Starbright: The Complete Series

by Hilary Thompson

  “What about Hade?” she whispers.

  “He’s nothing,” I answer, pressing my forehead to hers in desperation. She has to believe me. “He’s powerless against us.” I’m not certain if this is true, but she sags against me in relief. “Besides, the Sisters said you passed your test. Maybe that means it’s almost over.”

  She reacts like lightning striking, shoving at my chest. “I remember everything, Lexan!” she yells. “It’s not over. He took over my head, but I was still there!”

  “We’ll fix it. Just like we’ll fix Isa. I’ve been asking the gods…they’ll answer me, I know it.” I’ve said this to myself enough times – I should believe it by now.

  The shovel topples to the ground as she twists away from me, and she bends to retrieve the shovel, her hair falling in a curtain of snow and fire. Straightening, she looks me right in the eyes, her gaze somewhere between desperate and ancient.

  “I can’t promise you forever, Lexan,” she whispers.

  “I’m not asking for forever. I’m asking for right now. We’ll take the rest as it comes,” I say, leaning in to kiss her forehead, half expecting her to pull away.

  But she doesn’t. “Partnerships are forever, though.”

  “I know,” I say, my breath hot against her temple as I trace my lips along her hairline. She sighs, and I’m really hoping it’s a sigh of desire and not frustration.

  I lean back enough to look into her eyes. “I’m not asking for forever, because we don’t even know what that means in a world like this. But whatever we have left, whether it’s days or years or decades…I want it with you.”

  She watches me back, studying my face in a way that makes me both dizzy and terrified. Something settles in her eyes. Her tongue darts out to lick at the snow melting on her lips, and I forget about fear and lean in to finish what she’s started.

  “But Zarea will be mad when I say yes,” she says, her lips stretching into a grin as I start to kiss them, too.

  I start to question – to protest – but then I realize what she said.

  “Yes?” I grin, feeling like I’ve just won the world in a crazy gamble.

  “Yes,” she says, standing on her toes to kiss me a little harder than before. Her body softens into mine, and we fit together as though there we were once one person, split into halves, and now joined again.

  THIRTY-EIGHT

  ASTREA

  November 1, 2067

  I’ve been cleansing Mother a tiny bit at a time. She doesn’t even realize I’m doing it. I scrape a bit of crystal dust into her tea each morning, and her pain forces her to rest until lunch, but the afternoons are wonderful. This is when she has been teaching Kess (and me, because I sit quietly and listen) about medicine again. Kess thinks it’s quite the miracle, but I know Mother’s real reasons. She feels the end drawing near. She knows we will each jump from the cliff soon. I’m hoping that instead of jumping with Kess like in my old dream, Mother will come with me. The sisters can fly her to see the ocean too.

  She’s never seen the ocean.

  From Aisa’s personal journal, saved from before the Cleansing

  “We should leave first,” I say to Lexan on our way to the council room. “You, me, Zarea, and Irana. We need to find the Garden before we bring all those people into the middle of nowhere.”

  He nods. “Now that the council is well-established, I think they can replace us and carry on.”

  In fact, it seems the council itself has been thinking of a similar plan. When we announce our intentions, the only argument comes from Irana and Stian.

  “I’m coming, too,” Stian says, glancing at Zarea.

  “And I want Pacem,” Irana adds. “He can help with the birds,” she shrugs, as though any of us would believe that is the real reason.

  “Will it be safe? Putting all of you together?” Seren asks, obviously nervous.

  “We’ve all been gone together before,” Zarea points out. “The vision says we four create the Garden, right?”

  The Prophet nods.

  “So we should have a guard and a mechanic with us, at least,” she reasons.

  “We might seem important to the city, but that’s only because we’re important to the prophecy. If we don’t find and prepare the Garden, then the people might as well seal themselves in Asphodel again,” I say. My blunt statement washes around the room, striking the other council members silent.

  Beneath the table, Lexan’s hand finds mine.

  “We should leave as soon as the snow breaks,” Zarea says. “Does anyone know when that usually is?”

  Everyone glances around the room, but no information is volunteered. These storms have already been two and three times stronger and are going later into spring than anything recorded in Asphodel’s books of pre-Cleansing history.

  “Perhaps we should just set a date, and go. Just have faith,” Lexan says softly. “Maybe even right after the Partnering Ceremony.”

  I glance sideways at him, and he winks at me.

  As long as I get one night alone with you as my partner, he thinks at me, that half-grin flipping my stomach in all the best ways.

  I barely register the council’s ensuing discussion, as I count the days in my head. There are ten days left until the ceremony.

  Nine days left until my eighteenth birthday, and the first anniversary of Mother’s death.

  If I make it through all of those events without breaking down or letting Hade in, it will be a miracle.

  “Are you okay?” Lexan whispers as we stand to break for lunch.

  I only nod, allowing him to slip his arm around me and lead me to the Common Area.

  As we sit with our trays, a young boy comes up to us, clutching a girl’s hand.

  “Excuse me,” he says, his voice strong but trembling a bit. “Will we still hold the Choosing Day ceremony?”

  I look to Lexan, who nods. “Yes, we’ll be having the ceremony as usual, and the Partnering Ceremony the next day,” Lexan says.

  The boy grins. “See? I told you!” he says to the girl, who blushes and smiles shyly. “Thank you,” he adds to Lexan before tugging her away.

  Lexan watches them with a soft smile.

  “Did we look that young last year?” I ask, marveling that those kids – babies – are only a year behind me.

  “We’ve grown up a lot,” Lexan says, hugging me close to him. “Maybe too much,” he whispers into my hair.

  “I guess you’re right. The people really do need these ceremonies.”

  “I need this ceremony, Trea,” he says, holding me so tightly I gasp for air. He loosens his grip and laughs. “Sorry.”

  “No, I’m the one who should be sorry.” I push back enough to look up at him. “I’ve just been so wrapped up in the idea of leaving again – and avoiding bad memories – that I haven’t been looking for what you need.” I plant a kiss on his cheek.

  “Thank you,” he says. “I know it will be hard for you, standing on that stage where Keirna joined us.”

  I narrow my eyes. “I’m not going to the Choosing Day ceremony.”

  “But…we should be the officiants. I’ll read the Head Minister’s lines, and you should be the one doing the First Leader’s parts.”

  “Lexan, I’m not going to be there. I can’t be anywhere near that ceremony.” The panic is starting to rise in my throat, and it must bleed into my voice, because he finally really looks at me.

  “You really won’t?” he asks.

  “Absolutely not. Lexan, that’s the day of my mother’s death. The same stage,” I choke out. Standing abruptly, I leave him and my food, pushing through the crowd into a back hallway. I move too quickly, or maybe he isn’t following me anyways, but soon I’m lost in the winding halls, alone except for an occasional lunchtime straggler.

  “Hey, Astrea,” a voice calls from a nearby door. I glance up, surprised to realize I’m by the hidden cells. Pacem stands next to Aitan’s cell, stretching. “Did Lexan send you to give me a break?”

&n
bsp; “Um…yeah,” I say, shrugging. I didn’t even know Lexan ever came back here.

  “Great! I’ll be back after I eat and check on Irana,” he says, and hurries away before I can ask what exactly I’m supposed to be doing.

  “What, no food?” Aitan drawls from his cell.

  I glare at him and enter the room. “I’m not here to bring you lunch.”

  He snorts. “I know that. I’m not as stupid as the robot boy.”

  “Pacem isn’t stupid! And why are you in here, anyways? The door is open!” I hate that Aitan still knows how to get under my skin. I guess I’m not as grown up as I was thinking.

  “I just told you I’m not stupid. In here, people leave me alone. I get food delivered, conversation when I want it, which is never, and I can sleep as much as I want. The only thing missing is the conjugal visits prisoners used to get,” he grins.

  “Ugh,” I say. “So your partner doesn’t even visit you?” I struggle to remember anything about his partner.

  He rolls his eyes. “Anyel delivered her formal dissolution paper yesterday. She’s probably the happiest of all those schmucks that the Partnering Ceremony is going through.”

  I stare at him. Dissolution is serious. It almost never happens, except for things like infidelity. And the only time to get one is at the end of the Partnering Ceremony.

  “I know what you’re wondering, and yes, we were both cheaters,” he sneers. “She’s gotten her kicks in more than one bedroom, though, while I only had one kiss – your old best friend, now mortal enemy.”

  “Isa?” I whisper, suddenly remembering all the rumors I’ve heard and ignored. Aitan himself told me something like that.

  “How long?” I ask.

  “Nothing happened until after you and Lexan left. I know – I know what I told you before. And I did manipulate her once or twice to get info on you. But things changed after you guys left,” Aitan sighs. “Some people think it was revenge on Anyel. If I’d wanted that, I would have gone after one of her friends. Or some people think it was just lust – which, Styx, I could understand. I mean, Isa’s gorgeous. But that’s not it. I loved her.”

  My tongue feels frozen in my mouth. I have absolutely no idea how to respond to this Aitan – somehow, I can tell this is the realest thing he’s ever said to me.

  “I still love her, even though she’s not home anymore,” he says, then curls away from me, wrapping himself in a blanket.

  I watch him for several minutes, debating whether to leave or wait until Pacem returns. “I never said thank you, you know, you helping us escape,” I say, settling down next to his cell.

  Aitan grumbles something I can’t understand.

  “Did you know Lexan asked me to partner with him? I told him yes, but I don’t know how I can promise something that’s not mine,” I say. I have no idea why I’m telling anyone this, much less Aitan. But now that I’ve started, the words won’t stop tumbling from my mouth.

  “I wish I could have a normal life with partnership and a regular occupation, but it’s not exactly realistic. He’s trying to force normal. He even wants me to stand on the stage and say the words Keirna said before she killed my mother.”

  My voice holds so much more rancor than I want it to. Aitan sits back up and looks at me.

  “I didn’t know she was going to do that,” he says, his voice barely a whisper. “I promise. I would have told you, or someone. And even though I interrogated that shopkeeper, I didn’t know Keirna was planning to kill her.”

  I gulp. The shopkeeper – I’d pretty much forgotten about her. “There’s a lot of blood on my hands, isn’t there,” I say.

  “On all of ours,” he nods. “But that doesn’t make us awful people. It just means we’ll protect what we love.”

  I shake my head. “You shouldn’t have to kill people to protect the ones you love.”

  “Maybe not, but that’s how it is. Maybe your Garden will be different. I hope so,” he adds. “We could all use a fresh start in paradise.”

  “Lexan thinks he can fix Isa, you know.”

  He half-smiles, and it reminds me so much of Lexan that my heart lurches. “He told me. I want to believe it.”

  “Then believe it. I’ll partner with Lexan and we’ll fix Isa and everything will be perfect and wonderful. Now, get your ass out of that cell and let’s go have some lunch. I’m suddenly really hungry,” I say, turning toward the door. I don’t think he’ll come, but I can’t stay in here any longer.

  Aitan shakes his head. “I’ve been in here too long.”

  “Which is exactly why you’re coming out today. The people will need another leader. We’re leaving soon.”

  “I figured as much,” he says. To my surprise, he reaches for the bars and hauls himself up. “Ugh,” he groans. “This standing thing is hard.”

  He hobbles stiffly out of the cell, and follows me down the hallway toward the Common Area.

  On the morning of my birthday, Lexan lets me sleep extra late. As I stretch out of a full night’s rest, he greets me with a kiss.

  “Happy birthday,” he whispers. “The others have gone, but they left presents.”

  I grin. It’s so rare to be alone in this house.

  Lexan’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, though.

  “What is it?” I ask, covering a yawn.

  “I know you won’t go to the ceremony with me, but please don’t spend today alone,” he says.

  “I’ll be fine. I still can’t believe Isa agreed to do the ceremony,” I answer, closing my eyes to better enjoy his fingers combing my hair.

  “Trea, I’m worried about you,” he pushes. “Today is going to be hard, I know.”

  I sigh, pushing out of the bed. He sure knows how to ruin a moment. “Relax. I’m not going to take a bunch of pills or anything. Zarea and I are going to hang out. She sure as Styx won’t be at that ceremony.” I pad down the hallway, hoping there is still plenty of hot water left.

  When I’m dressed, I find Lexan at the kitchen table, waiting with a mug of spicy-sweet tea and a plate of my favorite tiny cakes, next to a group of wrapped presents.

  “They’re not all from me,” he says as though apologizing.

  I grin. “I didn’t expect anything! Besides, how could you top your present from last year,” I tease, remembering the elaborate diamond chain he brought last year.

  “You mean the dislocated jaw, or the family heirloom,” he grins, and I giggle.

  “Mother was so happy that morning,” I say, and I’m proud that I, too, feel happy and content inside of that memory.

  As we eat, I unwrap a tiny silver mechanical flower from Pacem and Irana – when I hold the stem, the petals unwrap and twirl as though they’re dancing, and when I set it down, the petals close again.

  The Prophet left a slim chain studded with crystals, one for each of the crystals I mastered in the Ascension Ceremony. They tingle slightly on my skin when I try it on.

  “I don’t have much, compared to all this. My presents will come tomorrow,” Lexan grins slyly, and those strings of desire begin to tug and twist my insides again. I wonder if we’ll be alone tomorrow, too. He holds out a familiar flat box, and I open it to see the diamond hair chain I wore nearly a year ago.

  “Firene and my mother would definitely want you to wear it again, like they did,” he says, his voice soft with his own pain of loss. I lean forward, twining my fingers in his hair, and give him the sort of kiss I dreamed about every day we were separated by what seemed like the whole world.

  The door opening pulls us apart, and Zarea strolls into the kitchen. “Ready?” she asks, holding up a bottle, and smirking at our flushed faces.

  “What is that?” Lexan asks, his eyes narrowed.

  “Relax, daddy. I’m just going to get her drunk. I promise not to take advantage of her. We’re just going swimming,” she laughs.

  “Trea–”

  “I’ll be fine, Lexan. Promise. Now get to the ceremony. Next time I see you, I’ll be the one in
white,” I grin, and Zarea snorts at my use of the oldest joke ever. Lexan shakes his head, grinning because he knows I’ve used it once before, just a year ago.

  Zarea’s company is exactly what I need to survive this day. She won’t allow me to wallow in misery for even half a second.

  “Gods, this dress,” I sigh, staring at myself in the mirror. I reach again for my glass of water; my head is pounding from the wine I drank with Zarea yesterday.

  “I know! It’s so beautiful,” Irana gushes, twirling around me in some complex dance move. She adjusts my skirt, then my hair, one last time. Just like I never spent time fantasizing about a Choosing Day dress, I also never spent time imagining a Partnership dress.

  So I let Irana pick it out. I should have thought this through a little more, I think as I stare at the slink of white lace and satin that I’m fastened into.

  “I need a coat,” I say.

  “Oh, hush. It’s perfect,” she soothes, tightening a string at the back so much that I lose my breath for a second.

  “Perfect for tonight, after the wedding,” Zarea says from the doorway. I glare at her reflection in the mirror, which only makes her smirk more.

  “I still can’t believe you two are making me do this alone,” I huff.

  “Um, even best friends don’t get married just for moral support,” Zarea laughs.

  “Pacem and I don’t need a ceremony to prove our love,” Irana says as she pins a white lily in my hair.

  “Neither do we,” I mutter. Although apparently we do, because here I am.

  “It’s okay to be happy about this, Tre,” Zarea says, surprising me enough that I turn to look at her. “It’s a good thing. You and Lexan deserve a little happiness.”

  “What about you?” I can’t help but ask.

  “I’ll get mine,” she grins. “I’m just more resistant than you. And Stian is more patient than Lexan. Besides, why bother to marry him when I already have him in my bed whenever I want, and out of my bed whenever I don’t want?”

  My cheeks flush and Irana dissolves into giggles.