Eureka!

by Walker Royce

  One key to using this research is to become an objective observer of other people’s styles, as well as our own. It is very difficult for most people to categorize themselves. We look at the positives and negatives; we see things that we want to be and that we don’t want to be. However, your behavior is not necessarily aligned with your intentions and your desires. Perception is reality, and how others perceive you—through your observable behaviors and communications—is usually more meaningful than how you perceive yourself. Behavior is what we communicate, namely, what we say and do. This is different than our intentions. We can all remember situations where people misinterpreted our intent based on what we said or did. Although we frequently defend our actions and words, we almost always do so from our own transmitter frame of reference without considering the styles and preferences of the receivers.

  It is much easier to categorize other people. As you observe others, you will agree with certain behaviors. When you disagree, it will usually be because they act differently than you would in the same situation. These comparisons help us understand and form opinions about other people, and understanding their social styles will help you adjust your communications to affect them in a more positive way.

  The descriptions of social styles identify dominant tendencies in a widely varying population. Nobody is all one style. We all have a mix of styles, where one style is dominant. It should not be surprising that analytical people flock to engineering roles more than expressive people, because their tendencies are well matched to the roles. Similarly, it is not surprising that a person in a management role will be perceived as more of a driver, because that role demands that a person accentuate that style. Any style can succeed in any role.

  Amiable

  Amiable people want you to know them and they want to participate. They appreciate the time you invest in them and in the mutual sharing of personal information. Expect them to take things personally. Their feelings and your feelings will be just as important to them as facts and realities. They care about whether you care about them, the team, or others. Showing empathy and listening attentively establish comfort.

  Use collective pronouns like we and us rather than I, me, or you. Use anecdotes and stories where people succeed or fail because of their actions or words. Describe benefits to the organization, the family, or the group. Folklore, traditions, and cultures are positive contexts for channeling a message. Deadlines and urgency will create discomfort, as will force, authority, and mandates. Give them time to talk things through.

  Amiables are generally supportive, easy to talk to and coach. Reinforcing their desire for teamwork, good relationship building, and open communications is useful. Recognition will be welcome and valued. Providing feedback on the team, rather than on each team member, is usually easier for them to accept because they tend to be uncomfortable when the spotlight is on them as individuals. They usually need to be coached toward being more assertive and feeling confident to initiate things, whether it is their ideas, their actions toward objectives, or challenging others when their opinions differ.

  Analytical

  Analytical people want you to know the facts. They appreciate your preparation and ability to prove your case, or to show them supporting evidence. They don’t take things personally and are generally cautious about opening up their personal lives or offering subjective opinions on gray-area topics. To them, facts and realities are more important than feelings and relationships. Showing risk aversion, historical precedent, and details establishes comfort.

  Use objective case studies, tables, graphs, and data to establish a story line. Describe benefits to the quality of any product or service. Sequencing, credibility, and cause and effect relationships will capture an Analytical’s attention. Past experience, scientific proof, and logical arguments are positive contexts for channeling a message. Gut feel, unsupported estimates, and half-baked or risky ideas will create discomfort. Give them time to think things through.

  When they are being coached, Analyticals want a framework. Use an agenda; back up your assertions with facts and precedents; frame improvements with timeframes and measures of some sort. Reinforcing their desire for quality, accuracy, logic, and data is useful. Recognition will be welcome and valued. Providing feedback on the product and the results of their actions is usually easier for them to accept because they tend to be uncomfortable when the spotlight is on gray areas like behaviors, actions, and customer satisfaction. They usually need to be coached toward being more declarative, taking calculated risks, and opening up to other people. Living in the gray world of decisions that are not black and white is particularly hard on an Analytical. Coaching them to become comfortable with delivering an idea, product, or opinion before it is fully baked is a key to growth. They need to accept that completion may be achieved faster by exposing incomplete work for earlier correction and feedback.

  Driver

  Drivers want to succeed and accomplish tasks. They appreciate when you get to the point as soon as possible because they tend to be inattentive listeners. Expect them to focus on results and outcomes (what and when), not process or people (how and who). The quickest solution to a problem will dominate a Driver’s concern, and they will be tempted by shortcuts. They care about achievement and results. Showing decisiveness and a “let’s get it done” attitude establishes comfort.

  Use results and outcomes as the main focus of your communications. Describe benefits to the outcome (sooner, better, more impact) of the present task. Brevity and efficiency are welcome, while substantial proof and supporting evidence are unnecessary and will cause drivers to lose patience and attentiveness. Create comfort by considering timing and urgency, and the ramifications of action or inaction. Get to the point, discuss risks and rewards, and request a rapid follow-up if necessary.

  Drivers are generally unhappy with the status quo and want to see something change. They like to be given alternatives for moving forward so they can decide the best course of action. Reinforcing their desire for achieving results is useful. Recognition will be welcome and valued. It is usually easier for them to accept feedback on the plan and objectives because they tend to be uncomfortable when the spotlight is on the process or the people. They usually need to be coached toward being better listeners and accepting competing opinions for further analysis rather than reacting prematurely. They like to be recognized for achievement and given credit for leading a team to a positive outcome.

  Expressive

  Expressives want you to know what they have contributed and experienced. Tell them something that happened to someone, and they will have a story about what happened to them. They appreciate the time you invest in them and in understanding their perspectives. Expect them to take things very personally and to exaggerate the plusses and minuses of most situations. Their gut feelings will trump facts and realities. They care about their future. Creativity, empathy, and acknowledgement of their instincts will make them comfortable.

  Focus the communications directly on an Expressive’s specific context. Describe the benefit to yourself or to the Expressive himself. Excitement, radical change, and significant objectives are positive contexts for channeling a message. Process compliance and detailed plans will create discomfort; so will force, authority, and mandates. Feel free to make it their idea, or to shape an idea so that they have ownership in its creation. Summarize any follow-ups if necessary; be specific.

  Expressives are frequently difficult to coach. They are often unaware of how they rub others the wrong way or just don’t care. Reinforcing their importance to the team or family or group is useful. They value this recognition best when it is done publicly. Providing constructive feedback is best done informally and off the cuff rather than in a more formally arranged setting. Expressives tend to be comfortable when the spotlight is on them as individuals. They usually need to be coached to sit on emails for a day before sending them, looking before leaping, and being more conscious of consequences. They also need help
learning to consider other people’s opinions and put themselves in other people’s shoes.

  DIVERSITY AND VERSATILITY

  Pigeonholing people into four different social styles may make some people feel uncomfortable. Even so, it helps us address our audience from their perspective, especially in one-on-one situations. Categorizing people forces us to think about the diversity of transmitters and receivers. It is not necessary to create the perfect set of pigeonholes. It is important for people to realize that their style of communications—both receiving and transmitting—should be adjusted dynamically to the situation at hand. This is what Merrill calls versatility.

  In this definition of social style, there are both positive and negative connotations in the descriptions of each style. The more versatile you are, the more endorsements you will get from other people, regardless of your style. Endorsement means that you evoke the use of positive connotations of your social behaviors. People approve of your behavior when it brings them comfort and they understand that you have accommodated their needs as well as those of others.

  Versatility represents a person’s ability to adapt to those around them and effectively form diverse relationships. It is not about how well you get along with people; it is about how well you relate with people so that both parties come away from an encounter feeling better about themselves: It is the ability to create win-win relationships.

  Assessing your versatility or that of others is a function of several factors, including the following:

  Other people’s attraction to you as a trusted advisor

  Consistency of attraction across diverse groups (e.g., church, work, softball team)

  Consistency of what people say about you, both directly to you and to others

  People’s attraction across a spectrum of colleagues, subordinates, and superiors (independent of position power)

  Merrill uses a simple scale to measures a person’s concern for tension in a relationship or communication. On one end of the spectrum is concern for one’s own tension. On the other end is concern with other people’s tension. No matter which social style is involved, most people don’t trust people who exhibit behaviors on the extremes at either end of this spectrum. Most people experience the most comfort when they perceive a roughly balanced view of tension between transmitter and receiver. Table 4-2 provides some example descriptions of people across this spectrum of versatility.

  TABLE 4-2. The Range of People’s Concerns with Various Tensions

  We can establish the most effective channels of communications by letting other people know our tensions and making sure that others know we are trying to understand and accommodate them in a balanced way. How can we improve this balance? The four simple steps may seem similar to advice from a million other self-help sources.

  Know yourself, your tendencies, styles, and competencies.

  Exploit your strengths and avoid your weaknesses.

  Observe other people and their responses to your transmissions.

  Give to others and accommodate their preferences without sacrificing your values.

  This is the basic lesson of adjusting to your context. It may seem more observable in one-on-one relationships and communications. However, giving to others—by adjusting your communications specifically to another person or team in the context of small groups, large groups, or even public audiences—gets noticed and establishes more endorsement of your versatility and better receptivity to your further communications. This is the essence of what people mean when they say that a speaker really connects with the audience.

  The books referenced earlier—by Merrill and Reid, and by McKenna and Maister—are worth reading. They contain great discussions and examples of interpersonal relationships and communications styles and provide much more depth in usage scenarios.

  ONE-ON-ONE COMMUNICATIONS

  Adjusting to the context of your receiver is particularly important when communicating one-on-one with other people. The next few sections provide specific examples of how to communicate better with people who have various social styles. Treatment of these topics is intentionally brief. Once you open your eyes to the diversity of communications styles you need to be aware of, and the need to alter your style based on the context and situation, your ability to communicate will blossom.

  Consciously try to adjust your transmissions to the styles of the receivers.

  Adjust your presentations to your audience.

  Adjust your conversations to the people with whom you are conversing.

  When you fail to communicate well, it is easier to see what part of the miscommunication was your fault and how to improve it. Although some people seem to be born with this innate ability to adjust, most of us must learn it from experience.

  Your Style

  Before you can improve your ability to communicate with others, you need to have an objective appreciation of your style. Very few people are good at assessing themselves because they are not what they think they are or would like to be. Our social styles are formed early in life as we build our values and witness the reinforcement of behaviors by our parents, friends, and social experiences.

  Accepting ourselves for what we are and understanding our own biases and tendencies are critical to improving our ability to transmit and receive. It is normal for people to review the social style generalities presented earlier and deny that one or another could be the social style that fits them best. Why? Most people have the strongest negative feelings (pet peeves) about things that are natural to their social style because they are acutely familiar with the negative tendencies inherent in the style as their own shortfalls and failure modes. People compete most with people like themselves. For example:

  Drivers are frequently frustrated with overly competitive people and control freaks like themselves.

  Perfectionists can drive Analyticals crazy because their idea of perfect may be different.

  People looking to get more credit than they deserve irritate Expressives, who compete for the spotlight.

  People who obsess about what others might think can annoy Amiables, who have a different idea about how others will think.

  The moral of this story: A mirror is an important, yet deceptive, tool. As you assess your style, be objective. Get outside your head and look at the way your family, your close friends, and your colleagues would describe you. They would be much more objective than you are about assessing your style. Give more weight to your positive connotations of style rather than the negative connotations when assessing yourself. The negatives of your dominant style will likely be more objectionable to you than the negatives of your other less dominant styles. If you can’t pick a specific quadrant, at least pick one of the four halves (north, south, east, or west) that represents two dominant styles. This will help you differentiate tendencies and biases that need adjusting when communicating with other styles.

  Their Style

  It is not always possible to assess accurately the people we are communicating with. You may not know them well enough, or your audience may be a mix of people where there is no dominant style. Nevertheless, it is still beneficial to consider the person or the audience either by doing preparatory research or by assessing initial reactions as the conversation or communication unfolds. For something like a casual dinner party conversation, there is no need for research For an interview, a prepared speech, or a purposeful letter to a potential business partner, where something significant is at stake, this research and adjustment can make the difference between communicating well and laying an egg.

  Communicating with others effectively requires sensitivity to the behavioral preferences of others, tolerance of their differences from your preferences, and compromise by adjusting your style to best suit their needs. If you become better at observing how your behaviors and communications affect others, you can better avoid conflicts and miscommunications that create tension. This will allow you to avoid wasted efforts in defending your words and actions and to
channel your energy more effciently into better relationships, teamwork, and results.

  TRUSTED ADVISORS

  One of the objectives in many endeavors, including personal friendships and business relationships, is to become a trusted advisor. Whether your company is a trusted advisor to your client, or you are a trusted advisor to another person, this is a powerful label. What does it really mean? Here is my version (derived from the words of David Maister) of the characteristics of a trusted advisor:

  Has my interests at heart

  Is consistent and dependable

  Gives me a meaningful perspective

  Helps me think through my decisions

  Is calm and unemotional

  Is constructive in criticism

  Doesn’t pull punches

  Puts our long-term relationship ahead of any single issue

  Provides reasoning for his judgments and conclusions

  Acts human, not like an actor in a role

  Is savvy in ways I am not

  Is honorable, with values I trust

  Seems to understand me and like me

  Okay, this is too long-winded. The true differentiating attribute of a trusted advisor is someone with whom you can communicate comfortably. My main goal is to give you a framework for more comfortable communications between you and your receivers. Table 4-3 summarizes ways to adjust your style when communicating with others.

  Let me take the concept of trusted advisor one step farther, by talking about trust. When people define trust, they usually relate it to integrity. However, the more complete meaning of trust gets lost.