Peggy Gifford_Moxy Maxwell 02

by Does Not Love Writing Thank-You Notes

  “I don’t know how to turn a copier on,” said Sam. He hated to disappoint Moxy.

  “All you have to do is press the On button,” replied Moxy. She was starting to run out of patience.

  “I’ll be right over,” said Sam.

  chapter 27

  In Which Rosie and Mudd Start Barking Like Mad Dogs

  Then Rosie and Mudd started barking like mad dogs.

  Rosie and Mudd were the Maxwells’ dogs. Mudd, whom you’ve already met, belonged to Moxy. He was part black Lab, part German shepherd, and part himself. Rosie was a cute little white terrier with a bad attitude and a big blue bow on her head.

  “Someone better answer the door,” called out Moxy.

  “Mark, answer the door.” Moxy could be a little bossy.

  “You answer it. I’m holding a ball of yarn.”

  Moxy leaned over and lifted the bedspread. “Pansy, please answer the door,” she said.

  “All right, but it’ll take a long time. Turtles are slow.”

  chapter 28

  In Which Moxy Comments That She Is the Only One Who Ever Does Anything Around Here

  Moxy sighed rather loudly. “Has anyone noticed that I’m the only one who ever does anything around here?” she said.

  There was a general silence.

  Then slowly, so as not to strain herself, Moxy got off her bed, padded over to her bedroom window, and opened it. Snow spilled off the ledge and onto the carpet.

  “Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!”

  Uncle Jayne was standing in the front yard dressed like Santa Claus. His arms were full of presents.

  “I’ll be right down,” shouted Moxy. She closed the window. “It’s Uncle Jayne and he’s wearing a Santa suit.”

  Here’s a photograph Mark took from Moxy’s window of Uncle Jayne standing in the snow dressed like Santa Claus. Mark called this picture “Miraculously, Santa Claus and Uncle Jayne Arrive at the Same Time.”

  “Miraculously, Santa Claus and Uncle Jayne Arrive at the Same Time,” by Mark Maxwell.

  Moxy adored Uncle Jayne. Uncle Jayne could talk like a duck. He could touch his nose with the tip of his tongue. He could pull a quarter out of your ear. He could do anything.

  As soon as Moxy got downstairs and opened the front door, she said, “Uncle Jayne, do you know how to turn on a copier?”

  Uncle Jayne took off his Santa hat when he came in—he had extremely good manners. Then he gave Moxy a Christmas present wrapped in silver paper with a quite big, very fresh-looking red bow on top. Moxy could tell it was a professional wrap job. You couldn’t even see the Scotch tape.

  It occurred to her that this might mean another thank-you note. “But Christmas was yesterday,” said Moxy.

  “That’s what I told your aunt Margaret. But she didn’t have time for Christmas yesterday,” said Uncle Jayne. Aunt Margaret was a rocket scientist.

  chapter 29

  In Which Pansy Without Her Shell and Mark and Granny George and Mudd and Rosie Come Downstairs to Wish Uncle Jayne a Merry Christmas

  Granny George was the first to arrive. “Merry Christmas, son,” she said, even though Uncle Jayne wasn’t her son.

  Pansy was the last to arrive. She bumped down the stairs on all fours, looking remarkably like a turtle without a shell. Mark took this picture of her:

  Pansy arrives, looking remarkably like a turtle without a shell.

  “Would you be terribly hurt if I asked you to take my present back home?” Moxy said to Uncle Jayne.

  Uncle Jayne looked confused.

  “The problem is I already have twelve thank-you notes to write, and if I don’t finish them by the time Mom gets back from the mall, she won’t let me go to Hollywood and see my dad, and then I’ll never be discovered and become a rich and famous movie star and adopt seventeen starving children from around the world and live in the same neighborhood as all the other rich and famous movie stars who adopt starving children from around the world.”

  Uncle Jayne looked concerned. “That does sound like cruel and unusual punishment,” he said.

  Moxy liked the sound of the phrase “cruel and unusual punishment” very much. She repeated it twice to herself so she’d remember it in the unlikely event her mother got home before she finished writing her thank-you notes.

  “Not going to Hollywood isn’t the worst thing that could happen,” said Mark.

  “Mark, he’s our father, for goodness’ sake, and we haven’t seen him in almost three years.”

  “Exactly,” replied Mark.

  “Exactly what?” said Moxy.

  “If he’s our father, why haven’t we seen him in almost three years?”

  chapter 30

  In Which Moxy Brings Mark Up to Speed Regarding the Situation Between Their Father and Noah’s Wife

  Mark and Moxy had gone over this before.

  “You know very well Dad had to fly to the Dead Sea two Christmases ago to help that Big Star who was having a nervous breakdown on the set of Noah’s Wife: The Untold Story.”

  “Just one question, Moxy,” said Mark. “Where is Noah’s Wife?”

  “Noah’s wife? She’s been dead for like five thousand years.”

  “I mean the movie. Have you seen it? Have you even seen previews for it?”

  “A Big Hollywood Star whose name Dad can’t reveal promised that the second he finished filming Genesis—his big new movie—he’d help Noah’s Wife get the attention it deserves.”

  “Whatever,” said Mark.

  Moxy paused. She wondered if that Big Hollywood Star would be at the Big New Year’s Eve Star-Studded Hollywood Bash her dad was taking them to, which reminded her that she had to write her thank-you notes—and soon!

  chapter 31

  In Which Moxy Says, and Not for the First Time in Her Life, “Everybody follow me!”

  “Everybody follow me to Ajax’s new Christmas copy machine!” Moxy called out. And everybody did.

  Pansy followed Moxy, and Uncle Jayne followed Pansy, and Mark followed Uncle Jayne, and Granny George followed Mark.

  Because Ajax was a famous children’s book writer (as those of you who have not been skipping around in the story already know), his office was what Mrs. Maxwell called “a big mess.” Ajax, however, called it “a medium-size mess” and sometimes “a normal-size mess.”

  There were 1,122 books on his bookshelves. Mark counted them on the third day of Christmas vacation because he was bored. Twenty-one of the books had been written by Ajax himself. There were also eleven piles of Important Papers sitting on the floor.

  “Please wipe your feet,” Moxy said to Uncle Jayne.

  Uncle Jayne stomped—one, two—his big Santa boots on Ajax’s rug, spattering ice and snow across the room.

  Then Rosie and Mudd began to bark.

  “That’s got to be Sam—will someone please answer the door?”

  But no one moved.

  chapter 32

  In Which Moxy Sighs Rather Loudly

  Moxy sighed rather loudly and said, “Has anyone noticed that I’m the only one who ever does anything around here?”

  There was a general silence.

  But it turned out Moxy didn’t have to go all the way back down the wet hall and open the very heavy front door with the wreath that fell off every time you opened or closed it, because Sam had already let himself in.

  “Merry Christmas, Moxy,” he said. He was standing at the threshold of Ajax’s office. A small present was balanced on his somewhat wet right red mitten—you could definitely see the Scotch tape.

  Here’s a picture Mark took of Sam’s somewhat wet right red mitten holding the Christmas present Sam had wrapped for Moxy. Mark called it “A Study in Scotch Tape.”

  “A Study in Scotch Tape,” by Mark Maxwell.

  Everybody moved farther into Ajax’s study so Sam could squeeze in.

  “If that present’s for me,” said Moxy, “I don’t want it.”

  Uncle Jayne looked surprised, and it occurred to Moxy tha
t she was being, as her mother might say, the slightest bit rude.

  “It’ll mean one more thank-you note I have to write,” she explained. “Maybe you can give it to me for my half birthday.” Moxy always celebrated her half birthday, which was May 18. It broke up the year.

  Then she climbed onto Ajax’s La-Z-Boy chair and clapped her hands. “Listen up, everybody!” she called out. “To your right is Ajax’s copier.”

  The copier was quite large. Quite hard to miss.

  “What we’re looking for,” shouted Moxy—she had to shout because everyone was talking at once, which was quite rude of them—“are the directions to the copier so that we can turn it on and make twelve copies of my sample thank-you note.”

  chapter 33

  In Which Mark Maxwell Accidentally Backs into Ajax’s Copier and Turns It On

  The room was pretty crowded, what with Uncle Jayne and Pansy and Moxy and Granny George and Sam all trying to help, so when Mark backed up to get a picture, he accidentally backed into Ajax’s new Christmas copier and turned it on.

  You could tell it was on because 27 lights suddenly lit up (Mark counted them) and the machine made a sound like it was eating something. It was very surprising.

  “Thank you, Mark!” Moxy called out. She had known all along that Mark would come through.

  chapter 34

  Moxy’s Well-Deserved Rest

  “Does anyone know how to push this back?” Moxy was fooling around with the lever on Ajax’s La-Z-Boy chair.

  “I do,” said Uncle Jayne. “Just lean forward.”

  “Forward?” said Moxy. “But I’m trying to go back.”

  Uncle Jayne pulled a Susan B. Anthony silver dollar out of Moxy’s left ear and put it in her hand. It occurred to Moxy that she might have to write a thank-you note for it.

  “Please put it back,” she said.

  Uncle Jayne put the silver dollar back in Moxy’s left ear.

  Moxy pushed her head as hard as she could against the back of Ajax’s chair and tugged on the lever at the same time. Then there was the sound of something sort of breaking, or, as Moxy explained to her mother later, “the perfectly normal sound of a chair leaning back.”

  In any case, Ajax’s La-Z-Boy flew all the way back and Moxy found that she was staring at the ceiling.

  The ceiling could use a coat of paint, thought Moxy.

  chapter 35

  In Which Moxy Announces That It’s Time to Get Organized

  “People!” shouted Moxy. “It’s time to get organized. Would someone please get the sample thank-you note I wrote so we can copy it?”

  “I have it,” said Pansy, who had been carrying it around.

  chapter 36

  In Which Uncle Jayne’s Cell Phone Plays the Entire First Verse of “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”

  Uncle Jayne’s phone went off.

  It got as far as “He knows if you’ve been bad or good” before he could wrestle open the big hooks on his Santa Claus jacket, pull the phone out, and answer it.

  “Darling,” he said into the phone. Uncle Jayne was always calling Aunt Margaret darling, even though they’d been married for almost fifty-one thousand years.

  chapter 37

  In Which We Learn That Uncle Jayne’s Christmas Turkey Has Finally Thawed and He Has to Dash Home and Pop It in the Oven, but He’ll Be Right Back

  It turned out Uncle Jayne’s Christmas turkey had finally thawed and he had to dash home and pop it in the oven.

  “But I’ll be right back,” promised Uncle Jayne.

  Even Moxy understood why he had to go. Clearly Aunt Margaret couldn’t put the turkey in. Ages and ages ago (back when Moxy was nine), Aunt Margaret had put the turkey in for Thanksgiving dinner and accidentally set the oven on self-clean instead of 325 degrees. And despite the fact that she had let the turkey self-clean itself for almost eleven hours, it had never turned golden brown—it had turned more blue-gray.

  In the end they’d eaten frozen lasagna with cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie (which Moxy’s mother had brought over). Uncle Jayne said it was without a doubt the best Thanksgiving dinner he’d ever had.

  “But, Uncle Jayne, where am I supposed to put the thank-you note I want copied?” asked Moxy.

  Uncle Jayne’s rented Santa Claus boots were very big—size 13½, even though his regular shoes are size 10½—and Ajax’s study was very small and crowded (as I’ve mentioned), which is why it wasn’t Uncle Jayne’s fault when he kicked over a small—thirty-nine-inch-tall—pile of Ajax’s Important Papers as he walked over to the copier.

  “It was an accident waiting to happen,” Moxy said later to her mother.

  Unfortunately, Moxy couldn’t help Uncle Jayne pick up the Important Papers because she was having trouble getting out of Ajax’s chair. She couldn’t seem to get it back to a normal sitting position.

  “As long as you’re not hurt, it’s perfectly all right,” Moxy reassured poor Uncle Jayne, who was apologizing and picking up Important Papers at the same time.

  On the next page is a photograph Mark took of Uncle Jayne on Ajax’s Important Papers. Mark called it “Big Feet.”

  “Big Feet,” by Mark Maxwell.

  chapter 38

  In Which Moxy and Uncle Jayne Have the Same Exact Thought at the Same Exact Time

  Uncle Jayne slid over to the big copier. As he approached, he thought, It looks like the cockpit of a jumbo jet.

  It looks like the cockpit of a jumbo jet, thought Moxy as Uncle Jayne approached the big copier, which reminded her that tomorrow at this time she would be landing in Hollywood. Unless, of course…

  chapter 39

  In Which Moxy Thinks the Unthinkable

  …unless, of course, she didn’t get her thank-you notes done.

  chapter 40

  In Which Uncle Jayne Finds the Place on the Copier Where Moxy’s Sample Thank-you Note Should Go So It Can Be Copied

  Uncle Jayne carefully arranged Moxy’s sample thank-you note facedown on the copier so that Moxy—well, probably not Moxy—so that whoever Moxy told to make copies could make copies.

  “Just punch in the number of copies you want and push Start,” said Uncle Jayne.

  The only way Moxy could think of to get out of Ajax’s chair was to stand on one of the arms and jump.

  But Moxy wasn’t in the mood to jump. Perhaps it was the position she’d been in—practically lying down. Perhaps it was exhaustion from all the thinking she’d been doing. But the only thing Moxy felt like doing was taking a nap.

  Then she yawned—a great big delightful full-mouth sort of yawn.

  “Sam? Pansy? Are you paying attention to what Uncle Jayne is telling you?” Moxy called out. “We have to be sure we understand what to do next.”

  “Make sure you have enough paper,” said Uncle Jayne. He looked at the paper trays. There were five, and each one had a stack of different-colored paper on it. (Ajax was very fond of colored copy paper.) Uncle Jayne estimated that there were about 100 sheets of each color, which added up to about 500 pieces of paper altogether.

  “You have enough paper,” declared Uncle Jayne.

  But Moxy’s eyes were already closed.

  “Should we wake her up?” asked Pansy.

  “Not a good idea,” replied Sam.

  Waking Moxy when she was in the middle of a dream was a dangerous thing. That was because Moxy loved to dream almost as much as she loved to be awake.

  Just then she was dreaming she was Eleanor Roosevelt, and—as Moxy would be the first to tell you—that’s exactly the sort of dream that only happens once—twice at most—in a lifetime.

  “Press this big red button,” Uncle Jayne said to those of us who were still awake, “and huggaly-puggaly-smuggaly-smote, you’ll have copies of Moxy’s thank-you note!”

  Then he pulled the Susan B. Anthony silver dollar he had put back in Moxy’s left ear out of Pansy’s right ear and gave it to her.

  “I’ll be right back,” he said, and walked out the door.
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  chapter 41

  In Which Pansy Pushes the Big Red Start Button Before Sam Is Ready

  Sam punched “12” into the copier. But the number didn’t show up in the little box. So he pressed “12” again. Nothing. Once more, he pressed “12,” and just as he did, he noticed he’d been looking for the “12” in the wrong little box. The right little box said “121,212.”

  chapter 42

  The Really Big Mess Begins

  At that exact moment, Pansy pushed the big red Start button. Sam hadn’t yet figured out how to change the number of copies from 121,212 back to 12. If he had, this story wouldn’t be quite as good—though it would still be quite good.

  Suddenly, the copier started firing copies into the air. It sounded sort of like a machine gun.

  It was just plain good luck that at that very moment Moxy’s dream was turning from a good dream into a bad dream. She was still dreaming she was Eleanor Roosevelt, but her husband, who was the President of the United States, had just told her she had to write thank-you notes to every citizen in America for their help in the War Effort.