Safe With Me, Special Edition

by Shaina Richmond

  Tyler inhaled deeply. A few seconds later, he laughed out loud.

  I smiled, even though I felt horrible telling him about those events. I thought about how Caleb and Joan finished much sooner than me and Troy did both times, and Caleb always watched us. He would sit on the bed and pucker his lips, kissing at me any time I made eye contact with him. But that was Caleb. He was a young, horny guy and he made no apologies about sowing his wild oats. It always confused me that he led Joan on for so long over the summer. I thought he actually liked her.

  “Caleb.” Tyler shook his head. “I guess it could be a lot worse.”

  “I'm sorry. Are you upset with me?”

  “It never makes me happy to hear about you with another guy, Susie.”

  That made me feel even worse. A desperate urge to salvage the situation rose up and took over. “Look, Troy was the best I ever had til you came along. You blew everybody else out of the water. For real.”

  His eyes perked up. “Oh yeah?”

  “Yes. So don't be jealous. Okay?”

  The gorgeous man laying next to me smiled. I could have sworn he even blushed. He stared at me and licked his lips like he wasn't aware of his actions. “I'm the best you've ever had?”

  Shit. I knew I'd said too much. I inhaled and looked away. The expression on his face was too intense for me to see for very long. I felt him staring at me, so I focused on the bathroom door. “Yes, Tyler. You're the best I've ever had. By far. Does that make you feel better?”

  I heard his familiar deep, happy moan. His hand was on my cheek, turning my face toward his. Then our eyes met. His brown eyes twinkled as a slow grin spread across his face.

  It was so intimate, it made me a little uncomfortable. He seemed so raw and vulnerable. It felt like I got an unintentional glimpse into his soul. Into the real Tyler. Like all he wanted was my approval – for me to tell him he was the best at something. No matter what it was. He'd left his mark on me forever and he knew it.

  Or maybe he was just gloating because I said he was the best sex I'd ever had.

  When he kissed me, a rush of warmth flashed through my body. I felt his tongue against my lips, tasting them. Then his teeth gently bit my bottom lip. His mouth was warm and gentle, with a tiny bit of rough and playful mixed in. He put his arms around me and pressed his body firmly to mine, from my chest to my knees. I smiled as we kissed, pushing my boobs against him as much as I could.

  Tyler pulled his face away from mine. His eyes were closed. I felt his rapid breath against my face.

  “Shit,” he whispered. “I need to call Mom back.”

  He opened his eyes and groaned, then hopped off the bed and pulled his cute blue boxer shorts on. His ponytail bounced against his back as he walked into the hallway with his phone.

  I got out of bed and slowly eased my way to the bathroom, trying to ignore the pain from my inner thighs to my ass where Tyler had gotten too excited. It seemed to ease up as I walked across the floor. But the sick feeling in my stomach only got worse.

  I knew I'd have to make an appearance at that fucking Halloween party just to make nice with Caleb. What had Troy told him? Damn, Troy was a mistake. He knew way too much about me before I even met him.

  I had only myself to blame. From the very beginning, Troy made absolutely no effort to hide his intentions. And I went along, turned on by the idea of living dangerously. It was one of my biggest downfalls. And it was something my sweet Tyler definitely didn't deserve.

  Damn, I'm fucked in the head.

  It was right then I realized I'd been living a dream. Being with Tyler made me feel normal. That entire morning, it felt like Tyler and I belonged together. I think I actually bought into that idea for a few minutes, temporarily forgetting my plan to push him away.

  These stupid tears really have to stop.

  Part 6

  Susie

  Saturday, October 30th, 2010

  8:06 PM

  “I’m the one who’s nervous. What the hell are you waiting for?” Joan bit one of her long purple fingernails. Her eyes shifted from me to the door in front of us. She used her other hand to pull down the hem of her high-cut “slutty nurse” dress.

  I wore my short black skirt and tight white, button-down blouse, a favorite of Tyler's. If anyone asked, I planned to tell them I was a secretary. Secretly though, I was just 'Tyler's lover.'

  Sounds of mild debauchery beckoned us to enter the house on Lassiter Lane that Tyler shared with three other guys, one of which was Caleb Rogers, all-around man whore, Joan’s ex-boyfriend, and a guy I tried my best to avoid.

  I looked down at my watch. Our arrival was a bit later than planned. Most of my evening had been spent listening to Joan babble away about seeing Caleb again while I smoked a bowl and got ready to go out for Halloween.

  I took a deep breath. “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

  Joan took her finger away from her mouth and twirled it in her long red hair. “Yeah. I can’t avoid him forever. I can be strong.”

  Strength. That was Joan’s mantra of the day. She went on and on about how strong she was, that this was a test, blah, blah, blah. I tried like hell to sound interested all evening but my thoughts kept going back to Troy, and my own reasons for avoiding Caleb.

  It’s too small a world. Is God trying to tell me something?

  I had all but forgotten about Caleb until the day I found out he was Tyler’s roommate. Caleb was an afterthought to me. An egotistical, selfish little boy who hurt one of my closest friends.

  Joan still had no idea what happened the last night we all went out. I had just filed a restraining order against Troy. And apparently, Joan had told Caleb a little too much about her past experimentation with me. Oh, regrets... I had too many to count.

  The last thing I said to Caleb was, “I hope that hurt,” after I kneed him in the balls. He ran out of the bar and never called Joan again. I was pretty drunk that night and I had no idea if I had really hurt him or not.

  The sharp pain in my stomach started when Tyler told me Caleb spoke to Troy.

  Regrets. If I wrote an autobiography it would be called, “Regrets.” I have to remember to write that down.

  Troy was definitely in the “Regrets” file of my mental filing cabinet. It was only after Tyler came along that I even had a “Regrets” file. The only files I had before were, “To Do,” and, “None of Your Damned Business.” Now, everything in my life seemed to fall into one of two categories: “Regrets” and “To Be Determined.”

  The only reason I was attending that party was to try to smooth things over with Caleb. I had to find out what Troy had told him, if anything. There were things I’d rather Tyler hear about only from me if I could help it. Things I wasn’t ready to talk about yet. Shit! There’s that pain again.

  I’d had a strange week. Between studying for three tests and working on a project for Management class, I had my first ‘real date’ with Tyler on Tuesday night. I made sure to remind him that just because we were on a date, it didn’t mean we were dating. His response was to smile and nod, then pull me in for a kiss.

  I thought for sure I would have won our bet by now. After our date, I tried to get Tyler to stay the night but he just walked me to my front door, kissed me, and left. We went almost a week without sex of any kind. Not even oral. Hell, not even phone sex. He was a perfect gentleman to me the night of our date. Then the next night, Wednesday, we made a pact to study at my dining table until 9 o’clock when it was time to go upstairs.

  “Susie?” Joan stared at me with her mouth open. “You going in or not?”

  “Yeah.” I knocked on the door. “Should we just open it?”

  She shrugged. Right then, the door swung wide open.

  Joe stood in front of us wearing a T-shirt and shorts. A soccer uniform. An outfit I remembered all too well from my former stalker-lover. “Well, well, well,” he said. “Two of our favorite girls. Come on in.” He backed away from the door and extended his arm behind him, welcoming
us inside with a big smile.

  “Thanks. It’s good to see you, birthday boy,” I said as I walked past.

  “Yeah.” Joe made a fake shivering gesture. “Aren’t you guys freezing? It’s too cold outside to be walking around without coats.”

  Joan grinned. “Then get us some drinks to warm us up.”

  He nodded. “Come on, let me show you the bar.”

  Joe was a nice guy. I didn’t know him to be the slut Caleb was, but we had only hung out a handful of times. Tyler made it sound like all of his roommates were like Caleb, but I saw Joe as more of a brotherly type, kind of like Corbie. Joe was polite and always very complimentary - and really cute. He was probably about six feet tall with shaggy brown hair and light blue eyes. I thought he would have been a better match for Joan than Caleb ever was. Joe and Joan. It had a nice ring. But Joan always went for the guys who’d break her heart. Never the polite boy next door. Always the asshole.

  I had a feeling Joan was up for anything, though. When she wasn’t freaking out about Caleb all evening, she pined away over Michael. We had received a group text message saying he had to go out of town unexpectedly. His girlfriend, Chelsea, was in a minor car accident. She wasn’t physically hurt but she was a little shaken up emotionally and Michael wanted to comfort her. Joan acted like it was no big deal, but it had become obvious over the past few weeks that she had a thing for Michael. I could tell she was upset about him leaving town to care for his girlfriend.

  As we walked to the kitchen I noticed there were about twenty people milling around the living room, drinking out of plastic cups. The sound of voices mingling together was louder than the classic rock music I heard in the background. It was poised to be a pretty big party if they already had so many guests so early. I saw no sign of Tyler or Caleb.

  Joe stopped in front of the kitchen counter, which held a large variety of liquor and mixers. I was surprised that it was more than just a keg party. “Can I make you something? First one’s on me. Then you gotta start payin’ up.” He winked.

  Joan giggled. “Can I have a screwdriver?”

  Damn, Joan. Can you be any more blatant with your double entendres?

  “Sure.” He turned to me. “What about you, Susie Q?” He deliberately made the ‘you’ and the ‘Q’ rhyme. From anyone else it would have sounded stupid but it was kind of sweet from Joe.

  “I don’t know if I’m drinking tonight. Is Tyler in his room?”

  Joe twisted the cap from a bottle of vodka. “I think so. Yeah, I heard you guys were dating.”

  “I heard that, too.” Joan laughed, hard.

  “Funny,” I said. “I’m gonna go look for him.”

  “Go do what you gotta do,” Joe said. “Come back if you decide you want that drink.”

  Joan shot me a wide-eyed look that said, “Please leave me alone with Joe.” So, I promptly turned around and walked to the living room.

  I carefully examined the dimly lit room, hoping my eyes would adjust. The guys had decorated it with a few twinkling Christmas lights and tiny jack-o-lanterns on strings. Tyler said it was Caleb’s idea, that the soft lighting would put women in the mood a little faster. I shook my head thinking about it as I looked at their half-hearted attempt at festive decor. A small scarecrow sat in the corner opposite the television. As I walked closer, past a group of people I didn’t recognize, I saw that the scarecrow's lap had an erection constructed by a beer bottle and an empty toilet paper roll. Classy.

  I took another look at the people standing around the living room. I saw Cyrus, one of the roommates that I only knew from Facebook pictures. He smiled when he caught me looking. I smiled in return, walking back through the living room to the hallway.

  As I stood at the base of the stairs, about to search for Tyler’s room, a soft light caught my eye at the end of the hall. I walked down to get a better look. It was outside one of the downstairs bedrooms--a wall shelf with a framed picture of Joe. There were two night lights flagging the picture frame and a small vase of plastic flowers on the right side.

  I stared at the picture. Joe was smiling for the camera, standing against this very wall.

  “Hey there.”

  I screamed, pulling my hand to my chest.

  Caleb laughed. “You scare too easy.”

  “I didn’t hear you walk up.”

  “So, you like my handiwork here? I did it myself. A little shrine to the man of the day.” He nodded proudly.

  “It’s kind of sweet.” So far, so good.

  His focus quickly switched from the picture on the wall to me. “It’s been a while. Glad you could make it.” Caleb was only a few inches taller than me. His costume was obviously a baseball player, without the hat. His dark brown hair seemed a little longer than I remembered. He held a red plastic cup in his hand and gave me a sideways glance. “So, you still pissed at me?”

  I exhaled dramatically and rolled my eyes. “Gee, Caleb, why would I ever be pissed at you? It’s not like you screwed over one of my best friends or anything.” I knew I had to tread lightly but I still couldn’t let him get away with what he did to Joan. I needed him to understand that I didn’t come to his party because I was his friend.

  Caleb glared at me. “You’re one to talk.”

  “Huh?” Nausea. This time it brought its friend, pain, and together they punched me in the stomach. I forced myself to stand up straight.

  He shook his head just as the music in the living room got louder. He put his hand around my elbow and tugged on my arm. “Come on.”

  Stunned, and feeling sicker by the minute, I went where he led me. He pulled me along to a doorway a few feet from the picture in the hallway, then walked inside. It was one of the guys’ bedrooms and it was dark except for a small lamp on the nightstand.

  “What’s this?” I asked. “Is it where you take your poor victims?”

  “What?” Caleb squinted. “Victims?” He let go of my arm and pushed the door closed with a light slam.

  “Yeah. That’s why you have all this mood lighting, right?”

  He shrugged. “I suppose so.” He took a slow sip from his cup, staring at me. “You really shouldn’t judge. We have a lot in common, you and me.”

  I swallowed and looked down at the floor.

  “Hey.” Caleb put his hand under my chin, trying to tilt my face up.

  I kept my gaze steady, my eyes fixed on a patch of carpet. He was not allowed to make me look at him against my will.

  He laughed and took his hand away. “Fine. Just do me a favor, okay? Don’t fuck Tyler over like you did Troy."

  My heart fought for escape from my chest. I forced an angry expression and faced Caleb. “What the hell? I didn’t do anything to Troy.”

  “Ha!” Caleb’s mouth dropped open. “You act so fucking innocent, I swear.”

  “I can’t believe you! You’re a man whore. Everybody knows it. What about what you did to Joan?”

  He cocked his head to the side and said in a high-pitched mocking tone, “I didn’t do anything to Joan.”

  “Fuck you, Caleb.” My voice was much deeper than his mockery implied, and somehow that pissed me off even more. I grabbed the door knob, ready to leave. I'd already had enough.

  Caleb put his hand against the door to keep it shut. “Just don’t fuck my roommate over. He’s a good guy.”

  I maintained my grip on the knob, glaring at Caleb. “I have no intention of fucking anyone over. Besides, it’s not like we’re dating.”

  He snorted. “Sure, whatever.”

  “Look here, Jackass,” I said, “first of all, you have no right to talk after what you did to Joan. She thought you really liked her. Hell, we all did.”

  Caleb took his hand from the door and crossed his arms.

  “And second,” I continued, “I don’t know why you care so much about Tyler. Are you just mad at me or something? Is it because I kicked you in the balls that night?”

  He smiled and shook his head slowly. “Susie, you’re a piece of work.”
He laughed. “I got a video right here.” He pulled a phone out of his pocket. “Troy sent it to me. He’s pretty darn proud of himself.”

  I shrugged. Look tough. Don’t let him get to you.

  Caleb pushed the phone closer to me and widened his eyes. “You don’t care about this?”

  “Of course not. That video was my idea.”

  He nodded. “I know that.” He leaned forward and looked deep into my eyes. “What I should've said was, do you care if Tyler sees it?”

  I wanted to say no. Act like I didn’t care. But I felt myself slowly crumbling. I stayed perfectly still, hoping that somehow this entire exchange was part of a nightmare and I would soon wake up.