He was roused from his introspection by a tap at the door and he called for whoever it was to come in.
‘Sorry to trouble you.’
‘No trouble at all.’ Steele smiled at Catherine, Macey’s niece and another woman.
‘This is my sister, Linda.’
‘Good afternoon, Linda.’ He expected Linda had some questions, that they perhaps wanted to know how best to broach things with Macey. But, as Steele found out every day in his job, there were always surprises to be had.
‘When Aunt Macey had her heart attack,’ Catherine started, ‘Linda took care of her home, fed the cat, that sort of thing...’
‘I see.’
Linda spoke then. ‘A letter came while she was in hospital. I was doing her mail and paying her bills so she didn’t have to worry about being cut off. I opened this letter and it was from a charity that deals with adopted children. It explained that Macey’s son wanted to make contact. I didn’t know if it would make things worse. She was so sick...’
‘Of course you didn’t know what to do,’ he said.
‘I didn’t even tell Catherine,’ Linda said. ‘I just didn’t know what to do with the news. I spoke to my husband and he suggested that we wait till Aunt Macey was feeling better. Really, though, she’s been slowly going downhill for so long...’
‘Do you have the letter with you?’ Steele asked, and she nodded and handed it to him.
‘He wants to make contact,’ Linda said. ‘I feel bad for not telling her.’
‘Don’t feel bad,’ Steele said. ‘It could have been an awful shock for her, though now I think it will be very welcome news. Why don’t you go in now and speak with her? Facing it will be hard and I’ll be around if she gets upset but, to be honest, I think it will be a relief.’
He did hang around, but all seemed calm with Macey. He sat at the desk next to Elaine. He could see Macey and her nieces talking earnestly and at one point Macey actually laughed.
‘It’s good to see her laughing,’ Steele said, and turned and smiled at Elaine.
‘Sorry?’
‘Macey,’ Steele explained, then he saw Elaine’s swollen eyes. ‘Are you all right, Elaine?’
‘I am.’ She gave a small shake of her head. ‘I’m worried about my assessment.’
Steele frowned. ‘Elaine, you’re doing really well. I know I’m not a nurse, but I do know how well you look after the patients.’
‘Even if I get my words wrong at times,’ Elaine said, because Abigail had had a small word with her about the muffy thing.
‘Even if you get your words wrong.’ He smiled, and was pleased to see that she did too. ‘Is there anything else on your mind?’
‘No.’ She shook her head and stood up and left him sitting alone.
Steele looked over again at Macey and her nieces and knew it was time for him to take his own medicine.
It was time for him to face things.
When he arrived in Emergency he saw the smudges beneath Candy’s eyes and she was still refusing to meet his gaze.
Direct as ever, Steele asked the question. ‘Are you avoiding me?’
She stood there and went to lie to him, to say of course not, or whatever, but his beautiful eyes demanded the truth so she nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘Can I ask why?’
There was no point in telling him about the pregnancy so she made up an excuse. An excuse that was partly true. ‘I’ve been a bit mixed up about Gerry and I had a big argument with my parents. They’ve realised that I’ve been staying out at night...’
‘Really?’ He looked at her for a long moment. He knew she was lying, knew how she’d fought for her independence and knew too that she wouldn’t give in to them.
‘I think we should just leave things,’ Candy said. ‘I don’t want to upset them.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ he said. ‘While I understand you might need a bit of space after what’s happened to Gerry, I don’t believe that’s it.’ When Candy didn’t respond he pressed on. ‘Do you know, one thing that I’ve really enjoyed about our time together is how honest we have always been. It’s fine if you want to end things, but at least tell me the reason why.’
‘Can we go somewhere private?’ she asked.
‘Sure,’ he said, his voice clipped. ‘My office?’
They walked through the hospital in silence and then onto the geriatric unit and it felt to both of them as if they were walking to the gallows—which they were, for this killed them.
Through the ward they went and to his office at the end, and Macey watched their strained faces as they passed by.
Candy stepped into his office and didn’t take a seat. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be here for very long.
‘Do you want to tell me what’s going on?’ he invited.
‘Not really,’ she said.
‘Okay. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’
‘I’m pregnant,’ Candy said.
For Steele it was the strangest sensation. Ten years ago he had wondered how he might react when the woman he was crazy about told him such news.
Now, ten years on, the woman he was seriously crazy about was telling him such news.
‘With twins,’ she added.
He hadn’t been aware that she’d brought a cricket bat with her when she’d come into the office. Of course Candy hadn’t but it felt like that as she added her little postscript and he was left with one thought, one regretful, sad thought.
They’re not mine.
‘They’re not yours,’ she added, like an echo to his brain, and Steele snapped his response, in his gruff, low voice.
‘I think I’d already established that, thank you.’
Yes, he actually felt as if he’d been knocked on the back of the head because his reactions, his words did not belong to the man he knew he was, yet, concussed by the impact of her news, he continued to speak. ‘What do you want me to say here, Candy?’
‘I don’t know,’ she admitted.
He honestly did not know how to react. Was he supposed to step in and say, That’s fine, darling, I’ll raise his babies? Or, How convenient, Candy, he should perhaps say with a smile, given that I shoot blanks. Or was he supposed to say that it was no big deal?
It was a massive deal.
He should, Steele knew on some level, take her in his arms and tell her that things would work out, that she could get through this.
His arms couldn’t move, though, and his mouth was clamped closed so that no words could come out.
‘I’m going to go,’ she said.
‘Wait.’
‘Why?’ Candy answered. ‘Steele, we agreed to three weeks. We managed two. I was hoping to get through this week without telling you.’
‘But you have.’
‘Because you’re right—we have always been honest. Yes, I’ve been avoiding you. I didn’t want to spoil what we had.’
‘Have you told your parents?’
Candy shook her head.
‘Have you told anyone?’
‘I have now,’ she said, and she looked straight through his eyes and to his heart. ‘I’ve got the hardest part out of the way now.’
And telling Steele was the hardest part. Her parents, Gerry’s parents, all of that she would deal with in time, but this part hurt the most.
‘I’m going to go,’ she said again. ‘If you could drop my case off that would be brilliant. Just leave it at the door.’
She walked out then and he sort of came to and opened his office door and stepped onto the ward. There was Candy, walking out quickly, and he closed his eyes in regret for his lack of response. Then he turned and saw that Macey was watching him.
No, Steele did not smile.
Instead, he walked up to the nurses’ desk. ‘I’m going home,’ he said to Gloria. ‘Page Donald if you need anything.’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
IT WAS A long lonely night for both of them.
Candy woke in her flat and was more tempted than
she had ever been in her life to ring in sick this morning. She had a shift on the geriatric ward, her last one. She was desperate to avoid Steele yet she wanted somehow to see him. And to see Macey too and say goodbye.
Then she had two more shifts in Emergency and then she flew to Hawaii.
Alone.
Or rather not alone—she ran a hand over her stomach and felt the edge of her uterus.
She had no idea how she felt about being pregnant.
No idea how to tell her parents or friends or anyone.
Right now, none of it even seemed to matter.
She loved Steele.
It wasn’t like the crushes she’d had on other men, which Candy was rather more used to.
It felt so much deeper than that, like an actual concrete thing that now resided within.
Except the twins resided within also.
* * *
Twins?
As he did up his shirt that morning Steele was thinking about them too.
He was also thinking about her words—how telling him had been the hardest part.
He knew how impossible her parents were and he knew telling Gerry’s parents would be supremely difficult.
Yet telling him...
As he did up his tie, he found himself closer to tears than he had been at his marriage break-up. Closer to tears than he had been at his grandmother’s funeral.
In fact, Steele wasn’t even close to tears—he was sitting on the edge of the bath in a serviced apartment, bawling his eyes out, for the fact they were over and the grief that her babies were not his. He’d never cried. Even when he’d found out that he couldn’t have children, Steele hadn’t broken down. He’d been too busy mopping up Annie’s tears. Now, ten years later, he let out what had long been held in. He cried alone.
He was as nice to himself as he had been to Macey.
At seven a.m. it was a bit early for sherry but he made a strong mug of tea and put in extra sugar and then sat and thought what best to do.
He could avoid Candy, Steele knew. He could call in sick today. He had a day off tomorrow and then it was just her final shift in Emergency on Friday—he could send Donald to deal with anything that came up in Emergency, and he would never have to see Candy again.
He couldn’t do that, though.
* * *
‘Morning,’ he said as he came into the kitchen on the geriatric ward, and there was Candy, making a mug of tea.
‘Morning,’ she said, though she brushed past him pretty quickly and headed off for handover.
Steele headed into his office and checked his emails.
Oh, joy.
There was Gerry.
His smiling face was surrounded by flowers, and Steele, along with the entire hospital—as long as cover could be arranged, of course—was invited to attend the memorial service next Tuesday and the naming of the resuscitation area as Gerry’s Wing.
* * *
Candy was trying to get her head around that terrible name too.
Lydia, who had been on the edge of taking disciplinary action against Gerry, was now talking about him as if he’d been an angel—an angel with one wing—a wing named after him that Candy would work in, walk through, deal with day in and day out...
As Candy helped Macey shower, she was wondering how the hell she could continue to work there. Kelly had given her an odd look in the changing room yesterday and a little huddle at the nurses’ station had suddenly gone very quiet when she had approached.
No one had had the nerve to outright ask her. Candy was quite plump and they were clearly trying to work out if she’d been hitting the doughnuts or if indeed she was pregnant.
Imagine them knowing she was pregnant by Gerry.
‘You’re very quiet this morning,’ Macey said as Candy turned off the taps and helped her to get dried and dressed.
‘I’m sorry, Macey, I was miles away.’
‘Dreaming of Hawaii, no doubt,’ Macey said. ‘Are you looking forward to your holiday?’
‘I am,’ Candy said. ‘I fly on Friday night.’
‘It’s Wednesday today.’ Macey smiled. ‘I think for the first time in years I actually know what day it is.’
‘You’re so much better,’ Candy commented, as Macey dressed herself with just a little help. When they got back to the bed, Candy would remove Macey’s dressing for Steele to have a look at her leg ulcer, which was doing much better. After lunch, Macey would lie on the bed for a couple of hours’ sleep, but apart from that she sat in the chair or walked to the day room. It was wonderful to see the improvement in her.
‘Steele says I should be able to go home next week.’
‘How do you feel about that?’ Candy asked as she walked with Macey back to her bed.
‘I’m looking forward to it very much,’ Macey said. ‘I’m having some modifications done to the bathroom and kitchen, which my niece Linda is sorting out for me. Things will be a lot easier now.’
‘Your nieces seem very nice.’
‘Oh, they’re wonderful women.’ Macey nodded, taking a seat by the bed and putting her leg up on a footstool. She watched as Candy made up the bed. ‘You’ve earned your holiday,’ Macey said. ‘I wish I could be here to see the postcard.’
‘I’ll send you one, Macey.’ Candy smiled, despite her earlier declaration about not sending any. ‘If you’re okay with that?’
‘Oh, yes, please! It would make my day! Is it just you going?’
Candy nodded.
‘Hawaii would be a beautiful place to go with the right man...’
‘It would,’ Candy agreed, her heart twisting as she thought how close she had come to sharing a part of her holiday with Steele.
‘You don’t have a boyfriend, though,’ Macey continued. ‘If I remember rightly.’
‘No.’
‘And you’re carrying?’ Macey said gently, and Candy’s eyes filled with tears as she nodded.
‘I’m having twins.’
‘Congratulations, my dear.’
Macey was the first person to offer congratulations and she said it so nicely that Candy started to cry.
‘Pull the curtains,’ Macey said.
‘No, no.’ Candy sniffed. ‘I’ll go to the staffroom.’
‘You’ll pull the curtains and sit with me for a while.’ Macey’s orders were clear and Candy did as she was told.
‘Have you told...?’ Macey hesitated. She had been about to ask if Candy had told Steele, if that was what the argument the other day had been about, but her sharp mind was returning. Macey sat quietly for a moment, remembering when she had been admitted and had snapped at Steele for being a locum. It had only been his second day here, Macey recalled.
Certainly there had been a romance between Candy and Steele. She had seen it unfold in front of her own eyes.
‘Have you told the baby’s father?’ she asked instead.
‘Macey...’
She saw Candy swallow and reached out to take the hands of the younger woman to encourage her to speak on.
‘I made a mistake a few months ago, so please don’t feel sad for me when I say this—I’m not a grieving widow. The baby’s father died a week ago.’
‘Gerry?’ Macey said, and watched Candy’s eyes widen in surprise. ‘I hear all the gossip.’
‘Yes.’ Candy gave a watery smile. ‘It was him.’
‘That’s very sad.’
‘It is,’ Candy said. ‘I don’t know how he’d have felt about it,’ she went on. ‘We wouldn’t have got back together but I’m sure we’d have sorted something out.’
‘What about Steele?’ Macey asked, and she watched the tears spill down Candy’s cheeks, though she neither confirmed nor denied there was anything going on.
‘You have your holiday to look forward to,’ she said, and Candy nodded. ‘It’s a good job you booked it before you knew.’
‘Oh, yes,’ Candy said, because it would be her first and last overseas adventure alone. ‘I don’t think I’ll be lounging around
on the beach next time I go. It will be buckets and spades...’ She shook her head. ‘I can’t see how I’ll manage,’ she admitted.
‘You know, I can remember being alone and pregnant,’ Macey said. ‘I expect it’s still a very scary place even fifty years on, even with all the choices you girls have these days. I still remember how scared I felt when I got pregnant but I’ll tell you this much—by the end of my pregnancy I wasn’t scared about having a baby. I wanted him so much and I know you’ll feel the same way about your two.’
Candy nodded. She knew Macey was right. ‘I’m sorry for what happened to you, Macey.’
‘I know you are but don’t be sorry. My nieces are getting into contact with him. If I can see him just once I’ll be happy...’ Her voice trailed off and she looked up and Candy followed her gaze and saw that Steele had popped his head in.
‘Sorry,’ Candy said, standing up from the bed. She was supposed to have removed Macey’s dressing and she was embarrassed at him seeing her cry.
‘It’s fine,’ Steele said. ‘I’ll come back later.’
He left them to it. He was glad that Candy was having a chat and a cry with Macey and when she came out a little while later and told him Macey’s dressing was down, instead of ignoring what he’d seen he addressed it.
‘Do you feel better after speaking with Macey?’
‘I do,’ she said. ‘I’m going to miss her.’
And I miss you, Candy thought, but she could not say that without starting to cry again.
‘Could we go somewhere after work?’ he said. ‘Just to talk.’
She didn’t really want to say goodbye to him here, not like this, so she nodded.
They returned to the café he had first taken her to, yet it felt so different now—the innocence and fun of before had left them.
‘What would you like to eat?’ he asked.
‘I’ll just have a cup of tea,’ she said. ‘I’m meeting my parents tonight.’
‘Have you told them?’
Candy shook her head ‘I’ll tell them about the twins when I get back.’
‘They’ll know very soon.’ He’d tried not to notice her bump but now that he had he couldn’t not see it. ‘I’m not a very good doctor, am I?’
Baby Twins to Bind Them (Mills & Boon Medical) Page 10