Starbright: The Complete Series

by Hilary Thompson

  I reach for his hands, clasped behind me, and tug him from the floor, restoring his height and strength. I don’t want him to feel or seem so much beneath me. It’s true that there is much power in dishonesty, in deceit, and Stian has used that against me. But there is also power in forgiveness, in admitting I am strong enough to look beyond his lies and allow trust to re-enter.

  I think of Mother, and her claim that trust is someone who will stay with you, even when you don’t deserve it: Stian doesn’t deserve it, but I can choose to give it.

  Tonight, truth and understanding will allow us to become equals.

  Stian’s eyes meet mine as he stands up. They flicker away. Afraid. I will not lend him my courage tonight – he must do what he has come for without help from my ability.

  “When I wrote that, I was a different person. Finding you…Tre, it’s changed everything.”

  He breathes for a long heartbeat, and still I don’t respond.

  “My whole life has been about this mission. I’ve done others, but I was targeted to do this from the beginning. It’s even in my name – I’m a wanderer, someone who helps his Tribe by hunting, seeking, pursuing answers…people. If I try to return to the Tribe without you, I’ll be executed, according to our Honor Laws. I…I don’t have as many choices as I let you believe. I’m not as free as I’ve pretended.”

  I turn away from him and reach for the book, closing its terrible pages before placing it on a chair by the door. I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for him to continue.

  “That first night I met you, I was so happy. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was – of all the people who could have come into that room, I found the girl with diamonds. I nearly fell into the water when I saw them in your cheek. I could go home.”

  He runs his hands through his hair, allowing his eyes to meet mine for a slight second.

  “And of course, you weren’t a small child like I had expected. None of us in the Tribes realized how close to fulfillment the prophecy really was. Your beauty, your spirit when you fought me that first night. Your innocent, unexpected trust in me. All of that did make me start to doubt what I was doing, but…I just wanted to go home.”

  A small sigh escapes my lips as I think how similar we truly are: how horrible it is to be banished from home and threatened with death if you return. I understand Stian’s actions more than I would like to.

  “Then the more I learned from you about Asphodel, I realized that my Tribe was wrong. Keirna would never have come to us, wanting a treaty. She would want to rule the Tribes, not free us. I started wanting to help you, get you out of there.”

  His voice has grown stronger, and he sits heavily on the bed, close but not touching.

  “I saw how brave you are, realized how truly important you are in this whole mess, and I knew I could never take you to my Tribe. You would only grow weak there; your natural fire would just die out in captivity. Tre, I have another plan for you. For us. Ask Madna if you want – she knows about everything now too.”

  Somehow, I do believe him. If he’s telling me the truth now, I can clearly understand why he’s done what he has. And why, after all this, we are still better for each other than against.

  My brain recognizes its own insanity, but carries on. Stian’s hand finally comes to rest softly on my back, and I splinter open painfully, allowing him to see the hollow center I carry in my chest.

  He falls to me, his eyes bright with moisture, his hands shaking as we lower to the pillow. Our lips meet in a shy kiss. He strokes my hair against the pillow, the diamonds in my cheek, along the length of my neck, and I wait, quiet, still hoping for a rush of emotion to return to me and fill my empty heart.

  He leans to kiss me again, his lips tugging on mine with more force, and I cling to his shoulders, afraid of the blackness I feel.

  He kisses the center of my neck, above my heart, and I shudder.

  “Stian, I can’t…”

  He rests his lips on my collarbone, waiting.

  “No.” I push at him. “I can’t lose another person right now.”

  He looks up, confused at my words.

  “So don’t hurt me again.”

  He lowers next to me, unsure. I turn to him, burying my face in his chest. His fingers make small pilgrimages up and down my spine as he waits.

  “I can’t lose myself, either,” I say finally. “You’ve given me a new kind of freedom by taking me away from Asphodel, and I will always thank you for that. But…I haven’t escaped one ruler just to run into the arms of another.”

  “What are you saying?” he asks, and I struggle to sort my thoughts.

  “Tre, you’re not going to lose yourself. I promise I will never take any part of you that you don’t give me.”

  “No, that’s exactly it, Stian. I won’t be giving you any part of myself. You don’t get to keep anything. I don’t want to be saved. I don’t want your plan for me. If we’re together at all, it’ll be as equals.”

  I push up to look into his eyes, gauging his understanding. I feel my world rebuilding itself on the crumblings of all I thought was lost.

  This will be my world. Not Keirna’s. Not Stian’s. Mine.

  We rest in silence and soon my eyes begin to feel impossibly heavy, straining toward sleep. Then, so softly I can barely hear, Stian says, “Tre, when I left my Tribe on this mission, I never dreamed I would find love. But I did. I love you.”

  I can’t bring myself to respond, disbelieving such a reckless sentiment, but he only gathers me close to him: my chest pressed to his, his arms settled against my back, each breath promising to never let me go. His breathing soon levels into sleep, while mine remains stuttery and shallow.

  I wonder at the hypocrisy of my choices. Why have I allowed Stian my forgiveness? Is it because I truly might love him? Or because I can’t bear to lose another future, and he is what I have left.

  I wonder if I will feel any differently about my decisions in the morning.

  I’m afraid I might already feel differently about my decisions.

  After staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, I decide sleep is not coming. I wrap myself in an extra blanket and pad through the house until I reach the door for the upper balcony. The night air is chill against my upturned face as I watch the stars twinkle above me.

  When my neck aches from looking up, I stand and stretch as far as I can without falling over the railing. The lake water seems to go for miles, but I can still see the other shore. As I gaze into the dark horizon of the trees, something else catches my attention. Across the water, on the distant shore, a small light flickers on and off through the trees.

  I blink several times, wondering if my eyes are playing tricks on me, but there surely is a light. I realize this is the approximate direction we came from, before we crossed the water on Stian’s raft…only yesterday, but already a lifetime ago. A feeling of unease grows in me, and I wonder whether I should wake Stian, or even Madna.

  Then, even as I decide to wake Stian, the light blinks away. Although I wait a very long time, I don’t see it again. Finally, just as the sky begins to change to dark gray, sleepiness comes again. I slip into the bedroom and curl myself against Stian’s body, craving his warmth. Without waking, he adjusts his arms to hold me tighter.

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  The age of the Great Sickness has now come and gone;

  The majestic spiral of life folds upon itself again.

  Lady Justice returns, drawing her golden Scales.

  With a legion of children they are sent down from heaven;

  The waiting shall cease, and the patient shall rise.

  From The Book of Ministry, Chapter Four: Prophecies

  Addendum upon the births of Astrea and Lexan

  Head Minister Saloman, year 2168

  In the morning, Stian is gone and the room is bright with sunshine. I stretch, feeling lazy and restored. I hear laughter from the kitchen below me, all three voices together. I smile. These will be my people, and they are r
eady for my revolution.

  I find another soft knit shirt in my new clothes. The dark mossy color lights up my curls. I pause to pin Isa’s asphodel flower above my heart. While rubbing more of the sweet lotion on my face and hands, I hear a strange commotion downstairs. A loud knock echoes through the rooms.

  Someone is running up the stairs, and soon Lexan is in the room, fierceness in his blue eyes. He shoves at the door, leaving a tiny crack.

  “Someone’s here!” he whispers, his fingers covering my lips. Immediately I remember the light in the forest from last night. I was right. Someone is following us.

  Then I hear Madna’s laughter. I glance up at Lexan – surely it is someone she knows. Perhaps one of her suppliers, or another traveler.

  Lexan shakes his head, keeping his fingers on my lips as though he doesn’t trust me to stay silent. He doesn’t want to make our presence known just yet. As the seconds pass, I shift uncomfortably, realizing the bed has two indentations – mine and Stian’s. Maybe Lexan won’t notice; that’s not a conversation I’m interested in having any time soon.

  Stian’s voice climbs above the others now, carrying up the stairs. I can’t quite understand his words. He sounds angry but not frightened. He must know this person too. Then his voice comes closer, right to the bottom of the stairs. I imagine him standing at the foot of the stairs, blocking access to whoever has intruded on our sunny morning.

  “Who sent you to check on me, Rea?”

  “I came for my own reasons, Sti. Now let me see the children!”

  I glare. Whoever it is does not sound like someone I want to meet. Her voice sounds like she is used to getting her way.

  Since she obviously knows we’re here, I quickly shove past Lexan’s arm and go to the railing of the inner balcony, overlooking the arguing pair.

  “There are no children here,” I say loudly, one hand cocked on my hip.

  The girl looks up at me, and we both startle. She, probably because I certainly am not a child. Me, because I have seen her before. In the portrait Stian has in his pack, still hidden from me.

  Now I really don’t like her.

  Lexan comes out to stand by my side, his hand resting coolly on my shoulder. I don’t even have to look at him to know he’s already annoyed by this girl too.

  “Well,” the girl sniffs, looking back at Stian. “Nicely done.” She doesn’t seem altogether pleased, despite her words.

  He scowls at her, not raising his head to us.

  “A whole lot of things have changed since the last time we saw each other, Rea.”

  She stares at him for a long moment, glances again at my fierce expression, and then turns away. “Evidently.”

  She stalks back into the kitchen, and I soon hear her talking and laughing with Madna, but the words don’t carry to us. Stian sighs deeply as Lexan and I make our way down the stairs.

  “Who is that?” I ask, although I think I already know exactly who she is. Her name will only be a formality.

  “That…is Zarea.” He turns away, unhappiness in his eyes, and follows the laughter into the kitchen.

  I glance at Lexan. He is scowling in the same direction, his eyes fixed on Stian’s back.

  “Oh, give it a rest, Lexan. If that’s his old lover, I’ll deal with it. If she’s here to kidnap us and take us back to the Tribe, then we’ll both deal with it. She’s just another problem for us to take on.”

  He grins at me then, squeezing my shoulders into a sideways hug. “Well, let’s go find out what she wants, then.”

  I sit at the counter, Lexan standing beside me, still close enough to assume a sense of togetherness. Zarea sits at the table alone. Stian paces slowly, as if hesitant to side with any of us. Madna just continues to cook, eyeing the lot of us with amusement in her eyes and one corner of her mouth upturned.

  I get tired of waiting first. “So…Zarea, is it? I’m Astrea. This is Lexan. I assume you know where we’re from.”

  She nods and picks at her fingernails, digging the dirt from underneath the longer ones. I take advantage of this and watch her, comparing her to Stian’s picture of a laughing, carefree girl. She has the same resilient manner I once noticed about Stian, as though her struggles have defined who she is. Her face is not delicate, but strong, with sharp, angular features. Even sitting, I can tell she’s much taller than me. Her hair is dirty and needs to be brushed, but it still catches the sunlight, gold glinting at the edges of the dark brown tangles. Her eyes certainly aren’t laughing.

  “Rea and I…grew up together,” Stian says, and the corners of her mouth tighten, her bottom lip disappearing. She isn’t pleased with this assessment of what they mean to each other.

  “What does Zarea mean?” I ask, thinking of the insight I gained from Stian’s name. She looks up, surprise round in her eyes, but checks herself with a glare and looks sharply back down at her nails. She has the same strange tattoos on her forearm as Stian, although not as much red. Some, though.

  “It means protector of warriors,” Stian answers for me. “Rea protects lots of people. Mostly people like me, who are sent on missions.”

  She lays her palms on the table and her shoulders sag a little.

  “But how does she protect you, if you’re not together?” I ask without thinking it through.

  “I don’t,” Zarea says flatly and leaves the room. Her chair remains pushed away from the table at an awkward angle.

  Stian gives me an exasperated look: I’m not making things easy for him. I shrug at him: that’s not my job.

  “Anyone want breakfast?” Madna’s deliberately cheerful voice breaks into our silent argument. She places plates of food before us, some of it familiar, some strange.

  Everyone eats. Nobody talks. Zarea returns, fills a plate, and leaves again.

  Lexan rearranges the bits of food left on his plate, glancing every so often at the empty doorway. Finally he leaves the room, heading in the same direction as Zarea.

  I wonder what he’s up to. But I’m not worried – if anyone can remove this warrior protector’s armor, it will be Lexan.

  When Madna is busy at the sink, I lean toward Stian.

  “So do you want to tell me who Zarea is, or should I hear it from Lexan?” It’s not meant to be a threat, but he tenses anyways.

  “You girls. You always know, don’t you.”

  I just smile, thinking of his own continued distaste for Lexan.

  “A while ago Rea and I were definitely together, and we even talked about getting married one day – we were too young. I never really believed it could happen. What kind of marriage would that be, with me always running off on a mission.”

  “When you left for Asphodel, did she still think you were together?” I try to make my voice light around two such heavy topics – the mission where he was supposed to kidnap me, and the girl he once thought he might marry. There’s a story here: one he doesn’t want to tell, and one I’m not really ready to hear either.

  “No. It ended long before that. But I don’t think either of us was really over it when I left…”

  “Which is exactly why you left.” Zarea’s voice startles us both. I realize how close I am to Stian, and I blush, leaning away quickly. I’m not ready for her to know my story either. Somehow it seems shameful that I remain with Stian, knowing that he meant to deceive me even before we met.

  Lexan steps into the room after her and sits at the table, ignoring the new tension. “Rea is interested in helping us, once we have a plan together.”

  She nods, moving closer to him, farther from Stian. I wonder what magic Lexan has been working on her: if he’s used his ability at all, or just his natural charm.

  “Lex tells me you aren’t planning to take them home?”

  I notice the shortening of his name, and glance sideways at Lexan. His face shows me nothing.

  Stian shakes his head. “Our information was wrong. Their Leader would never come after them. She’s probably very happy that they’re gone.”

  �
�I wonder what she’ll tell everyone.” I smile, hoping it’s been giving Keirna headaches to explain how the prisoner has escaped with the stars of the prophecy.

  “Something about that escape was just too easy,” Lexan says, and it starts my mind turning in new, uneasy directions.

  Now that I think about it, the escape was a lot easier than I expected, even the unplanned parts. With Keirna, if something is too easy or too good, it’s likely because you’re doing exactly what she wants. Although the room is warm from sunshine, a shiver creeps across my shoulders.

  “What happened to your face?” Zarea points to the scabs from Stian’s implants. Taking them out created a web of small lines at his temple. Her fingers brush his face and he startles. She withdraws her hand quickly and turns away.

  “When he was captured, our Leader put implants there,” I say, drawing my hair back so she can see my diamonds. “Everyone in Asphodel has them.”

  Lexan says, “For Keirna, it was probably a convenient mix of torturing and disguising him.”

  Zarea moves closer to me, fingers out as though she wants to touch the stones, but draws her hand back again, her face darkening slightly. Then she turns to Stian abruptly, her eyes wide.

  “You were captured?”

  He nods, a flush traveling up his neck. I study him – I never considered that he might be embarrassed about that.

  Madna bustles in again. “Zarea, dear, you can have the first bath today.” Zarea nods and hurries to follow, and I wonder if she’s as glad to escape as I would be.

  Lexan watches her go, and I notice how Stian watches Lexan. His expression is guarded, but I imagine I see hints of proprietorship still in his manner toward Zarea. I stiffen next to him at this thought. If our trio is to become a quartet, Stian will need to sort through his feelings immediately. I’m not interested in waiting around as he shifts between us.

  My mind is too weary to think about these two complicated boys, and my heart has seen too much loss to admit the possibility of more.