Starbright: The Complete Series

by Hilary Thompson

  Just as I step across the threshold, she calls to me. “Aitan. You are not a killer. You may be many things, but I can see the limits of your heart.”

  I slam the door behind me, never having felt so desirous to prove someone wrong.

  How could I have let her into my mind like that? I haven’t done that since my first day as Leader.

  I hurry away from the Leadership Complex, heading straight for the Training Room. The students should be gone by now, and I need to run, or box, or smash my heel into a sand bag.

  I change quickly in the men’s locker room, glad that I spent the extra points to reserve a personal locker. I start with quarter-mile laps, following the uneven rock walls. But the pounding of my feet does nothing to erase the invasive feeling of Keirna combing through my thoughts and desires.

  I’m vulnerable to her again, and I hate it.

  She could have seen anything. My desire to be First Leader. The way I desperately wanted Lexan to escape. Maybe even my growing desire for a young blonde who is not my partner.

  That thought makes me stumble, and I lean against the wall to let two men pass me.

  Isa may not be safe – I’ll need to warn her. Maybe I should try to find her now. Then I roll my eyes at my stupidity. Why does this girl bring that out in me? I am not a careless person, and today I have done many careless things.

  I don’t need to do another, even if she must be warned.

  I’ll find another way to send her a message.

  After nearly an hour punishing my body hard enough to shut down my brain, I hit the showers.

  I should head straight home to Anyel; she’ll have dinner ready. But instead, I stop to see Mother. Pasia is there for dinner, although her partner is absent again. It’s clear that they’ve been waiting for me, and I immediately feel guilty for making them wait. I quickly tell them about Lexan and Astrea, and the real truth of what happened in the secret cavern.

  I can’t bring myself to relate Keirna’s plan for my vocation, even though I know they will find out soon.

  I’ve always wanted to be First leader, in that desperate, impossible way I think Astrea doesn’t want it. Of course, our laws prevent me from doing such a thing, but Keirna has bypassed these laws today. I want what she’s given me – too much – but I can’t bring myself to accept its truth, much less celebrate its possibility.

  I try to remind myself that too many lives and too many dreams are wrapped up in the process of moving topside.

  Anyel’s dinner has grown cold by the time I walk in the door, and I see that she has already drunk half the bottle of weak wine. The large bottle is a luxury, and it normally lasts us at least three dinners.

  “Are you trying to get back at me?” She glares at me, pouring a few more inches into her glass.

  I groan under my breath. After all the other events of the day, Anyel’s indiscretion had basically dropped from my mind. I glare back at her, thinking it would be within my right to punish her. But I’m too tired for figuring the weights and counterweights in that balance tonight.

  “The meeting with Keirna went late, and then I lost track of time in the Training Room. Let me heat up the dinner for us.”

  She sniffs, but allows me to take her plate and put it in the warmer.

  “What is Keirna’s plan?” she asks as I sit back down.

  I consider how much to tell her, but I know she’ll just hear it from one of her friends. “The prisoner wasn’t the only one to escape today,” I say. Was that only this morning?

  “What does that mean?”

  “Astrea and Lexan have abandoned us, taking the prisoner with them.”

  “Why would they do that?” Anyel interrupts, skepticism plain on her face.

  I bite back an irritable comment. “Evidently, Astrea was in a relationship with him, and Lexan left to find a new partner, too. I’m sure there’s more to it, but we didn’t exactly have time to ask them.”

  She opens her mouth, then shuts it again. I sigh around the sharp pang that comes when I think of losing Lexan. Even though we had grown apart recently, he’s still family.

  “Since they ran, Keirna believes the prophecy must have been false. So she plans to move a few of the men topside immediately, to begin building a new place to live.”

  Anyel stares at me, unable to comprehend such an idea, so I just continue.

  “Women and children will remain here. Two of the Leaders are going to the surface, and Keirna will be up there also.” I pause, and her face narrows as she calculates whether I should volunteer.

  “She wants me...she wants me to stay down here and be a Second Leader.”

  Anyel gasps, her mouth spreading in a grin. “Second…like you’ll be in charge here while she’s gone?”

  I nod, grateful that at least she’s smart.

  “But that’s wonderful news!” She begins to gush about the improved status and likely salary, and on and on. I just eat, trying not to remind her that my new status and salary may have been achieved at the cost of my brother’s life. Not to mention Claren’s life.

  And then there is the death of one of the most sacred tenets in our religion.

  But, yes, we will have more respect and more points to spend each week. Because that matters most.

  I sigh and push away from the table, taking my plate to the kitchen.

  “Do you mind if I drop over and see Lisha?” Anyel calls after me. “I’d love to discuss this with her before Ministration!”

  “That’s fine,” I say. My voice probably isn’t even loud enough to reach back to her, but it doesn’t matter. She’ll go either way.

  I clean the dishes as I hear her humming to herself in our bedroom. A few minutes later, the front door opens and closes, and I’m alone again. I was never charming and popular like Lexan, but I always had friends and admirers. Yet as I step deeper into my role as Leader, following Keirna’s direction, I’m alone more and more.

  Anyel has been gone maybe twenty minutes, and I know the evening ministry will begin soon. During our first year of partnership, we went together each night. But she won’t come back for me now, so I move alone through the passageways, nodding and greeting people politely, but exchanging no words of meaning.

  I’ve almost reached the Ministration Room when the intercom system begins to crackle. All around me, people slow their walking, glancing up at the palm-sized black boxes screwed to the rock. My stomach does a sort of nervous drop, while the blood in my veins heats up with adrenaline.

  This announcement will create chaos in our community. But it will be a huge step closer to what many people in Asphodel have hoped to see in their lifetime. And what I’ve always wanted.

  Even when we get what we want, it’s not always how we wanted it.

  “People of Asphodel,” Keirna’s voice begins. It sounds tinny at first, but grows stronger in the silence of the corridor.

  “There will be a mandatory meeting in the Common Area in ten minutes. I apologize for the lateness of the hour, but again, this is a mandatory meeting. No absence will be tolerated.”

  The crackling resumes as the intercom cycles off. Nobody moves for a few beats. The last time this sort of meeting was called, we learned there had been a murder in Asphodel – something nearly impossible by most people’s imaginations.

  Of course, it was a lie, on all accounts. Keirna has murdered many people, and that topsider was innocent – a pawn.

  Now we will gather together as a people, pliant as a group of pawns ourselves. We will stand shoulder to shoulder to receive more of Keirna’s lies.

  My feet turn toward the Common Area, and I allow myself to simply be swept into the crowds that swell as I get closer. Some are grumbling about missing Ministration or waking up young children who had already been in bed. Others gossip excitedly.

  “Aitan!” A hand claps my shoulder and I look up to see Jonan, the partner to another of Anyel’s many friends. He was someone I called a friend once, but I can’t remember why. “What’s going on, ma
n? Give us a clue!”

  I glance at a woman on my other side, carrying a sleeping baby. A second couple pauses to listen in. I smile falsely. “You know Keirna – drama and secrets. I can’t spoil her fun, now can I?”

  “Oh, come on! She’ll never know.” Suddenly I wonder if he was the one leaving my home today.

  “No,” I say, glaring down at the baby. The woman hugs it a little tighter. “You’ll find out when the rest of this herd does.”

  I shrug his hand away and slip between two people, out of his reach. The exchange has made me irritable: other than our partners, Keirna has given no permission for anyone to be told of her plan. I’m not about to break her trust on something so trivial.

  The other Leaders are gathered behind her on the raised platform, and I am the last of us to take a seat. Keirna watches the crowd, glaring down the whispers about her appearance. I’m actually surprised she has decided to make the announcement before she has healed.

  Her vanity has finally been trumped – by her thirst for power.

  And that…that is something I can understand.

  “Citizens of Asphodel.” Keirna’s voice carries across the crowd, silencing them almost instantly. “I have grave news for you, as well as an exciting development. Today, during a routine transfer, the prisoner you know as a murderer escaped.”

  She holds her hands up to stall the wave of whispers and terrified expressions. “Don’t be afraid – he is not loose in our city.”

  I search the crowd for Anyel, and find her blonde head bent toward Lisha’s. Continuing their gossip-mongering, I’m sure.

  “The sadder fact revealed by the prisoner’s escape is that our own Astrea and Lexan were involved in the matter. Their secrets have spilled into the open. My dear people of Asphodel, our Starbright maiden has been revealed today as a fraud.”

  This time there is nothing to be done but wait as the noise sweeps across the crowd. Several minutes pass before the people begin to quiet, and in that time I spot Isa. I watch her a little too greedily as she and Dalen speak animatedly, then she shakes her head at him and turns away. Her eyes connect with mine across the room with a jolt like electricity. I almost smile, then remember I’m on display as much as Keirna.

  And Keirna chooses this moment to turn back to me, and I see her following my gaze into the crowd. I blink quickly back to Anyel – did Keirna see me watching Isa? Did she see Isa’s face in my mind earlier today?

  I have an extremely short list of people for whom I’m willing to cross Keirna, and it’s just grown by one person. I really need to find a way to speak with Isa and warn her.

  Keirna turns back to the crowd and raises her hands as the last of them stop their conversations. “Yes, my loyal citizens. I’m brokenhearted to report that Astrea herself gave me the injury you see. She threw a lighted torch into my face before the three escaped our city walls through a previously-unknown passage. Your former Starbright maiden has abandoned all of you – for a life of unknown chaos in the outside world!”

  I glance around at the crowd. Their faces are uncertain – a mix of fear, anger, outrage, but also excitement. They are familiar with Kerina’s pattern. Bad news, then good. Problem followed swiftly by solution.

  “She has chosen to run from her duty and live a life of exile, all because of an unapproved match for partnership. But herein rests the good news. The silver lining in these black clouds.”

  I roll my eyes, covering it with a long blink. What a load of Styx. Besides, most of these people won’t understand her cloud reference because they’ve never seen a cloud. They might remember pictures from the lesson books. Then Keirna seems to read my mind again.

  “Perhaps you don’t remember that metaphor. Once, we too lived on the surface of this planet, rather than trapped underground in a waiting tomb. There was a blue sky above and white clouds that brought rain. The rain brought darkness, but it was temporary, and it caused the food and flowers to grow directly from the ground. A silver lining is a ray of light shining into a dark cave. Astrea may have brought the dark rain cloud to our city, but tomorrow we will find our silver lining. Tomorrow we will again claim the sun and moon and stars. People of Asphodel – tomorrow we raise ourselves from the ground!”

  Her grin and her powerful analogy are infectious, and I see hundreds of faces melt from confusion and alarm into excitement and awe.

  Very few seem to realize we have closed a door behind us forever. They see only the open one.

  I realize again how much I have to learn from Keirna – how she has made many of these people afraid, but they love her despite their fear. They love what she gives them – hope. She shows them the ray of light when all they can find is darkness.

  “I need to see all protectors now, from apprentice level on up. Everyone else may be dismissed, though you are welcome to stay here and discuss this news. The daylights will be extended for thirty minutes.”

  She flicks her fingers and the crowd scatters, clumping together. The noise grows to an almost intolerable level, but then settles to a simmer as the protectors begin to filter toward the front of the crowd. I glance through the group of mostly men – is Dalen studying to be a protector? Wouldn’t that be convenient?

  But no, I see him move away from Isa, toward a group of boys. Lexan’s friends, some of them.

  The girls huddle together as well – none of them have truly separated into pairs of partners yet. They still gravitate toward the familiar comfort of their friends, regardless of the person they have pledged their future to.

  As Keirna and Perce share the first step of the plan with the protectors, most of the other Leaders sneak away. I gratefully do the same and slip into an empty back hallway. I’m halfway home when I notice faint steps behind me.

  “Aitan?” A soft voice floats toward me, and I stop in my tracks.

  I turn to see Isa, a fearful look on her face.

  She covers the remaining distance between us in a leap of steps and crashes into my arms. I stumble back and nearly drop her in my surprise. Her chest heaves a little as it collides with mine.

  Closing my eyes, I rest my chin on the top of her head. In this moment, I don’t care if Keirna herself sees me. I hold Isa as tightly as a promise, and her body trembles against mine.

  I stroke the soft golden waves of her hair and breathe in the sweet scent. I wish we could stay like this forever, but I know we can’t. I loosen my arms and she leans back, her blue eyes bright with a sheen of water.

  “I’m scared, Aitan. My father’s a protector, and Dalen will be going topside too. And I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

  I glance down the hallway to ensure it’s still empty, then lean closer. “Why is Dalen going topside? He isn’t a protector, is he?”

  She shakes her head. “He’s in the city counseling program – his master is the one who designs the new supports and rooms for the cave. So Dalen thinks he’ll be asked to design the buildings topside, and of course he’d take his apprentice.”

  I slump a little at the news, and my lips brush against her ear. She breathes in sharply, and my chest expands.

  “I’ll be staying here while Keirna goes topside,” I whisper to her. “I’ll try to keep information on Dalen and your father, but I’ll be here – right here for you. But Isa, we have to be careful.”

  Just then footsteps echo, and we break apart and begin walking, turning our backs to the group of people joining us in the corridor. A couple of them nod respectfully to me as they pass, and I nod curtly in return, so they continue on without conversation.

  Until Keirna makes the rest of her announcement, I am simply the youngest, least-experienced Leader. Someone to notice, but nobody of real consequence.

  I grin darkly to myself, nearly forgetting Isa by my side.

  “What is it?” she asks in a hushed voice.

  “I will be a better Leader than Asphodel has seen since Firene,” I say, not even pausing to consider my words. She doesn’t ask me to explain, and I’m grate
ful. Something makes me feel I can trust Isa – perhaps in a way I could never trust Anyel. Isa’s presence feels as safe as Pasia’s and Mother’s.

  More people are in the corridors now, so we continue toward the living quarters in silence, and I indulge the fantasy that I could have that trust and sense of safety in my own partnership. That I could have love in a partnership, like Mother had, and Pasia has. And Lexan hopes to have.

  I look at Isa just as she looks up at me, and I wonder if she’s ever felt the same.

  We reach the door to her parents’ home, and she hesitates, her fingers closed tightly around the handle. “I…I want Dalen to be safe. But I need you to be,” she blurts out, then darts inside and closes the door before I can react.

  It’s probably good too, because the maniacal grin on my face would undoubtedly scare her into changing her mind.

  She needs me – needs. That’s a word I haven’t had applied to me in a long time.

  I feel like I could take over the world.

  I definitely don’t feel like heading home to Anyel.

  So I don’t. Ministry has been cancelled for the night, and the Ministration Room will be empty. I retrace my steps quickly, a need of my own forming like a lump in my throat.

  Inside the Ministration Room, I find that Keirna has not yet sealed the secret passage. I slip behind the false wall.

  I struggle through the passage and fumble to light the candle that still waits next to the black pool. I survey the room before me, my lungs pulling in deep draughts of the fresh air that mingles with the stale cave air.

  Beneath my feet are a charred spot, a bloodied spot, and a dark pool of water; there – there above me is a slim shaft of moonlight.

  I reach as high as I can, but there just isn’t enough to grab onto. I can’t quite access the ledge where the next passage starts. The feeling of desperation sweeps over me and nearly knocks me to my knees – I want to see the outside world.

  I want to see the stars, and the moon, and everything else my brother has seen.

  I want to take a chance on finding love, like he has. I don’t know if Astrea was truly in a relationship with the topsider, but I do know why Lexan followed her. I want to follow Isa for the same reason.