drew a deep breath, staring at her father as he turned to face her. “I killed him in Arkansas and brought her back with me because I wasn’t going to allow her to ruin Ethan’s life. No one knew what happened to him. I asked for a transfer, and we were sent to Virginia, where you were born.”

  Vanessa looked down at her fingers, wondering how much her mother had suffered over what had happened. “Let me go, Papa.”

  He studied her. “Belva told me you rode from here to that encampment all by yourself.”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “Dupree said that’s impossible.”

  She shrugged. “I desperately wanted to go to Lone Wolf.”

  “How’d you find it?”

  “Lone Wolf told me it was south of the battle site when soldiers attacked their winter camp near an old fort called Adobe Walls.”

  “I know where that is.”

  “It’s on the Canadian River. I asked in Tucumcari how far the river was from Tucumcari and how to find it. Once I found the river, I followed it until I found where they had camped and fought. Then I turned south.” She waved her hand slightly as if in apology. “I suppose you know that when I left the wagon train, I took your gold.”

  He looked mildly amused. “I knew you did. The Parsons woman was hysterical when she talked to me and told me the money was gone.”

  “I gave some of the money to Phoebe.”

  Abbot studied Vanessa with speculation in his eyes. “You’re a brave woman, Vanessa.”

  “I did what I had to do,” she answered quietly, knowing at one time she would have been thrilled to receive such a compliment from him, but now it no longer mattered.

  “And I never would have guessed Phoebe had the courage to go alone to California.” Abbot ran his hand over his face again, wiping away tears. “I’ve not only lost Ethan, I’ve lost all of you. Except Belva. Maybe it isn’t too late with her.”

  Shocked, Vanessa stared at her father, wondering if Ethan’s loss had jolted him so much he was changing. “She wants to go with me because she knows we love her. Lone Wolf is a father to her.”

  “The father I haven’t been!” Abbot exclaimed bitterly. “I suppose, Vanessa, I’ve made dreadful mistakes. I don’t have Ethan and I rejected love from the three of you and now I’m alone.”

  “Papa, if you let Phoebe go with your blessings and support her in what she does, she’s still young,” Vanessa said, her hopes rising as she stared at him, wondering if he could possibly change.

  He turned to look at her. “You’re a brave woman and I should be proud to have you for my daughter,” he said quietly. “If you married Dupree, you would have so much, Vanessa—”

  “Papa, I’m already married. I wouldn’t have love with Dupree and I know how important that is. With Lone Wolf and White Bird I have a family filled with love. Will you let me go back to my husband?” she asked, holding her breath.

  His blue eyes focused on her and he crossed the room to her.

  “Let me go, Papa,” she urged.

  “You had your own mind when you were a tiny child,” he said, touching her red hair. She couldn’t recall the last time he had touched her gently. “I know I lost you long ago due to my own selfishness. Yes, go back
to him. I’ll get an army escort to go with you to the Kiowa winter camp. I don’t want you traveling alone again, and Dupree can take enough men to see you there safely.”

  Vanessa barely heard the last as she closed her eyes, swaying, relief washing over her like a surging ocean wave. She grasped his hand. “Papa, thank you! Thank you! That gives me so much joy!”

  He stared at her, unable to respond. She hugged him impulsively, and he patted her shoulder. “Thank you!” she exclaimed again.

  “I don’t know how you can give up the life you’ve always known, the life Dupree offers, to trail after a warrior. I think you’ll regret your choice, Vanessa,” Abbot told her solemnly.

  She shook her head. “No, I’ll never regret it.”

  Her father moved away, looking out the window again. “Vanessa, I didn’t sleep last night. I was planning my future, and I’ve decided to divide my estate. A share will go to each of you.”

  “You don’t need to include me.”

  “I’m going to include you. Life is changing on the frontier, and when the war is over, it will change more. I’m a railroader and I talk to railroad men. I know what the trains can do and what a difference they’ll make in our lives. I’ll have my attorney draw up the papers and I’ll place your share in a bank. If you ever want it, you may contact Phoebe, Belva, or the attorney. He’s Paul Devlin and he lives in San Antonio. I’ll leave a stipulation that if you never touch it, in fifty years it will revert to Phoebe and Belva or their heirs.”

  “Thank you, but it’s not necessary.”

  “It’s there. Always remember that. I’ll talk to Dupree today about an escort for you to the camp. If they ride with a white flag of truce, there shouldn’t be any fighting.”

  “Papa, thank you! This gives me much happiness!”

  “Perhaps it will make up for the past. I’m going to talk to Belva. I’ll give her a choice, but I’m going to try to convince her to stay with me and go to school.”

  Vanessa nodded, wondering how much her father would change, realizing how totally devastated he was by Ethan’s loss.

  He gave Vanessa an appraising glance. “Maybe I underestimated all of you.”

  “You hurt Belva badly when you destroyed her dolls.”