Starbright: The Complete Series

by Hilary Thompson

Was her inner sadness so great that she would disobey Father and take the medicines? Was she as eager to be numbed to life as I am now?

  I close the box, leaning back to look at the ceiling. How many unexplainable secrets can one person learn before she starts to go crazy? Maybe that was Mother’s struggle all along. Maybe now it will be mine.

  Impulsively, I add the pills to my own stash. Then I pack enough clothing for three days, hoping I can wash that often. I add a small towel, two bars of soap, toothbrush, a comb, and several hair bands. Four candles, two boxes of matches, three bottles of water, a heavy sack of dried beans that won’t spoil, a container of strong tea leaves for energy. The herbalist, Father's flat chest of medicines, and my own smaller box of pills, now very full. The last I tuck in an inside zippered pocket, hoping to hide my continued use of the drug. I hide Mother’s letter there too, still unopened.

  If she’s left hope in there, I suspect I’ll need it more later.

  I sit at my desk to write a letter to Isa, who will never know what happened.

  Dear Isa,

  I’m so sorry. I love you. I wish I could tell you

  Tears plop onto the paper and smudge the ink. I bolt away from the desk, leaving the paper to curl with moisture.

  I look at the clock – there is just enough time to slip into my secret room before the next ministry: I must gather Stian's things too.

  Entering the dark room deals me a sharp blow. When I light the candle, the first thing I see is my red dress, crumpled at the foot of the water, my two bloody handprints marking the spot next to it. I stare blankly at the brown blood, thinking numbly that it's a good thing I took three pills before coming here.

  I gather Stian's belongings, placing everything in a pile before beginning to pack. Some of his clothing is badly torn, and several arrows are smashed, but I salvage what I can. His bow is intact, as is his knife. His thick blanket is still in my room – I’ll need to remember to bring it. These items are the most important.

  In a tiny pocket inside his pack, I find a piece of cloth, rolled around a small round object. The cloth is thin, embroidered with tiny faded flowers. Examining the object, I find that it opens on a hinge to reveal two tiny pictures. One is a woman who looks like an older, slightly more feminine version of Stian – perhaps his mother. The other picture is a young, pretty girl with wild, wavy brown hair and an obvious strength in her laughing green eyes.

  I can't help but wonder if she is someone Stian loves, and a small twist of jealousy finds me. I return the pictures to their place in his pack. He can show them to me when the timing is right.

  I place the pack near the back of the cave because I have absolutely no idea where the exit is. I shake my head at my glaring ignorance. I always assumed I had so much time to learn these things.

  Hurrying to avoid the next ministry, I enter the Common Area just as Isa does, heading home after class. I pause to talk with her, our conversation stilted as I try not to think of how few opportunities I have left to see my friend. What will I do without her? How will she understand what I must do? There is too much unsaid.

  Reluctantly, I leave her for Brenn and Lexan. Another impossibly difficult training session. Another silly period of make-believe where we assume we are preparing ourselves for something none of us could possibly imagine.

  Before Brenn leaves, he hands me another bag, similar to the first. He smiles at me, silently thanking me for thinking of Lexan. I look away, knowing my decision is still selfish. I’m not ready to face myself alone with Stian for days, and nights, and travels without end. I don’t like to admit it – even to myself – but I need Lexan by my side.

  “I also want you to take whatever you need from the equipment room: bows, knives, climbing hooks. Whatever. I'll see you tomorrow morning, Trea.”

  And with that, he's gone, and I have Lexan to face. I draw him into the equipment room and pull the door shut. He raises his eyebrows but waits.

  “If we manage to rescue Stian, I'm going with him.”

  Lexan's mouth hardens but he still doesn't speak. I pull the folded bag from my daily satchel and hand it toward him.

  “I don't know what might happen tomorrow, or the next day. I don't even know if Stian will want anything to do with me once we're in his world. The only thing I’m sure of is that I want you there too, Lexan.”

  His eyes narrow sharply, disbelief on his face. I’ve said it all in a rush, embarrassed that I am asking for his help, ashamed that I have to tell him how I still hope to be with Stian. He takes the bag, but still he won't speak. I'm not sure what to do, so I keep talking.

  “You know you’re my friend. But you're really more than that...we're a team, and I need you with me. Please come.”

  He shakes his head, silent. I have never felt so exposed.

  Finally, when I have begun to believe he will never answer, he does.

  “You know, I was going to follow you anyways.” He gives me a lopsided grin, but his eyes are strangely hollow, as though the water in them has drained away. “I'd never let you go out there alone.”

  “But Stian...”

  He holds up a finger, pausing me. “If you trust him, if you care for him, I respect that. But…and this has nothing to do with your feelings for him…you should know that I don't feel like he's completely honest with us, or with you.”

  I think briefly of the picture I found earlier, but push the thought away. There will be plenty of time for questions later.

  Right now, we must pack, and then we have a rescue and an escape to perform.

  This time it is me who pulls Lexan into a fierce, desperate hug. His chin rests on my head and I hear him sigh quietly, a small puff of air.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Hear our prayer now, pale goddess moon:

  Raise up your stars from their underground tomb.

  Wander above them through starry night;

  Light their fierce battles with silvery light.

  Call Justice forth to shoulder our plight,

  Then send us Order, holy and right.

  Lastly call Peace: let none be immune;

  And from out of the ashes, will Asphodel bloom.

  From The Book of Ministry, Chapter Seven: Prayers

  Translated by Head Minister Charles, year 2068

  That night, when everyone in Asphodel is tucked away and sleeping, I slip into the hallway, carrying my pack, Stian’s blanket, another of my own, and three strong bows from the equipment room. I expect to be a ball of nerves, but instead I find myself walking calmly and silently along the edges of the Common Area, through the back passages, and into the Ministration Room. I know there is a guard near Stian’s cell, but I am far enough away, and quiet enough, that he likely never suspects I am there. I see nobody else, and somehow this surprises me.

  Again, my stomach tightens as I think how strangely absent Keirna has been since Stian’s capture. Surely she expects us to try and free him, if she truly knows who he is. Perhaps she underestimates us.

  Or perhaps she’s just plotting in the dark again.

  When I step into the secret room, my heart stops at the sight of a figure crouched near the water, a candle flame making him merely a silhouette against the black wall. I’m too loaded down with bows to make any of them useful.

  “Shh, it’s just me,” Lexan whispers.

  I gasp my breath back, hands shaking with adrenaline.

  “I brought my pack down here too,” he says, gesturing toward the wall, where the bag rests next to Stian’s. “But I really came down here to look for something.”

  He moves to help me, piling everything together against the wall. He pulls a paper from his pocket.

  “This is what I told you about – the paper Firene left for our family. It describes the hiding place of her other papers. Look.”

  I take the candle and carefully hold it near the paper. There is a small drawing in the margin of the paper.

  I laugh out loud, startling Lexan. The drawing is clearly of this room.
>
  Not only Grandmother, but Firene. For the hundredth time, I wonder how many secrets and secret-keepers there are in Asphodel. Keirna’s work may be more difficult than she thinks.

  “All this time…” I say. “Have you found anything?”

  Lexan shakes his head. “Not yet.”

  Together we search the room, following Firene’s directions around the cave until Lexan spots a narrow rock ledge, about four feet above his head. The wall is too smooth to climb, and there is nothing to stand on.

  “Climb on my shoulders,” he says, excitement growing in his eyes. “This has to be it.”

  He kneels and I throw my legs around his neck. He grips my thighs as he stands, steadying himself against the wall. I’m not quite high enough to see, but I can reach the ledge with my fingertips, patting the flat top a few inches back.

  “I don’t feel anything.”

  “You’ll have to stand. Hold onto the ledge…one foot at a time…”

  Soon I’m perched unsteadily on Lexan’s shoulders, but my face is in exactly the right spot to see a metal box – as large as my two hands together, and tarnished the same color as the rock. I have to pull hard to loosen it, as it seems to be rusted to the surface.

  Lexan chances to take a hand off my leg and grab the box, then I carefully lower so I’m sitting on his shoulders again. We are both breathing heavily with strain and excitement. As soon as my feet hit the floor, Lexan is using a knife to pry at the lid of the box. It takes several minutes of scraping, but finally it opens. Inside is a slim leather book, much like my herbalist.

  Lexan lifts it gently out, his eyes wide with the thrill of finding it. But I’m drawn back to the box.

  “Lexan!” The candle flame stretches its light to the four corners of the box, glinting a jumbled rainbow of small flat pieces of gold, at least a dozen diamonds, and several other colors of precious stones. All are much larger than the implants we wear, and I marvel at the value contained here – not just wealth, but history. Truth.

  Lexan shakes his head, a grin splitting his face. “Firene obviously had a plan for Asphodel. I just hope we’re strong enough to meet the challenge.”

  “We have to be,” I say, shaking my head. “There’s nobody else.”

  We divide the gold and stones between our two bags, hiding the wealth in zippered pockets. I sink the box in the dark pool, and Lexan slips the book into his pocket. I wish he would read it now, but it belongs to his family, so I stay quiet.

  “Trea. I don’t think we should tell Stian about this. Not yet.”

  I look at the floor. “I know. I guess we need to see how he acts when we’re in his world.” I’m beginning to wonder if what I felt for him was really just plain rebellion.

  “Do you think our bags are safe here?” I ask, blocking those thoughts.

  “I don’t know. I’d feel a lot better if I knew where this passage to the outside is.”

  I nod – this is an idea I can totally agree with. I picture us rescuing Stian, only to find the exit has somehow been sealed…we would be cornered. And so, slowed with fatigue, we each take a candle and begin searching the back wall for any sign of another passage.

  Lexan’s patience wins again, as his careful fingers notice a movement in the air along a slim crack in the wall. Following the crack up, as high as he can reach, we find another small ledge. There’s enough of a foothold for Lexan to stretch his palms to the ledge and pull himself up, balancing on his knees on the edge.

  “It’s here, Trea!”

  He vanishes, and I scramble to climb up after him, but my arms aren’t long enough to reach the ledge, even with the small chinks that my feet find. Long minutes pass as I struggle to find a way up to the ledge, and Lexan does not return.

  “Lexan?” My voice sounds small and frightened in the empty room.

  Just when I think I’ll go mad with waiting, I hear movement above.

  Lexan’s head pops over the side of the ledge, a bigger grin than I’ve ever seen plastered on his face.

  “I’ve just been outside,” he laughs. Although I’m desperate to join him and annoyed with his gloating, I can’t help but smile at his delight.

  “Here, throw the packs up here and I’ll stash them. There’s enough room at the mouth of the tunnel, I think.”

  I struggle not to curse at him, rushing impatiently to do what he asks. I have to stand back a few feet to swing the bags through the air to him. The bows get pushed up to his grasp as well, and soon there is no evidence of us in the cave, save the few candle nubs by the water’s edge.

  Lexan dangles his legs over the ledge and hops down, energy sparking from him. He squeezes my shoulders excitedly.

  “It’s too dark to see anything out there. But it’s cold, Trea! It’s colder than in here, even. And the smell…it smells like the Growing Rooms, but better. Fresh!”

  He laughs again, and I shake my head, still grinning to myself.

  “Cold,” I repeat, thinking of how I’ve only packed light clothing because Stian told me it was warmer outside.

  “Go see! Here, I’ll give you a boost.”

  Lexan makes a pocket with his hands and I step up, fingers grasping the small ledge. He pushes me farther up and I see an impossibly narrow crack in the wall. I look at it doubtfully. But if Stian and Lexan fit through here, surely I will.

  I squeeze into the opening, fighting against the sensation that I will become stuck, and a few feet in, the passage widens comfortably. My feet bump against the packs, and I hear Lexan begin to climb in after me. Once we are both in the tunnel, he passes me a candle and I press forward, aware of his fingers brushing against my back.

  It is very tight in places, and long. I feel as though we will never see the outside, will be trapped in darkness forever like the stars in Mother’s fable. Then, unexpectedly, I squeeze through a tight part and nearly fall into nothingness. Lexan grabs my arm and steadies me.

  The floor of the passage drops away before us, and the walls as well. We are standing on another ledge, but I have no idea how high we are, or what lies below. I swipe the candle around, but the blackness is too dense.

  I shiver and Lexan reflexively pulls me to his chest, his arms strong around my shoulders. Hopefully Stian will be lucid enough to guide us through this part tomorrow night. I imagine tumbling to our deaths only seconds after regaining freedom.

  And then I glance up, and something black moves away, revealing the impossible brightness of the spring moon.

  “Oh, Lexan, she’s beautiful. The goddess moon.”

  I am outside, for the first time in my life.

  I gasp and laugh out loud, breathing as much fresh coldness as my lungs can hold, reveling in the air’s impossible movement: like small fingers touching my face and lifting strands of my hair. Lexan’s hands feel warm against me, and I grow into the sensation of possibility.

  Lexan is whispering, and I realize he is praying to the goddess moon. I twist to look up into his face, and his eyes are filling with water and moonshine.

  He leans down and brushes his lips to my forehead, then smiles, one corner of his mouth lifted higher. We stand as long as we can in the chill dark, until thoughts of what lies ahead begin to creep back in.

  “We can do this, Lexan.”

  “I know.”

  Feeling transformed with energy and hope, I drop to the floor of the secret room, and Lexan catches me so I don’t hit too hard.

  TWENTY-THREE

  The Inner Sagittarius: You are at your best when stakes are high, and important decisions hang in the balance. Freedom is the most valuable possession you own, and being restricted is crippling and depressing to your nature. You believe in luck.

  From Understanding Your Horoscope

  Head Minister Charles, year 2073

  In the morning, I go to Lexan’s house, at the request of his mother. As Hetta opens the door for me, I smile shyly at her. I’ve never been inside Lexan’s home.

  “Thank you so much for letting me wear this,�
� I say as I hand her the black box with the diamond headpiece. “It’s beautiful.”

  She takes the box, smiling down at me. “I’m happy you could wear it.” Then her face darkens with sadness. “I’m very sorry about your mother.”

  I manage to nod, fighting the panic that rises whenever someone mentions her. I know they’re only being kind, but the pain is so much easier to bear if I pretend there’s no reason for it.

  Lexan is sitting at the kitchen table, and I’m surprised to see Pasia there as well. They are laughing together over something as they eat. I’m struck with a sudden jealousy. I wonder how my childhood might have been with a sister.

  “Trea! Come on in,” he says, pulling out the chair next to his. I sit, but shake my head when he offers me bread.

  “Lexan has told us about your plan for the prisoner, and that you two will follow him outside,” Pasia says abruptly. There’s no judgment in her voice, and I realize she is simply telling me what she knows, so there is no unnecessary effort to hide secrets. This is a strange quality, but one I can appreciate.

  I wonder how many things would be different if my family were this open?

  Then I wonder if Lexan has also told them about my interest in Stian. Probably not, if they are still acting this pleasantly toward me. Some secrets are better kept.

  “What is the next step in your plan?” Hetta asks, joining us at the table.

  “Brenn plans to get a key sometime today. Since we don’t have classes today, he’s free to hang out with his old protector buddies, poke around for info,” Lexan says.

  “I also have some new information that I found in the Classified Law,” Pasia adds.

  “I hope you’re being careful. Keirna would take your vocation if she knew you were sneaking into those books. Or more.”

  Pasia ignores her mother and continues. “There is more to the prophecy than we originally thought.”

  I sit up straighter in my chair. “I always thought the prophecy was pretty simple – once we’re partnered, we start looking outside?”