Eye Bleach

by Paul E. Creasy

  “True,” Hector said. “But no one thinks any of those other prophets are the son of God. Only Jesus has this honor. Did you ever wonder why that is?”

  “I suppose it was good PR for Jesus by his early followers,” Sylvia said. “But, in all seriousness, I suppose after Jesus died, his followers exaggerated his deeds, and his deification progressed over time. Legends build up gradually, especially in a pre-literate society such as first century Judea. As each subsequent generation heard miraculous tales about Jesus, he slowly evolved into — God.”

  “Well,” Hector said. “That would be a good theory—”

  “—See! I told you I would—”

  “—It would be a good theory,” Hector continued. “Except for the reason every fact you cite is inaccurate.”

  “How so?” Sylvia asked.

  “Well…, first of all, your timeline is all wrong,” Hector said. “Legends do crop up over time, but, it takes many years, perhaps hundreds, for a legend to take root. The Gospels were written far too early to have become mythologized.”

  “How early were they written?”

  “Mark, the earliest of the Gospels, appears to have been written in the 50s AD. Luke and Matthew in the 60s, and the latest, John, appears to have been composed in the 90s. Given that Jesus was crucified around 30AD, these accounts are very close to the source of the event. Far too close to have become legendary.”

  “You are making my point, Hector,” Sylvia said. “If Mark, the oldest of the Gospels, was written in the 50s, and Jesus was crucified in 30AD, that is a gap of twenty years. Who knows what kind of crazy stories can crop up in twenty years? I don’t know if we can trust those documents as actual history.”

  “Oh?” Hector said as he grinned. “I assume you have no qualms believing the history of Julius Caesar or Alexander the Great, then?”

  “What are you getting at?”

  “Well, if the passage of twenty years casts doubts on the validity of a document, try hundreds of years! In both the case of Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great, the surviving biographies were written hundreds of years after they died. The Gospels, on the other hand, are incredibly early. And, in addition to being written so close to the actual events described, the ancient copies of the gospels are incredibly numerous. In fact, due to the sheer number of documents we have relating to the Gospels — Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection is the best-documented event in ancient history.”

  “What do you mean?” asked Sylvia.

  “If you compare the surviving copies of the Gospels to other ancient documents, such as the Iliad, the quantity of copies outnumbers it by a factor of twenty. There is an embarrassment of riches for scholars to study original ancient Gospel texts.”

  “Yes…, but…,” Sylvia said. “I don’t think you can trust the Gospels. I mean, they were written by Christians, and, of course, they are biased.”

  “Unlike those non-biased biographies of Julius Caesar and Alexander the Great, right?” Hector said. “I think you are showing your biases now.”

  “Hardly! I am being objective,” Sylvia said.

  “I am sure you think you are,” Hector said. “But, you must know, everyone is biased. The idea of there being some sort of neutral, uninterested, unbiased history — or even news for that matter — is a fiction. And it is a fiction now just as much as it was two thousand years ago. Every author, knowingly or not, has a point of view and it influences what they write. In fact, if you think about it, one has to be interested in a subject in order to write about it in the first place. After all, how many biographies are written by authors who do not care about their subject?”

  “That is true, I suppose,” Sylvia said.

  “But that does not make what is written incorrect, however.”

  “I will concede that,” Sylvia said. “But…, you forget something. I grew up on this stuff. I had the full force of Christian dogma jammed down my throat every day, so I know all about it. If you are going to base your core beliefs on the Bible, you are going to be in serious trouble. The whole structure is built on a house of sand. The Bible is far too full of inaccuracies for any thinking person to take it seriously.”

  “Ah…,” Hector said. “It is funny you say that. I always thought some of those…, inaccuracies, as you put it, were proof of the Bible's validity.”

  “Now you have me curious,” Sylvia said. “I must admit, of all of the religious arguments I have heard over the years, inaccuracy as proof of truth is a first.”

  “Well…, think of it this way,” Hector said. “The Gospels were written from eyewitness accounts. At the very least, they were compiled a few dozen years after the events.”

  “Yes,” Sylvia said. “And that is sort of my point. How can we trust them?”

  Hector held up his hand and said, “Do you really think they would agree on everything? The fact they disagree on minor points tells me they are true. It would be far more suspicious if they were in complete alignment.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “If the texts agreed on everything, it would indicate they were created through collusion. It would show they were invented, just like any other type of fiction. Any good detective will tell you that if two witnesses’ stories agree too much, they know they have colluded on their testimonies. People always remember events slightly differently from one another.”

  “But, Hector,” Sylvia said, “isn’t that a problem? I mean, in one gospel account you have two angels at the tomb. In another, you just have a mysterious man in white. One gospel has the nativity story with the shepherds and the angels. Another has the three wise men and the slaughter of the innocents, while the other two make no mention of either event. With such wildly differing stories, that often contradict one another, how can you know what is true and what is not? Doesn’t that make the whole text suspicious? It seems to me the best course of action would be to just chuck the whole mess.”

  “Hardly,” Hector said. “The gospel accounts may disagree on minor details, but, they all agree on a central point.”

  “And that is?”

  “Jesus was crucified, died, and buried — and then three days later, he rose from the dead,” Hector said. “And that, my dear, is the point! If Jesus rose from the dead, then he is who he says he is — God.”

  “I don’t know, Hector,” Sylvia said. “If the accounts disagree on the minor points, I don’t know why you have such faith they will agree on the major one.”

  “Interesting point, but, consider this,” Hector said. “A few years ago, I read an account of the survivors of the Titanic disaster. Several hundred people were fished out of the North Atlantic back in 1912, and when they were interviewed, the reports they gave on the sinking of the ship differed greatly.”

  “How so?” Sylvia asked.

  “Roughly half said the ship sank bow first, straight down into the water. The other half said the ship broke in two and then sank, both sections separately. It was not until the wreckage was discovered that the second account was proven to be what happened.”

  “I don’t understand what this has to do with the gospels?” Sylvia asked.

  “This,” Hector said. “Although the Titanic survivors disagreed greatly on how the ship went down, you will notice, none said the ship did not sink. The Gospels are the same. Unimportant details may disagree, but all four gospels document the same amazing event — Jesus rose from the dead. This is the most important event in history.”

  “Assuming there is no other explanation,” Sylvia said.

  “Yes,” Hector said with a chuckle.

  “Why do you laugh?”

  “People have been trying to come up with an alternate explanation for the resurrection for centuries. All have failed,” Hector said. “What amazes me is, given the supposed intelligence of our age, and the sophistication of our generation, the resistance to facing this basic fact remains very strong.”

  “I think you are a bit too triumphant, Hector,” Sylvia said. “I am sure t
here are plenty of possible natural explanations for this mythological event. There is no reason to conjure up some imaginary ‘God’ to make sense of it.”

  “OK,” Hector said. “I am all ears. What do you think happened?”

  Sylvia paused, took a sip of her coffee and said, “I accept that Jesus lived — and died. This is beyond dispute. But…, perhaps, after his crucifixion, his followers wanted to keep his movement going. After all, a dead Messiah is not that inspiring, but, a risen Messiah, plus a son of God no less, now that is how you get a movement started! It doesn’t seem surprising to me at all that his followers would invent stories of his resurrection to give their movement a bit more…, oomph.”

  “Oomph?” Hector said as he smiled. “So, they lied?”

  “Maybe,” Sylvia said. “Stranger things have happened — especially in the world of religious zealots.”

  “Hmmm,” Hector said as he scratched his chin. “It is an interesting theory, but, alas, a fairly old one and completely discredited.”

  “Well, of course, you would say that,” Sylvia said. “You are a…”

  “Zealot?”

  “Well…, no,” Sylvia said. “I wouldn’t say zealot exactly, but you are obviously a religious person. It makes sense you would not give the ‘stolen body’ theory any credence. But, you have to admit, it would explain things, would it not?”

  “No,” Hector said. “And you don’t need to be religious to see how that theory is bunk.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, first of all, it would involve a massive conspiracy to hide the body, right? I mean, Jesus died and was buried, but you now have the problem of his tomb. All the evidence points to an empty tomb. Even the original critics of Christianity agree on the reality of an empty tomb. So, for your ‘stolen body’ theory to be true, Peter and the other apostles would have to steal the body.”

  “They could have,” Sylvia said.

  “Yes, but, then they would have known Jesus did not rise from the dead,” Hector said. “They would have known what they were preaching was a lie.”

  “People lie all of the time, Hector,” Sylvia said.

  “Yes, they do…, but, if this was a lie, it does not line up with the other known facts of their lives. Take Peter for instance — he denied Christ at his trial, was embarrassingly absent from the crucifixion, but then later, he is going to steal the body and hide it? And then, after all of that trouble, he is going to go around professing Jesus rose from the dead, ultimately dying himself for preaching that belief? Who knowingly dies for something he knows to be a lie? Who does that?”

  “Well…, I….,” Sylvia stuttered.

  “And another thing,” Hector said. “All four of the gospels stated that women were the first witnesses to the empty tomb. Now, if it were not true, why would the fictitious story include this embarrassing detail? It certainly did not help make the case to early converts.”

  “Embarrassing?”

  “Yes,” Hector said. “I don’t mean to sound sexist here, but, there were certain unpleasant realities in first century Judea. Women’s testimony was considered worthless. So, to have the first witnesses of the resurrection be exclusively women would have made the story less believable to audiences, not more. And if the whole story was made up, why make that up?”

  Sylvia said nothing, pausing to stir her coffee.

  “And if Peter was going to be the leader of this emerging movement, which he of course was, why would he intentionally have himself portrayed so poorly? I mean, the guy denied his friend and then abandoned him at the moment of his most extreme need — the crucifixion. Hardly a heroic character, is he?”

  “Well…, maybe he and the other apostles hallucinated images of the risen Jesus?” Sylvia asked. “I know with some of my clients back in New York, especially after a tragic loss, they often see their dead loved ones. The mind is a tricky thing, Hector. You would be surprised at the phantasms it can create. Moreover, these hallucinations can seem quite real.”

  “Oh yes,” Hector said. “No doubt they can. But, how many times do multiple people have the same hallucination of the same event at the same time?”

  “Well…, given the nature of hallucinations…,” Sylvia said as her voice trailed off.

  “It doesn’t happen, does it?”

  “No.”

  “And yet, in this example, there were multiple sightings of the resurrected Jesus by individuals, groups of three or four, all of the apostles together and even five hundred people simultaneously. This doesn’t seem like a hallucination, does it?”

  “I will admit, it doesn’t meet the classical definition,” Sylvia said. “But…, these were all grief-stricken followers. Perhaps one person had a hallucination, and then another, and then through the power of suggestion—”

  “—Explain James then?”

  “James?”

  “Yes, James, the half-brother of Jesus. He was not a follower of Jesus during his lifetime. In fact, the gospels indicate that he, like most of the rest of Jesus’ family, were embarrassed by his ministry.”

  “Why was he embarrassed?”

  “Do you have any siblings?”

  “No,” Sylvia said.

  “Well, I do,” Hector said, “a younger brother, Pedro. Let me tell you, if Pedro suddenly started preaching he was the Son of God, I would probably try to get him locked up in a mental institution.”

  Sylvia laughed. “Yes…, I met a few Jesuses at Bellevue during my residency. A couple of Napoleons were there too as well as a smattering of Caesars and one John Wayne to round out the collection.”

  “John Wayne?” Hector asked.

  “Yes,” Sylvia said. “A tiny little Italian guy, with a lisp, believe it or not. I bet he wasn’t any taller than five two. If his delusion weren't so tragic it would have been comical. I can still see him strutting down the hall, saying ‘Howdy Ma’am’ to me every morning. Sadly, the world is not short on schizophrenics or bi-polarized individuals.”

  “And that, no doubt, is what James thought about his half-brother, Jesus. Now…, imagine you did have a little brother who claimed to be God. What would it take for you to suddenly reverse your opinion that he was mentally ill and then ultimately die proclaiming he was God after all?”

  “I don’t know,” Sylvia said. “Probably something big.”

  “Yes,” Hector said. “It was for James too — something very big — such as Jesus returning from the dead to speak to him.” Hector sipped his coffee and then added, “Even more remarkable is the case of Saint Paul. How would you explain his conversion? He certainly would not have had any grief-related hallucinations relating to Jesus — he never met him before the resurrection. In fact, Paul was the greatest persecutor of the early church before his conversion on the road to Damascus. Explain that. Paul saw the risen Jesus and had such a life-altering change he became the most important and influential apostle of all?”

  “All right, maybe the hallucination theory is invalid, but, that still doesn’t prove anything,” Sylvia said.

  “Oh?” Hector said. “I think it might.”

  “Look, maybe it is possible Jesus didn’t even die on the cross? Perhaps he was just severely wounded and, after he was placed in the tomb, a few days later he revived on his own. When he returned, his followers just thought he had risen from the dead. This would certainly explain the appearances, wouldn’t it?”

  Hector grinned and said, “Assuming the highly unlikely possibility Jesus revived in the tomb after being nearly scourged to death and hanging on the cross for six hours. Then somehow in his weakened state, he pushed away the stone, and overcame the guards. Then three days later he stumbled into his followers — I doubt they would declare him a God. If they saw a broken, bloody, nearly dead man like that; I am sure they would probably rush him to a doctor! They certainly would not have thought he rose from the dead.” Hector paused before adding, “and regardless, if it did happen like you say, you still have a major problem.”

  “Whi
ch is?”

  “Well…, eventually, Jesus would have died, right? What finally happened to his body? You see, a revived, but mortal Jesus doesn’t solve anything. You still have the same problem as you had before — an empty tomb. No, Sylvia, all of the naturalistic explanations of the empty tomb are unrealistic and do not match up with the other facts we know. Only one explanation remains that fits all of the facts. Jesus rose from the dead. And…, since he did, then Jesus is who he says he is — God! And that is the biggest, and best, news of all time!”

  “Maybe,” Sylvia said. “But…, it still seems pretty irrelevant.”

  Hector sighed and shook his head. “If I live to be a hundred, I will never understand how people can remain so…, unmoved by this, either one way or the other. If God exists, and if he sent his son Jesus to die for our sins, well…, what bigger news could there be? What could be more relevant than that? Claim it isn’t true, or, say you believe something else, or say you believe with all your heart and soul Jesus rose, but to say it is irrelevant is inexplicable to me.”

  “I understand your points, Hector, and you make a fine case for your point of view,” Sylvia said. “But despite all you have said, I just can’t accept the God you profess. The world is too screwed up. If there is a God, and it is a big if, well…, he certainly isn’t worthy of worship. This whole planet is a total disaster.”

  “Ah…,” Hector said as he nodded. “I understand. We live in a fallen world, Sylvia. A fallen and evil world, but…, it is all going to be —”

  “—Spare me the sermon,” Sylvia said as she held up her hand. “I know the drill, the whole snake in the garden and fall of man and the guy in the red suit with the pitchfork and horns.” She yawned and looked down at her watch. “It is getting a bit late for all of that.” She smiled and said, “I don’t mean to be rude. I have enjoyed our dinner, but, I need to get home and go to bed. I am exhausted and I have to go to work in the morning.”

  “Of course,” Hector said. “But…, to the issue at hand, about Alyssa.”

  “Yes, about Alyssa,” Sylvia said. “Look, I want to help, but how can—”